Matthew suggested that I make this offer in ejaculation training. I taught myself to ejaculate after watching an instructional video a couple summers ago. It's more difficult than it looks. It comes easier to some than others. It took me an entire jobless summer of intensive masturbation to get it right. It is all about pressure on the G-spot. I've successfully ejaculated about 4 or 5 times. I haven't perused it after my initial elation at ejaculation success because for me its not simultaneous with orgasm so it doesn't seem worth the effort. I'd rather just have a clitoral orgasm. I have ejaculated with my partners a couple times. One guy said it felt like a warm water hose on his dick. I thought that was nice. Don't worry about stains or anything like that (my current guy friend was a little freaked out when I went all over the couch). Female ejaculation is basically water, I know, I've smelled to make sure. So if you've ever been a bit envious of the boys who are shooting grosseoso sperms out the end of their dicks all the time, fret no longer for a lady's ejaculation possibilities are full of endless potential!

I've had the lovely experience this week to be able to attend two parties two nights in a row. The first being Paul's birthday party which was great but I fell out of line to quickly from lack of sleep and intake of drink and smoke so by one in the morning I was ready to pass out. Sorry guys, I can usually hang but your partes put me under the table fast. It was strange to meet people who you know because of an online journal. The apartment was so nice with all the food and drinks and the tortoise, it was a comfortable environment, I'd say a bit more intellectually stimulating in a communication way that the second event I'm about to write about.
Last night my friend Keith im'd me to as if I wanted to go observe a fraternity/sority mixer. The party house near south campus was a complete wreck by the end of the party. Its a shame because it's such a nice house. Some kid went crazy after doing keg stands and threw the keg into the wall, while running around topless. He regressed into a primitive state, I've seen it happen to many a young boy. It was a bit scary. The music was so fucking loud and typical. At least they had an OutKast song or two. Everyone was so young. I love that. I'm turning into a dirty old woman at the ripe old age of 22.
In Atlanta my little art school didn't have these fraternity/sority organizations so I've recently become somewhat fascinated by the idea and I'm very upset that I can't be in a fraternity. It's not that I don't like girls its just that it is easier for me to spend longer amounts of time with guys. All the boys get so defensive when I question them about a membership. I am truly disturbed by the idea of gender segregation and that's really what it is, an idea because if the frat guys of sorority girls have a choice I think they are spending a lot of time with each other so I just don't understand. I want to start my own fraternity ... or not. I don't know. I want a movement to happen and not just a movement in someone's pants. I want something that effects their minds and if that affects their pants contents that's OK i just want everything God damn it!

I started hearing all these scary roomers that Matthew was missing or dead. Kristin
eventually called to confirm these rumors. I called the police to find out exactly what happened.
Matthew’s parents let him drive back to Georgia in early January 2002. He told them he was going to talk to two thugs and Robin. He found the thugs first. Matthew was missing for almost a month before they found his body. One of thugs/boys who strangled Matthew confessed after he was found injured in Matthew’s stolen car. The cops went out to the woods after that and dug up Matthew’s body.
Whenever drugs are involved with tragedies
its immediately dismissed as acceptable in someway. Some people have a difficult time adjusting to this earthly existence.
I’ve had multiple dreams involving Matthew since he died. One dreams starts out on the
front porch of my parents house. I’m looking out into the yard and I see a lawn chair in the distance. Matthew’s corpse is in the chair. I run down to the chair and as I come to the chair the corpse transforms into a little boy and we’re by the ocean. The boy is drawing pictures
and he hands his picture to me. It says “I love you.”

hmm... I've been bombarded with readings and social obligations. What the hell? How does a person manage to manage time effectively?
Happy birthday to Paul. I am happy he was born. It's nice to know a true buffalonian. I'm thinking of this party tonight. Soyean is going to give me a ride but I'm so damn tired. I'm wondering if I should brave the cold by dressing like a floozy. I enjoy dressing up for parties but the weather here isn't very friendly on scantly clad legs.
I went to the Pink and got a little drunk last night. Then I woke up for class around 9:30. The class is run by the grad students and the syllabus creation was driving me mad this morning. Most of us just want to discuss our ideas and what we're working on but the formalities of courses can be tiring bullshit. It's interesting not having an instructor. Some people are silent most all the time while others would be tapping out Morse code if they had laryngitis. I think I got bitchy for a second there this morning. I feel like I behave like a spoiled child when I become so frustrated.
I'm ready for access, as well. I need so many things from the fine institution of UB but it takes them a while to get things going. There are a ton of students. It's amazing that things are as well organized as they are. I wish I had a camera. I should buy a VHS camera and shoot whenever I feel like it while I still have student loan money.
Damn, I'm hungry. My dad's always told me that swearing makes you look ignorant. My sister's ex-husband told me once that as soon as there are no women around my dad swears all the time. I love swear words and use them all the time but sometimes I do the substitute words like crap and darn. Those are special words.
I think I'll make a T-shirt. I made one after watching the state of the union address the other day. It has a PIC of bush on the front with a big no symbol over him. At the bottom it says "Bush Sucks REAL bad" the back of the shirt has a picture of a porn model with a shaved cunt and it says "This model had the right idea" I've chosen to see the pornography industry's recent obsession with hairless genitals as a big signifier for

NO BUSH

My apartment is one huge clutter. Looking around the room I can count about 14 empty coke cans some of which are full of cigarette butts at this point. In the middle of the floor is the suitcase I brought from home from break. Its open and clothes and coats as well as shoes and accessories are spreading out everywhere. Cut up paper floats around from a previous pathetic attempt to market myself. There is no possible way to walk a straight line and avoid stepping on something other than the floor. I've purchased laundry soap and I have coins but the task of washing and hanging is one that I am avoiding like the plague. If I were to go down to the basement to wash clothes I would see the box where I could leave a note to the maintenance people to tell them that my refrigerator is fucked and refuses to be cold. I have been keeping things cold lately by the use of the window but this is getting old. I also need to get down to it, you know, working for no money, resurrecting old super beings but...