ATTENTION
I NEED SUGGESTIONS.
Please read and comment.

Boys are stupid.

and here is why:

a few months ago, my friends kevin and todd decided to start a prank war. I thought this war had ended when we pulled the ultimate prank on todds brother scott, telling him that todd accidently hit and run kevin one night. It was perfectly timed, we even had police sirens and the whole bit. scott flipped out and rushed home, to find me and todd sitting in the garage, just as kevin came out the door with a beer in hand and said "hey, scott, whats up?"
and it was understood that I, being me, would never be subject to a prank for the following reasons:
1. i am a girl, and thus not allowed to play with the smelly boys.
2. i am fully capable of kicking their asses.
3. i worry about them too much for me not to end up in a complete state of terror and nervousness.
4. i don't play nice when im mad.

But it seems as tho my boys have forgotten this, since the other night todd told me and jaime that he was going to pick up kevin and he would be right back, and then scott told us that they called and said his truck broke down at the border to canada and kevin got taken into custody.
1. why were they in canada?
2. how ironic is it that his truck dies RIGHT at the border?
3. kevin would be searched, btu they have nothing to hold him on unless he had weapons or drugs, and while stupid, kev would never take that with him were he going to canada.
4. todd left at 11:30. at 2:30, when we left, he was still "on his way home."

but all of this is really inconsequential, since steves girlfriend (who stuck around all night) TOLD us it was a prank.

And now, I must exact my revenge.
You can't tell me that Kevin got in trouble with the cops. you just can't. cuz i will quite literally blow a fuse. NOTHING scares me more than kevin getting in trouble with the cops.
and you can't blatantly lie to me either. if todd had said, we need to make a stop in canada first, i would probably not have been mad. agitated, but not mad. i would have gone home and gotten some much needed sleep instead.

So I must maim, hurt, and humiliate them until they cry like the little girls they are!!!!!

(and yes, i am aware how horribly immature and petty i sound right now, and no, i don't care.)

As childish as this prank war is, I must retaliate.
And it has to be something that they would never, ever expect me to do.

SO
I enlist all those out there who read this...come up with a killer prank, and I will do it.

Today I went to the mall with Becky to get clothes for the funeral and wakes. It was a thouroughly depressing shopping experience. I went to Victoria's Secret to find black thigh high fishnets...they even had ones with seams! Thus, I would have been very happy...had there been any in stock.
After my dissappointment there, we went to the Polish Water Ice place.
I want to open a franchise of this.
Anyhoo, Becky drove me home and mom made dinner (my first actual home cooked meal in 3 weeks) and then I went to rehearsal, and was thrown into a car with Vivie and Justin on a search for an aqua refridgerator in Cheektowaga. When we found it, it was under a huge pile of junk on Union, and clearly these people gutted their house and then just left the remnants on the lawn.
The fridge was huge and heavey, and we couldn't lift it. Not to mention that justin was not too cool with having soemthing that leaked freon in his van. So we dug the door to it out of the pile and took that.
Then the bad things happened.
Justin was being generally pissy, as usual, and Viv got annoyed and said "whats with the attitude today?" So they got in a fight, causing rehearsal to start 15 minutes late and no one being allowed in the dressing room. When they moved the fight to the office and everyone is ready, I knocked, recived a "WHAT?!" and asked if i could start the show.
So, for the first time in a year, i was back in the directors chair...for one night only.
After the run-thru, they came out, much happier. I think. Neither wanted to come out with us after, so I don't know.
So then we went to Jim's Steak-Out, and hung out there for a bit, until Matt's dad came and drove us home.

And once again, I actually feel tired at the end of the day. Which is excellent because I really need to start sleeping again, especially at night. This whole 2 hours in the middle of the day thing is ridiculous. But last night I slept from 2-1...thats 11 hours, most of them at night, and without sleeping pills.
YAY ME!
Now I gotta go call Michael...who will inevitably either drag me out with him, make me mad, or give me soemthing to worry about.
I love him, he is my soulmate, he is the one I will spend my entire life with (in a purely platonic way, unfortunatly)...but he needs to get some friends.
and a boyfriend.
immediatly.

Warning: The following enrty involves me venting about how angry I am right now. Ok, i'm lying. I am angry, and I am venting, but I am more so going on like a heartbroken hormonal teenager about my former best friend. Skip it if you feel nessecery

I don't know why I let him do this to me. He has everything it takes to break my heart, and the really evil part is, he does it.

Imagine you are me. (Even if you don't know me, just pretend.)

You are 7 years old.
You are at your best friend Kevin’s house, playing Ghostbusters, as you do everyday after school. Suddenly he stops and says “I think Nick likes you.�
You stare at him with a very “And your point is…� look on your face. All the boys like you. The girls are a different story. They hate you because the boys hang around with you. You are not a fan of nailpolish and high-heeled shoes. You prefer mud and baseball, and think that maybe if the girls got their hands dirty once in a while, the boys would like them better. You are a tomboy, and have been for your entire life.
You think briefly of nick. He sits behind you in class. He is Kevin’s other best friend. He has unruly black/brown hair and big brown eyes hidden behind horribly ugly big brown glasses. He is short and skinny. He is a complete dork. (Later, you will read the works of JK Rowling and make a hideous comparison…)
You shrug. “Nope.� Kevin shrugs, then points out an invisible ghost for you to “bust.�

You are 9 years old.
You find yourself walking Nick home form school one day. You chat idly and kick at the snow under your feet, when he points across the street to the school brat and her brothers watching you. You shrug it off and leave. They don’t worry you. You know you could knock her flat on her ass if you wanted to.
The next day at school, nick is not there. Your teacher announces that someone threw ice and snow at him the previous afternoon. Aforementioned brat raises her hand, 'Brigid walked him home. She did it.. I saw.�
You call her a liar and attempt to rip out her hair.

You are 11 years old.
Nick sits beside you in school, and you have sort of become friends. He lets you call him Nicole, though you never know why. You develop Trichotillomania that year, and nick never mentions it. You don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t notice, or because he’s too nice to tease you. Either way, you love him for it. You develop a short-lived crush on him that you only tell Kevin and your friend Beth about.

You are 13.
You are graduating grade school and consider Nick as a friend. When he is beat up at brat-turned-bitch’s graduation party, you tell her off, and leave, taking your friends with you. (Even tho it didn't make that much of a difference, and his fight wasnt the only one that night.)
You see him sporadically over the next two years.

You are 15.
You call his house (he has moved onto your street) in search of another friend. She isn't there. You start talking about the weirdest things, such as what food belongs to what state. (i.e. Florida-oranges; Wisconsin-cheese; Louisiana-shrimp.) You talk for 3 hours, until both your mothers are hollering at you to get off the phone.
You realize that you are now good friends.

You are 16.
You take him to the school dance, he takes you to the movies, you tell each other every detail of your lives.
You have become an extreme theatre geek. He has become obsessed with his newly formed band and playing the drums. Still, you persuade him to audition for a play you are directing, and he is cast in a lead role.
On May 6th, you are rehearsing in his yard, and see the lilac bush growing there…your favorite flower. You decide to take a walk. You talk about everything, including a dream he
ha
d involving Natalie Portman, for which you dub him “Hollywood Pimp�, a nickname which never fails to allude him still. You pass a lilac tree, he picks a handful and gives them to you.
At that moment you know he is your best friend.

You are 17.
You are doing a play, he is the opening act. You get in a fight. When you make up, you tell him that he is one of your best friends. He smiles and takes your hand and says “You are my best friend."
For the next 6 months you ride a rollercoaster of plays and gigs, on the go dinners and phone calls from work.
It is June 5th. You have graduated high school.
You stand on the stage in your white gown, scanning the crowd. You spot him sitting at the back. He has spiky, well-kept black/brown hair, and big brown eyes no longer shaded by ugly glasses. He is less skinny, though still thin, and taller. He no longer a complete dork. You run to him and he hugs you and kisses your cheek, which he has never done before.
After graduation, you go to his car, and drive to your friend’s party. He tells you that he likes this girl named Tonia.
You suddenly feel like you have swallowed a box of nails.

You are 18.
He is dating Tonia. You are chasing after anything that breathes, including a very married man, a very gay man, and a certifiable midget. After every messy end, Nick says “I told you so.�
For you, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Autumn comes. His grandfather dies. He reunites with his father. He makes plans to move to Florida with Tonia. You have grown to hate Tonia.
Winter comes. You realize just how much you are in love with him. You have a nervous breakdown, but can’t tell him. Tonia has left him.
He doesn’t get out of bed. He calls to listen to you breathe. He cries more than anyone you’ve ever met. He is depressed and self-destructive…for six long months. You sit there thru every damned minute of his suffering, but at the end of it, you are sure to say “I told you so.�

You are 19.
After a fight with a friend, she tells him of your feelings. He asks everyone about it except you. Eventually it gets through the grapevine, to your ears.
That summer, you go camping with your friends, and maneuver them away so that the two of you can talk. You ask why he didn’t come to you, and ask if it were true. He responds that the second she said it, he knew it was the truth. You will never understand this.
You have a particularly nasty fight.
"I think that true love never dies. I mean, the thought of Tonia still hasn't left me."~Nick
"You know what? You're absolutely right."~Brig
"I am?"~Nick
"Yeah, call me in 30 years and I'll prove it for you."~Brig
"I think...I think...I don't know what I think."~Nick
"I think...that you don't know me as well as you claim to."~Brig
You storm away and cry all night. In the morning, his mattress is next to yours, but he is gone.
A few weeks later he calls. He wants you back in his life. He misses his best friend. You tell him to go away. He replies “I will not let you get rid of me. I am not going anywhere.� At this, you cave, and tentatively agree to attempt being friends again.
Your mothers start to plan your non exsistent wedding.
Then his band breaks up.
It is now May.
His new band is playing it’s first gig. You do not like the new front man. You get in a fight, where he says that if you can't accept the new face in the band, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. It is the one time in your life that you say you are sorry to him. You don't want to lose the one you love. It is the one time in his life he says he’s sorry, too.

You are 20.
You're mother ends up in the hospital. Nick comes over and makes coffee and buys a banana cake. You play trivial pursuit all night, and he helps you put your little sister to bed.
He
throw
s a party at his aunts house. You and Beth take his car to go find beer. The party dwindles. you spend the night. In the morning, you eat banana cake and drink wine coolers and watch the fifth element on HBO. His car is covered in ice, and you drive home in a virtual igloo.
You throw a party, at which he decides to take a trip back to junior high and start a game of spin the bottle.
When you kiss him, you wonder what cruel trick the gods are playing on you. No kiss has ever been like that before.
After that, things change.
You are constantly fighting.
He thinks himself to be a rockstar, and in many ways he is. His band achieves local fame when it opens for Default, and wins several competitions. He releases a CD, and starts on a new life of sex and rock n roll. (Leaving the drugs part to the front man…)
He makes no time for you. He never calls. He never returns your calls. Unless you can offer chicks and beer, he sees no point.
Then one day you get into a particularly bad fight and realize that he no longer cares about you or anyone else. He only cares about himself. He is a selfish, spoiled bastard, and you can’t be around him anymore. He makes you feel bad when he isn't even there.
You are sick of his shit.
He said he would never let you get rid of him. What about him getting rid of you??
You cease communication, realizing that you have just given up the one man that you have ever truly loved. The one guy you could picture yourself with forever.
The one that you are now sure you have loved since you were 7 years old.

Then he sends you an email saying he misses you.
And you start to think, maybe things are getting better.
Then he blows you off...again. For the band...again.
And you start to wish he was dead.

I sometimes wish he were dead.
This is the boy who i have known since i was 5 years old. The boy who loved me unconditionally for so long, the boy that is my be all to end all. This is the one whom I loved more than anything, the one that was my best friend in the whole world.
And sometimes, I really, really hate him.
But theres all this stuff.......
just stuff.
stuff i remember.
The way his hair sticks up in the morning and how he never had pants on yet when I knocked on the door. The lilacs and the music and the way he held my hand in the hallway of the theatre. The makeshift rice krispie treats cereal and the cadbury coma eggs, the graham crackers he threw in the ceiling fan at the candy store, how I always felt like part of his family when they were around. The time Kev and I made him wait across the street all day long, the Monster from Hell movies, the gumby movies, the time he jumped off the stage and did his best john travolta from Saturday Night Fever impression. I remember playing ghostbusters, and watching movies, and hating school together. Going to the Goo Goo Dolls concert, going to all his concerts. The foods that apply to the different states, the x-mas dance, him dressing up as spiderman and climbing thru the fire escape window to surprise my CCD class on Halloween, the batman obsession, the michael jackson obsession, oh spidermanspidermanspiderman...I remember him sitting in the rain, him kissing me in my basement, him at my graduation, him at my plays, him at my parties, him with my family, him in my head all the time...

And thats just not fair.

"I was there I was the air you breathe Until you became a big star No need for me Now who you gonna call When nothing's right?"

"In all this time, The bottom line's you don't know how much I feel You say you see but I don't agree You don't know how I feel"

"It must be your skin that I'm sinking in
It must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind
It's not my kind, it's not my time to wonder why
Everything gone white
Everything's grey
Now you're here Now you're away
I don't want this
Remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
Don't
let the d
ays go by
Glycerine Glycerine
I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one, or do you lie
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields
I treated you bad, you bruise my face
i couldn't love you more you've got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
It should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine Glycerine
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine
Don't let the days go by....
Glycerine Glycerine
Glycerine Glycerine
Bad move white again
Bad move white again
As she falls around me
I needed you more when you wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear simple and plain
Well that's just fine that's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
It could've been easier on you you you
Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine"

(I think that music lyrics are the new poetry, so I use them a lot.)

This is my old headshot.

I hate this picture.

Why do I hate this picture?
1. I wear glasses now, not contacts. My contacts almost made me go blind. Contacts bad.
2. My hair is in a very "I hate you" place here...of course, due to a lovely relapse of Trichotillamania, I barely had any, so there wasnt a whole lot of it to hate me. But that in itself is bad, too.
3. I forgot I was getting my headshot donw and didn't really do my hair or makeup...plus, I think im wearing one of dads old shirts.
4. I have lost 30 pounds since i took this picture. I am fairly certain my head dosent look quite so much like a potato at the moment.
5. Why didn't I wear earrings?
6. Jaime put me in funny positioning.
7. The photo isn't dark enough.

None of these things are menat as an affront to my lovely photographer (and best friend) but rather as an annoyance with how I used to look.
I find this strange, since ever since i was about 14 i never really cared how i looked...sometimes i swear that my girly side just happened to kick in about 5 years too late.

::shudders at the mere thought that I have a girly side::

I'm going to go play a video game now.

Today i was awoken at 8am (an UNGODLY hour of the morning for normal people, but the middle of the night for someone who's day starts at 1pm)by my sister, who told me to get up cuz i had to go to0 rehearsal.
I didn't have to go to rehearsal.
I did however have to go to Value home centers on Transit in Amherst to wash cars.
So i get up and dressed and ready, and it's 9:30, the time i am supposed to be picked up....that time passes. i make a few calls, vivie cnat find rick, i can't find katy, confusion abounds.
So 11:30 rolls around and i am driving down main st. with my mother, trying to find this place that katy said was "right near the imax". appreantly when she said that, she meant 10 miles past it. just like when she said "ill pick you up at 9:30" that really menat "have your mother drive you out here two hours late."
So i get there and im washing cars, and yelling at andy to hurry with the hose, and matt to wash the roof.
The usual "we need money immediatly or no one will hear us over the band cuz we have no micorphones" fundraiser.
It went pretty well, and was a lot of fun. Especially when some lady gave Bill a dollar just for being cute, when soem lady commented on what a nice job andy did shaving his legs, when the BMW convertible pulled up and Matt, Andy, and Rick treated it like a sick infant (overcompensating for the fact you spent the greater part of this week in fishnets and heels, boys?) and when i took a picture of the whole cast doing the time warp in front of Valu to attract attention.

After the car wash, Vivie, Emilia, Rick and I went to McDonalds, and hung out a bit. Then we dropped off Viv, and Rick asked where I lived, and how to get there. I said "Kenmore. Just go straight down main st."
Apprently what he heard is "I live at Todd's house."
So we're getting towards the exit for todd's, and emilia is thinking we're going to my house, and im thinking im going to emilias house, and then rick says, "so which exit do i get off at?" i look at emilia, she looks at me.
"Brig?"
"What?"
"Which way?"
"Um, the complete and total oppisite of where we are now."
Silence.
"SHIT."
"I don't live at Todd's house."
"SHIT."

So he turns around and I tell him to go straight, and not make any unplanned detours.
He decices to take Emilia home first, cuz she lives closer to where we were. (she also lives right next door to the church Melissa and Mark were married at...yay for being maid of honour!!!)
So then we wnet to the bank, where i read up on loans while rick waited in the slowest moving bank line i have ever seen.
"I could have taken out a loan while you were in there."
"I kno!"
"And I probably could have paid it off too."

So then i went home, and Rick got lost in suburbia and was quite frightened, but i told him that my street intersects with delaware so he knew what he was doing.

Now vivie can't find the drummer i hired (Those Liquid Idiot boys are ALWAYS trying to ruin something for me.) and duffy is iming me constantly about his angst filled soap opera relationship with my best friend.

I, personally, am going to take a nap.