well i think groundhogs day is my equivalent to friday the 13th. i had a really, really bizarre day.

first of all. i found out that my best man friend is actually on (e:strip). granted, he only has like 3 entries...but still. my jon simon is really (e:jacksmack). about as weird as when i found out keith was (e:keith).

ok that isn't that weird - but i am getting to the good stuff.


weird thing #1:
ok this is really awful - but apparently a girl with the same name as me is a baby killer. i have never heard of anyone else with same name as me - and this first one has to be for something like this. people were emailing this article to me all day:


weird thing #2:
ok this is vaguely embarrassing on my part. yesterday on the way to work i was scanning through the radio. i happen to catch the tail end of a conversation in which they were discussing the subway tunnels. this intrigues me. ( i am obsessed with mole people.) . i wanted to know more. the embarrassing part is that i was listening to shredd and regan. when i got to work i emailed mr. shredd:

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Original Message

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From: coleman8227@aol.com [mailto:coleman8227@aol.com]
Sent: Thursday, February 02, 2006 10:36 AM
To: Shredd@wedg.com
Subject: subway tunnels and breasts


hey guys -
i caught the end of you talking about subway tunnels under the pink this morning and it has been driving me nuts. what were you talking about? i am intrigued? can you send me a link or something?

thanks,

jessica coleman


i entitled it as i did because i wanted something to get his attention. i figured with all the email they must receive he wouldn't read it with out a catchy subject line. i got this 10 minutes later:

From: Ted Shredd
To: coleman8227@aol.com
Subject: RE: subway tunnels and breasts
Date: Thu, 2 Feb 2006 11:16:47 -0500

I don't know of a link. I guess there are a series of tunnels under Buffalo that were used during Prohibition, and one goes from The Pink to the subway on Main. By the way your message subject said tunnels and breasts. Where do the breasts come into this?

weird thing #3
apparently the shredster doesn't get as much email as i thought. my dad called me tens minutes later questioning as to why i was emailing shredd about my breasts. apparently they mentioned on air and used my full name. i should claimed the baby killer sent it. god now people think i listen to shred and reagan.


went to see this show last nite with (e:jacksmack) and paul. (speaking of paul there is a beamer show tonite at merlins you all should be at.) it was at the polish social club on filmore. actually it was a lot of fun. awesome beer selection for very cheap. jon was telling me how the last time he had been was after the mass nude photo taken at the train station. i launched into a story of my old boss and how he took his daughters to that, about his lazy eye and about how weird he was. not a few minutes later - i kid you not - my old boss strolled in. into a fairly hardcore show at the polish social club.

goes to show you have to be careful what you say in public. buffalo is a smaller town then we think! everyone is listening.

also i finally talked to my crush. he came up and asked what my problem was because i was staring at him last nite. apparently i am creepier then i thought. regardless, he asked if (e:jacksmack) was my boyfriend. i said no. upon hearing this (e:jacksmack) replied, "no, no you can fuck her if you want." (nice, nice friend.) the guy actually replied, "cool. can i fuck you too?" blah, he's part of the movement. what a disappointment.

my boss chose to stop and talk to me while i was reading (e:paul)'s journal. i got yelled at for looking at artillery smut.


oh man this is totally a mundane entry that was being referred to in other posts. sorry. i will follow this up with something scandalous - i swear.

i wonder if the interior condition of my car says anything about my personality. i know i have written about my car being a landfill before...but i took a survey today:
-16 empty packs of parliments
-3 empty packs of camels
-8 empty mountain dew bottles
-4 empty red bull cans
-2 half eaten boxes of girl scout cookies
-4 scarves
-1 pair of ferragamo vintage flats
-1 pair gray sauconys
-1 pair black flip flops
-approx 178 atm reciepts
-2 copies of salingers "nine stories" (why i have 2 i am still not sure)
-7 artvoices
-2 empty saranac bottles
-parking passes from:
* the downtown garage off chippewea -9
*the parking lot off monroe ave in rochester -3
*the VIP parking lot at darien lake - 6


this was an overview. i didn't even venture to the trunk or under the seats. my roommate calls me a slob - but i prefer archivist. i don't care when people complain about sitting in the back seat. it is my shit and its staying back there. i like it there. i might need those girl scout cookies if i ever get stranded somewhere.


jon simon is dragging me to some show tonite on filllmore. if anyone knows what this is please let me know.



my friends becky and dave decided to drive to pauxatoney yesterday morning. they have kept me updated via phone:

yesterday -12:22pm: "we are drunk in pauxatoney! it is awesome here! woohooo!"

yesterday -2:58pm: "people in gobblers knob have an accent. its wierd."

yesterday -6:45pm: "we are playing groundhog bingo! you have to yell 'GROUNDHOG!'...and i won a groundhog shaped basket! we are bringing you back a groundhog sweatshirt!"

yesterday -9:52pm: "we are soooo bored i don't know how we are going to make it all nite...this place fuckin sucks"

i lost contact after that. more updates later from the remainder of their trip.

AT&T is basically telling google that they better pay up or AT&T customers won't be able to reach their site. sounds like extortion to me. total double dipping.



on the brighter side of things, i also found the funniest website ever. someone apparently found a bunch of weightwatchers recipe cards in their basement and scanned them. they are hysterical.


this morning i woke up to the suspicious smell of paint. when i walked out the door to go to my car i spotted splatters of orange spray paint all over the driveway. i am nervous (considering my housemates) where this is from. hopefully i didn't drive to work this morning with a large orange penis on the passengers side of my car.

oh - also my lunch special made it to the menu today in the cafeteria. it is called the "Little Jessica." it may have been my proudest moment when i overheard someone ordering it. what the little jessica consists of is grilled peppers, onions, and mushrooms, cheese, diced veggie burger, cheese and tons of hot sauce in a wrap. yum... i am a genius.

apparently i had an undiscovered talent when it came to making tuna noodle casserole. unfortunately the same was not true when making carrot cake last nite. what a disaster. the sad thing was i was making it out of a box. it went terribly, terribly wrong. i had to wake up eraly this morning, go to wegman's and get a store made one. i had to pay and arm and a leg for it - and wait while they put her name on it.

- i don't know if i mentioned this is for an office birthday. everyone takes turns making cakes for peoples birthdays here. i fucking hate it. (although i got that cookie cake friday which was awesome.) seriously, though, it is someone's birthday every other day. (yes like the seinfeld episode.) my desk is situated right next to where they always put the cake, too. i don't even like cake - but i seriously eat like 3 pieces a day. my teeth are going to rot out. and i am not going to fit in my corporate cas'.

anyways. when i went to go through the checkout line i seriously had to same clerk i had last nite. no joke. and she remembered me and said, "carrot cake didn't go so well, huh." bitch.

AND look at this email i just got:




in case the text is too small to read, in which i am sure it is, it reads:
Thank you to Jason who has generously provided donuts to celebrate my birthday. They are in the usual spot by the scanning station. Enjoy!

some dude randomly brought in krisy kreme and gets all the credit! not one mention of my cake.



i just reread this and realize what a baby i sound like. i apologize.

here is the picture that i thought looks like (e:terry)'s headshot twin. he is in the background wearing a black shirt.

anyways...i did everything on my birthday checklist. and more. i am not super proud of it. i feel like crap. i didn't sleep all weekend. my body HATES me. but here are some highlights:


-sang leather and lace at tudor - and kevin was the WORST don henley ever

-danced so violently everywhere that we literally knocked people over in the pink




-had a bowie dance party til 9am at my house that got kinda wierd


at the gallery opening friday i got propostioned for a pornogrpahic photo session from an elderly black man. apparently this is a retirment project he is working on. i gratiously declined - but kept his card if anyone is interested in "money & erotica."

the zepplin tribute show saturday was awesome. i am sad i missed (e:salvatore) tho :(


oh and if anyone knows a good recipe for carrot cake let me know. i need to make on for an office birthday tomorrow.