(e:theecarey,45899)
(e:theecarey,35925)
and now for the exciting season premier of
Itsy Bitsy Monster part 3!!
That's right folks, we have another monster sighting.
Laundry. I actually like doing laundry. I have a laundry shoot in my bathroom which leads to my finished basement that is rather cozy. It could only get better if I had a dumb waiter to hoist the clean laundry back up the stairs!
So why do my most traumatic scream inducing moments have to revolve around doing laundry? This also reinforces that basements of any kind (even clean ones with humidifiers) are scary. I hate dishes. So it would be much more appropriate to have traumatizing events paired to a sink full of dirty dishes.
And so, the story of last nights episode begins with my running down stairs at 11pm to throw in a load of whites. I usually do my laundry at night, which does not help the creepiness factor at all.
I was picking stuff up off the floor and cramming it in the washer while it is filling with water. As I proceed to stuff the last item in, I notice movement.
ugh.
I do a double take and immediately realize what it is.
It is the star of the show!
(scream #1)
"It" is trying to get away from the water! I quickly turn the water off and watch it attempt to climb the washer basin. It is grabbing onto the little holes in the washer to pull itself up. I think I saw it pull out some rope and carabiner all the while swearing at itself as it slide back down to the dampened laundry.
I was frozen in my moment of being grossed out and freaked out, but then I thought of (e:tinypliny) and her concern over not having any real updates on the monster in quite some time (almost a year!). So I ran back up the stairs and grabbed my camera.
and a dried up mop that hangs in my stair case.
(I need protection)
How would I get it out? I did not want to try to wash it to his death. As:
1. That thing is so huge, I do not want soggy spider bits strewn throughout my laundry.
2. I would actually feel bad. No, I really would.
3. We all know it wouldn't die. It would enjoy the water ride and then get fluffed and de-static in the drier. Maybe a mani-pedi afterwards?
So how to proceed?
If my neighbor (who I share the building with) was home, I'd have called him to help me. Seriously. He is a Sheriff/Seargent and *should* have something in his arsenal to take down a mutant spider, right?! It was too late to lure anyone over to help me. Alas, I was alone.
(well, not really...)
Not sure how to get "him" out, I thought I would "encourage" him to come out on his own. We seemed to have one thing in agreement: he didn't want to be in there and I didn't want him in there.
I made a towel bridge. Took a towel and dangled it down into the washer and offered him a ramp to climb up and out of the washer (no, I had not thought yet about what to do once he got to the top). He seemed receptive to this.
Once he got partway up the towel, he maneuvered along the back of it so I couldn't see where he was going. Silly me poked my head in for a closer look.
These bastards JUMP.
and so do I.
(scream #2)
(Next time I wanted to see where he went, I used my camera to take shots into the washer to see if I can find him without having to shove my face in for a closer look. This worked! I shall write a hand book.)
Although he got the idea of the ramp, he didn't follow through to getting himself out, so I knew at this point I needed to lend a helping hand (separated by the distance of a mop, that is).
The handle of the mop has a hole for use in hanging the mop on a hook. This hole (as with most everything else in existence) is smaller than the spider. If I could get him to sit his fat ass down on the handle, then I could swoop him up and out of the washer.
Now some people would have just squished the hairy freak with the handle, but (OMG) I didn't want to be sprayed with spider guts.I had prodded him a bit, and it felt like I was pressing into an animal. This thing has substance. I'd need a bow and arrow rather than a mop handle to do any real damage.
So I proceed with this rescue lift attempt.
Again, he seems receptive to this.
A few attempts and some 40 minutes later, we've got it. I scoop him out of the washer and before I can think of what to do next, he hops off the broom and gallops across the basement into the darkest corner under the staircase.
Turned the washer back on, added some bleach and got out of the basement.
My throat hurt from screaming (I'm not much of a screamer) and my heart felt like it was in my throat for awhile.
He is still down there.. somewhere.. eating children and puppies.
Until next time, friend*..
I actually thought to take a video sometime during that whole episode (I'll work on uploading it).
The star:
- Ok, at this point, He/She needs a name. Go for it!
The Towel Ramp
Dirty socks
The underside of the towel ramp
Wow. Now I get the full effect of this story. That bugger looks like he could have bitten off a limb.
and (e:tinypliny)? you have me suspicious of all your concern and insight. I think you are an arachnid hybrid...and an axe murderer. :)
Your comments terrified me and made me choke with laughter. Well done, hahhaahhaha
I have more laundry to do tomorrow...
(e:uncutsaniflush) Thanks for the information. I spent some time earlier this morning reading through the PDF link. I'm not pleased with the knowledge that this creature has eight eyes, but it is nice to confirm the name and some other tidbits of information, on this spider and a few of the other classifications.
That is one scary ass spider.
Based on your photos, it's probably a wolf spider see :::link::: and :::link::: for pix.
Wolf spiders are native in Western New York and are extant in most of the U.S. They have a unique configuration of "eyes" according to experts that makes it easier to identify. You also might find this pdfpublication of NYS DEC helpful :::link:::
I'm wondering who would scream louder you or your cats if they saw it. Maybe if you have a cat carrier you should just use that to capture that thing.....
I don't understand how a spider like that could be a native species? I'm really not sure how I would capture that thing...you should probably think of something for your next sighting. Maybe if you knew what type of spider it is you can figure out a way of removing it from your home.
I'm not sure what scares me more, looking at the photos, or (e:tinypliny)'s hysterical comments. You can name it Thee's Terror?
I am in total shock and awe that you are still alive.
Anyone who knows about the internal workings and politics of celluloid eight leggies also knows that they have big brains and memories. These creatures from the beyond seldom leave their molester (in case you had any doubts, that is YOU!) unpunished. Why, you don't even hear them sneaking around spinning your doom-web while you are sitting here at the computer and singing tralala!
I say, the time has come around for you to check obsessively for small cracks and chinks leading UP from the basement. Check your toilets 10 times before using them. Apparently these things can also swim fearlessly and deathlessly UNDER toilet water. I think for best security, you should also check shower faucets and ANYTHING that is remotely connected in any part to any connection in the basement.
Tea? TEA?? This calls for blood. Black obscene eight-legged monster family blood.
Did you know they never forget a feud? Whoever said Elephants can Rememeber was completely stoned. It is SPIDER_MONSTERS that have memory cells as big as Lake Erie and 1000 times as Eutrophic. Things can grow in them - and so can algae, webs and evil thoughts.
(e:theecarey), my thoughts are ONLY with you in this webby times. Really, I can't think of anything else.
Maybe you should give wild animal control a call - or one of those soldiers, you know, those who sit around chewing their nails till an emergency like this hits the roofs of people in their area?
yes, exactly, (e:jenks)! It is bizarre to actually 'scream like a girl' and to realize how involuntary it is. I'd have a heart attack if anything came swooping down on me. I remember your bat episode. Oy!
(e:tinypliny), for the sake of my sanity, lets pretend that there is only ONE spider of enormous size living in my basement and it is the same one I keep documenting here. That is what I have been telling myself for the past couple of years, and it is working for me. DO NOT burst my sanity bubble :P
There was nothing calm or casual about getting those pictures. Holy crap I felt like I was on a major dare to capture each one. However, I shall be Warrior Princess. Carey Warrior Princess? Thee Warrior Princess? bah, needs some work. Anyways, the pics came out of necessity. Previously when I have written about it, the story really didn't do any justice. Sounded like I was going batty over a little "eek, there's a spider".
98% of the laundry in the wash were cleaning rags and a couple of outdoor working clothes, so between bleach and two wash cycles, I think the monster cooties are gone.
Maybe.
want to come over and check?
bring your hacksaw?
have a lovely cup of tea?
(e:mrmike)- you have a spare cage over at that zoo?
Oh
My
God.
I am not scared of spiders, but....
JFC if I saw that thing in my laundry, I would scream too.
(and I hear you on the racing heart... I'm usually not much of a screamer, but when I had the bat in my apt and it kept swooping at me... wow... I was screaming like a girl and throwing myself on the floor, lol. It's like it was an involuntary reaction. I never thought I was even capable of something like that, but, yeah. wow.)
Where do you live, again?? I AM SO NOT coming close to your street, or may be your constituency or town..
OMG. Are you sure this thing is not a tropical-buffalo hybrid of a genetic mutant human-killing tarantula??
You have to be like Xena Warrior Princess or something to be able to casually TAKE pictures of this monstrosity! Or completely under the evil influence of the villain. I say get an exorcist! They are listed under X in the yellow pages - so only desperate people can find them. I call this pretty desperate.
Quite the highwire act in your laundry room
OH MY LORD!!! BURN your clothes, burn that washer!! Burn that basement down!! EEKS EEEEKKS SUPER-EEEEKKS, you have a mutant family of eight leggies in YOUR HOME! How can you remain calm at a time like this!!??
Can it be possible that the mutant has hypnotized you in some way that you are artificially being kept calm - you know, UNDER the influence of spider vomit or something! (e:theecarey)!! Get out while its not too late. How CAN you possibly wear those socks now and use those clothes, they will get eight leggie murderous COOTIES all over you!
OMG. OMG. OMG.
MUST. TAKE. DEEP. BREATHS.
SAY, WHERE IS MY HACKSAW!??