Jenks's Journal
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03/12/2008 20:46 #43643
no comment03/12/2008 18:31 #43640
blah blah blahjust an update, since it's been a while.
I'm back at Gates now. It's busy, but more annoying busy than good busy. I seem to be working 6a til 8 or 10pm more often than not, and i'm on call every other night, So it doesn't leave time for much else. :(
and I'm interviewing, which is stressful b/c I'm trying to do it "secretly" since work is very stingy with the days off. (i.e. we get five days total, including travel days, to go on interviews. And I have 14 interviews. They must not be very good at math.)
But I was at Yale yesterday...
Sigh...
I miss it.
The airport in new haven is a joke- it has like 2 gates and 'baggage claim' is like a hole in the wall they throw the bags through. So flights are super expensive. So I thought I was super brilliant when I decided to fly into JFK for cheap on jetblue, and then rent a car for $40 (yay priceline) and drive... That ended up being way more of a PITA than I expected.
But I made some calls, and managed to stay on campus (in my old college (i.e. dorm) no less!)- for free.
And it was so bittersweet.
I loved college. And it was so great to be back on campus- but also sad to realize that it's not "mine" anymore, and never will be.
But anyway, so I interviewed, and was done at 2 but my flight wasn't til 8, so my mom/dad/brother drove to town to have lunch with me.
They're the best.
We went to Pepe's for pizza, since my dad insists in the best pizza in the world, and he is totally willing to make the 2 hour (each way) drive for it. And I might have to agree with him. People are FANATICAL about this place.
It IS pretty damn good though... New Haven style (i.e. thin crust, slightly charred, cooked in a coal oven at 800 degrees). They're most famous for their white clam pizza, and will almost turn up their nose at you if you want cheese, even on a red pizza. No offense, but it kicks Buffalo pizza's ass. There's usually an hour or so wait, but we totally lucked out and walked right in. :)
So I finally got home around 1030 last night, and stayed up til 2 to finish a stupid presentation for this AM.
So... that's my exciting life. Work, work, work, interviews, sleep, and maybe some pizza.
(see, that's why I'm not posting much. boooorrrring!)
I'm back at Gates now. It's busy, but more annoying busy than good busy. I seem to be working 6a til 8 or 10pm more often than not, and i'm on call every other night, So it doesn't leave time for much else. :(
and I'm interviewing, which is stressful b/c I'm trying to do it "secretly" since work is very stingy with the days off. (i.e. we get five days total, including travel days, to go on interviews. And I have 14 interviews. They must not be very good at math.)
But I was at Yale yesterday...
Sigh...
I miss it.
The airport in new haven is a joke- it has like 2 gates and 'baggage claim' is like a hole in the wall they throw the bags through. So flights are super expensive. So I thought I was super brilliant when I decided to fly into JFK for cheap on jetblue, and then rent a car for $40 (yay priceline) and drive... That ended up being way more of a PITA than I expected.
But I made some calls, and managed to stay on campus (in my old college (i.e. dorm) no less!)- for free.
And it was so bittersweet.
I loved college. And it was so great to be back on campus- but also sad to realize that it's not "mine" anymore, and never will be.
But anyway, so I interviewed, and was done at 2 but my flight wasn't til 8, so my mom/dad/brother drove to town to have lunch with me.
They're the best.
We went to Pepe's for pizza, since my dad insists in the best pizza in the world, and he is totally willing to make the 2 hour (each way) drive for it. And I might have to agree with him. People are FANATICAL about this place.
It IS pretty damn good though... New Haven style (i.e. thin crust, slightly charred, cooked in a coal oven at 800 degrees). They're most famous for their white clam pizza, and will almost turn up their nose at you if you want cheese, even on a red pizza. No offense, but it kicks Buffalo pizza's ass. There's usually an hour or so wait, but we totally lucked out and walked right in. :)
So I finally got home around 1030 last night, and stayed up til 2 to finish a stupid presentation for this AM.
So... that's my exciting life. Work, work, work, interviews, sleep, and maybe some pizza.
(see, that's why I'm not posting much. boooorrrring!)
02/25/2008 22:07 #43463
overdue pixOk, so here, finally, are some vacation pictures. I know it's a lot- but I took >250, so be glad I showed SOME restraint. ;) And sorry, they're totally out of order.
I forget the name of this beach, on Anegada. Maybe Loblolly bay.
Lobsters! (Caribbean lobsters don't have the big claws like Maine lobsters)
I forget what island that is, but I liked the clouds.
The view from Biras Creek resort. (we only had lunch there; it's like $900/night. But gorgeous.)
Looking the other direction from Biras Creek.
a very cute little dog named Brie.
Approaching Anegada. (Anegada is one of the (if not THE) only island in the Virgin islands that is not volcanic [I guess it's a coral atoll?], so it's highest point is about 5' above sea level.)
Brie fetching her frisbee.
More Anegada.
On the ferry to Anegada. I took this for the T-shirt. It says "Racing at Bitter End: it ain't over til the cooler's empty!"
For josh: this boat is called Chowderhead (prob doesn't zoom in enough to show it, but I promise!)
iPod vending machine in the atlanta airport (did I already post this? sorry)
These tiny little miniature horses at the first harbor
By the ferry dock on St. Thomas
At Bitter End Yacht Club (on Virgin Gorda), with Saba Rock in the distance.
Necker Island (Richard Branson's (of Virgin Atlantic) private island)
Action shot! (the starboard [right] side of the deck is actually underwater)
Postcard shot- a beach at BEYC.
The V-berth. In the very bow of the boat. Where John, the captain, "slept" at night. (that little blue ironing-board looking thing folds down)
Another action shot. We were hauling ass. :)
My first time fishing.
The squirrel fish I caught! (we threw him back and he swam away just fine.)
John kissing my parrotfish goodbye.
At the award banquet, we won the "when pigs fly" award (for thinking a boat that big could sail in to anegada (the water is only like 5' deep). My dad was trying to see if the pig would really fly.
My dad playing foosball, I think for the first time in his life.
The Baths (this huge crazy (popular, touristy) natural rock formation on Virgin Gorda)
The Baths again
More Baths
I forget the name of this beach, on Anegada. Maybe Loblolly bay.
Lobsters! (Caribbean lobsters don't have the big claws like Maine lobsters)
I forget what island that is, but I liked the clouds.
The view from Biras Creek resort. (we only had lunch there; it's like $900/night. But gorgeous.)
Looking the other direction from Biras Creek.
a very cute little dog named Brie.
Approaching Anegada. (Anegada is one of the (if not THE) only island in the Virgin islands that is not volcanic [I guess it's a coral atoll?], so it's highest point is about 5' above sea level.)
Brie fetching her frisbee.
More Anegada.
On the ferry to Anegada. I took this for the T-shirt. It says "Racing at Bitter End: it ain't over til the cooler's empty!"
For josh: this boat is called Chowderhead (prob doesn't zoom in enough to show it, but I promise!)
iPod vending machine in the atlanta airport (did I already post this? sorry)
These tiny little miniature horses at the first harbor
By the ferry dock on St. Thomas
At Bitter End Yacht Club (on Virgin Gorda), with Saba Rock in the distance.
Necker Island (Richard Branson's (of Virgin Atlantic) private island)
Action shot! (the starboard [right] side of the deck is actually underwater)
Postcard shot- a beach at BEYC.
The V-berth. In the very bow of the boat. Where John, the captain, "slept" at night. (that little blue ironing-board looking thing folds down)
Another action shot. We were hauling ass. :)
My first time fishing.
The squirrel fish I caught! (we threw him back and he swam away just fine.)
John kissing my parrotfish goodbye.
At the award banquet, we won the "when pigs fly" award (for thinking a boat that big could sail in to anegada (the water is only like 5' deep). My dad was trying to see if the pig would really fly.
My dad playing foosball, I think for the first time in his life.
The Baths (this huge crazy (popular, touristy) natural rock formation on Virgin Gorda)
The Baths again
More Baths
metalpeter - 02/26/08 19:44
I looked at some of the pictures and they are pretty good. I have to go back with either internet explorer or when firefox wants to work I keep getting scprt error messages. Then the slide show also started working funny. I'm sure it is my computer and nothing with the site. I do understand why you put them all up there on not on estrip. Estrip is great and all but it isn't a picture site and so you need a picture site for those. I'm not bashing (e:strip) but you wouldn't blog on a oicture sitecause that isn't waht it is made for.
I looked at some of the pictures and they are pretty good. I have to go back with either internet explorer or when firefox wants to work I keep getting scprt error messages. Then the slide show also started working funny. I'm sure it is my computer and nothing with the site. I do understand why you put them all up there on not on estrip. Estrip is great and all but it isn't a picture site and so you need a picture site for those. I'm not bashing (e:strip) but you wouldn't blog on a oicture sitecause that isn't waht it is made for.
jenks - 02/26/08 19:01
ha, yeah, there will be no bikini shots.
I have a flickr account but it has no pix in it.
Here are the rest of my vacation pix, though-
:::link:::
thanks for asking. :)
ha, yeah, there will be no bikini shots.
I have a flickr account but it has no pix in it.
Here are the rest of my vacation pix, though-
:::link:::
thanks for asking. :)
metalpeter - 02/26/08 18:05
There where Bikini shots? Great pictures I love the white sand beaches or any of the beaches. I do have one question do you have a picture page like flickr or any other site where we can see more pictures.
There where Bikini shots? Great pictures I love the white sand beaches or any of the beaches. I do have one question do you have a picture page like flickr or any other site where we can see more pictures.
carolinian - 02/26/08 15:02
Where did all the bikini pictures go?
Where did all the bikini pictures go?
03/02/2008 17:04 #43531
health care rantstarted this as comment to (e:ajay)'s post, but it got too long.
He said something about a restaurant in SF publishing on its menu that there is a 4% surcharge to subsidize the employees' healthcare.
A few disclaimers:
yes, I know the US healthcare system is not perfect
yes, I know healthcare is expensive
yes, I know a lot of people can't afford it
yes, I feel badly for them, and wish there were a good solution
But why do we seem to think it's so horrible that doctors want to be paid? That doctors should just work for free all the time?
I do believe that ACCESS to healthcare is a 'right'. I.e. if you are bleeding and go to an emergency room, you should not be turned away due to race, income, insurance, etc.
However, I don't like the attitude that we seem to have that it should just be FREE. I think if you go to the ER, bleeding, and get treated, and don't have insurance, then it is not unreasonable to ask you to pay your bill.
It might not be PC to say so, but medicine is a service industry, to an extent. But somehow we treat medicine differently. We feel entitled.
I.e. if we call the plumber and wake him up in the middle of the night and he comes over and fixes our leaky pipes, we don't seem to have any problem when he sends a bill. We needed service, he provided it, we pay for it.
But somehow we think it's wrong for doctors to do that.
There's also no other industry I can think of off-hand where the gov't sets all the fees.
People seem to think doctors play golf all day and make millions. And I'm just so sick of hearing people bitch about it b/c it is so not true.
When I finish training, I will be 200K in debt, not to mention 8 years of school plus 6-8 years of residency training, which are 80+ hour work weeks for not much more than minimum wage. I basically put my whole life on hold for my career.
Yes, it was my choice. No one made me do it. I am not saying that. But I'm just saying that I should not be made to feel badly for wanting to be paid. After all, we have no problem paying athletes millions to PLAY GAMES, and we just call Bill Gates a "smart businessman". But in an effort to contain rising healthcare costs, we seem to cut the only factor we can control- doctors' reimbursements. Doctors can CHARGE whatever they want. But they more or less HAVE to accept what insurers pay them. I can charge $1000 for some procedure, but if medicare says they're only going to pay $100, I am shit out of luck, and I have to take the $100 and say "thank you". No other field in the world would put up with that.
This all came up b/c I talked to my mom yesterday... she said she had lunch with some girlfriends, and somehow they both started bitching about healthcare. One woman (who is very wealthy) was talking about how she worked the system to get her daughter's daughter on medicaid so her meds are free. Even though they can MORE THAN afford them. Then the other woman was bitching about doctors charging so much. This after she called my father AT HOME, on NEW YEAR'S DAY, b/c her son-in-law had tripped and fallen, drunk, and cut his face, and "needed" a plastic surgeon. So, my dad goes to their house, and sews him up. And no one every says 'thank you', let alone offer to pay anything.
So finally mom couldn't hold her tongue any more, and pulled out some number (that I have never heard, that really astonish me.) She said my dad (who is by no means a big time fancy doctor- I swear) had 200K in accounts receivable last year that he had to write off. TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS in lost income, b/c people just don't pay their bills. think they shouldn't have to, so they don't. And there's not much he can do. Sure, he can send them to collection, but that doesn't bring in much of it.
I just find it incomprehensible. We have no problem paying teachers/garbage men/cops [hell, we're supposed to "pay cops as if our life depends on it", right? and subsidize their cosmetic surgery?], etc. But doctors are greedy pigs if they send out bills?
And please don't take this as me pulling a 'poor little rich girl' thing, b/c that is NOT what I'm trying to do.
Ugh. sorry. I know this is very one sided and skewed and biased, and I'm sure some of you will have good counter-arguments and I'm more than willing to listen, but the whole thing just infuriates me.
He said something about a restaurant in SF publishing on its menu that there is a 4% surcharge to subsidize the employees' healthcare.
A few disclaimers:
yes, I know the US healthcare system is not perfect
yes, I know healthcare is expensive
yes, I know a lot of people can't afford it
yes, I feel badly for them, and wish there were a good solution
But why do we seem to think it's so horrible that doctors want to be paid? That doctors should just work for free all the time?
I do believe that ACCESS to healthcare is a 'right'. I.e. if you are bleeding and go to an emergency room, you should not be turned away due to race, income, insurance, etc.
However, I don't like the attitude that we seem to have that it should just be FREE. I think if you go to the ER, bleeding, and get treated, and don't have insurance, then it is not unreasonable to ask you to pay your bill.
It might not be PC to say so, but medicine is a service industry, to an extent. But somehow we treat medicine differently. We feel entitled.
I.e. if we call the plumber and wake him up in the middle of the night and he comes over and fixes our leaky pipes, we don't seem to have any problem when he sends a bill. We needed service, he provided it, we pay for it.
But somehow we think it's wrong for doctors to do that.
There's also no other industry I can think of off-hand where the gov't sets all the fees.
People seem to think doctors play golf all day and make millions. And I'm just so sick of hearing people bitch about it b/c it is so not true.
When I finish training, I will be 200K in debt, not to mention 8 years of school plus 6-8 years of residency training, which are 80+ hour work weeks for not much more than minimum wage. I basically put my whole life on hold for my career.
Yes, it was my choice. No one made me do it. I am not saying that. But I'm just saying that I should not be made to feel badly for wanting to be paid. After all, we have no problem paying athletes millions to PLAY GAMES, and we just call Bill Gates a "smart businessman". But in an effort to contain rising healthcare costs, we seem to cut the only factor we can control- doctors' reimbursements. Doctors can CHARGE whatever they want. But they more or less HAVE to accept what insurers pay them. I can charge $1000 for some procedure, but if medicare says they're only going to pay $100, I am shit out of luck, and I have to take the $100 and say "thank you". No other field in the world would put up with that.
This all came up b/c I talked to my mom yesterday... she said she had lunch with some girlfriends, and somehow they both started bitching about healthcare. One woman (who is very wealthy) was talking about how she worked the system to get her daughter's daughter on medicaid so her meds are free. Even though they can MORE THAN afford them. Then the other woman was bitching about doctors charging so much. This after she called my father AT HOME, on NEW YEAR'S DAY, b/c her son-in-law had tripped and fallen, drunk, and cut his face, and "needed" a plastic surgeon. So, my dad goes to their house, and sews him up. And no one every says 'thank you', let alone offer to pay anything.
So finally mom couldn't hold her tongue any more, and pulled out some number (that I have never heard, that really astonish me.) She said my dad (who is by no means a big time fancy doctor- I swear) had 200K in accounts receivable last year that he had to write off. TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS in lost income, b/c people just don't pay their bills. think they shouldn't have to, so they don't. And there's not much he can do. Sure, he can send them to collection, but that doesn't bring in much of it.
I just find it incomprehensible. We have no problem paying teachers/garbage men/cops [hell, we're supposed to "pay cops as if our life depends on it", right? and subsidize their cosmetic surgery?], etc. But doctors are greedy pigs if they send out bills?
And please don't take this as me pulling a 'poor little rich girl' thing, b/c that is NOT what I'm trying to do.
Ugh. sorry. I know this is very one sided and skewed and biased, and I'm sure some of you will have good counter-arguments and I'm more than willing to listen, but the whole thing just infuriates me.
jenks - 03/03/08 18:00
I agree with you totally peter.
1- medicine is a "service" profession
1b- if all you want to do is make money, medicine is NOT the way to go- you'd be better off in business or banking or something like that.
But that said- people would never think it's ok to just NOT PAY their plumber or their garbage man, etc. But somehow, people (not all people, but some) seem to just think health care is supposed to be free and that they shouldn't have to pay any bills.
Do I think doctors should make millions of dollars? no.
But do I think it's fair to take into consideration all the time/effort/money/etc that goes into becoming a doctor? yes.
Do I think doctors (and teachers/firefighters etc) deserve be paid more than actors and athletes?
Absolutely.
And by that I don't mean that I think doctors should make 100 million dollar contracts- but just that "entertainers" should NOT.
But that's a whole different can of worms.
I readily admit that insurance is a major disaster in this country. Anything but MINIMAL health care is essentially unaffordable without insurance. And insurance is too expensive.
And who is to blame for that? I think it lies with the insurers more than the medical field, which I think is totally bogus.
I agree with you totally peter.
1- medicine is a "service" profession
1b- if all you want to do is make money, medicine is NOT the way to go- you'd be better off in business or banking or something like that.
But that said- people would never think it's ok to just NOT PAY their plumber or their garbage man, etc. But somehow, people (not all people, but some) seem to just think health care is supposed to be free and that they shouldn't have to pay any bills.
Do I think doctors should make millions of dollars? no.
But do I think it's fair to take into consideration all the time/effort/money/etc that goes into becoming a doctor? yes.
Do I think doctors (and teachers/firefighters etc) deserve be paid more than actors and athletes?
Absolutely.
And by that I don't mean that I think doctors should make 100 million dollar contracts- but just that "entertainers" should NOT.
But that's a whole different can of worms.
I readily admit that insurance is a major disaster in this country. Anything but MINIMAL health care is essentially unaffordable without insurance. And insurance is too expensive.
And who is to blame for that? I think it lies with the insurers more than the medical field, which I think is totally bogus.
metalpeter - 03/03/08 17:24
One thing you have to take into consideration is that (false term)Doctoring, Police Work, teacher and firefighter all have one thing in Common you go into those professions to help people. If you want to be a doctor so you can make lots of money giving porn stars bigger tits and elongating and fating guys cocks then you shouldn't be in medicine. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be paid but that helping people should be first. So then people assume that since you are doing it to help people the money isn't important.
The insurance industry is really fucked up. It is also confusing because there are all different kinds and different sub plans by catogory. I Have Blue Cross Blue Shield (not community blue) and I think I have seen ads for at least 4 or 5 different plans they have. I have no control over my plan it is done by my employer. They could change plans at any time and change coverage it wouldn't be the first time, If I was sick I could get screwed over.
I think the problem in this country is that not everyone has the ablity to get insurance. If your work doesn't provide it and you are only part time worker or even full time it makes paying other bills very tough.
One thing you have to take into consideration is that (false term)Doctoring, Police Work, teacher and firefighter all have one thing in Common you go into those professions to help people. If you want to be a doctor so you can make lots of money giving porn stars bigger tits and elongating and fating guys cocks then you shouldn't be in medicine. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be paid but that helping people should be first. So then people assume that since you are doing it to help people the money isn't important.
The insurance industry is really fucked up. It is also confusing because there are all different kinds and different sub plans by catogory. I Have Blue Cross Blue Shield (not community blue) and I think I have seen ads for at least 4 or 5 different plans they have. I have no control over my plan it is done by my employer. They could change plans at any time and change coverage it wouldn't be the first time, If I was sick I could get screwed over.
I think the problem in this country is that not everyone has the ablity to get insurance. If your work doesn't provide it and you are only part time worker or even full time it makes paying other bills very tough.
ajay - 03/03/08 14:02
Nice rant, but we're talking apples and oranges here.
I'm not saying doctors shouldn't get paid. I actually wrote that I was OK with the 4% surcharge on the bill so that the workers at the restaurant could afford health insurance.
Don't you think there's something wrong with the system when we spend twice what others spend on healthcare and still have so many uninsured? It's certainly not the lack of money that's keeping healthcare inaccessible!
Nice rant, but we're talking apples and oranges here.
I'm not saying doctors shouldn't get paid. I actually wrote that I was OK with the 4% surcharge on the bill so that the workers at the restaurant could afford health insurance.
Don't you think there's something wrong with the system when we spend twice what others spend on healthcare and still have so many uninsured? It's certainly not the lack of money that's keeping healthcare inaccessible!
jason - 03/03/08 09:14
It would be cheaper if people used their health care plan sensibly.
It would be cheaper if people used their health care plan sensibly.
carolinian - 03/02/08 20:41
Hard-core lefties believe that medical-school debt and astronomical malpractice insurance premiums are myths, and attribute high medical bills to "the man" scheming against us all.
Hard-core righties believe that Americans being forced to choose between medical treatment and making on a modest mortgage is a myth, and attribute the mortgage crisis to irresponsible people who spent their money on plasma screens and ipods.
I wish both sides of the political spectrum would come to their senses.
Hard-core lefties believe that medical-school debt and astronomical malpractice insurance premiums are myths, and attribute high medical bills to "the man" scheming against us all.
Hard-core righties believe that Americans being forced to choose between medical treatment and making on a modest mortgage is a myth, and attribute the mortgage crisis to irresponsible people who spent their money on plasma screens and ipods.
I wish both sides of the political spectrum would come to their senses.
dimartiste - 03/02/08 20:15
I think you are talking about two different issues. Those 2 being insurance and entitlement. Health Care for my personal opinion sucks due to the Insurance companies who run what my doctor can do for me and they tell me what medicines I can and cannot have. I love my doctor and I pay him up front or I don't go. (Just so you know some of us do care!) Entitlement is an issue that is not just based in economics or race. That attitude that I am alive and you owe it to me. I know I work hard for my living and I enjoy it. I usually do not appreciate people who do nothing and get opportunites they throw out. Be it tax breaks, home discounts, education, jobs. Its the whole enchilada! I hear yeah!
I think you are talking about two different issues. Those 2 being insurance and entitlement. Health Care for my personal opinion sucks due to the Insurance companies who run what my doctor can do for me and they tell me what medicines I can and cannot have. I love my doctor and I pay him up front or I don't go. (Just so you know some of us do care!) Entitlement is an issue that is not just based in economics or race. That attitude that I am alive and you owe it to me. I know I work hard for my living and I enjoy it. I usually do not appreciate people who do nothing and get opportunites they throw out. Be it tax breaks, home discounts, education, jobs. Its the whole enchilada! I hear yeah!
james - 03/02/08 17:59
When people complain about America's problems with 'Health Care' what they usually mean is 'Access to Health Care' as you said. American's pay more for health care than any other nation, and the quality of that health care isn't the best in the world. Our infant mortality rate ranks below that of nations like Cuba, New Zealand, and South Korea. This is outrageous and people are justifiably upset over it. Our unwillingness to look at insurance reform and the market system means we will slide down the list past...Croatia. Yup, Croatia is next on the list, 38 to our 37.
The problem is so large people can't see past it. They just see doctors and their bills.
When people complain about America's problems with 'Health Care' what they usually mean is 'Access to Health Care' as you said. American's pay more for health care than any other nation, and the quality of that health care isn't the best in the world. Our infant mortality rate ranks below that of nations like Cuba, New Zealand, and South Korea. This is outrageous and people are justifiably upset over it. Our unwillingness to look at insurance reform and the market system means we will slide down the list past...Croatia. Yup, Croatia is next on the list, 38 to our 37.
The problem is so large people can't see past it. They just see doctors and their bills.
02/15/2008 11:29 #43344
Big valentine babyI really hate that I'm such a stupid GIRL sometimes! I generally think I don't play stupid games and all that, and in fact pride myself on it, but am realizing that sometimes I do. I want things, but I say I don't, and then get mad when I don't get them. Hello, that's stupid and my own fault.
I always say I think valentine's day is stupid.
but.... that's when i'm single.
This year I wasn't, for the first time in a looooong time.
And as much as I *DO* think it's a stupid hallmark holiday, I have to admit that I was looking forward to it- more than I care to admit- more than I think I even realized. I certainly don't expect (or want) silly heart-shaped jewelry or anything like that... but I guess I wanted SOMEthing. A card or flowers or dinner or something.
And in his defense- he was at my house when I got back from RI on wed, and made dinner. Very sweet. AND, I agreed that valentine's day is silly and we didn't have to make a big deal out of it. But I guess I didn't mean we didn't have to make ANY deal out of it. So it's all my fault. But I'm still disappointed.
I also need to lose this overly hopeful habit of believing/hoping that when people tell me we're not doing anything, that it really means they're planning a big surprise.
He'd told me he had to stop by his mom's to help her with something. Fine, I thought we'd have dinner afterwards or something. At least cook a nice dinner, if we weren't going to go out.
So he called from work around 5 saying he was about to leave and that he had to go to his mom's at 7:15, but that she'd made stew and offered it- he didn't tell her if we'd come, b/c he wanted to check with me first. So he asked what I had wanted to do. I said "oh i dunno... I guess I just thought we'd have dinner". He said "like.... romantic candlelit dinner, or dinner at my mom's?" I didn't want to be a brat, so I said mom's was fine.
I was sad about it, but knew I was being stupid, so I didn't want him to know. And then I got it in my head that it must all be a big plan to cover some surprise. So then I was kind of excited.
But, no. No surprise. I got to his house- no surprise. We went to his mom's and had dinner- no surprise. Dinner was nice, don't get me wrong, and his mom's a sweetheart. But it wasn't exactly a valentine's dinner.
But I think he knew this so then we went to wegman's and got some dessert.
He made some joke about "honey do you want me to buy you some flowers?" and I shrugged it off and he said something later about did I want a balloon, and I finally snapped "you're not supposed to ASK". Then he realized I was upset, and asked, and I lied and said I wasn't.
Then we went to his house and had wine and dessert in front of the fire.
That is sweet and romantic and should count, but I was bummed and cranky.
I gave him a card, he didn't have one for me.
I think he got the hint when my birthday came up and I said "just know that if I say you don't have to do anything for my birthday, I don't mean it."
He didn't do anything wrong. We said we weren't going to do anything. He's not a mind reader, I'm not sure how he's supposed to know that I really DID want to do something.
AND, bottom line- we had cute romantic wine and dessert in front of the fire. So I don't know what my problem is. Why am I upset about it? B/c I didn't get flowers?!
That's retarded.
I need to get a grip.
And Dan, if you see this, I'm sorry for acting like a jerk.
:(
I always say I think valentine's day is stupid.
but.... that's when i'm single.
This year I wasn't, for the first time in a looooong time.
And as much as I *DO* think it's a stupid hallmark holiday, I have to admit that I was looking forward to it- more than I care to admit- more than I think I even realized. I certainly don't expect (or want) silly heart-shaped jewelry or anything like that... but I guess I wanted SOMEthing. A card or flowers or dinner or something.
And in his defense- he was at my house when I got back from RI on wed, and made dinner. Very sweet. AND, I agreed that valentine's day is silly and we didn't have to make a big deal out of it. But I guess I didn't mean we didn't have to make ANY deal out of it. So it's all my fault. But I'm still disappointed.
I also need to lose this overly hopeful habit of believing/hoping that when people tell me we're not doing anything, that it really means they're planning a big surprise.
He'd told me he had to stop by his mom's to help her with something. Fine, I thought we'd have dinner afterwards or something. At least cook a nice dinner, if we weren't going to go out.
So he called from work around 5 saying he was about to leave and that he had to go to his mom's at 7:15, but that she'd made stew and offered it- he didn't tell her if we'd come, b/c he wanted to check with me first. So he asked what I had wanted to do. I said "oh i dunno... I guess I just thought we'd have dinner". He said "like.... romantic candlelit dinner, or dinner at my mom's?" I didn't want to be a brat, so I said mom's was fine.
I was sad about it, but knew I was being stupid, so I didn't want him to know. And then I got it in my head that it must all be a big plan to cover some surprise. So then I was kind of excited.
But, no. No surprise. I got to his house- no surprise. We went to his mom's and had dinner- no surprise. Dinner was nice, don't get me wrong, and his mom's a sweetheart. But it wasn't exactly a valentine's dinner.
But I think he knew this so then we went to wegman's and got some dessert.
He made some joke about "honey do you want me to buy you some flowers?" and I shrugged it off and he said something later about did I want a balloon, and I finally snapped "you're not supposed to ASK". Then he realized I was upset, and asked, and I lied and said I wasn't.
Then we went to his house and had wine and dessert in front of the fire.
That is sweet and romantic and should count, but I was bummed and cranky.
I gave him a card, he didn't have one for me.
I think he got the hint when my birthday came up and I said "just know that if I say you don't have to do anything for my birthday, I don't mean it."
He didn't do anything wrong. We said we weren't going to do anything. He's not a mind reader, I'm not sure how he's supposed to know that I really DID want to do something.
AND, bottom line- we had cute romantic wine and dessert in front of the fire. So I don't know what my problem is. Why am I upset about it? B/c I didn't get flowers?!
That's retarded.
I need to get a grip.
And Dan, if you see this, I'm sorry for acting like a jerk.
:(
dimartiste - 03/02/08 20:28
I think it comes with say what you mean and mean what you say. Be honest with yourself and him that way there won't be any disappointment. I agree that its nice for any partner in a relationship to be thoughtful and do somthing nice. Sometimes we need to balance those everyday warm fuzzies with the times when they forget or not at their best or simply take us at our word. I wish you a belated Happy Valentine's and a wish for a rockin' Saint Patty's! There is always time to adjust our perspective and look forward to making new memories. Make them count - all of them!
I think it comes with say what you mean and mean what you say. Be honest with yourself and him that way there won't be any disappointment. I agree that its nice for any partner in a relationship to be thoughtful and do somthing nice. Sometimes we need to balance those everyday warm fuzzies with the times when they forget or not at their best or simply take us at our word. I wish you a belated Happy Valentine's and a wish for a rockin' Saint Patty's! There is always time to adjust our perspective and look forward to making new memories. Make them count - all of them!
museumchick - 02/15/08 15:59
I would be upset if I was in the same situation. I think men should anticipate these things, at least on Valentine's Day. Even if its a silly day, it's nice to be surprised in some small way.
I would be upset if I was in the same situation. I think men should anticipate these things, at least on Valentine's Day. Even if its a silly day, it's nice to be surprised in some small way.
mrmike - 02/15/08 14:54
Been there, avoided that. He's got to get that sneaky thing going. I was hit one year when on her first Mother's Day, the ex was 800 miles away in DC. Without a word, I arranged for flowers to appear at the doorstep where she was. Got the respect of five women at one shot and the ire of four men because they didn't think of it.
Been there, avoided that. He's got to get that sneaky thing going. I was hit one year when on her first Mother's Day, the ex was 800 miles away in DC. Without a word, I arranged for flowers to appear at the doorstep where she was. Got the respect of five women at one shot and the ire of four men because they didn't think of it.
imk2 - 02/15/08 14:53
i agree with jenks, even though you say you don't want to make a big deal out of something, you still want the other peson to do SOMETHING (thinking that he'd say, "i know you said you didn't want x, y, z, but i just knew that i couldn't go through this day without giving you this because you mean so damn much to me"
i know that i do that when i'm in a relationship, and the other person tells me that they don't really want anything. i don't say ok, and not get them anything. i still make sure i get them something. maybe something little, maybe something big. and mabye some BJ action to top it off. guys should know better. i mean, seriously, how fucking hard is it to go to wegmans to get some flowers and a card? we're not asking for diamonds, just SOMETHING!
i agree with jenks, even though you say you don't want to make a big deal out of something, you still want the other peson to do SOMETHING (thinking that he'd say, "i know you said you didn't want x, y, z, but i just knew that i couldn't go through this day without giving you this because you mean so damn much to me"
i know that i do that when i'm in a relationship, and the other person tells me that they don't really want anything. i don't say ok, and not get them anything. i still make sure i get them something. maybe something little, maybe something big. and mabye some BJ action to top it off. guys should know better. i mean, seriously, how fucking hard is it to go to wegmans to get some flowers and a card? we're not asking for diamonds, just SOMETHING!
jbeatty - 02/15/08 14:32
Oh man, I have been on the receiving end of this scenario, I think makes me despise Valentines Day that much more.
Oh man, I have been on the receiving end of this scenario, I think makes me despise Valentines Day that much more.
jim - 02/15/08 11:48
I let James know when I want him to go all out for something.
I let James know when I want him to go all out for something.
drew - 02/15/08 11:43
Note to all my non-hetero friends. I have no idea how you fit into this pattern, but I have seen it in male-female relationships so much it is comical.
Note to all my non-hetero friends. I have no idea how you fit into this pattern, but I have seen it in male-female relationships so much it is comical.
drew - 02/15/08 11:41
Here's how it works (or doesn't as it were):
1. Girl wants a guy to like her.
2. Girl knows that guy doesn't like to make a big deal of stuff.
3. Girl says "I don't need you to make a big deal of stuff."
4. Guy thinks, "Sweet, now I don't have to do all that stuff to get girl to like me!"
5. Guy doesn't do stuff.
6. Girl resents guy.
Honesty is so much better. Even if a girl says, "I want to be spoiled," she will have less dates, but she will waste less time.
I will admit, I am not a romantic guy. I try sometimes, however, because my wife likes it. I know that she likes it because she hasn't told me the opposite. And even if she just kept her mouth shut, I would still do something on the big days, just because its expected. But if she says, "I just want to stay home and watch tv," I am not going to plan something, beyond bringing home a six pack.
Here's how it works (or doesn't as it were):
1. Girl wants a guy to like her.
2. Girl knows that guy doesn't like to make a big deal of stuff.
3. Girl says "I don't need you to make a big deal of stuff."
4. Guy thinks, "Sweet, now I don't have to do all that stuff to get girl to like me!"
5. Guy doesn't do stuff.
6. Girl resents guy.
Honesty is so much better. Even if a girl says, "I want to be spoiled," she will have less dates, but she will waste less time.
I will admit, I am not a romantic guy. I try sometimes, however, because my wife likes it. I know that she likes it because she hasn't told me the opposite. And even if she just kept her mouth shut, I would still do something on the big days, just because its expected. But if she says, "I just want to stay home and watch tv," I am not going to plan something, beyond bringing home a six pack.
And why is Obama smiling?
We gotta get Client #9 in there for some wicked DP shots.
why does she have to be upfront. thats repulsive!
i think it is actually several plastic plants and also that appears to be a porn futon...
I have a comment.
What the hell is that plastic plant monstrosity next to their porn cot?