I'd have to say despite all of the adversity and hardship this semester I am so proud of myself for sticking it out. I think I have done pretty well in my classes, and I'm almost through with all of my work. A few loose ends to tie up and then some finals and I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The last month has been a huge test. Not just with school, but with life. I think sometimes I put all of my eggs into one basket and count on things working out in my favor when that just can't be the case all of the time. I place so much importance on others and I've realized that I really need to dig deeper and start living for me.

One thing I can say I've done is learn to respect myself and stand up for what I feel is right. I did something big the other day, and it felt good to know that I am capable on defending my character.

Life is an adventure.... A friend told me last week that sometimes it is good to sit back and be patient and just wait. I think that is some good advice. I have been able to really focus on school and I think next semester I will be more prepared. I honestly don't think I've ever worked so hard towards a goal before or wanted something so badly.

I just found out today (e:tina) is coming back! She was accepted to Pratt for grad school.... NYC here I come bebe! I better start working harder and more, I want her to visit me and I'll be needing to buy here a plane ticket. Then she can't say no....... It's been at least 2 yrs and I think about her everyday. Sounds creepy but I feel like she is my friend soulmate. When I am around her, I just feel great and I know I can tell her anything. I have been missing her so much lately and I can't wait to see her in August! She can meet the baby(my niece)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i officially wrote my longest paper to date at about 25 pages.

i am pretty sure i have way way longer papers coming my way.

i wrote a 9 page paper a month ago in about 3 hrs and recieved a 96...

better not get my hopes up too much on this one though. i think it is at least higher b quality.

i still have a video, another paper, 3 finals, and some other random things to tie up. i am going to have way more free time than is healthy soon....

time to get to zumba again, hiking, swimming, jillian micheals, 3 more jobs.....

there is this girl in my block this semester and she is the sweetest, prettiest, kindest person. i have gotten to know her a bit as we have done a few projects together but it was mostly just superficial type stuff. i kinda spilled my guts to her the other day about some stuff going on with me and she was so nice to listen. today in class, she gave me the saddest face when i told her stuff wasn't going so well. she looked liked she was about to cry.

we started talking about the summer and she is going on this amazing 6 week trip to europe with her family. i think that is so cool. then she told me about her little sister and it really amazed me how strong this girl is. her sister was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer 2 yrs ago and just passed in december. you would never guess how much she is going though because she i always so happy and positive.

i can't even say how much i admire her strength. she makes a huge effort to be a good person and even though she is going through a lot, she still reaches out to others in need. it puts my situation into perspective. what i am going through is nothing like that...

i feel like the earlier part of my 20's was focused so much on silly things... there is a lot i just put away and didn't deal with and now it's haunting me.

anyway, my friend was telling me about how she can't stand to be alone and everyone deals with grief differently. i would say i'm the same as her. i just become a huge mess of tears and emotion and need to be around people that love me.

i feel like it makes me a bad person that the father who i found is alive and living in CO two years ago... i wish he was dead. i know i have to go face him but it scares me. i guess i feel like i can't move on with my life until i at least try. it's like i am mourning the loss of the father who was never there.

anyway, i have this giant paper, a video to make, another paper, a presentation, three finals, and some other make-up work all to finish by tuesday...

and two very important interviews tomorrow, plus my internship.

ummm... start with the resume???

I have been having the worst day. Worst week. Worst month.


Today kinda set me over the edge. To top it all off I was drving around the parking lot @ asu and couldn't find a space. when I finally found a great spot the guy was was parked there gets out of his car and comes up to my car. I opened the door and said "what" in my typical bitch voice and he gives me his parking pass good for all day! What a sweetheart, total cutie too. I need to start being less scary and mean. That boy made my day!

i want one so badly, but i don't think i'm going to get one.

you would think my mother would understand what a tough time i'm going though and she'd be thoughtful right? wrong.

where is (e:hodown) when you need her? oh yea, she's off in nyc working my dream job.

i also woke up feeling kind of sick.

i am considering getting my own basket... i also would like to color eggs. i feel like no one cares about holidays when there are no childers around. I am an adult child, who needs to be treated like a child.

where is the baby when you need her?

on another note, i can't believe the semester is almost over. i also can't believe that i have done surprisingly well considering the insane amounts of work i was required to do, while working f/t.

i am currently doing some evaluation of my life, and i think i need to cut back on work and luxury in favor of maintaining my health and sanity. i need to learn how to just relax... i feel like i have the need to fill up every second of the day with something and it's making me crazy...

the things i can't discuss are still going on, but i feel more prepared to cope with them now... plus i'm being very proactive about taking care of myself!

happy easter peeps!