Has it been, how shall I put this, an interesting year for any other e-stripper? It began with the little boy of an acquaintance of mine being electrocuted by a 220 line on New Year's Eve and passing away on the 10th of January. Then, on January 17th, my best friend's mother, our very own Dimartiste, her mother had a massive, extremely unexpected heart attack and passed away on the 20th of January. She's doing remarkably well, all things considered, but she and her mother were so very, very close. And she's been so busy helping to deal with everything and take care of her very ill father that she's barely had any time to deal with her own grief. In my own world, I got into another car accident in my beloved new car after going to the hospital to say goodbye to Dimartiste's mother. It sucked. I wound up in the ditch directly across the street from my driveway after 3 attempts to make it up the hill because it was snowing like a son of a bitch that night! Fortunately, the car was fixed and I was not injured but it still sucked.

Did I mention that in December I got a cat? He's lovely. He's four. A retired breeding male that I re-named Rhys. I got this cat because I've missed having a pet, particularly a cat. He's at the door when I come home from work and sleeps with me at night. I love feeling his little body against mine on the other side of the covers. A shadow has crept in on this happy little scene, however. 5 weeks ago, my mother and I rushed him to the emergency vet because he was having a hard time breathing. Turns out, he has asthma. And now, as I sit here writing this, I'm riding out the 3rd asthma attack in 24 hours! I'm waiting, praying for asthma meds to kick in so that I don't have to rush him back to the emergency vet. (I took him on Thursday morning at 6 a.m.) Frankly, I cannot afford another emergency visit. And so I wait and I pray, fervently hoping that as soon as this post is done, he'll be breathing easier and I won't have to borrow money from my parents to take him in for a breathing treatment and some oxygen. It's funny, one of the reasons that I got him was to help me cope with the stress from my very stressful job and yet he just adds to the worry and vexations. I love him. Lord knows I do. I'll keep you posted...

There is some interesting if not good news as well but I'll save that for later! :)

Not really. Actually, today I feel triumphant because I started my day quite in the doldrums and managed to actually snap myself out of it! It's amazing what giving into the pity-party of depression and having a good cry can do for a person, followed by a firm decision to go and see the Muppet Movie, rather than go to Church, and then head on over to the Botanical Gardens and spend some time there! I also made a pit stop at Target to pick up the soundtrack to the Muppet Movie which I am currently rocking in my car because it continues to make me happy! :)

It's been an interesting month what with starting it by finding a trombone in the parking lot next to my old car on the first of November, then my brother winning the Lackawanna Mayoral election on the 8th of November, and then me getting into a car accident and totaling my car on the 10th of November. And, oh yeah, on that same day, I went to the chiropractor for the first time ever and he discovered that somewhere between 10 and 15 years ago that I had broken my lower back and never knew it, which then firmly took me out of continuing on my quest for roller derby. Let's not forget that I got promoted and got my own classroom which started on November 7th. Last Friday, I took a friendship out of "Just being friends" into "Friends with Benefits" (something I'd NEVER done before!) Also in November I gave my number to the cute Goat Cheese Guy (another first for me). On Tuesday, November 22nd, I got my new car, my dream car- a Beetle. Sure it's a 2003 and a convertible but it's a Beetle and it has less miles than my old car! Damn, It's been one HELL of a month! Wow. I didn't realize quite how intense this month has been for me until I actually wrote it all down. No wonder I was an emotional mess this weekend!

My least favorite question in the world- Why are you still single? Or it's cousin, How are you still single? I don't f@#$-ing know!!!! This question is almost always followed by, "You're so great (wonderful, awesome- pick your own adverb and insert)!" I know people mean well when they ask this question, but it really stings, particularly when it's coupled w/ rejection from a "special friend" no matter how good the excuse, and the knowledge that that guy that I was crazy in love with for so long is in town this weekend and I will be seeing him on Sunday. (Admittedly, there might also be some early PMS seeping into this equation) Anyway you look at it, it's not a good combination and I feel, well, rather low. :( I am not happy. I feel rather like Bridget Jones in the first movie, at the dinner party with the smug marrieds. I hate that feeling. I think I need to stop watching the "Say Yes to the Dress" marathon on TLC. It's not helping.

I have a blind date tonight. That's right, the night of previous entry's wedding, I have a blind date with a guy named Cheese. Apparently, his real name is Matt. He's a ginger. He's friend's with my friend's boyfriend. We shall see how this goes... I'm mildly optimistic! Keep your collective fingers crossed for me E-Peeps! :D

Tomorrow, the man that I loved for over ten years is getting married. He's marrying someone who got pregnant accidentally/ on purpose just to get him to stop dragging his feet. She got pregnant and he fell into line, buying the house she'd been wanting and getting her the ring that she'd been not-so-subtly hinting at. I have no doubt in my mind that had she not gotten pregnant, they still would not be engaged. And now, I have to get over my hatred of her and my love for him. I will always love him. My feelings for him are fully incorporated in my brain chemistry, alas. But, I have a great capacity to love and now, as I say goodbye I have no doubt that I will find someone else, a man who loves me as much as I am capable of loving him. The time to move on is now.

I genuinely hope that he and his wife and son will be happy. I send my love and my best to them all tomorrow. I think I've finally, FINALLY managed to let go and for that, I am grateful! :) Now it's my turn to find my love that time will lie down and be still for.