Sometimes I like to go back and read old journals. I did this with Livejournal awhile back and sometimes it is just downright awkward, othertimes hilarious and others uncomprehensible. While reading my old journals here, I must say that I am a little surprised at how articulate I sound. I think I have some weird picture of my writing and knowledge in my head that simply doesn't match reality...like looking through one of those wacky carnival mirrors. I often wonder how it is that I can sound so damn smart when writing though my fingers but when I try to open my mouth things just don't quite match up. Its all coming from the same place, but something just doesn't translate.

I wrote a paper this last semester based on "participant observation" of the Battle @Buffalo community and three hour long interviews and last night I gave it to two of my interviewees to read. Weird. I spent countless hours preparing for and writing that paper and then handing it over to actual human beings, as opposed to professors, who clearly are not human beings, was very strange. I think that it really shows how locked up in academia I am. To write and academic paper and give it to an academic to read is one thing, but to give to someone "outside" is a whole nother ball game. I hope it doesn't come off as snooty and out of touch and elitist and all that shit that I hate and have spent a lot of time trying not to do, but the truth is, sometimes you have to play the game. I hope they give me their honest opinions, either way.

Anyways, I have my first wedding to attend next weekend and yes, I bought a dress. I dragged Felly to about 15 different stores before finding a very simple brown dress. I even bought some nice dressy sandals that aren't terrible and may be worn elsewhere...maybe. If you are lucky I will post a pic of me in it...maybe.

This is friendly reminder numero dos that
BATTLE @ BUFFALO
is
THIS SATURDAY
June 28th
at
5:00 pm

910 Main St
(big door between Hyatt's Art Store just south of Allen)
open the door, walk up the stairs and pay the nice lady
$4

this is a first reminder for those of you who are interested in Battle @ Buffalo aka Breaking, poppin, locking, funk styles, dance dance dance in Buffalo!!!!

BATTLE @ BUFFALO

SATURDAY, JUNE 28th 2008
5:00 pm (this is not the usual time...SPECIAL time this month only!)
910 Main St.
(Big door in the middle of Hyatt's Art Store)
Admission is $4 per person
Come late, leave early, whatever.

Felly and I will be there. You should too.

Trips to Felly's parent's house are always interesting. The beauty of that area is like no other...the huge mansions/castles sitting on itty bitty little islands...looking at the water and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it is a river...I love it. And it is small and quaint and all that stuff that I like about my home... My only beef is that her mother smokes a lot...and I can smoke in her house, and don't have to hide it (like with my parents) which means I smoke. Alot. And I almost forgot what its like to be in a smoke filled environment...I woke up the first morning with a dry throat and stuffy nose, which certainly was the result of a combination of sleeping in smoke and voluntarily smoking too much.

I need to quit. On top of that fact that they raised to price of cigarettes by $1.25 or something like that...I have been smokin for way too damn long. Gross. Someone said to me that people who smoke don't love themselves...and I have to disagree. When I started smoking I didn't love myself. True. How many people are lucky enough to love themselves when they are 12? I didn't love myself and I wanted to be like all the "cool kids" The bad kids, the outlaws if you will. And for the most part, it worked. I made friends and they all smoked. The problem is no longer that I don't love myself. The problem is that I am a habitual person, and I am addicted and as much as I hate to admit it, I like smoking, some of the time. Mostly I am like...this is effin gross and why am I still doing this and I can't breathe and what the hell is wrong with me? I want to make this very clear...at least for me, I am not walking around thinking how great it is that I smoke and I am never quitting and fuck all you people who think that smoking is wrong. I know people like that, but I am not one of those people.

Anyways. Rant rant rant.

I have to buy a dress. A dress. I think the last time that I bought a dress was for my senior prom...7 years ago. I have one dress in my closet which was given to me by a friend and I have never worn it in public. Ha. At least I can buy one dress and use it for all three weddings. Don't even get me started on shoes. I am going to have to find something that is a casual as possible, with no heals, that I can multi-purpose, otherwise it will be one giant waste of money.

OK...I am done. I have to go to target in hopes of finding a vacuum belt from 1973 to fit my vacuum. Two cats and a dog means I vacuum a lot. I wish I had $400 dollars for one of those fancy vacuums. I would be in heaven. Does that make me a housewife??

Grr. can anyone please tell me why all people wanting to get their PhD must speak at least two, maybe three languages? Maybe, just maybe I am wrong on this...but how many people show "proficiency" on a language exam and then *poof* magically forget how to speak anything beyond, "hola, como esta?" within a week?? This to me is like math. I haven't taken a godam math class since my sophmore year and I rejoiced knowing that I would never have to do it again. The same for my sad and pathetic attempt at German for two semesters. Now don't get me wrong, I would love to be able to speak Spanish. It to me is the most useful in my line of interests, but shouldn't I be focusing on my dissertation? Shouldn't I be past all this standarized test BS?!?! Shouldn't people within the academic world be equally as frustrated and annoyed by this as me? Maybe I am overreacting, but I SUCK at foreign languages just as much as I suck at math. If one were to take all my math, science and foreign language grades off my transcript it would be impeccable. Maybe me scowering through the already limited pool of Women's Studies PhD's for no langauge requirement is pathetic, I don't know. But grr. Grrr.

I feel better.