so (e:hodown) and i were ichatting today. and she brings up the view counter thing and how i am #2.

this scares me for so many reasons.

the number reason being the lack of discretion i have displayed in the past, and probably present.


who the hell is reading this stuff????


and then i wonder, do random strangers read my blog, and then they see me in person or something???? could i maybe have a stalker?? ok, i know, i am not whitney houston from the bodyguard but just humor me here.

this thing started out so small, and (e:paul) kinda made me. at least i got to choose my name unlike (e:hodown), whose name was chosen for her. she hates it! it's funny though.

i bought (e:hodown) a tickey to the blo for new years. i am purchasing my ticket in a few days because farecast says to wait because fares will drop at least 50 dolla.

i told (e:hodown) i am her pimp and she is my bitch. she just asked that i not bitch slap her. i said ok. that doesn't mean that i am not going to play that really fun game with a lighter where i threaten to burn her. (e:paul) knows all about this game...

just kidding, i would never burn my sister.

i think that i am going to take fried chicken to a whole new level this time and make it indian style!!!!!!

i tried to take my cousin to a nice dinner for her 18th bday last night. what a fucking bust.

the restaurant was supposed to middle eastern. it was such crap. we got there and the place was kinda shabby. filled with creepy men.

my mango martini had chunks of ice in it, and was not very good.

we ordered and an hour and half later, still no appetizer, but our entree had come. it was supposed to be lamb. looked more like rat lags. seriously, there wasn't even one bite of meat on those things. the rice tasted awful, like dirt. and there was a huge hunk of uncooked onion and one half of a grilled tomato on the plate and some stale pita that looked like it came from the grocery store.

when i left to use the bathroom, some nasty man that my cousin dubbed "the conquistador", came over and sat in my seat and began to ask her questions. of course she is young and not yet a huge bitch like me, so she was nice and thought it funny.

when she told me, i wanted to go to his table and spit on him and punch him.

he was asking her how old she was and where she is from, and her name, and were we taking pictures of him, and just being a perv. thankfully the belly dancer started and he got up and left.

when i got back and she told me, i gave him the death stare at least 5 times, making eye contact.

our idiot server finally came around and i had the appetizer canceled, told him as a new yorker and someone with a lot of knowledge of food, that that stuff was not acceptable and had him bring the check.

they still charged us for the food, and barely apologized, not offering to make it up in any way.

i had aubrey give me some ones, stuffed them in the checkbook, and told her to walk out fast. there was no way i was paying for that shit service.

we ended up eating pizza. i told her i am going to make it up to her next weekend. i have a few ideas, and know some good places. i was just so irritated.... and still am.

i don't like when my plans fall through, but this time, i am going to make it foolproof.

fuck you layalena.

i might hit up the blo for new years....


but only if i get my own bottle of champagne.


there is a ball drop at the (e:pmt).



and i get to make out with a super hottie boom-a-lottie @ midnight.



make these things happen and i will be there.



thanks.

my mom is joining facebook this very moment.


she doesn't even know what it is. a coworker invited her.


can't they start a mombook or something????


now she can friend, (e:hodown), (e:mike), (e:terry), (e:matthew), and (e:tina). but she will have to figure out how to use it, and if i refuse she won't learn... so i will just not show her.


i think i might have to delete mine.

anyone remember that game animal crossing? our virtual selves hang out more than we do in person. it's scaring me. if only we became cute little animal things...


this is wrong. very wrong.

its so funny to see the little girl i work with get into rifts with her brother. they are 3 years apart and my brother and i are 1 1/2. josh and i used to be the same, and sometimes still are.

i can't believe he is going to be a father in just a few months.

it all feels so weird because no one really knows about it in my family and then my mom doesn't tell people at work, which is understandable because they find a way to make all personal information about any person a scandal.

and we can't tell anyone in my family because my mom doesn't want to deal with the gossip and whatnot. umm, aren't families supposed to support and love each other?

but, no one in our family knows except for my sister, me and the mom. i guess it doesn't really matter so much because the older i get, the more i realize i don't like very many people in my extended family.

it's really sad, because when i was younger i had such close bond with so many of my cousins and aunts and uncles, and it feels like with each passing year those moments just become memories of something that used to be.

i love them, but they is so much anger between my mothers brothers and sisters and so much disfunction and addiction. it makes my heart break for my mom, when the phone rings and you kind of wonder what family crisis will come next.

i care for my mother and sister so much, and although no one has done anything to hurt me, and i have always been shown kindness and generosity, many of my family members have done so many hateful and hurtful things to my mom and sister that i would rather keep the distance.

it all makes holidays kind of heartbreaking, especially with my grandma gone. i miss her so much. i try to hold it in, but sometimes i just get so sad and i can't hold back the tears.

i thought being an adult would be so different. life seems to just get lonelier. people move away and you lose contact with the people you care about and then you begin to wonder what it all means.

i wish my once favorite aunt could be the person she used to be for me and the mot the sad broken soul she is now. i wish my uncle would stop drinking and smoking and give me a call; i never see him since my grandma passed. i wish my aunts weren't so spiteful and angry and that my mom didn't have to deal with it all.

i guess what i saying is that i am so lucky to have my sister, and my brother too. he makes it hard sometimes, but i love him and hope that this baby is a positive change; that it will push him to be a man and wants the best for his child.

i could never imagine my sister and i going through all my mom does with her sisters. it feels so good to know that while a lot of things are lost, she always has my back. and her and my mom are the two people who have always been there. plus they think im funny and laugh at my jokes. and they like to laugh at me as well, but it's a small price to pay.

and this had nothing to do with this post, but there are bobcats in my
neighborhood and they are big and scary. i need a weapon.