I wish I can put my finger on everything. I don't know if it is just one thing that brings me down or if it just a combination of everything that gets all rolled into one HUGE thing that will eventually make me explode. I mean, there is just so many things going on (or not going on) that is really making life difficult.
1.) Not able to see Drew--He has rehearsals for a show he is in at the end of February Tues-Sun all at night. I am lucky if I get to see him one or two nights a week. That is a HUGE change from last semester as we got used to seeing each other 4 days of the week, spending 3 days together consistently. Now...who the hell knows. PLUS...does he even think of just sending an IM saying "hi...hope all is well, I miss you and love you etc". . . NO.
2.) Work is starting to get annoying. We just hired a new RA which FINALLY beings us back up to full staff (16 RAs). But now I have to recreate a new duty schedule which is SUCH A PAIN! And then I have RAs who rant and rave about things about their jobs that they don't like to do etc...SUCK UP AND DEAL! If you don't like it..QUIT!!!!!!!!!! Add on top of that, I feel that the RHD treats me like an RA at times and not as an Assistant Hall Director. I think that she forgets sometimes that we are more equal than she gives credit for. Again, this is something that I should talk to her about but I don't like being very assertive.
3.) I think that major thing is that I really feel alone. With Drew in rehearsals and not really having anyone here at UB that I can really talk too and confide in is just starting to get too much. I miss my friends. I miss that "hey, let's go out somewhere" or just that general "come on over and lets watch a movie". Instead, I sit alone in my apartment with me, myself and I. And when that happends, I start to think. And when I start to think, I get in moods like this that I just cannot shake. I wish I knew how isolated I would be when I came here. :-(
Being by yourself and thinking is not good. Granted it should be good but you have to be in a positive mind set, if not you just make your self depressed. There are lots of ways to stop this but it depends on what you like to do. Basicly you need to take your mind off it. Maybe watch TV, Action Movie, Go for a run, Draw, or my favorite is Pump Music in earphones. What used to work for me was an odd mix of sad stuff (couple our lady peace songs), then some linkin park, Rammstein, and Hatebreed. The sad songs would get out the sadness and be a way of venting, then the heavy stuff would get out the anger and hate, and then the final songs would be impowering. I don't know what would work for you, but something to take your mind off of it.
I think this is some strange new demon in the residence life world. My CA's seem to think I'm asking too much of them by asking them to do their job as well. Remember when being an RA was an honor? Maybe we should do a joint research project on this phenomenon.
I am sick and I'm about to kill 50 different people at work and everyone is nagging me and all my patients have fevers and I can't get two freaking seconds to myself and I haven't had anything to drink in 24hr let alone food- so I sympathize with feeling down and crappy. Wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't really. But I often find that getting some sleep often helps. Wake up refreshed and with a new perspective and a little more prepared to take things on... Good luck. You'll feel better one of these days. :)