apparently i didn't get any of my voicemail this week. i suddenly had 15 new messages today. aobut half were from my mother. i miss her.

the more the holidays near, the more i hope i don't spend them alone, as it is unlikely i get to go away for thanksgiving, and i will definitely be here for christmas. thats really depressing.

i hope (e:hodown) can come and celebrate xmas with me, and that i will be ableto get away to nyc for thanksgiving. otherwise, i will prob intrude on one of your holdiay celebrations, bitches.

on another note, i need to get my damn inspection sticker. I've been without one for a while now, and i tired to go in friday, but they "didn't have time". i was supposed to get my ass up in time to go before work today, but i didn't. my bad. monday will be a very special day.

i keep having these awful dreams, which also include close friends and family, and something very bad happening. like, the time my brother was going to kill me. or the time i was having an illegitimate child, and wouldn't tell the father i was pregnant. freud could have a field day with those.

on another note, i am getting too large. i am going to be on vaca in a month, and don't want to hear it from mother that i shouldn't carry so much weight in my torso, and will be forced to be something about this in the next few weeks. if i can drop 5-10 lbs that will be good. i just need to stop eating only bread, cereal, pasta, and subs, and some fucking vegetables. and do a couples crunches here and there. maybe go to the gym at school, maybe. maybe i can actually work up the courage to wake at 6 and work out before class. if i did that, i would be the shit.

i miss my girlfriends and currently have an opening for a girlfriend who: is smart, has similar style, likes to laughabout stupid stuff, will dance, will party, will listen to my many issues, and who is looking for the same. i do love my gays, but the bf is away, and i don't get to talk to her much. (e:tina) is great too, but we never see eachother anymore. she always has to do art shit. i hate artists. jk. i just miss having someone to talk to.

fall is a lovely season, but somewhat lonely, and winter even more so.

i really think im gonna paint my apartment in the next few weeks...if i ever get that damn loan check...

have a good weekend (e:peeps). i better see ya'll at the bowling alley next sat. :O)

until i bask in the artificial gloriousness that is las vegas.

i have decided on bowling a voelker's, or however the hell you spell it. Sat the 14th, 930 pm. be there, come one come all. pizza, beer, bowling, spankings. ur gonna love it.

pauls gonna help me make a banner this weekend, so all yall can't say you didn't see my post.

and after the bowling, going out and drag show at marcella's. oh yes. no better way to say happy birthday than seeing fantasy island dance with sabrina, the black midget drag queen, who smokes out of her trach. can we say minority?

it's so confusing, figuring out what to make of this life.

do we do what we want, or what we think is right?

are we actually able to find what we really want?

is it what we want, or what we think we want?

do we do things just to please other people?

it's all so damn confusing, becuase i want way too many things. and i'm not sure if i really want them.

on a lighter note, the day had arrived, and my apartment looks swell. its so cute these days, and it only gonna get cuter.

also, i bought a $3 disgner top yesterday. i am wearing it now, but not sure if it looks fashion forward, or futuristic and strange(i.e. the jetson's).

i guess we'll figure it all out. or not. and my sis can be the final judge on the top.

g'day mate.

a puppy. im so allergic. does anyone know of a kind that is hypallergenic, and little , and cute? I've been thinking about it for a long time, and i think its still a dream, but damnit, i want one.