Ok, I've joked before about being a drama magnet- but this is getting out of control.

I talk to my family all-the-time. But generally I call them. And I never use my home phone. So when my home phone rings, it's usually not good news. Usually a telemarketer. But when my home phone rings and it's my family- I always get a lump in my throat and my heart speeds up and I fear the worst. My latest fear is that one of the dogs has died. Of course, usually there's no bad news. Usually mom saw something funny on tv, or heard a good joke or something. But last summer when mom called it was because my aunt had just been killed in a car accident.

And today, my dad and brother are at motorcycle racing school.

So when the phone rang, and I saw Mom on caller ID, I thought "oh crap". Then I thought "settle down... see what she has to say..." And she starts out "al?" and I can already tell her voice is wobbly, and panic rises again... She's slow spitting it out, and all I'm thinking is "dad and wood are dead... dad and wood are dead..." and I'm hoping "well maybe just injured. Please just be injured. Anything but dead."

Well, after all that build-up - the good news is, no one is dead. Or even (physically) injured.

And the truth is probably too private to post.

All I can say is... my sister fucked up. Big time. And I just hope she can fix it.

I called her when I got off the phone, but she's crying so hard she can't form words. Will try again later.

I'm not a praying person, but this deserves a prayer. :(

God help you sis.
But I love you anyway.

[and to my unwelcome guest- maybe you don't care about this 'fat fuck', but I think some of my friends do. Either man up and talk to my face (and sign your name), or don't talk at all, you little chicken shit. And know this is the last response you will get from me.]

first- can I just say how awesome Lost is?
I just watched last night's premiere, and I am so pissed that i have to wait a whole week for it to be on again.

And secondly- random question for you guys:
Have you ever heard of deodorant BLEACHING clothes?? I mean, I've heard of the pits of white shirts getting yellowed out over time... but today I'm wearing this cute blue tshirt that I just got... it was fine when I put it on... and i just noticed the mirror- the armpits are WHITE. Like bleach stains.
WTF! All I can think of is deodorant... but it's never happened before. But I think my shirt is ruined. I'm so mad!

But first I want to say- thanks everyone, for the moral support. But please know, I didn't write that post in the hopes that everyone would come tell me that I'm not fat. Because I am a little fat. And I don't love it, but I'm ok with it, and I'm working on it. My point was just that if the worst someone can come up with is that I'm fat and say "boy" too much- then I think I'm doing ok.

Ok, but to the point of my post.

Have you ever had those dreams where you find a secret place? I love those dreams. Like I find a secret door in the back of my closet that leads to like another whole house that no one knows about... Or a secret attic... Stuff like that.

Well I kind of feel like that happened to me yesterday- AT WORK.

The OR and our little office is on the third floor. The door to the parking lot, the cafeteria, and medical records is on the first floor. I have very little reason to ever go on 2. I wanted to go from 3 to 1, so I started down the stairs. Then absentmindedly stopped on two. I was halfway down the hall when I realized I was on the wrong floor. But then all of the sudden I came across this door (apologies for camera-phone pix):


A little sign said "solarium". So I tried it... and it was unlocked! And it led to this room:






It's a neat room. I think it's built off an old exterior wall- because one wall is brick, with obviously filled-in windows.

And It had neat old furniture in it, including this desk/secretary.


Now I have always loved old desks with all their secret compartments... So I tried this one- it opened. And was full of old records.


And instructions.


Please tell me I am not alone in thinking this was an awesome discovery. I immediately went and got my books, then turned on the lights, kicked off my shoes, and curled on one of the couches to study. I *may* have even rocked out to my ipod for a little while. And talked on the phone. I am TOTALLY making that place my new secret headquarters. Assuming it's still there when I go back. ;) And the door is still unlocked.

Maybe I *am* Callie from Grey's- the 'fat' chick dancing around (though I was in more than underwear) in my secret room in the hospital. :)

Hope you all had a Happy Monday. I finally cooked for the first time in about a month, and got lots of little crap done around the house. Finally decided it's not longer A/C season. :(

Ok, back to work.

-J

P.s. to my new reader- welcome, and thanks for stopping by. :)

So... I just came back from a lovely evening at 24 Linwood... Sorry I had to leave early, but I have to work in the AM. The house is gorgeous guys- nice job. :) And I met a bunch of new peeps- (e:twisted) , (e:kookcity2000) , (e:hodown) , (e:carolinian) ... and saw lots of other people I hadn't seen in a while. Good people, good drinks, good food, lovely setting- thanks everyone.

So then as I gathered up my stuff to leave, my phone beeped at me. A message. I had yet another anonymous post-it.

This one says:

@ 09/30/06 22:36 Guest wrote:

is there a fat chick on that show, because if there was it would be you..i don't know because i don't watch it...

What a lovely way to end the evening!

I don't even know what to say.

Fat, huh?

Is that the best you can do? Pick on my physical characteristics?
Wow, I'm so hurt.

Either I am engendering a lot of ill will throughout buffalo and this is someone new, or, more likely, my previous 'hater' is back.

By resorting to petty, anonymous, name- calling you show yourself for who you are- a judgmental, cowardly, bitch.

I feel no need to defend myself to you.

Next time you feel the need to insult me, why don't you be an adult and sign your name.

-J

p.s. Where were the (e:larsons)?

And p.p.s. To answer the question- yes there is a "fat chick" on the show- and for the record, she's the hot/sexy one.

Ok, since everyone likes to ask if my life is like Grey's Anatomy-
The answer is yes and no.
"No" to the parts about- sleeping with attendings/patients. Sex in storerooms (I WISH!). Underwear on the bulletin board.
"yes" to dealing with egos, crazy patients/co-workers, drama, and shitty hours.

But the best part ever was when they were talking about izzie being all fucked up and lying on the floor in her dress, and they tried to explain that after being in school for so long and never really getting to have a life- it's like she's still (socially) 17.

So fucking true.

And that is my excuse from now on.

I'm still 17.

---

The funny thing is- the character on the show that is the closest to my actual job is Bailey.

Which just cracks me up.

That is who I am supposed to be.

The mean bitchy "nazi" chief, barking orders and yelling at people.

I should take lessons from her.

Instead I am meek and mild and let my interns walk all over me.

For example- last night I was on call. My intern was this girl... I think she's older than me. She's going into anesthesia, and doesn't really care about surgery. But there are two patients on my team having surgery today. So yesterday I asked her to make sure that they are ready.
That involves:
nothing to eat after midnight
IV fluids after midnight
Make sure the consent is signed
make sure the pre-op labs are normal
check a chest xray
check the ekg
Then write a note in the chart summarizing all of the above.

This is standard intern fare. Saying "make sure those patients are pre-opped" should be adequate.

But she... how do I put this... isn't always the most reliable. So I paged her to make sure everything was under control. At like 5pm. She said "yup, it's all set. Just waiting on the chest xrays and ekgs, and I'll check labs in the morning."

Umm, ok, not sure what's actually done then.

I said "let's check the labs tonight, in case anything is abnormal and we need to work on it."
"ohhh. ok."

But it was early, she had plenty of time.

The rest of the night was pretty quiet.

I checked the labs myself.

This morning on rounds checked the charts.
No comments about the chest xrays.
So I asked her-
"how were those chest xrays?"
And she said 'oh... I didn't get a chance to look at them."

Didn't get a chance?
what the fuck were you doing all night?

• I* was busy in the ER seeing patients, but I just took care of that myself and with the junior resident, didn't bother her- figured we could handle it ourselves and she probably had enough work of her own to do. (for the record, that was nice of me. I could have just said "I don't CARE if you're busy. I am the chief. Go see these patients in the ER, write them up, come up with a plan, and then call me." But no. I tried to be nice.

So when she told me that she "didn't have a chance" to see the xrays, after I specifically shielded her from the ER all night, I could/should have said "why not? that's unacceptable. When I ask you to do these things, I need to know they'll get done. I have to be able to depend on you."

(a chief told me that and made my cry my first month of internship after a patient forget to take his meds and it was somehow my fault because I didn't call him at home the night before surgery to remind him (a grown man) to take the medication like we'd talked about in clinic, and written down on paper)

Instead I just said "oh... ok...." and walked away, fuming.

WTF.

Because the thing is- it's ultimately MY responsibility, and MY ass on the line if these things don't get done.

I think I will have a new motto:
WWBD.
What would bailey do?

I need to start cracking the whip!!

oops.
sorry for the rant.
again.

time for a nap so I am nice and un-cranky for y'all tomorrow!