I had a boss that would call you into his office and say "[a] couple things..." That was always scary hearing that. He was so stupid and "couple things" always meant he got yelled at by upper management and he wanted to dump it back on us.
It was mostly disjointed and non-connected. Great management style, not only did he not know how the fix our problems, he didn't know what our problems were!

So, without further adieu,
A COUPLE THINGS:

[1] Cremains: No, I am not going to say cremains, nor creamains nor
any other spelling/pronuciation.
That stupid word sounds too close to 'craisin' for my taste.
(Mm tangy taste of craisons, also raisons)
I'm not "down" enough with the mortuary scene to be using lingo. I don't get Funeral Weekly nor do I want to fit in with funeral directors, undertakers, or morticians. Furthermore, I don't use 'cremetory remains' enough in my daily conversation such that saying 'cremains' will save me an appreciable amount of time, thereby making me a wiser, wealthier, healither man.
How about just 'remains' then

[2] Dudes, I totally gotta get back on the road again. Haven't traveled since New Year's. (Washington DC)
For me its not "in vino, veritas," but rather "in transit, veritas." Boston looks like a nice target.
Need tuneup on truck and I can drive out. JetBlue adds a direct flight to Boston in May or June though.

Toronto could be a good temporary fix. Whatever, I gotta do something, I'm driving me nuts.
Sometimes I get into ruts, boring ruts of routine. Then I travel, and I realize that I'm not boring, I'm pretty cool. I'm just a dumb bastard that gets into ruts. Of routine.

[3] I drove my truck on Empty from Hamburg all the way to my place on Elmwood today. HaHa what a rush!
Cheap Thrills are sweet. The cheaper the Cheap and the thiller the Thrill the sweeter the sweet is.
Quick list of dirtbag thills:
(a) running gas tank on empty
(b) late inspection sticker!
(c) overdrawing bank account
(d) street people!
(e) stealing gas

Ok so I haven't started (e) above yet. I allready swore I would though, via siphon. But its not just stealing, its more like a Robin Hood thing. Kinda, because the concept of the Rich is pretty similar, but the Poor is a more concentrated scope, focused on on the singularity of me and my gastank. Also its fun to steal things, from people who drive silly (hummer) cars.

I left (think quit) the band I was playing in a few weeks ago
It wasn't happening like I wanted it to, blah blah, the whole story is actually longer, but not interesting or important.

But they asked me to play a show May 6 and I said 'sure.'
We played last night for the first time since I quit and that shit was hot!

It was super awesome explosive. So good to just play and not care about anything else. (recording, booking shows, dumb stuff, personalities, etc)

Just replace 'band' with 'girl' and 'practice' with '4-day fuck marathon' and the basic premise remains the same. You better call the airline baby cause all that baggage is gone.


So now I need a drummer for the new band. Everything else is set, at least in a rough way. Looking for more 'raw beast of burden, never quit' than 'talent'

I don't know if anyone else has ever seen this, but there is a lady I sometimes see on Elmwood between Allen & North.
She usually is walking in the street, just off the sidewalk.
Always saw her in the early morning or as its just getting dark.
I guess the remarkable thing about her is she wears a full-on burka.


Thats right - she's burkulating.


The only other time I ever saw a lady in a burka was in a grocery store in Washinton DC.
So these times I ended up looking away; I got that sinking feeling you get when you see a woman with a black eye or something.

Usually at this point my cerebelllum chimes in and says "Hey man its their culture, its ok, its not a bad thing."
Whatever dude, it feels pretty not right.


I would like to give her a ride so she doesn't have to walk in the rain, but thats probably a really bad thing.
Maybe she's really cool, like a kick-ass lady but that could never happen, because I would probably end up raping her if I ever got a glimpse of her erotic, erotic neck or ankles.
I mean it happens all the time to most of us right?
You catch a little ankle-age and BOOM!, you're waking up from a daze and realize you just blacked out and raped some whorish ankle-showing woman.


Anyways it just gets me down. Bagging somebody up like the Elephant Man.
So Islam, I mean the best, and I'm trying to get used to some of your stuff.

IN CONCLUSION:
(1) yes, I understand that not all muslim women wear burkas nor even the hajib
(2) rape is not funny
(3) fuck! this is not a conclusion, its a disclaimer!
(4) also this is very similar to a David Cross rap listen

Hi, I'm new: let me explain why I'm here.

After I lost a job in Novemeber, I got a really easy temp assignment at the 'Factory'. It was so easy that I was done (2) months ahead of schedule. Of course I didn't tell them that, and I alwasy looked busy. I spent my remaining days on the internet.

So I had ~40 hours a week to look at the internet, which led me to this fine establishment. The one-way nature of not having an account, and reading all the stuff here, made me feel like a creep. Too voyeuristic.

So here it is! An account!. I pledge to reduce my creep co-efficient by positing! Stuff! About me!

Oh yeah, the 'Factory' hired me. I guess they didn't know about all internet business.

um, my mom called me tonight to tell me that my grandma (her mother) had died.

We had moved grandma to a house my aunt owned, just a few houses down from my mom and dad's house a few years ago. Before that they were in a Rochester suburb, and my Grandpa had Alzheimer's. They lived too far away.
My mom and dad had her over for dinner last night, as they did quite often.

While I didn't expect this, I can't say I'm surprised.
Grandma was old. She still was better off than most old people, but she was sick of being old and having to take so many pills.
We had just recently talked her out of driving, and that bummed her out big time.
Grandpa has been in a home the next town over for a few years now. Grandma visited him and loved the drive.
Having him out of their house was a major change for my grandma.
For decades her whole schedule was built around him: in the old days him getting home from the bank, him needing lunch, feeding him dinner, etc.


My grandma was beautiful when she wasn't old. Just beautiful.

I last talked to her on Easter.
I called her and lamented that we didn't have an Easter dinner. (My folks were on a trip in the South, so none of us were home for it)

We talked for ever. I talked to my grandma for an hour, maybe an hour and a half.

It seems like we talked about everything: the world, politics, right and wrong, etc.

She said she didn't think she'd be around to see much of what we were talking about.
I told her whatever she could swing would be great by me.

She worried about money and nursing homes.
I told her it wasn't a big deal. We would figure something.

I told her that we'd get our Easter dinner in a few weeks. I guess that was supposed to be thiss weekend.




I well up thinking about how happy I am that we got that one last good conversation in.
I don't know who it is: god or buddah or allah, but I really, really appreciate the chance to talk with her.
Grandma was old and could get on your nerves about how the potatoes were "absolutley the best she'd ever had", or how the cat was fucking special.
But we got to talk, and she was so awesome! No old person bullshit.



The other thing that makes me bawl is thinking about how we are going to deal with my Grandfather.
Alzheimer's affects people in different ways. My grandpa is pretty affected in some ways (language, short term memory) but is like he ever was in other ways.


He loved my grandma a lot. They were highschool sweethearts that got married at like 18. they had their 60th a couple years ago.


My grandpa cries just seeing my grandma leave the home. So we can't tell him.
We can't tell him his wife died. He'd break down everytime he remembered.

I think we should tell him she's in Europe! My grandma took a few trips to Europe in her time.
I guess grandpa didn't like to fly, he always stayed at home.



My grandma went to nursing school after all her kids were in college. She fucked her back up (fused disc?) in middle age, carring an old person she was caring for.

A big contrast: Picking up my grandma at her home, were she could barely feed herself or change the litterbox, then taking her over to my Grandpa's home, where she would kick into gear: taking care of the other old people: helping some lost person, dementia and all, back to their room, etc.




So in the end, I want to thank my grandma for making us popcorn on the stove, and telling us about all the crazy shit she and my grandpa did.

Thanks for the conersation too Grandma

Chill out with all those people you haven't seen in a long time, maybe I'll get there someday if I'm lucky, eh?