so i feel like i have really set into a man eating pattern. i do get the short end of the stick as well of course, but i just really go through them like water.
i never hang with more than one guy at a time, for the most part. that's just wrong.
it's not that i don't find ones i like. but the thing is that i have a really short attention span, and if someone doesn't keep on me, i tend to stray.
i do actually really like someone right now. but i was kinda a jerk before, so i'm not sure if i'm supposed to be proving myself or what i'm supposed to be doing. it all confuses me and so i kinda tend to just give up after a while.
and then, if a guy doesn't call for a few days i automatically assume he's a player and get pissed and delete him.
i really wish i could just put it out there, but i am so fickle and then guarded.
i think it all boils down to that fact, that i had no real male influence in my life growing up and so i just don't feel so comfortable with men. and then the one serious relationship i had was kinda just a huge scam that i spent so much time and effort with when i should have been working on myself and not crying over a guy.
i really have never had more self confidence in myself when it comes to guys, but i just think that a lot of the time, it isn't even worth my time. and i have a really hard time opening up.
perhaps this is really all just a sign that i should stay single a while longer? it's not so bad, and i'm having fun.
but i do wonder when and something "right" will happen? and do i just not give anyone the chance???
after the last guy, i really think all my tears are cried out and in this sense, i have emotionally become a man. maneater.
ok, im off to glam it up for the country western bar. you heard that right. i refuse to wear any fringe or cowboy boots or line dance. i'm really only going because it's an excuse to spend two hours playing with hair and makeup and clothes...
Lilho's Journal
My Podcast Link
11/15/2008 21:49 #46700
to the left to the left11/11/2008 23:05 #46652
i amin a perpetual state of blah. things seem to excite me for a very short while, and then i come back to this place.
i don't think it's depression, just a sense of blahness. and also the feeling if having all of the people i care about scattered here and there.
it seems the older i get, the farther away everyone and everything gets.
also, this woman told me as a teacher i will be doomed to a life of poverty.
i don't know, i know lots of teachers that have played their cards right and done well. i'm not looking to be rich, for now at least. and i thin i will be infinitely happier working around children all day.
that said, i am headed back to blahness, and some coke and pringles.
ps. a really great trick to lose 6 pounds in two weeks is to take a crapload of antibiotics and probiotics, at least for me.
it's acutally getting coldish here which means i can kinda break out my massive scarf collection. you have no idea how happy this makes me.
i need to find some winterish clothing, as i will be headed back east in a few months. i am going to be an aunt...yikes!
i don't think it's depression, just a sense of blahness. and also the feeling if having all of the people i care about scattered here and there.
it seems the older i get, the farther away everyone and everything gets.
also, this woman told me as a teacher i will be doomed to a life of poverty.
i don't know, i know lots of teachers that have played their cards right and done well. i'm not looking to be rich, for now at least. and i thin i will be infinitely happier working around children all day.
that said, i am headed back to blahness, and some coke and pringles.
ps. a really great trick to lose 6 pounds in two weeks is to take a crapload of antibiotics and probiotics, at least for me.
it's acutally getting coldish here which means i can kinda break out my massive scarf collection. you have no idea how happy this makes me.
i need to find some winterish clothing, as i will be headed back east in a few months. i am going to be an aunt...yikes!
paul - 11/12/08 09:47
There's always teacher with rich husband.
There's always teacher with rich husband.
hodown - 11/12/08 09:13
Actually I do personally know how happy you are at taking out the scarf collection, sadly.
Actually I do personally know how happy you are at taking out the scarf collection, sadly.
vincent - 11/11/08 23:21
The key to making it as a teacher financially is landing a job in a Blue State. If you're in a Red State, she's right you'll be looking at making 21K a year.
The key to making it as a teacher financially is landing a job in a Blue State. If you're in a Red State, she's right you'll be looking at making 21K a year.
11/09/2008 00:21 #46610
hot-toddy!whiskey and beer...
a blend for true americans. not so tasty, but it's doing the trick!
yesamesh!!!
i need a break from birthdays and babies...
a blend for true americans. not so tasty, but it's doing the trick!
yesamesh!!!
i need a break from birthdays and babies...
drew - 11/09/08 13:28
whiskey and beer, btw, is a boilermaker, often associated with mill workers and Pittsburghers.
whiskey and beer, btw, is a boilermaker, often associated with mill workers and Pittsburghers.
jenks - 11/09/08 06:59
well my dad has always sworn by throwing a little jack into hot tea when you're sick- and I have to say I think he's onto something.
Or how about hot buttered rum...
well my dad has always sworn by throwing a little jack into hot tea when you're sick- and I have to say I think he's onto something.
Or how about hot buttered rum...
james - 11/09/08 00:35
A left the proportions out for the alcoholic psychonots here.
1 1/2-2 ounces of whiskey. Preferably rye whiskey.
1 ounce hot water
i tsp sugar (the palate of the 18th century would have preferred over 1 tbs of sugar, but god damn that is sweet.)
squirt of lemon with wedge of garnish
enjoy
A left the proportions out for the alcoholic psychonots here.
1 1/2-2 ounces of whiskey. Preferably rye whiskey.
1 ounce hot water
i tsp sugar (the palate of the 18th century would have preferred over 1 tbs of sugar, but god damn that is sweet.)
squirt of lemon with wedge of garnish
enjoy
james - 11/09/08 00:33
If I may.
A Hot Toddy specifically refers to a drink made popular in the 18th century in which Whiskey (and occasionally New England rum) was mixed with water and sugar (honey for the best flavor. Though, what is today called raw sugar, was more commonly used) with a squirt of lemon are the basic ingredients of a hot toddy. The water was heated and mixed with the sugar. The whiskey was added and then an iron, heating in a fire, was poked into the drink to heat it just so. On a winters day there is nothing that keeps you this warm. Even if you were to hollow out an eskimo and walk in his seal fed blubber you would shiver next to the hot toddy drinker.
If I may.
A Hot Toddy specifically refers to a drink made popular in the 18th century in which Whiskey (and occasionally New England rum) was mixed with water and sugar (honey for the best flavor. Though, what is today called raw sugar, was more commonly used) with a squirt of lemon are the basic ingredients of a hot toddy. The water was heated and mixed with the sugar. The whiskey was added and then an iron, heating in a fire, was poked into the drink to heat it just so. On a winters day there is nothing that keeps you this warm. Even if you were to hollow out an eskimo and walk in his seal fed blubber you would shiver next to the hot toddy drinker.
11/04/2008 23:39 #46536
obama and my mommai am so excited!!!!!! obama!!!!!
but my mama is not. she says i am to blame for the reason there will be no money to leave me in her will. she brought the lolz, as perez would say.
but i am so happy.
i also learned a valuable lesson today... words do actually hurt, so if you don't have nice things to say, keep it to yourself, or share with drinking buddies. don't trust people at work, they will use the first chance they get to stab you in the back.
all that being said, i am going to work on being more positive and less outspoken; which for me is waaay easier said than done.
but my mama is not. she says i am to blame for the reason there will be no money to leave me in her will. she brought the lolz, as perez would say.
but i am so happy.
i also learned a valuable lesson today... words do actually hurt, so if you don't have nice things to say, keep it to yourself, or share with drinking buddies. don't trust people at work, they will use the first chance they get to stab you in the back.
all that being said, i am going to work on being more positive and less outspoken; which for me is waaay easier said than done.
11/04/2008 16:24 #46522
barack the vote!i voted! yay! how exciting, i can't wait to hear the results, even though the popular vote doesn't really count...
but it's exciting to see so many people out there at the polls execising their right!
also very important: i voted no on prop 8, or prop h8te.
notice the sticker!!!!!
ps. my wound is much better, almost completely healed!
but it's exciting to see so many people out there at the polls execising their right!
also very important: i voted no on prop 8, or prop h8te.
notice the sticker!!!!!
ps. my wound is much better, almost completely healed!
lilho - 11/04/08 23:34
prop 8 was here in az too. and i was paying attention, but we had a break and i took the couple minutes to blog!
prop 8 was here in az too. and i was paying attention, but we had a break and i took the couple minutes to blog!
jenks - 11/04/08 21:42
wait, how did you vote on 8? I thought it was only a CA thing? I wanted to vote against it but it certainly wasn't on the ballot here...
And glad about your butt. (and if it makes you feel any better- it just happens. Doesn't mean you're dirty or whatnot, and there's probably nothing you could have done to prevent it.)
wait, how did you vote on 8? I thought it was only a CA thing? I wanted to vote against it but it certainly wasn't on the ballot here...
And glad about your butt. (and if it makes you feel any better- it just happens. Doesn't mean you're dirty or whatnot, and there's probably nothing you could have done to prevent it.)
hodown - 11/04/08 16:43
Um shouldnt you be paying attention in class and not blogging?
Um shouldnt you be paying attention in class and not blogging?
I think that maybe the men you meat (hehe) are just not good enough so you let them slide away. It sounds like it is your way of protecting yourself from trash. You may not meet the person you are looking for in your usual places.
Hey, hey I think I am a male influence in your life growing up. I guess just a really bad one, lol.