I just encountered a bug in my apartment that was over an inch long and I don't even know where it went. It had moves like something out of Star Wars. I was trying to kill it but it went by the door so I thought "oh, I should just let it out and not kill it" but then the door has this stopper thing along the bottom and it pushed the bug further in the house.
I'm cleaning up, for Real this time! I'm on a mission, by morning time this place is going to be spick and span, God Damn It! Chris Barr tried to come help me the other day and we got the air mattress put away at least but I have a long way to go. If i'm successful I'll post update pictures and they next time any of you people see me you'll have to either give me a high 5 or shake your head in pity and shame.


at least stuff is not actually in the sink this time(well, a lot of stuff).

but there is some period juice for sitting on

I was up until 7AM and just wOKe up. I checked my e-mail to see what time Alan's film was showing at Market Arcade and it showed at 4PM. I missed it! I feel so bad. I really wanted to go. I though it would start at night. I'm a bad friend.
I guess I should watch more Fassbinder. The first two were ok if you average them out. One, Beware of the Holy Whore was kind of boring and one, Satan's Brew, was fucking fantastic. Also I need to go down to main street and tape the beautiful old church with the for sale sign on it.
Maybe Alan will forgive me if I buy a
DVD. I'd really like to see his finished film.

I can only keep it up so long... music music music. Now it's Cat Power later who knows? I have to watch some movies by this guy Rainer Werner Fassbinder. Trebor is always saying I need to so finally I am. I rented a few, we'll see how the are., come see if you're curious, yeah... Exciting.

i can't wait. I have a long weekend of cutting myself up.

killing or dying?

The death of the baby turtle has brought up memories of pet losses in my life. I've had several of them. I haven't and a non-furry pet since i was a kid. When I was a little girl I found a little turtle in the grass in front of the barn.



He was a cute fellow. I could not resist bringing him into my house to live with me. He was shy and scared to come out of his shell. One day he came out of his shell and stayed out and stayed out. In fact he didn't move at all. I got excited and showed my Mom. She said "robin, i think he's dead" but I said "no, he's just sleeping." That went on for three days or so until finally i had to admit to myself that the little turtle was dead. I must have known it all along it was just hard to admit because of the guilt. If I'd left the turtle in his natural environment perhaps he wouldn't have died so quickly.
I also raised tadpoles in a fish bowl once. That was fun to watch. the only problem was that once they became little frogs they jumped out of the fish bowl and I lost them. I remember months later when I was cleaning my room we moved my dresser and I came across a tiny frog skeleton. It was sad and beautiful at the same time.
I also accidental smothered a caterpillar in my palm when I was a very small tyke. That broke my little heart. I've always been fascinated with these creatures that go through such drastic transformations in their lives. At least the little frog got to transform before it died in my bedroom.


note to myself- look at putting the Kiah footage together with her on the TV screen and rocking horse vrs. real one. Then log her recent commentary on The Princess Bride.