Coming from the smoke detector in my office. It sounds like water dripping, beep, beep, beep. Like the torture scenes from those old war movies, evil and smooth the Nazi Colonel speaks...."You vill tell us vhat ve want to know, or the smoke detector battery vill not be changed!"

"Alright, I'll talk! make it stop!!! (sobs resignedly)"

Geez, thing is giving me a headache. It's about ten feet off the ground else I would have ripped it out of the socket already. Bad enough there is hardly anybody here because of the holiday. The big boss is here and I've gotten a few things done. Took a nice lunch stroll over the grounds on a crisp Monday, availed my self of a different window to stare out of at lunch by going to the little cafe in the zoo corner, did a lap to get a little oriented, watched a rhino do likewise.

So, it is a little quiet today -- which is actually nice given that next weekend is going to be fucked with by the evening (goddammit) Bills games and that later this week brings another round of testing and whatnot for my Mom and cancer surgery part 2 for my dad-in-law.

So, I guess today is my moment of Zen...

I think I saw this same thing once about Vin Diesel, but it's fucking funny.


Some new facts you may not have known about the baddest man on the
planet.


Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name
into concrete.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck
Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was
replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and
save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time.
It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding
just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of
spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm
escaped and got into the engine.
We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean
Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."



Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating
pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the
possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to
spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing
around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck
Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many
seconds you have left to live.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken
but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not
grow on steel.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris

If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven"
backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.

They bleed for a week as a result.


Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris'
PC will crash.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than
Death can process them.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states
in order to legally wear pants. Chuck Norris is the only person on the
planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that
Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never
fucks up.

A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the
park.
Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the
squirrel and 3 small children.
Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw
Brett Favre even further.

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever
asks him for his ID.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And
then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Dollars to donuts, I'm not spelling that right, but it's dogging my mom at the moment. She battled Bells Palsy a few years ago and the thought was that it had returned for round two. During a previous scheduled eye appt today, the eye doctor noticed one eye going nowhere during the annoying follow the light test. An MRI and some blood work, and suddenly a waiting neurologist later my folks have a more accurate path to go follow. I believe they stopped for Predizone on the way home. Good son that I am I arranged for the pizza delivery guy to meet em. Helluva thing. A week on the right meds and she'll be giving people the stink eye like normal. My dad described today as a bit of a mystery. From the eye doctors discovery at 9 to the waiting exam and MRI. It's a little nerve wracking in that to eliminate things you have to consider everything and that can make your mind nuts until you get to eliminate stuff.

Possibilities can be entralling sometimes, other times they can just be a bitch.

Thinking a good thought....

so it would cut itself."

Saw that on a t shirt this morning at the Towne. It is possible to laugh at 8 am on a Sunday. Rarely does an omelet reveal great secrets but whilest consuming my pre-game Bacon and Swiss, I decided that I need not the football next season. I'm going to finish off this year's committment and go gently into the good night.

A few folks lamented how they want fall, well here you go. It was cold for 50 degrees. I'm officially a wimp, as soon as the gates opened up, I had gloves on. Patrolling the Aisle between section 125 and 126 has been my beat of late. I expect to run into (e:Mrdeadlier) before too long. It was fairly innocuous today, aside from one guy who drank himself into a stupor and graphically illustrated how much. I thought it was cool that his buddies got him out of there without the sheriff's getting involved. I don't understand the mentality that wants to down as many 6.50 bud lights so quickly. The steady stream of folks getting multiples of that "fine" brew was impressive and discerning. Pay the extra buck and get a guinness people.

That and a few objective persona made it fairly easy. When things go right for the team, it does redefine why people like going to games in general. The communal experience, the sharing of good times, breaks down barriers. People who probably would be too scared or uptight to say hello on street corners are reaching across aisles to hi-five, talk some smack or share internet phones to check fantasy player stats. Those moments aren't nearly frequent enough, but when you do them, it's good for the soul, healthy to lose yourself in something bigger than you.

Lest you think I've gone around the bend (or more likely hi-fived a few too many times), those brief moments are always spoiled by ten more scenes like what I watched today. A little girl maybe 4 scared to go down the stairs because her grandmother went ahead of her. The old bitty had to be hollered at to come a little closer to get the kid. (Guess who did the hollerin). That can be scary and there are a lot of big bruisers who aren't looking out. There were repeated scenes like that too so it is an interesting study. I like the extra cash influx, but the 10 laps up and down the steps left me pooped and looking forward to the latest "Treehouse of Horror." in a few minutes.

The whole thing makes for a lonely Sunday, stocked with a lot of tertiary characters. Lots of people drift in and out for a comment or two, but from an early morning internal debate with myself about how many layers to breakfast to showing up to work left me looking forward to working over the Lions tomorrow.

My former employer sent me a letter explaining how they've fucked up my 401K payments and the correction will take place in the next few days, apparently the company wasn't kickin in at the advertised rate. Same stack of letters held my first bill as a non-employee. I promptly cancelled all the big movie channels. That will show'em.

Firefox didn't adjust to the time change, it locked and purged all my bookmarks. Bastards. If only I could blame that on they who will no longer be named. Best be nice, I got a meeting to make them sponsor the Giraffes in two weeks.

In light of the gender card being played at the other wise pointless democratic debate, I give you this. The old boys club in their finest frockery.


















Be thankful there is no swimsuit competition