So I don't really believe in ghosts though I also don't not believe in them. Anywho, some weirdo stuff has been going on in our new house. All taken separately , seem like no big deal but I swear more and more keeps happening and only to me and never to Dave. So here's what's happened.

1. There are always crazy noises like people walking around and doors opening and closing but I know old houses do that so that I could get over on its own.

2. At the top of the stairs is the guest room. I swear the door opens and closes. I have opened it and then when I went back up it was closed and I have pulled it closed so it latched and then went back up and it was open and noone else was home at the time. Again, this could happen,coudl be the wind or uneven door but really it doesn't always do it and for it to open when I closed it freaked me out.

3. I was in the shower and the radio that is on the back of the toilet that had been there for weeks randomly fell off the toilet while I was in the shower and smashed to the ground. Once again , seen alone I could say ok it could have been unever or smoetihng or the vent blew it off even though it had been there for weeks but with everythign else it started to freak me out.

THEN THEN THEN

4. Around a week ago, I was in the living room and dave was asleep and I got up to get a piece of candy and while I was walking back to the couch , the house frmo the computer and a magazine just fall off the coffee table. There was plenty of other stuff on there , even closer to the edge and nothing else fell off.

5. A few minutes after the couch thing, the tv randomly turns off while I am nowhere near the remote.

AND THEN THE FINALE

6. Last night I go up to bed and put my cell phone on my dresser as I do every night and while I am putting on my pagamas it falls off the dresser and smashes to the ground. I think "well maybe I put it on something and it was unever or soemthing." so I put my flashlight on and make sure to put it flat in the centerish of the dresser. AND THEN.... i lay in bed and after about a few minutes it crashes to the floor again. This is the same spot I put it every day and it never falls off and nothing else around it fell to the ground so it is not like it is slanted.

All in all this is starting to freak me out. Dave read something that sometimes the poltgergeist is really your own spirit or something that is giving you weird abilities to make things move. I kinda always wanted that since I was a kid. I used to sit for hours trying to get the tissue box to move, so if that is all it is mabye it is a good thing!!? On the other hand I cannot stand to go to sleep because I am terrified right now.

So you all know how I previously wrote about burying the hatchet in my mind with the drag queen who performed Wepa.

Well I have just buried the hatchet with a much more real enemy of my mind. There was a kid I went to highschool with who was a year older than me and for some reason that noone can remember I had a very strong hatred for him at some point. I feel like he did something terrible to me though I don't have any recollection what it was so it may have been something minor I have blown out of proportion. I feel like it had something to do with marching band perhaps but I couldn't tell you what it was.

So now what, 15 years later I still carry this grudge even though I have no idea what the reason was. Over the years I have had many interactions with him,we have enough similar acquaintances and both being gay in Buffalo there was bound to be times we ran into each other. I really didn't think I could ever get over it. For April fools this year I texted marykate saying i ran into him and got over it and forgave him and she said it was the biggest shock she had ever had. But it wasn't real, it was APril fools and then today....

I didn't realize I was so obiviously hating but today I got a message from him on facebook saying he has no idea what he ever did to me but if it was ever anything he is sorry and wants to bury the hatchet. I told him there is no real reason to apologize as I don't even remember how it started and that i just didn't really ever have a reason to let it go and so I let the anger carry on.

Anywho I decided that it has been really ridiculous and it's time to just let it go.

It seemed really random and then he told me it was partly because of Maureen and it seems silly to have fights with people over no reason and life is too short. That's very true.

Looking back through photos and journals and letters and mementos and it is so crazy. I remember how terrified I was when you and everyone else went away to college. I didn't think I could handle not seeing you everyday. That itself seemed unbearable..

Now I will never see and talk to you again and I just don't know how I go on knowing that.

I started going through and reading your old journals on here and found this from 2005 "((e:Mike)) I love you. I want you to know that you are really important to me. My life would not be the same without you. I know it doesn't seem true since I've been away at school, but you really are so important. You were the first (and so far only) person I have called since I've been home. When you came to visit me at school I suddenly felt so much more at home, even though I have been living there for three years. But just know that if you ever need someone to talk to or hang out with, I'm here for you. "

And now she's not. She is the person who would most be able to talk me through this and she is not here and I don't know what to do.

(e:Paul) this made me think of you. It is a turkey stuffed with octopus on top of crab legs and wrapped in bacon! YUMMO!

the eye doctor told me I have excellent dilation with the drops. he said they open so wide and make his exam so much easier. but seriously my eyes look insane right now . there is almost none of the color part showing. its just like one big black circle. the cashier at cvs gave me a crazy look.