where to begin...

i have lost contact with all estrippers. some of them aren't talking to me. some of them forgot about me. i forgot about some of them. and most i just don't know anymore. thats ok. time is limited. 60 hr work week makes me crazy. so does a big lonely house with no one in it. i want to go home so bad. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my room. i don't know what to do. i feel like a huge baby and i don't want to give up, but im not sure what to do.

i feel guilty for making people feel like they need to take care of me. i should be able to care of myself right? i just know don't know what to do. if i stay i am so so far from all of my family. if i go, i am so so far away from everything i know. i don't want to keep working so much. i just want to feel like me again.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

i guess im not done dying yet.

i have found out the secret to boringness... just work a million hours. all you will want to do is sleep, or work more. working makes me feel good though. especially at one of my jobs. those kids really need us. i question what kind of care is being given at home. kids come in unbathed, without lunches, no breakfast, dirty clothes, bruises, cuts, scratches. but we have a good old time and spoil them and love them and we're just there for them. what a great job. i get paid too. as for my other job, i just get paid.

i miss sister, mother, and even brother now too. aunt is in hospital. i don't see granny enough. sunday is my day for catching up.

one boy i work with; he was not born disabled. his mother's boyfriend was driving drunk, and he was asleep in the back seat. he will never live a mornal life, but he is so happy and such a hard worker. his name is chris. he was 8 at the time of the accident.

life for me is good; great.

paul, matthew, terry, return safe from your trip! hopefully i will see/hear from you soon!

jill, good to see you. we always welcome you at premier! :O)

im a crybaby. and im not that interesting. i need to take interest in something rather than me.

I've started drawing againich feels nice. after all those figure drawing classes, it seems i only want to draw naked people. go figure-no pun intended.

my sister is the greatest. she is going to go to az to surprise our mommy. oh grand puba. one day i will live in the same big city, and we will have fun excursions all the time.

when we there be an estrip party? if we all co-fund it can work right? if i had a house, we could have it there. i don't.

aint it funny that we live in a city that rains 6 outa 10 days. i will learn to love rain. but i really wanna get a tan; in the rain.

i want to fly
and never come down
and live my life
and have friends around.
good day mate!

im a crybaby. and im not that interesting. i need to take interest in something rather than me.

I've started drawing againich feels nice. after all those figure drawing classes, it seems i only want to draw naked people. go figure-no pun intended.

my sister is the greatest. she is going to go to az to surprise our mommy. oh grand puba. one day i will live in the same big city, and we will have fun excursions all the time.

when we there be an estrip party? if we all co-fund it can work right? if i had a house, we could have it there. i don't.

aint it funny that we live in a city that rains 6 outa 10 days. i will learn to love rain. but i really wanna get a tan; in the rain.

i want to fly
and never come down
and live my life
and have friends around.
good day mate!

im a crybaby. and im not that interesting. i need to take interest in something rather than me.

I've started drawing againich feels nice. after all those figure drawing classes, it seems i only want to draw naked people. go figure-no pun intended.

my sister is the greatest. she is going to go to az to surprise our mommy. oh grand puba. one day i will live in the same big city, and we will have fun excursions all the time.

when we there be an estrip party? if we all co-fund it can work right? if i had a house, we could have it there. i don't.

aint it funny that we live in a city that rains 6 outa 10 days. i will learn to love rain. but i really wanna get a tan; in the rain.

i want to fly
and never come down
and live my life
and have friends around.
good day mate!