(Ok, maybe not that general, but just give me a grain of salt.)

I think everybody has been angry, bitter or disappointed at some point in time. I know I certainly have been. Sometimes you need to vent or grieve or recoup. And I don't begrudge anyone however much time they need to do that. At some point though - and I'm not saying today, or tomorrow, or even before next February 14th (although these freakin' holidays do serve to remind us that time marches on whether we're having fun or not - kind of like being accountable to a therapist each week x 52) - at some point, you may be ready to move on.

Until then, probably the best thing anybody can do is listen. But am I going to do that? Hell no!! So if you're not ready yet (or not ready enough to think about being ready), you should probably click on somebody else's journal now.

Consider yourself forewarned.

First off, I don't claim to understand what anyone else is going through. I may be in a better situation than you are, and I may never have been in as bad a situation as you have been. I can't change that any more than you can. All I can do is take it into consideration and try to relate anyway.

We all do certain things in hopes of getting a response - to be loved, to get laid, to merit a comment. I wouldn't change that even if I could. The thing I keep noticing is how that can take on a life of its own, become the end rather than the means, actually sabotage your intention rather than further it.

The thing I think is interesting is how men and women do exactly the same thing - but because they tend to barter in different currency, they completely miss or misinterpret each other's meaning.

I'm certainly not pioneering new ground by saying women tend to give emotional support (manifested in many different concrete forms), and may sacrifice their own time/comfort/needs to anticipate what a guy wants. If she is hoping for something in return, she can't tell him because that would invalidate her selfless act. And maybe she's hoping he'll also anticipate her needs without having to be told what they are.

He may totally appreciate what she's done for him, (or more likely - appreciate it, but not understand how or why she made sacrifices to do it), but still not get that she's hoping for something in return: thanks, a compliment, recognition.

If she doesn't get it from him (or the next guy) she may ramp up the self-sacrifice. Then feel even more hurt/used if she doesn't get it. The bigger her sacrifice, the more taken for granted she may feel, even if she does get some response.

This is an EXTREME example, and I'm not saying every woman has this tendency. Same thing goes for the guys - up next.

Guys, on the other hand, tend to be much more straightforward. Which may be why they're so mystified when some women don't see things the same way. I mean, everybody knows five dozen roses costs a lot more than a bouquet of daffodils or hydrangeas. But if you happened to be paying attention when she said she hates roses, and again later when she said how much she loves daffodils and hydrangeas - guess what. That's worth a whole freakin' lot more than 100 dozen flowers she hates.

Does that mean you have to pay attention to everything she says? DAMN STRAIGHT! Don't like them apples? Might I suggest you go see "Brokeback Mountain?" (j/k. maybe.)

If you're thinking you already listen to what she says, maybe that's true. BUT, if you start to feel like a pimp when you're trying to make her feel like a princess, chances are you're actually making her feel like a whore.

Oh, I can see how it happens. When you're not sure about somebody - or how she might feel about you - the most direct, universal, unambiguous way to let her know you think she's special is to gamble a wad. The bigger the wad, the more you might think you're telling her what you think of her. You may have put a lot of thought into it too. But if what comes across is the $$ and not the thought - she could totally miss it. The same way you may have missed her hidden sacrifice.

Hear me now and believe me later, but I'm telling you: sure, women may want the ginormous diamond and the luxury vacation and the 5 dozen roses - but mostly because it shows you love them. Otherwise it's completely meaningless. (Yes, there are some exceptions, but I'm speaking for the majority of women I've known. I should also go on the record right now and admit I am, indeed a woman myself. So I can't really be totally impartial here. Nobody can. And sadly I've never had a guy blow a wad of cash on me. So obviously I'm doing something wrong. Anyways, I should be saving my ammunition - I mean, advice - for the type of guy I'm way more familiar with who always wants to fix the girl he's with. Which may seem well-intentioned but is equally subversive. Just in case you were wondering, Ajay.)

From a woman's point of view, it's much easier to put your money on the line than your heart on the line. Some of you guys have been putting your money on the line. And in the process, your heart has been trounced anyway. You may have thought you could spare your heart by sacrificing your wallet - and your princess may have thought that's what you were doing too - but the casualty count is obvious to me.

Put these two together in large enough doses and you've got a recipe for disaster. Here's what I'm suggesting.

Ladies: As much as we might wish he could read our subtle clues, most guys are not mind readers (with the obvious exception of Steve Jobs, of course). There is probably way the hell more going on in your head than he could possibly fathom without at least a few directions. And you know most guys hate to ask for directions, so he may try to bluff his way through it. And if he continues to feel utterly lost, he may take the next exit and try another onramp.

Guys: Next time - when you're ready - just put your heart on the line and keep your wallet in your pocket. It might seem more risky at first, but if you review history, you'll see you haven't had much success with your method. And with my method, you'll be no worse off, but you will at least have that down payment for a new car. (Am I right or am I right?) A nice home cooked meal, a tender massage, listening and caring about what the hell is going on with her (without always telling her how to fix it) - that will get you a whole lot farther. At least make sure you know where you're both going before you pull out your wallet. And if you're not sure, just ask for directions.

That's my point of view anyway. Would I have spent my whole freakin' afternoon writing this post if I was after money? Which reminds me - WHY can't I make a living doing this? Ok, forget that. Bad timing.

Oh, and I know what you're all thinking right now, so I'll just go ahead and say it for you: "OMG Twisted! How did you ever get to be so insightful? We so cherish these words of wisdom you deem fit to bestow upon us!!"

I'm 97% sure you're being sarcastic. So I'm just going to ignore that.

p.s. - if you see yourself in any of this, you are not alone. It's always easier to see your own blind spots in someone else. If you've never seen this in anybody anywhere, well, maybe you're lucky. Or maybe you see it differently. I don't know. This is just one woman's point of view.

I hope everybody enjoyed/survived whatever type of V-Day you set up for yourselves this year. If not, you've got 364 days to change things before next year. Don't wait until February 13th! (Those on cruise control can adjust as needed.)

I don't remember V-Day being such a hot button in peepville last year, but then I guess I was in Boston (again) for the sci-fi marathon, so I may have missed any Valentine angst.

I know this was a particularly bad V-Day year for some, and that sucks. It's hard not to revisit the ghosts of Valentines past, but you might be surprised how your perspective may change over time. Or not. In any case, just remember -- the past does not have to dictate the future.

So I had a fun time at the Lovemakers show last night. As good a way as any to spend V-Day. I even got a pretty decent contact high from all the making out going on (haha). And the usual contact high goes without saying in SF.

They do put on a great show. Before the encore people were shouting "show us your dick!" He didn't oblige this time. Too bad! I'll have to take my own advice and work on incorporating that particular element into my life before next V-Day. ;-)

We were, however, rewarded with a great cover of the Cure's "A Forest." I still remember the heart-quickening moment of recognition the last time I heard them do it. What a great fucking song! I don't care how great some of the current bands are, my heart is still solidly set in the 80s.

Can I just tell you what a great venue GAMH is? Looks exactly the same today as when it opened in 1907. I can't wait to see Supergrass, X, She Wants Revenge, Arctic Monkeys, and Snow Patrol there in the next few weeks. (Name-dropping especially for you, (e:Ajay). ;-) )

And there are tons of restaurants in the vicinity to fit any taste or budget. Larry insisted on treating me to dinner and the show last night. He said it was because I drove him to an emergency ophthalmologist appointment Monday after he nearly poked his eye out. But I think it's just fun to treat someone on Valentine's day. It certainly was fun to be treated. Come to think of it, I'm really making out like a bandit this month since he's also treating me to Sister's of Mercy (nudge nudge, Ajay) because I drove him to pick up his new PC, monitor, printer and speakers.

Which reminds me, it was cool to drive by SF City Hall last night and see it lit up with pink/red lights under a huge full moon. Wish I'd had my camera.

Sure, it could be improved upon, but all in all a good V-Day. I try not to do the comparison thing with myself or anyone else. Although with perspective that can also be revealing. Yes, I think more mutual revealing just might be the thing to work on for next year. ;-)

I'm having sudden reservations about this. As usual I'll plow ahead anyway.

The crux of it is, I made y'all a (e:valentine) mix CD. I can't help it, it's just something I do. I made one for my ex the first year we were together and again the first year we were apart. It's like the freakin' salmon swimming upstream, I have no control over it.

Besides, is it my fault 96.3%* of all song lyrics are related to love? Love gone right, love gone wrong, unrequited love, forbidden love, etc., etc. Anyone who's recently fallen in or out of love knows what I'm talking about. So vday is the perfect opportunity to unabashedly mine that motherlode for all it's worth.

So that's all fine and good, and fits in with my newfound policy of: if you're inspired to do something that has the potential to bring happiness, just do it for god's sake, don't overthink it! Still, this could backfire horribly. But whatever, my intentions are good.

If you want to give it a shot, download the zip file here. But I have to warn you it's probably going to take 30 minutes. I know, I know - I started out making an iMix, but iTunes only had 11 of the 16 songs so that's no good! Sure, maybe I could bittorrent it. But somehow I don't think my vday mix is going to warrant the same demand as Best of Bootie 2005.

BUT, if you're snowed in on Valentine's Day, happen to have some extra time on your hands, or don't mind a valentine with some assembly required - well, here you go. Download the zip and go open a bottle of wine.

• 87.4% of all statistics cited on the internet are completely fabricated.

p.s. - Don't say I never gave youse anything.

Update -

Hey - I'm glad some of you tried it! What's a little bandwidth among friends? ;-)

I realized I forgot to include the album art in the zip file, so here it is below. Just something I used for an alamedalink promo last v-day. Contrary to popular belief, I don't spend all my time doing this kind of sh!t, only 27.8% haha.

I love going to the hardware store in SF and eavesdropping on conversations. Case in point today -

Hardware guy: "What are you going to use it for?"
Artsy chick: "Well, I'm making a sculpture, and the lightbulb is going to go inside her left nostril..."

and on it continued. I am not making this up.

Seriously, one of these Fridays I'm going to have to hit Discount Builder's local bar at quitting time. I would LOVE to hear these guys tell their stories.

I can totally sympathize with all the new and continuing health club resolutionists. I really just wanted to take my yoga and pilates classes unmolested by a personal trainer, but somehow I ended up with 5 "weight-training" sessions. OMG, don't I know better than this by now?

So at the 4th session she says "we" (and by "we" she means "me") "are going to do three repetitions this time." WTF? If I'd known that I would have skipped the hatha yoga class. Not to mention hand-sawing my freakin' arm off all morning.

Thanks for the BootieSF [inlink]ajay,432[/inlink] link, (e:Ajay). Adrian & the Mysterious D spun the "Somebody Rock Me (The Killers vs. The Clash)" mash-up at the Download Festival at Shoreline last October. (Sorry - got my music festivals mixed up earlier.) It was fun to hear it shortly before the Killers took the stage. They didn't take the opportunity to do a Clash cover however. ;-)

I'll have to check out the monthly mash-up party at the Cherry. (Now Annie's Social Club? When did THAT happen?) I've been to the Cherry a few times to see "E's" friend play. Oh yeah, I reconnected recently with "E" through none other than Myspace. Love it or hate it, if you want to be "listed" on the social circuit, it's almost a requirement. Guess I'm coming out of my semi-reclusion.

I'll be at the Lovemakers show Tuesday at GAMH. They put on a great show, even without the simulated sex onstage since the two leads broke up. It's painful to watch her sing "Set Me Free" now. And this time on Valentine's day. Ouch!

Speaking of which, I'll be going to that show with music buddy Larry and his now ex-girlfriend Britta. They decided to go platonic on New Year's Eve. THAT'S gotta hurt.

Let me just tell you I have no problem being the Valentine's Day consolation prize. I knew from the start Larry and I weren't going to be anything but music buds, and we've been seeing shows together steadily for over a year now. Wouldn't mind finding someone special for me though, and I hope the same for Larry.

Seems like I had a lot more to say but luckily I forgot what it was. Looks like the (e:peepettes) had a fun outing! You go girls.

p.s. - (e:Paul), I LOVE the bonus [prev10] [next10] buttons. Thanks! I hope you recovered enough from the workout and party to go dancing. Good thing coding isn't strenuous. ;-)