so, i was just reading your journal. i read it a lot as it is one of my favorites. i owe my mom a lot of money, and she keeps paying my bills for me. and now she moved to az, and i m still here, but not even in my own place; staying with some friends of the family. i feel like i don't want to stay here anymore. i hate coming home. i have no real home, unless i decide to go there. or i could move to nyc. sell my car and just go there. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i can't find anyone who needs a roommmate. does anyone on this site need a roommate? i need a roommate, i or have to move far away. maybe i should just move far away. at least i wont suffer through this awful weather anymore. but then there is the problem of people and missing them and all that.

i can't make a fucking decision, and now im sick again, and i don't know why i have gotten aout 8 sinus infections this past year. the doctor doesn't open until 11 and i don't want to be here. i don't feel welcome.

i just typed this whole long entry and then realized that it was all a bunch of garbage. whenever i try top write something interesting here it turns out to be a bunch of blah.

what was the name of that game where you had those little red zit stickers?

i don't know why i am saying this now, but i really, really, really hate the police. they are useless. i just watched fight club. if i could fight anyone, it would definitely be a police officer, POW!

im a sickypoo-poo. you know that feeling when you first feel you throat hurting. its all scrathy and you drink a million glasses of water, and ur still so freakin thirsty, you feel like you need a trough to drink out of? well, thats me. give me water. give me a trough to drink it out of.

work is good. call into second job today. one job was enough. schools are a breeding place for germs.

i was reading the paper this morning. the news has absolutely nothing of value, except stories about men lighting a cig in the johnny on the spot, and all the methane from the poopoo lights the place up and the man must be treated for burns. what a dumbass. no matter how bad your day was. at least you didn't get burned by shit. hahhaha.

delirious, need sleep. pimples be gone.

im a sickypoo-poo. you know that feeling when you first feel you throat hurting. its all scrathy and you drink a million glasses of water, and ur still so freakin thirsty, you feel like you need a trough to drink out of? well, thats me. give me water. give me a trough to drink it out of.

work is good. call into second job today. one job was enough. schools are a breeding place for germs.

i was reading the paper this morning. the news has absolutely nothing of value, except stories about men lighting a cig in the johnny on the spot, and all the methane from the poopoo lights the place up and the man must be treated for burns. what a dumbass. no matter how bad your day was. at least you didn't get burned by shit. hahhaha.

delirious, need sleep. pimples be gone.

where to begin...

i have lost contact with all estrippers. some of them aren't talking to me. some of them forgot about me. i forgot about some of them. and most i just don't know anymore. thats ok. time is limited. 60 hr work week makes me crazy. so does a big lonely house with no one in it. i want to go home so bad. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my room. i don't know what to do. i feel like a huge baby and i don't want to give up, but im not sure what to do.

i feel guilty for making people feel like they need to take care of me. i should be able to care of myself right? i just know don't know what to do. if i stay i am so so far from all of my family. if i go, i am so so far away from everything i know. i don't want to keep working so much. i just want to feel like me again.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Anatole France

i guess im not done dying yet.