Breakfast is a triumph today. I think I have finally perfected the art of making delicious Nutella the way I like it - without the ridiculous amounts of canola from Canada, semi-hydrogenated creepoid compounds or truckloads of sugar. As a bonus, it is mind-blowingly tasty! In four short steps, you can brute force your mornings from the nadir of suckiness to a zenith of awesome!
1. Toast a handful of hazelnuts till they are a toasty earthy brown. I guess you could roast them in the oven if you don't want to stand around stirring them. But I do like to stand around in my kitchen a LOT. I think it's the chessboard floor. There is something hypnotic about chessboards. It's like I am being checkmated by the stove but I make counter-moves and show it some aggression. Anyway, I prefer hands-on active approaches that make some noise early on weekend mornings (the better to annoy that perennially whiny hag next door who seems to think I am responsible for ALL the noise everyone else in the building makes and additionally, complains about it when I am not even in town).
Maybe it's time to get some speakers (that Chuck Norris would be proud of) and give her a flavour of what it might be like if I were in the serious business of making some REAL noise. So, how many hazelnuts, you ask? The average Nutella box proclaims that it has 50 hazelnuts to a jar. Yeah, if you didn't know any better 50 is a big number. But without the canola, sugar and dodgy hydrogenates, it makes up a paltry amount, so be generous. You could toast 50 hazelnuts and it will make nutella that lasts half a week.
2. Add the toasted hazelnuts to the blender, start blending till everything is a fine powder and sticks to the blades. That's hazelnut butter coming out.
3. Add chocolate soymilk (I used Sunrich, because I am in love with the brand) - just enough to cover the hazelnuts in the blender. Blend some more.
4. Add toasted thick and hearty steelcut oatmeal. Add a good sprinkle of flax seeds. Blend. Blend. Blend. Till it gets really creamy. Add chocolate milk at intervals till you reach the consistency of that artificial sham of a Nutella they sell here. My Oster blender does this job in around 10-15 minutes. Other blenders could be more efficient or could just break-down and die. You never know till you push their limits. So I suggest you give your blender its Nutella ultimatum today. Everyone knows that you should never wait till the kitchen apocalypse hits this planet. Every small appliance will grow extra appendages to hit you with.
That's it. Slice granny smiths (yes, other apples are just inferior. Admit it.) Spread the awesomeness of delicious Nutella on the slices and breakfast like a German!
Thanks so much, (e:Heidi) - exactly what I wanted to know. :-)
Here's a summary from the governor's office:
:::link:::
Here's the bill text:
:::link:::