I started hearing all these scary roomers that Matthew was missing or dead. Kristin
eventually called to confirm these rumors. I called the police to find out exactly what happened.
Matthew’s parents let him drive back to Georgia in early January 2002. He told them he was going to talk to two thugs and Robin. He found the thugs first. Matthew was missing for almost a month before they found his body. One of thugs/boys who strangled Matthew confessed after he was found injured in Matthew’s stolen car. The cops went out to the woods after that and dug up Matthew’s body.
Whenever drugs are involved with tragedies
its immediately dismissed as acceptable in someway. Some people have a difficult time adjusting to this earthly existence.
I’ve had multiple dreams involving Matthew since he died. One dreams starts out on the
front porch of my parents house. I’m looking out into the yard and I see a lawn chair in the distance. Matthew’s corpse is in the chair. I run down to the chair and as I come to the chair the corpse transforms into a little boy and we’re by the ocean. The boy is drawing pictures
and he hands his picture to me. It says “I love you.”

hmm... I've been bombarded with readings and social obligations. What the hell? How does a person manage to manage time effectively?
Happy birthday to Paul. I am happy he was born. It's nice to know a true buffalonian. I'm thinking of this party tonight. Soyean is going to give me a ride but I'm so damn tired. I'm wondering if I should brave the cold by dressing like a floozy. I enjoy dressing up for parties but the weather here isn't very friendly on scantly clad legs.
I went to the Pink and got a little drunk last night. Then I woke up for class around 9:30. The class is run by the grad students and the syllabus creation was driving me mad this morning. Most of us just want to discuss our ideas and what we're working on but the formalities of courses can be tiring bullshit. It's interesting not having an instructor. Some people are silent most all the time while others would be tapping out Morse code if they had laryngitis. I think I got bitchy for a second there this morning. I feel like I behave like a spoiled child when I become so frustrated.
I'm ready for access, as well. I need so many things from the fine institution of UB but it takes them a while to get things going. There are a ton of students. It's amazing that things are as well organized as they are. I wish I had a camera. I should buy a VHS camera and shoot whenever I feel like it while I still have student loan money.
Damn, I'm hungry. My dad's always told me that swearing makes you look ignorant. My sister's ex-husband told me once that as soon as there are no women around my dad swears all the time. I love swear words and use them all the time but sometimes I do the substitute words like crap and darn. Those are special words.
I think I'll make a T-shirt. I made one after watching the state of the union address the other day. It has a PIC of bush on the front with a big no symbol over him. At the bottom it says "Bush Sucks REAL bad" the back of the shirt has a picture of a porn model with a shaved cunt and it says "This model had the right idea" I've chosen to see the pornography industry's recent obsession with hairless genitals as a big signifier for

NO BUSH

My apartment is one huge clutter. Looking around the room I can count about 14 empty coke cans some of which are full of cigarette butts at this point. In the middle of the floor is the suitcase I brought from home from break. Its open and clothes and coats as well as shoes and accessories are spreading out everywhere. Cut up paper floats around from a previous pathetic attempt to market myself. There is no possible way to walk a straight line and avoid stepping on something other than the floor. I've purchased laundry soap and I have coins but the task of washing and hanging is one that I am avoiding like the plague. If I were to go down to the basement to wash clothes I would see the box where I could leave a note to the maintenance people to tell them that my refrigerator is fucked and refuses to be cold. I have been keeping things cold lately by the use of the window but this is getting old. I also need to get down to it, you know, working for no money, resurrecting old super beings but...

So round, so plump,
I like you very much.
You help me out so.
If not for you,
I would be deformed.

I've got to admit that I probable watched at least 100 hours of television over the winter break. I enjoyed watching horror movies with my 3 year old niece. She loves monsters. My parents got the 300 channel cable things at some point and I'm a person who has had no cable for years so I don't' watch TV unless truly desperate to see moving humans without leaving my lair. I refuse to throw out my monitor. I need it to look at the Robin's World propaganda I make.
I kind of equate television with resting. I do think that its possible to learn useful information from TV. For instance, around a year or so ago I watched a documentary on scientists who were hooking people up to brain scanners and showing them video imagery. They showed a former crack addict moving pictures of nature then moving pictures of crack preparation. The area of his brain indicating craving lit up with energy when he watched the crack use. Seeing this inspired me to attempt to quite smoking cigarettes because of the wasted of brain energy but then after one miserable day I decided that if I just gave into my nicotine cravings immediately I wouldn't waste my brain energy on craving. Maybe that is stupid but I think its fascinating as well. I've got to admit that most of the interesting things I've learned over the years have not come from the passive intake of TV.
Look at the pretty picture of south campus. I wish the media studies department was there.