05/25/05 05:50 - ID#33773

219B is not mine anymore...

I cleaned my studio today. Everything is in boxes which perhaps I will never ever open again. The most sad thing was, I had to destroy one of my friends' artwork painted on one of the walls. It is not there anymore, just because of the silly rules of the department. Studios must look like hospital rooms, all white. I had to paint 4 layers of white paint in order to cover it. Actually I used light grey, I think that looks better!!!

I need to find a new studio space urgently. Before that, I need to find a job to be able to pay the rent of the new studio space. Future scares me. That is maybe good because I can't find energy to feel sad about now: leaving the school, leaving the studio that I spent my 2 years. I cleaned everything. Nobody can tell this space belonged to me. I even took the sign out which my name was written on...

I feel bad...

Permalink: 219B_is_not_mine_anymore_.html
Words: 173
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/22/05 10:35 - ID#33772

15 hours road trip with a digital camera

4 of 1000 pictures

Permalink: 15_hours_road_trip_with_a_digital_camera.html
Words: 4
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/21/05 09:32 - ID#33771

Back in Buffalo...

I still can't believe how everything went that well. I know we (Liz, Robin, Soyeon and me) know each other for almost 2 years, but I never thought we were that close. We lived together for 5 days in Robin's parents house in Adairsville, Georgia. Everything was really REALLY good. (Especially the home made dinners of Mrs. Brasington)

I liked being in the South; I don't mind south, north, whatever... I LIKED the SUN. I liked waking up in a sunny day, siting on the porch swinging, drinking coffee, chatting with friends, playing with Maybell, jumping on the trampoline with Liz & Kia.

Life was so beautiful there. Now, I have to deal with the problems, which I was trying to forget for 5 days.

One of my students is unhappy with his grade (B-), and he is asking for an explanation. I am wondering, should I be really honest and tell him that he did a really bad job this in the class or try not to break his heart more?

First, I'll have my breakfast!

Permalink: Back_in_Buffalo_.html
Words: 174
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/12/05 01:48 - ID#33770

good days... bad days...

It is sad that I will never ever see some of these people again in my life. I am glad that we had this photo together... (photo by Jay Ariaz)

Permalink: good_days_bad_days_.html
Words: 32
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/09/05 01:09 - ID#33769

All papers due Monday

"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives." - James Joyce

I have never had the correct words to say - what is "a correct word" anyways - but admired people who are always full of with words for every occasion, where I could only stare. That's why actually I have always wished humans to have tails. Because, one can understand how an animal is doing just by looking at the tail: happy, scared, relaxed, emotional, sexually excited, sad... etc. It is so simple, so straight and so without connotations, which can make a person paranoid to think of if the person really meant something or tried implying something else? And if humans had the tails behaving totally instinctual, controlling and repressing the desire could have never been an issue. Though, some cultures would start circumcising tails or/and forbid women showing theirs in public places, thus, once again find ways to control people, prevent autonomous expressions and restrict them within the synthetic world of language.

A section from Arzu's paper, which has stuck at the sixth page. Not going anywhere.

Permalink: All_papers_due_Monday.html
Words: 189
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/08/05 01:30 - ID#33768

Lowest rate approval

I hate those emails... Everytime i check my email account I see a bunch of them and they make me so angry. I start believing that UB is getting money from them, how can they not filter otherwise.

And...Mother's day. I called my mom. She was sad actually becasue I woke up at 11:30AM (it was already late evening in Turkey) she must thought I forgot mother's day or somehting. May 10th is her birthday. I should find a way to send her a gift.
I hope I can go to Turkey in the summer.

Permalink: Lowest_rate_approval.html
Words: 96
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/05/05 03:12 - ID#33767

de/fence

May 4, Wednesday, Main Street

Orkan was taking pictures and Millie Chen was recording me trying walking in that completely uncomfortable thing yesterday morning. (Luckily rain stopped when I arrived there)

It hurt my leg so badly. I must admit that I am not a good product designer. I was aiming to get on the subway but I realized that it is impossible to climb stairs with it. I must do some changes for next time.
It was fun though, I felt like I am from another planet! because of all the mechanic noises that I was producing while walking

Permalink: de_fence.html
Words: 103
Location: Buffalo, NY

05/03/05 02:48 - ID#33766

Thesis Defence

Yesterday I had my thesis defence meeting. Although one of my committee members didn't attend the meeting - the meeting was very helpful and fun - the other two signed my M Form, which was the last paper work for the garduation.

I will really miss those people. Honestly, I didn't feel that way when i first left my country, friends and family. I guess it is because this is the first time I am with people who can understand me and have an understanding of what I am trying to do in life. That's why, one side of me says "stay in Buffalo" but the other side feels like I shoud continue my adventure and go where ever it takes me. I don't know why it is so hard to decide this time?

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I am going to do my final performance for the Performance Art Class. I am going to go to downtown and walk on Main Street with a fence around me. This project is entitled as "self defence" refering to the high walls, secured gates and fenced gardens in rich neigborhoods. Although they protect you from the unwelcomed others but at the same time trap you inside.

Permalink: Thesis_Defence.html
Words: 202
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/26/05 10:13 - ID#33765

Sunday @ 2PM

Photo by Nicole Coleman / Spectrum Reporter

Permalink: Sunday_2PM.html
Words: 8
Location: Buffalo, NY

04/25/05 01:44 - ID#33764

Monday Monday...

I am still not sure, if I dreamt about public transphere all weekend long or it really happened? I have very different feelings about what had happened in the van, i guess i will spend the rest of my time writing about it...

After all, I have to say that I believe everything worked really well. (e:Paul) and Jesse were amazingly helpful and supportive... James Holland and Orkan too... To be honest, I enjoyed when our technology resisted working sometimes, because everything was very situational, risky!, unexpected so i believe something working perfect would be artificial. We discussed about the role of technology a lot after the first day. For my side I really liked being in the van but also being able to watch the image of the van moving on the website. I think it created this contrast of being in and out. Although people were able to see where the van is passing at the given moment, they had no idea most of the time what was going on. Perhaps, audio streaming helped a little, but still, being in the van was intense most of the times.

I don't know, I am still sleepy... And I know I have to wake up as soon as possible and start writing my papers and do a performance for Millie's class.

Permalink: Monday_Monday_.html
Words: 222
Location: Buffalo, NY

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