So you all know how I previously wrote about burying the hatchet in my mind with the drag queen who performed Wepa.

Well I have just buried the hatchet with a much more real enemy of my mind. There was a kid I went to highschool with who was a year older than me and for some reason that noone can remember I had a very strong hatred for him at some point. I feel like he did something terrible to me though I don't have any recollection what it was so it may have been something minor I have blown out of proportion. I feel like it had something to do with marching band perhaps but I couldn't tell you what it was.

So now what, 15 years later I still carry this grudge even though I have no idea what the reason was. Over the years I have had many interactions with him,we have enough similar acquaintances and both being gay in Buffalo there was bound to be times we ran into each other. I really didn't think I could ever get over it. For April fools this year I texted marykate saying i ran into him and got over it and forgave him and she said it was the biggest shock she had ever had. But it wasn't real, it was APril fools and then today....

I didn't realize I was so obiviously hating but today I got a message from him on facebook saying he has no idea what he ever did to me but if it was ever anything he is sorry and wants to bury the hatchet. I told him there is no real reason to apologize as I don't even remember how it started and that i just didn't really ever have a reason to let it go and so I let the anger carry on.

Anywho I decided that it has been really ridiculous and it's time to just let it go.

It seemed really random and then he told me it was partly because of Maureen and it seems silly to have fights with people over no reason and life is too short. That's very true.

Looking back through photos and journals and letters and mementos and it is so crazy. I remember how terrified I was when you and everyone else went away to college. I didn't think I could handle not seeing you everyday. That itself seemed unbearable..

Now I will never see and talk to you again and I just don't know how I go on knowing that.

I started going through and reading your old journals on here and found this from 2005 "((e:Mike)) I love you. I want you to know that you are really important to me. My life would not be the same without you. I know it doesn't seem true since I've been away at school, but you really are so important. You were the first (and so far only) person I have called since I've been home. When you came to visit me at school I suddenly felt so much more at home, even though I have been living there for three years. But just know that if you ever need someone to talk to or hang out with, I'm here for you. "

And now she's not. She is the person who would most be able to talk me through this and she is not here and I don't know what to do.

(e:Paul) this made me think of you. It is a turkey stuffed with octopus on top of crab legs and wrapped in bacon! YUMMO!

the eye doctor told me I have excellent dilation with the drops. he said they open so wide and make his exam so much easier. but seriously my eyes look insane right now . there is almost none of the color part showing. its just like one big black circle. the cashier at cvs gave me a crazy look.

I don't wanna make a big deal about it but I kinda won the drinking wine out of a box spigot the longest without stopping contest. The key was putting the whole thing in your mouth and not letting someone just pour it. Anywho that wasn't the point of this post.

I went to a Bill's watching part at my friend's house and a bunch of ladies and their husbands/boyfriends were there. The guys (minus me) definitely cared about football more but we all enjoyed but anyway the funny part is that the guys (once again minus me) did all the cooking of all the food. Like they kept making food for everyone throughout the game and were watching the game on this tiny little tv in the kitchen while cooking while we who did not care nearly as much watched it on a huge tv and just gorged ourself on all this delicious food.

It seemed like such a role reversal of how you would imagine a football party to go. LIke you would think it would be ladies cooking and in the ktichen and the men sitting back just eating and stuff. The times they are a changing. At least in my world.

ALl in all a really fun delicious day. OOOH and i called like three times what was about to happen in the game and then it did and I only know like three football moves but I called them all!