so, i m officially at the crossroads, and i have to make some major decisions. the problem is, i have no clue what to do.

my sister and her man called me today to discuss my lack of ambition, and i just started to cry. i know i have done dumb stuff, but u didn't know that i had hurt her. well, i know i have hurt her. i am just selfish and lazy, and stupid. i know she called out of concern. i just don't know what to do.

here is whats up. my mo is selling our house(her house), and leaving for the grand state of arizona. i feel that it is bad to go there withher, when we are not getting along so well. and, it is also bad if i stay, when most of my friends aren't here anymore, and i will be without any family. so, where i am supposed to go? i could go to seattle and live with my aunt and uncle there, or n.c., but that doesn't seem right. i could go to az, but that doesn't seem right eiher. i don't think ican stay her, and i have no money.

also, i have basically wasted two years, and lots of moeny on school, when i hate t and i don't go. i feel like iwish i could go back to the days of being the good child and never doing anything bad. how did i turn out like this.

to make myself feel better, i am gonna say that i have not ever gotten in trouble with drugs or the police. i intend to not do either. i am just trying to figure it out...help!

jess is gonna call me tomorrow, and wants me to have a game plan. i can't even decide what to wear most days, how will i decide what i am going to do with my life. this is too much for me to think about, and i need some guidance.

they say to do what is best for me, but how do i know what that is?

p.s. i still really like the new look of the site. good job paulsy. and, there shuld be a spell check feature as hodown said before, i don't like having to reread and check for errors.

this is more like it! can you hear the music? i can and it sounds good n nice.

i ate the worst chinese food of my life. i took some bites and then moved on to the beers...always satifsying.

i hope all the elmwooders are having a stoned soul picnic, and thinking about how pretty the site looks!

Wow. i just read my last journal entry, which, by the way; I have no memory of. It is quite funny, and really stupid. Oh the joy of getting plastered.
There are too kinds of drunk. The first involves consuming yummy(special) beverages with yummy(special) people. The second involves getting plastered with boys who are trying to get some play, or ignorant people who can't even cook a piece or chicken. The latter or the two groups of people should be avoided at all costs when drinking.
This is all you need to know have a happy(special) the next time you enjoy a cocktail.
My house is officially for sale. Goodbye Buffalo, you were good to me, I think.

ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh dear, once again, i have made the drunken phone call. the one that involves a former lover or such, and angry talk, and blaming, and all that shit. do i even care? apparently i do when i am drunk. at least, I didn't fall asleep during the call. and as least i am the cuter one with way sexier, glossy lips. even more cause to have way glosssier lips when i see this one in the future.
tonight was fun, full of liquor and talk and nice boys who want to please me. not in a dirt way. but, in a way that they give me nice backrubs and stuff like that. i am done with kissing and all that stuff. it is bull, i am done. boys are toys, and i wantto have fun. but only if you have big lips, ohterwise, it feels like kissing a chin, or the end of a nose.
i apologize to hodown, who happens to be the older sis. but really jess, when you have the dsl, you have to have a boy with big lips. am i wrong? i don't have a boy, but if i did, and of the ones i have kinda, none of the lips are good enough. i shall continue in my search.

p.s. my cousin is in jail, how fun.

oh dear....

last night was one to remember. i went to mixers to meet rachel, and geoffrey. so, we was a chillin. tina was there too, of course. desi left for a while, and we got to play bartender. that was definitely a good time. playing bartender is way better than playing house! one of the purposes of this little gathering was so i could meet this "hottie" eric. well, me had to go to the movies or something like that...blah, blah ,blah.

we ended up at rachel's, and i answered geoffrey's phone when what's his face called. apparently he told mr. g(short for geoffrey) that he was "going to attack me like a wild animal", or something along those lines. uh, that's weird, i just met the dude. then we end up in desi's room, and he's all wanting to get busy in her bed. sorry fellows, i ain't easy like that. i just don't know. i kissed this boy, who i barely know. i don't wanna kiss boys who i barely know. i don't even know about boys anymore, i seem to not be feelin it lately. and the one i am kinda into, seems to be too shy.

lesson learned, mixers was fun. being pseudo bartender is great. geoffrey is so goddamn cute, why isn't he straight? rachel is fun. i officially have some new peeps to hang out with.

oh, and rachel said i can stay her place for three weeks, when desi will be outa town, how cool is that?