things are much better today. I'm not as suicidal (not that I was before...really...I swear)

yea anyway ....today was dreadfully uneventful and tomorrow will be too. Is is sad to say that I can not wait untill I go back to school on tuesday?

I wish someone would leave me some love....like an IM or email....is that too much to ask?

• Thought of the day......"hmmmm oh the things that would be if I just met Mary-Kate ans Ashley for a day..."

There is so much confusion flowing through my head and i don't kno how to handle it.I don't want to be one of those people that goes on and on about how they'll never be able to survive, and how their life can't possibly go on, because I kno thats complete bull shit and life does go on and I know I will get over this. She just wants to go on like nothing ever happened, like we can act as we did before just erasing that one tiny part. It's not just a title, it was a way of acting and feeling and a thought proccess. All that can't just change in 24 fucking hours. I know this is not all on her, it has been coming. I knew it was, I could see it. I can't help that I'm emotional. Its just too damn hard right now to go on and pretend like everything is all fine and dandy.

My mothers been surprisingly helpful in all of this. Expecially since shes alwasys said that she wanted nothing to do with any of it. I even think at one time she told me that if my heart got broken she didn't want me running back to her for sympathy. And you know, she keeps asking me how I'm doing, and we talked about it a little this morning, *and she let me drink so you kno she cares....

Anyway like I said, I kno Im going to get over it I just havnt had a chance to get it out of my fucking system yet. And god does it hurt. Why doesn't anyone seem to tell you the pain thats involved. Everytime I think aobut it I feel like I'm being stabbed a thousand times. I don't kno.... I just don't kno ...I feel so god damn lonley...why didn't she think aobut the fact she was the only person that I had to talk to, the only person who ever listened to me. I feel like I have no one. Oh wait I don't have anyone....they all fucking left... They all stopped careing and left me to fucking rot for all they cared, and now, that can really happen, cause no one will notice.....yay for life!!!

opp I messed up, im getting the hang of this.....this is the pic

type

Yay! I finally have my computer up and running. i feel like i can keep in contact with everyone so much easier, since thy're all up thon their technology. Well guess what suckers now I am too : p

Brandy is so amazing....this is her work, i can not take credit for it

[img]1004/preordainedeventualitiescopy93103.jpg[/i