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Dcoffee's Journal

dcoffee
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08/16/2008 18:26 #45343

new kittens
Category: life
Well, I wanted to upload some pictures from the reception and honeymoon first, but I can't help moving on to our new kitties.

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We got them as a wedding present from our neighbor Ed. We had two cats but they both passed away over the past year or so. He used to babysit them when we went on vacation, he's like the uncle who feeds your kids candy and sends them home all wired on sugar.

We got our two kittens from the SPCA after we came home from our honeymoon. They are sisters from the same litter, born as strays in north east buffalo.

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This is Ally, she's the fuzzy cuddly one. she likes to purr and dig her little nose into your arm.

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This is Moosewood the silly crazy one. She likes to jump on your lap and rub her cheeks on your face.

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during the day they spend much of their time trying to get my attention while I'm trying to work.

Here's a few more photos.

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Missing Image ;(



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Enjoy!
metalpeter - 08/17/08 11:28
Very nice shots cute little kittens. Yes lots of cats do need lots of attention but it shouldn't be to much since they have each other.
tinypliny - 08/17/08 00:35
Pretty Kittens. :)
theecarey - 08/16/08 23:52
awhhh, kitties make my brain turn into a pile of mush. They seem awesome and already at home. Thanks for sharing the cuteness!
libertad - 08/16/08 22:10
How precious!
jim - 08/16/08 18:47
KITTIES

07/18/2008 10:52 #45063

Wedding Story
Category: life
Part One:

We got Married in the Fingerlakes at (e:mmtornow)'s parents house on June 28 2008, and had a 2 week Honeymoon in the Adirondacks afterward. My former co-workers did the photography, and they just gave me all the raw photos afterward, I've spent the past week editing them all. We have about 1000 photos from the wedding, and 1000 from the honeymoon. so this is part one.

We did a lot of work ourselves cause this was a backyard wedding, and we didn't have all that stuff banquet halls have. So we reserved the tent, tables, chairs, linens, and bought plates, napkins, decorations, booze etc. We went out to the Fingerlakes on Wednesday before the wedding to get things ready. We were pretty well prepared.

It was supposed to rain all week, but you can't control the weather, and the tent was big enough to hold everyone, so we didn't worry too much about it. I was just hoping to have the ceremony outside. Here's me and my new Bro-in-law on Thursday morning as the tent is being delivered. He's tall.

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as you can see it was raining a bit then, and the forecast for Saturday went from 50% chance of rain to 70% through the week.

Friday Rehersal Dinner.
Glad we did this, because a lot of our 'people' had last minute concerns about everything. After answering about 135 questions apiece, I had a Headache, and (e:mmtornow) was wishing we had just done it at city hall, she was overwhelmed and in tears at the end. So we resolved to enjoy our wedding day no matter what. I told her if anyone asked us any questions on the Wedding day just say "that's your area of expertise, I trust your judgment" and move on. After almost a year of preparation, the wedding day we just had to let it fly. We weren't going to worry about it.

Saturday Morning:
Despite our decision to take it easy, there was a small list of things that needed to be done the day of the wedding. Picking up the beer, and making table numbers were the big ones. But I wasn't going to let (e:mmtornow) worry about it. The hair stylist came at about 9:00 and my plan was to let (e:mmtornow) hide in an air conditioned room while I delegated responsibility. Things went smoothly, I talked to all the 'people' mostly friends who happened to have the skills we needed. then I dropped everything and got dressed about Noon.

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That's right, breaking with tradition we got ready together. We're not down with that superstitious tradition stuff. I feel like most of it comes from nervous medieval pre-contraception parents, and arranged marriages. We slept in the same bed, got ready together, and took portraits together before the ceremony. For me, as a wedding photographer, I see all kinds of brides getting ready, putting on their dress and hanging with the girls, it's one of those things, I couldn't miss part of my own wedding story. Actually I even took some pictures on my small camera before the photographers arrived. It made me feel relaxed :).

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Bride, sans-wedding dress

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Marvin wants to come

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That's me checking the list in my head, and rushing to get my tie on for photos.

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on the move

Portraits:
We headed to Seneca lake park with the Wedding Party before the ceremony. I'd definitely recommend taking portraits before the ceremony. You have a choice to sit in a room nervously awaiting 3 o'clock, or hang out with your closest friends in a park making each other smile. Pictures definitely kept us relaxed, even without champagne. The weather? It sprinkled a bit, not a problem, and the overcast skies were great for pictures. The photographers are Mike from New Visions Photography my former boss, and Angela my former co-worker. Real easy to work with and friends. They gave me all the Raw files, and did the wedding kind of as a favor.

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Next Entry I'll do the Ceremony. We also got new kitties as a wedding present and I want to post stuff, but I'm doing the wedding first. Enjoy!
libertad - 07/19/08 18:31
Sorry, I meant to say nice photos and congrats! You both look very happy.
libertad - 07/19/08 18:29
imk2 - 07/19/08 14:26
wow your photos are simply beautiful! congratulations!
dcoffee - 07/18/08 23:02
Tiny, thanks so much. It was an amazing time, and I wanted everyone to be there, that's why I wrote it like this. I waited a few days to write about it and I think that was a good idea, I had time to remember the details and give everyone some context. I feel like I'm prolonging the magic by writing about it, and capturing it all so I can look back.
That reminds me, something funny as I go through the photos, I see a whole bunch of stuff that you missed. Like the wedding cake, I never actually looked at it, they set it up, we cut it, and then it was gone, but didn't really see the decoration until I looked at the photos :)

Thanks to everyone for reading and for your support, don't worry mmtornow reads the comments too, I know she appreciates it :)
tinypliny - 07/18/08 20:59
I think its so sweet of you to spare (e:mmtornow) some of the coordination headache! Weddings are major synchronization and planning routines! Also, hurray for getting rid of ridiculous superstition. I think it adds an extra layer of totally unnecessary anxiety and has absolutely no basis at all.

PS: I think I have already looked at the pictures and read the story around 10 times. The wedding story is delightful! :)
tinypliny - 07/18/08 20:41
Wow!! I feel like I was at the wedding! Thanks SO MUCH for sharing these absolutely GORGEOUS photographs and the wonderfully detailed story-telling. I followed along with the story and I feel so happy! I am having a very hard time picking favourites because you two look beautiful together in every single picture. I think I like the one where you and (e:mmtornow) are walking through the wild grass on the road. Very detailed and romantic! :) Again, thanks very much for sharing. Looking forward to Part-II!!
james - 07/18/08 16:43
Congrats. The photos came out really well.
carolinian - 07/18/08 11:55
Congratulations! I hope you have many happy years together!
mrmike - 07/18/08 11:51
Terrific photos, you guys look great. Hope it was an amazing time. Congrats.
paul - 07/18/08 11:17
Those photos are great. You guys look great. Looks like you had an amazing wedding, congrats!
jason - 07/18/08 11:11
You clean up nice! Great photos. Looks like everyone had a good time. Again, congrats!

07/23/2008 14:43 #45111

Wedding Story Part 2
Category: life
I want to preface this with a little note. I know there are some people on this site who can't legally get "married" to the one they love in NYS. In Buffalo Quaker Meeting there is a 70 year old woman who has spent half her life fighting for GLBT rights. And when NYS decides to turn the corner, I know Buffalo Quaker Meeting will be one of the first to recognize marriage for everyone who is in love, and I would be happy to be invited.


Part 2: The Ceremony.

We wanted to have the ceremony outside under this huge tree in the front yard, but we weren't sure if it would happen. The forecast was calling for 70% chance of rain. You can't control the weather, but I was just hoping for 2 rain-free hours to do the ceremony outside. The reception was going to be under a huge tent, so it didn't matter if it rained later in the day, but the ceremony would be so much nicer outside under the tree in the front of the house.

When we finished taking pictures at the lake it was windy, really cloudy, and it had rained on us a little. We went back to the house for the ceremony and we both expected the chairs to be safely under the tent. We arrived at the house, and the place looked totally different than how we left it. I'll never forget pulling into the driveway and seeing all these people, gathering in the country with their fancy clothes on, walking in a hundred different directions, moving out of the way of our car as we passed. And to our surprise all the chairs were confidently set up under the tree.

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Getting Everything Ready

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Our un-signed Wedding Certificate

There were people everywhere! We only had about 10-15 minutes before the ceremony started. I kind of led Molly through the jungle of people so we could go upstairs and get ready, "hi... good to see you, we gotta go hide upstairs..." We paused to give grandma a kiss on the cheek but that was it. I forgot to shave that morning, so I did that. Then I stuck my head out the door to check on the microphones. We waited on the steps, for things to start. Edgar gave everyone an overview of Quaker practice and what would happen during the ceremony. Then we walked out.

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We sit in calm silence until we feel moved to say our vows. People might pray, or meditate, or just quiet down their minds to bring a spiritual calm into their hearts.

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Quakers would call the silence during meeting, becoming centered, listening for the light within, or waiting for god. Quakers usually worship in silence, unless they are inwardly moved to speak. We waited about 10 minutes. This must have seemed like a long time to non-quakers, but I noticed many of them dreamily gazing at me and my bride, I think they understood. When we were both calm and ready, we said our vows. The sun was out.

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First Kiss

Our Vows:
"In the presence of the spirit, our friends and our family, I take thee, to be my Wife. I promise with love, to be caring and compassionate, to be supportive and patient, to show understanding and empathy, to keep an open and honest heart, and to always nurture our shared unity as your Husband from this day forward."

We wrote our vows together, and remembered everything. After saying our vows, we exchanged Rings, and signed the Marriage Certificate.

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Then we looked at each other and we both wanted a hug.

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That's when everyone gets teary eyed. We sit back down again, and the marriage certificate is read aloud.

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For the rest of the meeting we just wait silently for people to share messages from their hearts.

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The dog was interested, but he was calm too.

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Our View

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Under the huge canopy of shade provided by the the ancient and sturdy Maple tree.

There is no minister leading the ceremony, anyone can speak if they are moved to do so. People just raise their hand for a microphone, and share what they wish. It's unscripted, and the messages are very personal, and very spiritual. We waited about 15 minutes in silence. The first message was a song called 'Simple Gifts', it was shared by someone from Buffalo Meeting. Below is a picture of all the people who shared.

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As you can see, anyone can speak, weather they're 9 years old or 90. Many people shared stories about us, or they talked about love and marriage, how happy they were for us, and how good we are for each other. Something like this ... "listening to the leaves, and the birds, and feeling the warmth of the sun, it seems as if the heavens are celebrating with us." "May your love be as broad as the branches above you, and as deep as the roots below." "We love when they do First Day School, they're so nice and fun to be around." "The bride adopted us as her grandparents when she moved to Fredonia. She would arrive late at night to sleep at our house, we woke her up, fed her, and gave her a ride to Quaker Meeting on Sunday." "the groom and I have known each other since we were born, and we did all those important things together, like climbing trees or playing with legos." .... It was realy nice.

A few More Photos from during the messages.

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Bride's Family

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My Mom Sharing, she's so cute.

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The Scene for our big Country Wedding.

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After the Meeting Ends our families and wedding party sign the Marriage certificate. Everyone at the wedding also signs the certificate during the night. The entire ceremony was wonderful, things went so well, and we got to do it outside under the tree. We are very blessed. Afterward we said hi to some of the guests, and did family portraits.

Next time, the reception. Honeymoon stuff later too.

I'm glad I'm writing all this stuff down, it's nice to remember it now, and I want to keep all the details.

Enjoy


dcoffee - 07/24/08 20:21
I'm glad you guys can enjoy this too.
to answer paul's question, I'm not a quaker by birth, but my wife is. There aren't many Quakers around, Buffalo Meeting has like 150 members but about 20-30 attend each week. Orchard park has about 15-20 that attend. There are a lot more in Pennsylvania. And Quakers do play a pretty bad-ass role in history, with abolition and civil rights. And they're not like Amish people with buggies and whatnot. They're just a compassionate group of people, trying to live peacefully and coexist with life. They don't have have any promises or ritual, or dogma. Meeting is like a moment of silence, one that gets comfortable, and lasts for a while. Growing up I was one of those Christmas and Easter type Catholics, we went to the OLV Basilica, I enjoyed some things about church, my mom goes there every week now. I was always a spiritual kind of person. In college I just happened to meet my wife who was a Quaker, I found they fit very well for me. You don't have to be a Quaker to marry one, but I did become a member in the spring.

Quaker weddings are so flexible, you kind of have to make up some things as you go along, but that just makes it more personal. And the open microphone is great, i want to write down more of it cause I don't have any recordings.

Heidi, it's so weird working in the wedding business and then doing it for yourself.

Tiny, One thing I knew for sure, as a photographer, the bride should not wear a strapless dress :) They squeeze the brides body, and things hang out, even on skinny girls, trust me, I have to edit their photos. Unfortunately 90% of the dresses for sale are strapless, (e:mmtornow) had 3 choices, she tried it on in the store and ordered the same one on ebay anyway :) I'm also glad you can identify with the ceremony, it's hard to describe, but people are connected somehow, and the silence is very moving. The wedding certificate is longer, it had room for 175 names, it's a pretty big thing to have framed. Not sure about the flowers on top we didn't choose the type of flower, just the color. I'm pretty sure they are a real flower in nature.

Josh, it was great to hear people speak during the ceremony, I forgot to mention this, the first non-quaker to speak was the boy in the red shirt, my 17 year old cousin, he said something like, "i know marriage doesen't work out some times, for whatever reason, but I hope the two of you stay married and love eachother for a long time." Meeting actually went over about 20 minutes, people enjoyed the occasion.
joshua - 07/24/08 09:50
D - thanks for taking the time to share this occasion with us. This is is a way of doing it that seems so personal and beautiful - if my family and friends stood up individually to say things like that about me and my new wife, I don't know if I could hold back tears. Talk about meaningful!
paul - 07/24/08 00:11
Seriously, your ceremony sounds awesome and looks picture perfect. As for the Quaker thing, did you grow up quaker - I never met a quaker before - I kind of thought it was a historical movement.
heidi - 07/23/08 23:03
Once upon a time, I worked for a catering company that did oodles of wedding receptions. You can tell so much about people from their weddings & receptions... yours seems to have been a wonderful, joyous, loving occasion that reflects the grace and joy of your lives. It reminded me of my best friend's wedding two years ago, also very non-traditional, outside, by a lake. I teared all through hers and again while reading about yours. Thank you for sharing!
tinypliny - 07/23/08 21:54
Thanks so much for sharing with (e:strip)! Loved every minute of it!

Are those forget-me-nots on the top of the wedding certificate? They are pretty! Just curious though, did your certificate run into several pages? Such a cool concept. Imagine if someone who would become an extremely famous celebrity in the future, came to your wedding and signed it! :)

I am in love with (e:mmtornow)'s gown. When you are walking out, it has quietly assumed a life of its own and gives an ethereal dimension to the walk with a little twirl and flow. :) I also like the part about sitting in calm and getting acquainted mentally with your audience, your witnesses and yourself before you say what your heart knows. There is something so peaceful in connecting with people whom you are going to speak to. I know this is probably a somewhat unrelated experience but somehow I find it easier to express myself and speak clearly if I have made a kind of mental contact with my audience/patients/students/professors after a moment of silent communication. When I don't take this minute, invariably I sound flustered, indifferent, bored, impatient, snobbish or outright rude. The silent communion is a brilliant idea. :)

As I look at your wedding, I think back to a zillion of my cousins' and friends' weddings back home. Some were nightmares, some downright hilarious, some drunken revelries, dance manias, suffocating rituals, some all-night eating binges, some pompous shows of wealth, some five-minute court-signings (followed by one of the above) and a few were outright weird. I think I like your wedding the best. I need to cc the link to your journal entry to my whole crazy clan and broadcast across the pond and some mountains, now. ;-) I would have loved to be that woman sitting in the grass with her shoes off and enjoying it all in the best way possible. `

Totally flippant comment, but your sideburns rock! I have been trying to get my brother to grow them out. :)

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story! If you see a spike in your views over the next couple months, it's probably me reloading the pictures to look at them all over again. Thank you! :^D
boxerboi - 07/23/08 16:38
congratulations! your ceremony looked amazing
dcoffee - 07/23/08 16:15
I should correct that, traditional weddings of many faiths can be impersonal, not just Christian.
dcoffee - 07/23/08 15:58
hehe, Drew, I hear your weddings are wonderful, I'd love to photograph one! I know you would want the ceremony to be personal for the bride and groom, and that's what's missing from the majority of cristian weddings I've been to.

I've photographed over 100 weddings, Jewish, Catholic, Indian, justice of the peace, etc. Planning my own, I had to keep asking myself "can I see myself there, and does it feel natural?" I had to slowly pry my head out of the traditional, cause it didn't work for me. I love working at the Statler Towers, and photographing in beautiful cathedrals, but I couldn't see myself in it. It's worth it to spend time making it your own.
drew - 07/23/08 15:01
You need to stop spreading the word about how great Quaker weddings are. I won't have as much work!

Just kidding, of course.
mrmike - 07/23/08 14:51
Very cool, seems more genuine than some by the book ceremonies, more yours than from some etiquette book
jason - 07/23/08 14:50
I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing with us. I think about getting married and the big party and the big ceremony and I think I would be miserable!!! This seems so much more natural.

06/24/2008 17:34 #44771

Getting Married
Category: life
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(e:mmtornow) and I are about to tie the knot :) this weekend June 28 we are getting married in the Fingerlakes on her parents property. We've been together for 5 and a half years, living together for 3, and engaged for 2.5. The big weekend is here. We are having a Quaker Ceremony, and everything will be outdoors at her parents house. We have a big tent for dinner and the reception.

After photographing over 100 weddings, it has been interesting planning my own. We've found a way to make it personal, and meaningful. We are pretty laid back and frugal people. But we're attentive about aesthetics and we want our guests to feel comfortable and welcome. I think we've bent the traditional wedding mold quite a bit, and I'm thankful that our families are so accepting. Quaker ceremonies are very meaningful and sentimental, I'm glad to be part of this tradition. The reception will be fun too, we have a good DJ, and I think a bunch of people will be out on the dancefloor.

We have been planning for a long time, and at this point we have most of the arrangements wrapped up. I'll be posting some pictures when we get back from our honeymoon. We will be gone for 2 weeks in the Adirondacks, camping, backpacking, sitting by the lake, enjoying peace and quiet.

Just for reference we got engaged on 11/15/2005 (e:dcoffee,21694)


trisha - 06/26/08 09:20
whoo hoo! congrats and happy marriage!
mrmike - 06/24/08 22:36
Congrats
drew - 06/24/08 21:50
Because I know your politics (a little bit), I think you will appreciate the statement "Jesus is Lord," more if you learn more of the context.

It was originally a political protest. Caesar reserved the terms, "Lord," "Savior," and "Son of God" for himself. Proclaiming Jesus as any of these was a rejection of empire.

Of course, in today's American church, it is not often understood that way. But it was crystal clear in the first century.
janelle - 06/24/08 21:18
Congratulations! Thanks for the interesting explanation on a Quaker wedding.
paul - 06/24/08 20:13
Congratulations, you guys look so cute together.
dcoffee - 06/24/08 20:13
Thanks Everyone :) If I had a cell phone I just might live blog from the wedding :)

Here's a bit more about Quaker Weddings, for anyone who's interested.
Quakers generally do not forbid or mandate any type of ceremony or ritual, so all that is expected in a quaker wedding is that the couple say their vows, sign a marriage certificate, then someone reads the marriage certificate aloud, and worship continues with a normal one-hour semi-silent meeting for worship. It is common, but not required, to exchange rings. Prior to the wedding the couple meets with a marriage Clearness Committee, and is given consent to be married under the care of their Quaker meeting. Then there is a marriage oversight committee to oversee and help facilitate and plan the meeting for marriage.

What makes a quaker wedding different from other traditions.. The Bride is not given away by her Father. The wedding couple walks in to meeting together. There is no person who marries the couple (ie priest), they marry each other. There is no podium for designated speakers. There are frequent periods of silent reflection, meditation, or prayer, and any guest can speak out of the silence. Everyone attending becomes part of the marriage by signing the wedding certificate.

How we're doing it.. We wrote our own vows and marriage certificate, based on the practices of New York Friends Meeting. We had a calligrapher design a marriage certificate for us, it will hang on our wall after the wedding. We will walk into meeting together, after our families and wedding party are seated. There are many non-Quakers in attendance, so we will have an opening and closing speaker from our oversight committee to help get everyone on the same page. We sit in a spiritual silence until we are ready to say our vows. Then we exchange rings, sign the marriage certificate, and the certificate is read aloud. Meeting continues, and any guest can speak out of the silence and share their reflections on marriage love, or the bride and groom. Often family members share something. After meeting everyone signs the marriage certificate. mmtornow is wearing a wedding gown, and I'm wearing a suit.

Why not do it the normal way? Quakers are a Christian religion, but the focus is on personal growth and spiritual seeking, and personal inspiration, rather than reliance on a book or person for divine leading. I have been to many Catholic/Cristian weddings as a photographer, some are very moving and spiritual. Others, I'd say the majority, are routine exercises, and the emphasis on ritual is distracting. I hear the same readings over and over, and they've lost their impact. I like the one about how "love is not jealous or boastful.. it rejoices in the truth" The one I dislike is the one about how (paraphrasing) "Adam named all the beasts that god created but did not find a suitable companion, so god made him fall asleep and took his rib, encased it in flesh and called it woman, for it was taken from man." I've heard it interpreted in the homily, but I still think it's quaint, strange, and of course, gender biased. I also never understood why god has to be a man, and I never agreed with calling Jesus "Lord". I have read the first 3 books of the bible, and intend to read more. I also find power in group singing, like they do in church.

This is too long... I guess it's because I have been a spiritual person all my life, so I have thought about it. Mmtornow is lucky, she's been a Quaker since birth, after we met I started to learn about Quakers, and the more I learned the more I liked about them.
tinypliny - 06/24/08 19:53
Congratulations!!!!

PS: Is (e:mmtornow) wearing the awesome duct-tape dress? That would be so cool. :)

metalpeter - 06/24/08 18:54
So I take it by fun you mean you are having "The Real Wedding Crashers" crash the wedding, kidding that would be kinda cool though. Congratulations, and hope the weather is nice.
leetee - 06/24/08 18:27
congratulations. i hope your wedding is everything you both wish it to be, and that your life together continues to be happy. looking forward to the photos.
jenks - 06/24/08 18:19
congratulations! I hope you'll share pictures!
drew - 06/24/08 17:54
Congrats!

I thought Quakers just made vows during a regular meeting.

Care to provide some of the detail about what makes a Quaker ceremony special?
jason - 06/24/08 17:46
That's so great, man, I'm happy for you two. Have a great time. Nice picture of you in the entry as well. You could have smiled!!! (This is when I would say, I *am* smiling).

06/18/2008 00:04 #44698

Art Festival Pics
Category: life
Had much fun this year at the Allentown and Allen West festivals. My friend came up from Angola, he hasn't been since he was a kid. It was fun going with them, they bought a bunch of stuff, and I got Mmtornow a great birthday present :). The weather was perfect, not as hot as it was the past few years. We went both days, I saw most of the festival with my friend on saturday, he wanted to see all of it cause it was a rare occasion for him. We were all sore from walking when we got back home for that well deserved beer. On sunday my main goal was taking pictures, I wanted to capture the scene.

You can see the photos larger at my Flickr Account

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Nickel City Co-Op Festivities, "more living less parking"
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The pigs have flown, you wild and improbable dreams are about to come true!
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Allen West
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I can see why this extra festival sprung up. Millions of people come to the streets of Buffalo, but they come for the vendors, many of whom are from out of state. The businesses that usually occupy these streets aren't able to set up tents or compete with the festival. I know restaurants do well, but the businesses on Allen decided to start their own festival, it's a lot of fun. The festivals both have their own charm.

Allentown Art Festival

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Louies after the festival saturday, Ambrosia before :)

metalpeter - 06/18/08 20:06
Great pictures how did I miss the co-op out in the street those two pictures are awesome.
joshua - 06/18/08 12:10
Ha - I thought I spotted your ladyfriend out there last weekend, but I wasn't entirely sure of course, having never really met you guys. =D I found a lot of things I wouldn't mind having... if I had a proper way of displaying any of it. For me a lot of the pottery looks the same, but I found a few things that I thought were really beautiful. What I really wanted was a cool looking object to use as an ashtray, but I didn't find anything I liked.
fellyconnelly - 06/18/08 07:18
i'm so sorry i missed this last weekend! awesome pics though, thanks!