Get real. When you are the ONLY one flopped in a totally unseemly heap on your mat, while a class of accomplished gymnasts is gracefully twisting into the epic urdhva dhanurasana (or the upright bow) all around you...

(including 1st-time-yogis-by-self-admission such as (e:Paul) and (e:Terry)), you have to admit, it starts to feel like someone gave you the ticket to the Olympics but you accidentally ended up in the competition ring instead of chilling out as a spectator on the stands with buttered and oh-so-salty popcorn. That was, in a nutshell, yoga class today.

But like any regulated sports event, you get detected as a fake very soon and ejected from the ring. Thankfully, I didn't get thrown out of class for ungracefulness but instead, took a massive skid on ice and lacerated my right knee (on the top of a bruise from smashing into a wall on Monday) as I walked back from Pricerite. On the bright side of this minor discomfort, all desire to master the dhanurasana TODAY has been bled out very effectively. I am back to eating massive amounts of chocolate hazelnut butter from my second 1lb bottle - this time blended with yogurt and mixed with frozen blueberries.

It could have been worse though. I could have slipped on ice and impaled my head on a cast-iron fence on the corner of Oakland and Bryant if (e:Paul) and (e:Terry) had not stabilized me in time.

The moral of this tale is almost every second person you see on the street or anywhere really, has had a secret gymnastic past and if you stalked them enough you might also find that they dance the salsa infinitely better than you ever can or will. The trick is to find opportune times to take mighty spills on the pavement and split your knee wide open so that you couldn't care less about your complete lack of skills at transforming yourself into an inverted ancient weapon or doing superawesomecrazy shines at salsa congresses.

I tried out a zillion live-CDs over the past week and the most appealing and uncluttered distro has to be lubuntu. Not only does it not assume that I am an idiot and need a million applications cluttering my operating system, its default browser is Chromium and not Firefox. These two things alone make it super-attractive.

EDIT: I hate lubuntu. It's clunky and quite awful when it comes to remembering any settings. I have switched to WattOS for now.

EDIT2: WattOS was okay but it had its own set of troubles... foremost being lack of activity in its support forums. Just one person supports that distro and that is a surefire recipe for very-long-wait-times and even more frustration. So I switched to Peppermint Ice (runs on LXDE/Openbox desktop environment on top of a Maverick 10.10 kernel). It's very fast compared to ubuntu and has no application bloat because everything is cloud-based. It's almost like a pre-release functioning Chrome OS.

EDIT3: Peppermint Ice was an unstable error-popping joke. I think the whole idea was to have the user install and use the OS for a day or so before unleashing an update from hell on their computers and have it boot to some inane terminal instead of the GUI so that windoze-converts will have an seismic what-do-I-do-NOW panic-attack. I had to google the "startx" command. Peppermint, you are ditched. I am now on Linux Mint on one laptop, Fedora on another (both gnome) and a stripped-down heavily-modified and patched WinXP (I know. I know.) on my oldest laptop.

BodhiLinux came close in terms of minimalism but I just could not figure out how to change simple display options under the Enlightenment GUI. Dual monitor setup was a nightmare. Changing the brightness of the screen required me to learn command line linux. Changing the display resolution was a complicated 1 hour google-hunt without a definite answer. The disappointment list just goes on lengthening.

Deskop Ubuntu has some unwieldy application-bloat. I liked the spiffy-looking Ubuntu-Netbook version but it has bloatware as well. Xubuntu was very display-tweak unfriendly. I am not competent enough yet to build linux from scratch. Someday, I will. Till then, I am settling for a semi-permanent lubuntu install on my Toshiba U305 S7467. I will miss the extremely light version of XP I used to run on the U305. It was just 0.7GB, took 12s to boot, ran just 12 background processes and took up less than 2% of system resources at any given time.

I don't know if and when I will reach that level of hacking comfort with lubuntu. It took me quite sometime to reach that state in XP. I never transitioned to Vista and it's newer evil cousins simply because their bloat was unbearable. I don't think any OS should occupy more than 2GB at the most and take up less than 3% of system resources when it's running.

Or maybe Chrome OS will come out before I get too comfortable with linux. Who knows...

Don't you want to bash your head in when Linux GUI is dense and so extremely useless? No? Well, I do. So I am thrilled to have found a site that throws a command line bash 24/7:

ss64.com/bash

And I have lot of admiration for William E. Shotts because he wrote this



and put the PDF online for free:

I do have two hairy left feet.

I tried around 12 times to do a baby freeze on my left side. Here's a breakdown statistic of the results:

• Crash-landed on my head - (2)
• Crash-landed on my left hip - (2)
• Flopped around like a dying fish - (3)
• Leaned too far and felt my elbows give way under me - (2)
• Stopped and stared at the floor in disgust for 10 seconds - (1)
• Acquired a nasty 5-minute-cramp on my left upper arm - (1)
• Acquired a bruise on my left temple - (1)

It's impossible. My body just doesn't want to rotate on my right forearm and my left elbow just doesn't stay put on my left waist and slips off the minute I try to stabilize it.

On the other hand, baby-freezing to my right is a happier state of affairs. I managed to stretch the time I could hold the freeze to a whole 30 seconds today. And so I celebrated with another 1/4 lb of Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter. I am dangerously close to a nut butter overload and opening the 2nd bottle. Thankfully, the 3rd bottle belongs to (e:Paul).