One of my co-workers and I are testing out various forms of massage to find what style and place we like best, with the best price of course. So we tried this Chinese massage at the 'Chinese Health Center'. I sign-in and then I'm taken to my room. My room happens to be directly off the office area. No hallway, just a door leading directly into the lobby and a second door leading to another room.
My masseuse speaks like 5 words of English. Four of which were, "Clothes you take off". I'm thinking, ok, where is the changing curtain, but there is none. Just drop trou there in the middle of the room with two doors leading to other clients that aren't locked. So I'm trying to maintain some level of modesty while magically changing while holding a towel up.

I jump on the rickety table and she begins with a nice gentle glide of her oily hands over my shoulders. I thought the oil smelled like baby powder and ass but with the amount of incense in that place, who knows. Not 2 minutes in someone comes barging in from the other room apparently asking for some oil or something. I'm like, "Helloooooooooo, client on the table for Pete's sake!" They get what they want and leave. I can hear the music from the other room but I don't get any of my own.

Then my masseuse starts hitting me ye old karate chop style. My poor face was getting squished down into the face hole so far I thought she might break my neck! She finally pauses and I think relief is in sight. Then she starts slapping me like sumo wrestler all across my shoulders and down my back! I was thinking, "Shit lady I only have one kidney could you try not to damage it". She stops and pinches my neck for what seems like 5 minutes, then moves down to my legs.

This is when the party really gets started. She begins violently rubbing my legs lengthwise. Thankfully with the oil she was only able to rub off one layer of skin and not 7. Next thing I know she starts shaking me. My entire body was being whipped side to side and I thought for sure I was going to slide right off the side and onto the floor.

Next my dear masseuse gets to my feet. She started punching them and grinding her knuckles into the soles. I had to interject for fear of passing out in pain because of my right foot. So she eased up and it actually felt nice until she cranked my ankle in a weird way. Ding-ding, time to flip over. I wondered if I could tolerate the abuse on my front side. It's much softer than the back and surely cannot tolerate the same abuse.

She starts with my face. Pinching it and squishing it, I almost yelped when she grabbed my eyebrows. It felt like she was trying to pull them right off my face. Had she been a little stronger she just might have. She's very gentle on my arms which contradicts everything she had done up to that point. Then she yanks the towel up and starts pushing on my guts! I began chanting in my mind, "Please don't karate chop me here". She didn't. She moved on to the legs again and began bending and twisting them in yoga like ways.

Lastly she yells at me to, "sit". I held the towel and sat up. I thought it was over and maybe she would give me a little privacy this time to get dressed. Nope. She jumps up on the table with me! I thought for sure that thing was going to crack the way it was groaning. She takes another towel and starts again with the violent rubbing. My chest is being heaved into my knees and I can feel the burn on my back. To wrap it all up she gives me a final beating.

I had to run to the market this morning for a few programming things. Suddenly this older (maybe 50) Qatari man approaches me and says, "Mademoiselle, mumble, mumble, mumble". I look around to see if he is in fact directing the comment at me, which he is because the only other person in the isle was a man. So being the polite, although partially deaf, person that I am I say, "Pardon me?" He again mumbles something which sounds like Arabic. So I try my best to say in Arabic, that I in fact do not really speak it. So he mumbles again and holds this box of custard in my face. I'm thinking MAYBE he's trying to ask me a cooking question? It's my nature to want to help people. So I attempt to communicate and ask what he needs help with. Then he starts saying, "Friend, friend, friend".

Okay then. Um....I'm just going to excuse myself from your presence and you have a really great day. So I mosey on my way, trying to finish my list as quickly as possible because I have more important things to be doing that grocery shopping for programs at this point. Well, 30 seconds later my little friend turns the corner and rolls his cart right over to me. "Friend, friend....you, me, friend, friend". I admit I was probably looking at him like he was an asylum escapee. Then he makes a telephone gesture and says, "mobile, you, friend, friend" and winks at me. At this point I realized this dude was trying to pick me up! EWE!

He was probably mumbling in case any moral police were around.

Before I die I really want my picture taken with this sign!

Thanks for the love (e:Lettuce)! Much appreciated :)

I'm spending the night with my Italian lover, Disaronno. Amen!




I promised photos from my adventure up North. I don't have time to make a worthwhile post of it so I'll give you a teaser photo. Enjoy.

I'm trying to organize my photos into folders so I can clean them up post my painting project and exploration of the north of Qatar. Meanwhile, here are a few bits-n-bobs that don't fit any category.



One of my staff had a Valentine program to watch a sappy movie and decorate heart cookies. This was mine. Tre GAG.



People spend an ass load of money on weddings here. It's typical to have around 500+ guests. Anyway, I couldn't go to this one, but pitched in on a group gift for a co-worker. These were the wedding favors. 1 GB jump drives, with leather embossed casings.



I miss my pooch :(



What the hell happened that I looked like this less than 3 years ago??? Seriously must get back to 'normal' self! Minus the short hair. I had just chopped mine off to donate to Lock of Love when this pic was taken.