Today I went to the mall with Becky to get clothes for the funeral and wakes. It was a thouroughly depressing shopping experience. I went to Victoria's Secret to find black thigh high fishnets...they even had ones with seams! Thus, I would have been very happy...had there been any in stock.
After my dissappointment there, we went to the Polish Water Ice place.
I want to open a franchise of this.
Anyhoo, Becky drove me home and mom made dinner (my first actual home cooked meal in 3 weeks) and then I went to rehearsal, and was thrown into a car with Vivie and Justin on a search for an aqua refridgerator in Cheektowaga. When we found it, it was under a huge pile of junk on Union, and clearly these people gutted their house and then just left the remnants on the lawn.
The fridge was huge and heavey, and we couldn't lift it. Not to mention that justin was not too cool with having soemthing that leaked freon in his van. So we dug the door to it out of the pile and took that.
Then the bad things happened.
Justin was being generally pissy, as usual, and Viv got annoyed and said "whats with the attitude today?" So they got in a fight, causing rehearsal to start 15 minutes late and no one being allowed in the dressing room. When they moved the fight to the office and everyone is ready, I knocked, recived a "WHAT?!" and asked if i could start the show.
So, for the first time in a year, i was back in the directors chair...for one night only.
After the run-thru, they came out, much happier. I think. Neither wanted to come out with us after, so I don't know.
So then we went to Jim's Steak-Out, and hung out there for a bit, until Matt's dad came and drove us home.

And once again, I actually feel tired at the end of the day. Which is excellent because I really need to start sleeping again, especially at night. This whole 2 hours in the middle of the day thing is ridiculous. But last night I slept from 2-1...thats 11 hours, most of them at night, and without sleeping pills.
YAY ME!
Now I gotta go call Michael...who will inevitably either drag me out with him, make me mad, or give me soemthing to worry about.
I love him, he is my soulmate, he is the one I will spend my entire life with (in a purely platonic way, unfortunatly)...but he needs to get some friends.
and a boyfriend.
immediatly.

This is my old headshot.

I hate this picture.

Why do I hate this picture?
1. I wear glasses now, not contacts. My contacts almost made me go blind. Contacts bad.
2. My hair is in a very "I hate you" place here...of course, due to a lovely relapse of Trichotillamania, I barely had any, so there wasnt a whole lot of it to hate me. But that in itself is bad, too.
3. I forgot I was getting my headshot donw and didn't really do my hair or makeup...plus, I think im wearing one of dads old shirts.
4. I have lost 30 pounds since i took this picture. I am fairly certain my head dosent look quite so much like a potato at the moment.
5. Why didn't I wear earrings?
6. Jaime put me in funny positioning.
7. The photo isn't dark enough.

None of these things are menat as an affront to my lovely photographer (and best friend) but rather as an annoyance with how I used to look.
I find this strange, since ever since i was about 14 i never really cared how i looked...sometimes i swear that my girly side just happened to kick in about 5 years too late.

::shudders at the mere thought that I have a girly side::

I'm going to go play a video game now.

Today i was awoken at 8am (an UNGODLY hour of the morning for normal people, but the middle of the night for someone who's day starts at 1pm)by my sister, who told me to get up cuz i had to go to0 rehearsal.
I didn't have to go to rehearsal.
I did however have to go to Value home centers on Transit in Amherst to wash cars.
So i get up and dressed and ready, and it's 9:30, the time i am supposed to be picked up....that time passes. i make a few calls, vivie cnat find rick, i can't find katy, confusion abounds.
So 11:30 rolls around and i am driving down main st. with my mother, trying to find this place that katy said was "right near the imax". appreantly when she said that, she meant 10 miles past it. just like when she said "ill pick you up at 9:30" that really menat "have your mother drive you out here two hours late."
So i get there and im washing cars, and yelling at andy to hurry with the hose, and matt to wash the roof.
The usual "we need money immediatly or no one will hear us over the band cuz we have no micorphones" fundraiser.
It went pretty well, and was a lot of fun. Especially when some lady gave Bill a dollar just for being cute, when soem lady commented on what a nice job andy did shaving his legs, when the BMW convertible pulled up and Matt, Andy, and Rick treated it like a sick infant (overcompensating for the fact you spent the greater part of this week in fishnets and heels, boys?) and when i took a picture of the whole cast doing the time warp in front of Valu to attract attention.

After the car wash, Vivie, Emilia, Rick and I went to McDonalds, and hung out a bit. Then we dropped off Viv, and Rick asked where I lived, and how to get there. I said "Kenmore. Just go straight down main st."
Apprently what he heard is "I live at Todd's house."
So we're getting towards the exit for todd's, and emilia is thinking we're going to my house, and im thinking im going to emilias house, and then rick says, "so which exit do i get off at?" i look at emilia, she looks at me.
"Brig?"
"What?"
"Which way?"
"Um, the complete and total oppisite of where we are now."
Silence.
"SHIT."
"I don't live at Todd's house."
"SHIT."

So he turns around and I tell him to go straight, and not make any unplanned detours.
He decices to take Emilia home first, cuz she lives closer to where we were. (she also lives right next door to the church Melissa and Mark were married at...yay for being maid of honour!!!)
So then we wnet to the bank, where i read up on loans while rick waited in the slowest moving bank line i have ever seen.
"I could have taken out a loan while you were in there."
"I kno!"
"And I probably could have paid it off too."

So then i went home, and Rick got lost in suburbia and was quite frightened, but i told him that my street intersects with delaware so he knew what he was doing.

Now vivie can't find the drummer i hired (Those Liquid Idiot boys are ALWAYS trying to ruin something for me.) and duffy is iming me constantly about his angst filled soap opera relationship with my best friend.

I, personally, am going to take a nap.

Warning: The following enrty involves me venting about how angry I am right now. Ok, i'm lying. I am angry, and I am venting, but I am more so going on like a heartbroken hormonal teenager about my former best friend. Skip it if you feel nessecery

I don't know why I let him do this to me. He has everything it takes to break my heart, and the really evil part is, he does it.

Imagine you are me. (Even if you don't know me, just pretend.)

You are 7 years old.
You are at your best friend Kevin’s house, playing Ghostbusters, as you do everyday after school. Suddenly he stops and says “I think Nick likes you.�
You stare at him with a very “And your point is…� look on your face. All the boys like you. The girls are a different story. They hate you because the boys hang around with you. You are not a fan of nailpolish and high-heeled shoes. You prefer mud and baseball, and think that maybe if the girls got their hands dirty once in a while, the boys would like them better. You are a tomboy, and have been for your entire life.
You think briefly of nick. He sits behind you in class. He is Kevin’s other best friend. He has unruly black/brown hair and big brown eyes hidden behind horribly ugly big brown glasses. He is short and skinny. He is a complete dork. (Later, you will read the works of JK Rowling and make a hideous comparison…)
You shrug. “Nope.� Kevin shrugs, then points out an invisible ghost for you to “bust.�

You are 9 years old.
You find yourself walking Nick home form school one day. You chat idly and kick at the snow under your feet, when he points across the street to the school brat and her brothers watching you. You shrug it off and leave. They don’t worry you. You know you could knock her flat on her ass if you wanted to.
The next day at school, nick is not there. Your teacher announces that someone threw ice and snow at him the previous afternoon. Aforementioned brat raises her hand, 'Brigid walked him home. She did it.. I saw.�
You call her a liar and attempt to rip out her hair.

You are 11 years old.
Nick sits beside you in school, and you have sort of become friends. He lets you call him Nicole, though you never know why. You develop Trichotillomania that year, and nick never mentions it. You don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t notice, or because he’s too nice to tease you. Either way, you love him for it. You develop a short-lived crush on him that you only tell Kevin and your friend Beth about.

You are 13.
You are graduating grade school and consider Nick as a friend. When he is beat up at brat-turned-bitch’s graduation party, you tell her off, and leave, taking your friends with you. (Even tho it didn't make that much of a difference, and his fight wasnt the only one that night.)
You see him sporadically over the next two years.

You are 15.
You call his house (he has moved onto your street) in search of another friend. She isn't there. You start talking about the weirdest things, such as what food belongs to what state. (i.e. Florida-oranges; Wisconsin-cheese; Louisiana-shrimp.) You talk for 3 hours, until both your mothers are hollering at you to get off the phone.
You realize that you are now good friends.

You are 16.
You take him to the school dance, he takes you to the movies, you tell each other every detail of your lives.
You have become an extreme theatre geek. He has become obsessed with his newly formed band and playing the drums. Still, you persuade him to audition for a play you are directing, and he is cast in a lead role.
On May 6th, you are rehearsing in his yard, and see the lilac bush growing there…your favorite flower. You decide to take a walk. You talk about everything, including a dream he
ha
d involving Natalie Portman, for which you dub him “Hollywood Pimp�, a nickname which never fails to allude him still. You pass a lilac tree, he picks a handful and gives them to you.
At that moment you know he is your best friend.

You are 17.
You are doing a play, he is the opening act. You get in a fight. When you make up, you tell him that he is one of your best friends. He smiles and takes your hand and says “You are my best friend."
For the next 6 months you ride a rollercoaster of plays and gigs, on the go dinners and phone calls from work.
It is June 5th. You have graduated high school.
You stand on the stage in your white gown, scanning the crowd. You spot him sitting at the back. He has spiky, well-kept black/brown hair, and big brown eyes no longer shaded by ugly glasses. He is less skinny, though still thin, and taller. He no longer a complete dork. You run to him and he hugs you and kisses your cheek, which he has never done before.
After graduation, you go to his car, and drive to your friend’s party. He tells you that he likes this girl named Tonia.
You suddenly feel like you have swallowed a box of nails.

You are 18.
He is dating Tonia. You are chasing after anything that breathes, including a very married man, a very gay man, and a certifiable midget. After every messy end, Nick says “I told you so.�
For you, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Autumn comes. His grandfather dies. He reunites with his father. He makes plans to move to Florida with Tonia. You have grown to hate Tonia.
Winter comes. You realize just how much you are in love with him. You have a nervous breakdown, but can’t tell him. Tonia has left him.
He doesn’t get out of bed. He calls to listen to you breathe. He cries more than anyone you’ve ever met. He is depressed and self-destructive…for six long months. You sit there thru every damned minute of his suffering, but at the end of it, you are sure to say “I told you so.�

You are 19.
After a fight with a friend, she tells him of your feelings. He asks everyone about it except you. Eventually it gets through the grapevine, to your ears.
That summer, you go camping with your friends, and maneuver them away so that the two of you can talk. You ask why he didn’t come to you, and ask if it were true. He responds that the second she said it, he knew it was the truth. You will never understand this.
You have a particularly nasty fight.
"I think that true love never dies. I mean, the thought of Tonia still hasn't left me."~Nick
"You know what? You're absolutely right."~Brig
"I am?"~Nick
"Yeah, call me in 30 years and I'll prove it for you."~Brig
"I think...I think...I don't know what I think."~Nick
"I think...that you don't know me as well as you claim to."~Brig
You storm away and cry all night. In the morning, his mattress is next to yours, but he is gone.
A few weeks later he calls. He wants you back in his life. He misses his best friend. You tell him to go away. He replies “I will not let you get rid of me. I am not going anywhere.� At this, you cave, and tentatively agree to attempt being friends again.
Your mothers start to plan your non exsistent wedding.
Then his band breaks up.
It is now May.
His new band is playing it’s first gig. You do not like the new front man. You get in a fight, where he says that if you can't accept the new face in the band, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. It is the one time in your life that you say you are sorry to him. You don't want to lose the one you love. It is the one time in his life he says he’s sorry, too.

You are 20.
You're mother ends up in the hospital. Nick comes over and makes coffee and buys a banana cake. You play trivial pursuit all night, and he helps you put your little sister to bed.
He
throw
s a party at his aunts house. You and Beth take his car to go find beer. The party dwindles. you spend the night. In the morning, you eat banana cake and drink wine coolers and watch the fifth element on HBO. His car is covered in ice, and you drive home in a virtual igloo.
You throw a party, at which he decides to take a trip back to junior high and start a game of spin the bottle.
When you kiss him, you wonder what cruel trick the gods are playing on you. No kiss has ever been like that before.
After that, things change.
You are constantly fighting.
He thinks himself to be a rockstar, and in many ways he is. His band achieves local fame when it opens for Default, and wins several competitions. He releases a CD, and starts on a new life of sex and rock n roll. (Leaving the drugs part to the front man…)
He makes no time for you. He never calls. He never returns your calls. Unless you can offer chicks and beer, he sees no point.
Then one day you get into a particularly bad fight and realize that he no longer cares about you or anyone else. He only cares about himself. He is a selfish, spoiled bastard, and you can’t be around him anymore. He makes you feel bad when he isn't even there.
You are sick of his shit.
He said he would never let you get rid of him. What about him getting rid of you??
You cease communication, realizing that you have just given up the one man that you have ever truly loved. The one guy you could picture yourself with forever.
The one that you are now sure you have loved since you were 7 years old.

Then he sends you an email saying he misses you.
And you start to think, maybe things are getting better.
Then he blows you off...again. For the band...again.
And you start to wish he was dead.

I sometimes wish he were dead.
This is the boy who i have known since i was 5 years old. The boy who loved me unconditionally for so long, the boy that is my be all to end all. This is the one whom I loved more than anything, the one that was my best friend in the whole world.
And sometimes, I really, really hate him.
But theres all this stuff.......
just stuff.
stuff i remember.
The way his hair sticks up in the morning and how he never had pants on yet when I knocked on the door. The lilacs and the music and the way he held my hand in the hallway of the theatre. The makeshift rice krispie treats cereal and the cadbury coma eggs, the graham crackers he threw in the ceiling fan at the candy store, how I always felt like part of his family when they were around. The time Kev and I made him wait across the street all day long, the Monster from Hell movies, the gumby movies, the time he jumped off the stage and did his best john travolta from Saturday Night Fever impression. I remember playing ghostbusters, and watching movies, and hating school together. Going to the Goo Goo Dolls concert, going to all his concerts. The foods that apply to the different states, the x-mas dance, him dressing up as spiderman and climbing thru the fire escape window to surprise my CCD class on Halloween, the batman obsession, the michael jackson obsession, oh spidermanspidermanspiderman...I remember him sitting in the rain, him kissing me in my basement, him at my graduation, him at my plays, him at my parties, him with my family, him in my head all the time...

And thats just not fair.

"I was there I was the air you breathe Until you became a big star No need for me Now who you gonna call When nothing's right?"

"In all this time, The bottom line's you don't know how much I feel You say you see but I don't agree You don't know how I feel"

"It must be your skin that I'm sinking in
It must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind
It's not my kind, it's not my time to wonder why
Everything gone white
Everything's grey
Now you're here Now you're away
I don't want this
Remember that
I'll never forget where you're at
Don't
let the d
ays go by
Glycerine Glycerine
I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one, or do you lie
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields
I treated you bad, you bruise my face
i couldn't love you more you've got a beautiful taste
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
It should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine Glycerine
Don't let the days go by
Glycerine
Don't let the days go by....
Glycerine Glycerine
Glycerine Glycerine
Bad move white again
Bad move white again
As she falls around me
I needed you more when you wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear simple and plain
Well that's just fine that's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
It could've been easier on you you you
Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine"

(I think that music lyrics are the new poetry, so I use them a lot.)

So in october i learned the jose cuervo tequila was not, in fact, my best friend.
I also learned a few things about andy's kissing ability and the look on nicks face right before he faints.

History repeats itself if we do not learn from it.

It started with me beign very aggraqvated with my very drunk 16 year old friend.
Then they left, and i was right.
Mixing eccentric artsy theatre folk with my redneck hick friends was just plain bad.

So they left, and there was jaime, ready with Steve's cigarettes and a shot glass. We smoked one and talked in the driveway while kevin went off at kara about dan or soemthing, and then went down to bob's bar, where i did 5 shots of cuervo citrus, a shot of soco, 5 shots of straight cuervo, a shot of chivas regal and 4 shots of peach snappes.

For all intensive purposes, i should be dead right now.

Next thing i know im on the trampoline trying to make two stars top spinning around and become one star, like i know it should be, and then suddenly roger is kissing me.

and this is where im stopping cuz everythign past this part is too much information for anyone.

I need ibuprofen.

this was totally a "I never want to drink again" kind of night

Colloquial Theatre Presents

Richard O'Briens
The Rocky Horror Show

July 2, 3, 9, 10
7:30 pm

Flickenger Preforming Arts Center
(at the Nichols School)

10$ Students and Seniors
15$ General Admission

Prop packet included with ticket price.
Audience participation encouraged.

Directed by:
Victoria Chatfeild

Starring:
Andy Drachenburg, Ashley Ladowski, Bill Griffin, Katy Duval, Jessica Knoerl, Matt Jasinski, Katie Meier-Davis, Rick Coe, Justin Schaber, Katy Schuster, Lexie Sutherland, Anna Small, Katie Gibas, Wendy Biddlecombe, Kate Parazini, and Erica Hohn

Tonight I am making the potentially fatal mistake of taking Vivie, Rick, Katy, and Justin over to Todd's house for our usual Tuesday Night Revel. This should be interesting, to say the least...provided everyone makes it out alive...

So sunday was my birthday, and it was actually pretty decent, for the first time in a while.
I went to the Allentown art festival with Andrea, and we went over to Chameleon West to see Nick play with the Voodoo Dollies. They were pretty good. Then we went back to my house and I got dressed and Jaime, Molly, and Christina showed up, and we met the boys at Zebb's for dinner. Mike was there, so I was ecstatically happy, and so was Sahar, so I was even more happy then. My own one man show and the stage manager of my life. Perfect. (altho beth and her bf were an hour late)
After dinner we went to my house and i tried to find Kevin who was throwing a fit about going out on my b-day, so jaime got on the phone and basically said "Be at todds in an hour. if youre not, i will find you, and i will beat the hell from you."
So we took andy home so he could get his car, i said adieu to my under 21 friends, and then me, steve, james, kev, andi and andy went to club miami to do karaoke. I would like to take this oppertunity to say that i cannot, absolutely cannot, sing. At all.
Yet, there I was, belting out "I will survive" with jaime and andi as backup singers.
Even kev did karaoke, which was awesome.

It was the first really good birthday in a while.

Yesterday I had rehearsal, and then today molly and i went shopping. nothing incredibly exciting...tho i am sure there will be some sort of raucous story by the end of tonight for me to share...

I have a penchant for always having a thouroghly annoying, or downright awful, birthday. It started when I was 15, and Dennis decided that he was going to break up with Christina, and told me this, not her. Meanwhile, she was listening in on the other extension and flipped out. (This situation turned out mush worse than it seems.)
On my 16th birthday, my mother accidently blabbed about a surprise party Christina was throwing me, and the lovely nicholas showed up 2 housrs late becuase appparently, (as is now and probably forever...) getting a piece of ass was more important than my party.
When I was 17, Sr. Genevieve dies on my birthday. She was a friend of my aunts, and like family to us.
When I was 18, everyone forgot. I mean everyone. Even nick and christina, my best friends at the time. Christina even saw me in the hall at school and just looked up, nodded, and kept walking.
(She told me later that when she wrot the date on her exam that morning, she wrote thtat it was the ninth. When the procter came by and siad it was the 13th, she replied : "That's not possible because if it were the 13th it would be Brigid's birthday and I---oh, shit.")
When I was 19, I had the flu. Very very very bad flu. Courtesty of Nick, actually. He always was good at picking out gifts...
For my 20th birthday, I was forced into attending one of Nick's gigs.

hmm, look...im going to be late for Nick's gig.
and it looks like it's gonna rain.
and duff and kev can't coem to dinner.
and dougs out of town so i dunno what were gonna do tonight.
and i hate my birthday.

all i want is for nobody to die, everyone to remember, and nick to behave himself.
one day out of the year, i don't think thats too much to ask.

Read that.
Because you may think you kno, but you probably don't.


Duff and I went to a family party today but he got yelled at because his mom had soemthing she needed him to do and he took off with out calling her.
I got a new toad today.
I named him Bob Dylan.
He's much bigger than horace (my last one) was.

I am frustrated because aparently people do not grasp the fact that I need to know EXACTLY how many of them are going to dinner tomorrow so i can make reservations.
I am also frstrated that Beth's phone is busy, and I don't like calling after 11 in case I wake Dolores.
I am supposed to go to the art festival tomorrow with Andrea and then see Nick's other band, the VooDoo Dollies, play there at 3.
Then we're going to dinner.
Then I don't know what the hell is going on because supposedly Doug was going to have a party, but I don't kno if he's even in town, and i can't think of a whole hell of a lot else to do.
I am not in a good mood and I need to get my meds ASAP. I havent had a good nights sleep in days and would kill for my sleeping pills right now, or my Xanax so at least I could relax. But noooo...I need health insurance for that.
So instead here I sit, a possible threat to society who can't just GO TO SLEEP.

Damned drug culture.

Here's a big survey cuz i can't sleep and am horribly bored...

1)Name?: Brigid
2)Date of birth?: june 13
3)Sex?: Female
4)Height?: 5'8"ish
5)Eye color?: hazel
6)Nicknames?: Brig, Briggy, B, Beij, Birg, BK, Grumpy, Bitch, Babe, Queen, Queens, Queenie, Lady L, Sahrpshooter, Doll, Sweets, Crazy.
7)What is the name of the school you go to?: don't go
8)Hometown?: buffalo
9)Where were you born?: buffalo. hence the hometown.
10)Have you ever failed a grade?: almost.
11)If you have, what grade did you fail?: junior year of hs.
12)Do you have crush on someone?: yeah
13)Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: i have a boy who is a friend.
14)What is your crush's/boyfriend/girlfriend's name?: nicholas
15)How long have you and your crush/boyfriend/girlfriend been going out/been crushing on them (these are getting too politically correct)?: probably since I was 5. tho i only realized this 3 years and one week ago.
16)What is you and your crush's/boyfriend/girlfriend's song(s)?: the world aint slowing down-ellis paul, one week-bnl
17)Would you have sex before marriage? Yes
18)Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: yes
19)Do you do drugs?: i have. not really my thing tho.
20)Do you smoke?: like a bad factory
21)Do you drink?: me??? never.....
22)Are you ghetto?: i can be
23)Are you a player?: i can be
24)What is your favorite color(s)?: red, black, purple
25)What is your favorite animal(s)?: cheetah, reindeer
26)What is your favorite song(s)?: too many...rolling stone-bob dylan, free bird-lynard skynard, napoleon, hour follows hour, & dilate-ani difranco head the list
27)What is your favorite movie(s)?: angels in america, heavenly creatures, empire records,
28)Who is your best friend(s)?: jaime, nick, beth, katy, kevin, sahar, molly
29)Who do you talk to most online?: duffy, sahar, katy
30)Who do you talk to most on the phone?: jaime, kevin, todd, beth, molly
31)Are you a bum?: sometimes
32)Do you get online a lot?: yes
33)Are you shy/outgoing?: outgoing
34)Do you shower?: course.
35)Do you hate school?: when I went there I did
36)Do you have a social life?: too much of one at times
37)Do you trust people easily?: nope
38)Have you ever lied to your best friend(s)?: Yes. but most likely with good reason.
39)Are you a daredevil?: i have my moments.
40)Would you ever sky dive?: in a heartbeat
41)Do you like to dance?: yes
68)Have you ever been out of state?: Yes
69)Do you like to t
ra
vel?: Yes
70)Whats your favorite state(s)?: New York. Always New York.
71)Do you think your hometown sucks?: Kenmore sucks. but i don't consider it my hometown
71)Do you want to get out of your hometown?: I could take it or leave it
72)What design/logo is on your mousepad?: um, a blue stripe and the name of my dads company.
73)What color is your mousepad?: white and blue
74)Which do you perfer..listening to the radio or listening to cd's?: mp3s
75)Have you ever gotten high?: yup
76)Whats your favorite drink?: water, tea, chocolate milk
77)Do you like snapple?: yes
78)Do you drink a lot of water?: yes
79)What toothpaste do you use?: Colgate whitening with tartar control.
80)Do you have a cell phone/pager?: nope
81)Do you collect beany babies?: I have some. i don't collect them tho.
82)Which do you prefer Mickey/Goofy?: goofy
83)Do you like amusment parks?: hell yes
84)Have you ever been to 6 flags?: Yeah
85)What name brand do you wear the most?: hardly any...old navy i guess
86)Do you like Tupac?: used to.
87)Do you like Eminem?: yes
88)Do you like Dre?: used to.
89)Do you like taking picture's?: Yes
90)Do you like getting your picture taken?: eh
91)Do you have a tan?: yes...and i probably have cancer, too. that'll teach me to fall asleep on the beach.
92)Do you get annoyed easily?: yes
93)What are you hobbies?: acting, writing
94)Do you have your own phone/phone line?: phone, yes.
95)Do you have your own pool?: the pool fell down. now we have a mud wrestling pit.
96)Do you have any siblings?: 1
97)Do you have any posters/pinups on your bedroom walls?: no
99)Do you get good grades in school?: not in school
100)Do you get along with your parent's?: no
101)How do you vent your anger?: I yell a lot. i bitch to jaime. i smoke an entire pack of cigarettes. sometimes i throw things.
102)Are you a role model?: I've been told so.
103)Who do you look up to?: rose, probably. god, i miss her.
104)What are you favorite flower(s)?: lilacs
105)Have you ever been suspended from school?: almost
106) Have you ever been expelled from school?: almost
107)Do you have any piercings?: ears
108)Do you have any tattoos?: no
109)Whats your favorite holiday?: halloween
110)Whats your favorite memory?: being at the playground with Katy, going to NYC with Molly.
111)Whats your least favorite memory?: camping trip '02-me and nick
113)Do you dream a lot?: yes
114)Do you daydream a lot?: Yeah
115)Have you had a nightmare lately?: No..ok well i guess my dream last night was a bit nightmarish.
116)Which do u perfer boxers/briefs?: Boxers
17)Do you have any allergies?: hayfever
118)Do you have any health problems?: diabetes, displaced ankle, endometriosis, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, trichotillamania...need i go on? im a walking disaster
119)Do you like cats?: i do, but im allergic. but i don't like nicks cats, allergies or not.
120)Do you like dogs?: yes
121)Do you have any pet(s)?: fish, and a toad
122)Do you have glasses?: Yeah
123)Do you have braces?: No
124)Do you have a job?: stage manager, exec. director of theatrre company, freelance writer.
125)Have you ever been fired from a job?: no
127)Have you ever been dumped?: no
128)Have you ever broke up wit any one?: yup
129)Have you ever been played?: prolly
130)Have you ever played any one?: ish
131)What is you zodiac sign?: gemini
132)What type of jewelery do you wear?: silver
133)Which do you wear more silver/gold?: Silver
134)Do you a time limit on aol?: Nope
135)Do you have a curfew?: hell no
136)Are you a vegeatarian?: No
137)Could you be a vegetarian?: I like chicken wings too much
138)Have you ever thought about suicide?: Yeah
139)Do you like coffee?: too much
140)Do you have a sweet tooth?: Yeap
141)What's your favorite candy?: french's chocolate taffy. i dare you to find it.
142)Do you like horror movies?: muchly
143)Do you like to spend/
save y
our money?: Spend
144)Whats your favorite type of sandwich? roast beef
145)Do you keep your room clean?: Kinda
146)Do you dress good?: i dress depending on my mood.
147)Do you eat veggies?: Yes
148)Do you like chinese food?: Yes
149)Do you like spicy food?: yes
150)Do you like mexican food?: yes
151)Are you a flirt?: so i've been told...
152)Are you good at flirting?: seems to work
153)Do you like to go to parties?: love them. i am the Queen of the party. (thats how i got my nickname)
154)Do you still go trick or treating? No
155)Are you an angel or a little devil?: depends on my mood.
156)Do you get along with people well?: if they aren't stupid. i have no tolerance for stupidity.
157)Have you ever just started dancing in the middle of the mall you go to?: probably
158)Have you ever won anything?: Yeah
159)Do you listen to country? she thinks my tractor's sexy.
160)Do you like the song last resort? eh
161)Do you have a waterbed or a regular matress bed?: i have Lumps. thats what i call the worlds worst mattress which resides in my room currently.
162)Do you get bored easily?: Yeah
163)Do you play golf?: I try
164)Do you play miniture golf?: i try
165)Do you like tennis?: Yes
166)Are you flexible?: yeah
167)Are you a sweet heart?: That's what people tell me.
168)What kind of perfume/colonge do you wear?: lavendertherapy, gap love14, bath and body works plumeria, or clinique happy
169)Whats your favorite number(s)?: 13
170)Whats your lucky number(s)?: 13
171)Whats your favorite season?: summer and winter
172)Whats your favorite month(s)?: not december...june?
173)Do you plan on getting married when you get older?: i don't plan on it. i would like to tho.
174)Do you plan on having children when you get older?: not today, not tomorrow, not ever. tho you never know how ill feel next week.
175)What names do you got picked out for your future baby girl(s)?: eloise james, rosemary elizabeth
176)What names do you got picked out for your future baby boy(s)?: vincent michael, shamus david
177)Do you have chapped lips?: No
178)Have you ever broken any one's bones before?: No
179)Have you ever broken any of your own bones before?: my ankle, repetedly
180)Have you ever had stitches before?: no
181)Have you ever hurt someone intentionally?: No
182)Have you ever broken any one's heart?: so I'm told
183)Do you believe in God or the Devil?: God.
184)Do you like shopping?: a little too much
185)How many cd's do you own?: I dunno
186)Who was/is your favorite teacher(s)?: eh....maloney, marcyanne, V, schewe, walters, waterhouse, halm
187)What is your favorite season(s)?: Didn't I already answer this?
188)Have you ever been out of the U.S?: yeah
189)Have you ever been in a car accident?: a few
190)Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: no
191)Have you ever been embarrassed in school?: I'm not easliy embarassed
192)Are you a person to start rumor's about someone else?: No
193)Have you ever drank so much,that you blacked out?: "Nicki...what did i do last night, and how did i get home?"
94)Have you ever hooked any one up before?: Yeah
195)Have you ever split a relationship up before?: yeah
196)Have you ever stopped someone from doin something really stupid?: yup
197)Have you ever gotten into a fight with a teacher(s) before?: oy....several times.
198)Are you rude?: I can be
199)Do you think this survey is long?: You think?
200)Have any of the question's been repeated at all during this survey?: Yeah!
201)Is this the longest survey you ever filled out?: No
202)Are you bored filling out this survey?: a bit
203)Roughly how long has it taken you to get this far? Not very long
204)What is your dream car?: one that runs.
205)What is your dream job? anything having to do with theatre.
206)What is your favorite dream?: hmmm
207)What is your favorite cd(s)?: dilate-ani difranco, dizzy up the girl-goos, jagged little pill-alani
s, breakdo
wn-melissa etheridge, tragic kingdom-no doubt
208)Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: yup
209)Do you collect anything?: Yeah
210)Do you get along with your family?: no
211)Who is you favorite family member(s)?: duffy
212)Which family member(s)do you get along with the most?: duffy, tim, mel, mary, barb, sarah, sue
213)Are you an organized person?: no
214)What phrase do you use the most?: "Are you new?" "I'm sayin..."
215)Do you take long showers?: sometimes
216)Do you plan on graduating from highschool?: already did
217)What grade are you in?: hi, we've been here already
218)Are you energetic?: Sometimes
219)Do you get hyper a lot?: yes
220)Do you get hyper from eating chocolate?: nope
221)Do you like hot chocolate?: Yeah
222)Do you have manners?: Yeah
223)Do you put on a front for your boyfriend/girlfriend's parents?: no
224)Do you put on a front for anyone?: aside from job interviews, no.
225)Do you iceskate?: not well
226)Do you rollerskate/rollerblade?: i can still rollerskate well, but rollerblades were never my thing.
227)Do you like the snow?: snow is fun
228)Do you like the beach?: currently my back is peeling like an ripe banana, so, no.
229)Which do you perfer, swimming in a pool or swimming in the ocean?: pool. no salt water.
230)Can you draw well?: not too bad
231)Do you have a lot of exs?: eh
232)Do you have anyone blocked online?: Yes
233)Do you get into a lot of fights?: sometimes
234)Do you run your mouth?: yes...
235)Can you keep secrets?: if they aren't life threatening, then yes.
236)Can people trust you?: thats up to them
237)Do you have cable in your room?: Yes, but not the good cable.
238)Do you speak your mind?: too much
239)Do you watch the Disney channel?: not anymore, really.
240)Do you watch MTV?: eh
241)Do you watch BET?: eh
242)What do you think of Carson Daily?: i can't stand him.
243)Do you like Nelly?: not particularly
244)What do you think of the person that sent this to you?: i think it came from jaime. she rocks.
245)Could you kill the person that made this? No
246.)If you had a gun with one bullet and someone had to die from that bullet or you would be ripped apart by rabid mice pirhanas who would that person be?: Don't give me this power
247)Do you have a lot of self-confidence?: yes
248)Do you cry a lot?: yes
249)Do you cry if you don't get your way?: sometimes. but it has to be a very big me-not-getting-my-way.
250)Are you spoiled?: lord no
251)Are you a brat?: i can be
252)Do you get whatever you want?: No
253)Do you have to work for what you want?: yes
254)Do you listen to sappy songs?: sometimes
255)Do you go into chatrooms a lot?: nope
256)What is your e-mail address? mysticmoon13@aol.com
257.)if you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: left leg. my uncle just got a new left leg. looks cool.
258)Do you like eeyore? he's alright
259)Do you like cartoons?: Yes.
260)Who is your favorite cartoon character?: bugs, mickey, buttercup
261)Do you get in trouble a lot?: sometimes
262)Have you ever gotten in trouble with the cops before?: err...
263)What time is it now?: 12:17
264)Have you ever lied to a cop?: yes
265)Have you ever been in love?: Yeah
266)Have you ever been in love so much it made you cry?: yes
267)Have you ever cryed over someone?: Yeah
268)Do you have a lot of trustworthy friends?: Some
269)Are you a trustworthy person?: Yes
270)Do you wear a lot of jewlery?:no
271)What kind of jewlery do you wear?: Silver, or beaded. NEVER gold.
272)Do you have any birth marks?: a couple.
273)Is your belly button, an innie or an outie?: Innie
274)Whats your favorite icecream?: coffee bean, oreo
275)Whats your favorite day?: friday, saturday
276)Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?: Hang out with friends, sleep, go places
277)Do you like cherry coke?: ocassionally
278)Do you like sprite?: no
279)Do you know what
moutain dew do
es to your body?: yes
280)Do you like cherries?: yup
281)Do you like strawberries?: yeah
282)Do you like kool-aid?: yeah
283)Whats your favorites kool-aid flavor?: red
284)Whats your favorite snapple flavor?: strawberry kiwi, peach iced tea
285)Do you like pie?: not so much
286)Do you like getting dirty?: no particulalrly. wait, what is your definition of dirty?
287)Do you like iced tea?: Yes
288)Have you seen "Scary Movie" yet?: Yes
289)If you have, then what is your favorite part of the movie?: I saw it 3 years ago....almost 4.....I have no flipping clue
290)Wheres your favorite place to vacation?: NYC, montreal, massachutesettes
291)If you had the chance, would you move out of your hometown?: Probably.
292)Do you like reading books?: Yeah
293)Do you like reading magazines?: Yeah
294)Do you believe in fate?: Yeah
295)Do you believe in Love at First Sight?: i do. i can prove it, too.
296)Do you play video games?: i do, but kevin says im not allowed too because they bring out my violent side. i think he's just tired of getting his ass kicked at mortal combat.
297)Have you ever streaked?: Nope
298)Have you ever skipped school?: yup
299)Have you ever been skinny dipping?: once
300)Do you believe in yourself?: more than people think i do.

Had rehearsal today.
If you have never had to sit thru choreographing 2 sex scenes (one male/female, one male/male) I don't suggest you ever do it, unless you're really into that kind of thing.
There are only so many ways to make that look convincing with out it actually being...convincing.
Other than that it wasn't so bad, but I wish it was over. This is the first show I have ever done where i wished it was over. I don't know why, but when I work with Colloquial I always feel like everybody kinda hates me. I thought at first it was because they had all done a show together before and knew each other or something, but I am on my 4th show with the company and it isn't much better. The cast is good, and for the most part talkative and nice...but I don't know...
I think it may have soemthing to do with "The Dark Time," as we call it. This is the first show i have really worked on (without acting) since that time.
Or, of course, I am completely paranoid and crazy like I usually am...

Tomorrow night Jaime, Andy, Steve and I are going to this gallery show that James' friends work is in, and I intend to spend my day at home doing nothing...ok that's not true I can't do nothing. I might paint Bernie's playhouse. She wants it to be beige. What kid likes beige?? But she does want it to have flowers and stuff painted on it, so I do get some creative liscense. Molly wanted to help paint it, but me and Mol and a can of paint never turns out right, so I guess I'll have to do it myself. Beth said something about stopping by with Dolores, too...I don't know. All I kno is that i have no money and no rehearsal and thus no reason to leave the house.
Saturday....rehearsal. Lots of rehearsal...
Sunday...MY BIRTHDAY! Which means I will be wearing black all day, ignoring phone calls from Nick, and going to dinner with people who will be on their very best behavior since they are aware of the doom that comes with each birthday. I swear, it is always the worst day of the year for me. Something bad always happens...and it's usually nicks fault. (So he is not invited to dinner. Ha.)
This play has completely swamped my head...I can't get the floorshow sequence out of my mind, and I have been singing "Sweet Transvestite" all night.
I think I'll go to bed now, and hopefully fall asleep, as opposed to popping RHPS into the VCR and watching it for the hundreth time.

Lots on my mind.
Andy, Jaime and I went to Custard Corner over by D’Youville tonight. My first thought was…”Damn, when did Cero’s become a Subway?” I knew it had, of course, but I still expected it to be there. Then we drove home through Riverside and it was a ton of memories and stories flooding back…. “There’s where our car got stolen…and there’s my house, you can’t miss it cuz its pink and green…hey the pizza place closed…and theres a new pizza place across the street…theres a football field where the baseball diamond used to be…why is Vulcan all torn up??”
I miss being 6 years old and living there. I hate that it gets exponentially worse every year.
Then I come home and there’s dad. And with the little jaunt to the past and him without a job I thought of all the things that relate to him. Like Father-Daughter dances at Samuel’s Grande Manor, and him trying to teach me how to play softball and being at each of my games without fail, and his TERRIBLE driving skills (the time he crashed the car at Delaware and Kenmore…the time he hit a tree at Elmwood and Keller…the time he almost took out a mailbox at Knowlton and rowley…) I thought of our weekly drives to the reservation, and going to the science museum, and going to amusement parks, and fighting over the newspaper, and the last piece of bacon. I thought of how when I lost my health insurance he gave up cigarettes so I could get all 11 prescriptions, and how he took me to get my tooth pulled, and took me to my SSI meetings, and took me to my doctors appointments. I thought of how he refers to Jaime, Nick, Kevin, Christina, Molly, Dennis, and Beth as his other children, and how he always extends the offer of a fill-in on father’s day for Nick, Jaime, and Kev. I thought of how he dipped into his retirement fund to pay for college, and how he bargained with Sacred Heart to keep me in school there. I remember him dressing up as “pooh-cula” on Halloween one year, and playing the butler at my murder-mystery party, and how he thinks nothing of wearing Bern’s baby bonnet for a picture on Easter Sunday. I thought of how happy he was when Bernadette was born, how sad he was when Grandma Lois died, and how much he cried when I ran away. I thought of him calling me at Kevin’s after he kicked me out, I thought of him holding my hand at the hospital, I thought of how proud he was opening night of Long December.
I thought mainly of how much I owe him, and how much I love him, and how much I wish there was something I could do to help.
I really do have the best father in the world.

So I started thinking about these things and then I thought of a related topic…my fake family.
As soon as I told Jaime that dad lost his job, she said “Do you need me to come over?” And that right there is what this is all about, really. I was always the black sheep of my family, ever since I was about 13. Before that I didn’t talk to anyone, I would always prefer to hide in the corner with a book, and I idolized my cousin Katie’s way to command a room. Then things changed…a lot…and I started talking, and I commanded the room, and nobody liked it cuz they wanted to keep me 10 years old. (Katie liked it least of all.) And so, aside from grandma, my cousin Duff and a scattering of aunts and uncles, I became the one that caused the problems. Forget that Katie got pregnant by her black boyfriend. (I’m Irish-catholic and while I don't see the problem here, my family, by tradition, does.) Forget that Michael is 21 and just finished high school, and has been arrested more times that I can count. Forget Duffy’s solitude, Sarah’s parties, Maggie and Molly’s attitude…I’m the one that screwed it all up, because I’m the one that doesn’t care what they think.
So I started my own family.
Some of them I don’t talk to as much anymore, the others I talk to or see everyday. But these are the people i can call on for everythin
g.

I know that probably no one reads this and even if they do they don't care, but I'm thinking about these people so I feel like writing about them.
First, there’s Jaime, more commonly known as James. We met at Sacred Heart freshman year, bonding over Aussie T’s and how much Global class sucked. Our teachers confused us constantly that first year, and then thought of us as a duo by the next. I went to her mom’s wedding, which she was a miserable bridesmaid in. We sat together at lunch, and came up with the best excuses to get out gym class. We went through the boy band craze together. Junior year we acted up constantly in history class, always keeping our teacher “on his toes.” Senior year we sat next to each other at graduation and played rock, paper, scissors the whole time. She was here when my mom was in the hospital, she was here when I broke down, she starred in my play, she lived her for a week due to a snow storm, she knows me inside out, and there is nothing I can think of that would pull us apart. She has been my very best friend for a very long time.
Then there’s Nick. I have known him since kindergarten. He was my first crush, the second musketeer, and the third love of my life. We would play at Kevin’s after school each day, we aspired to be famous together. I stuck up for him all through grade school, he was there for me all through high school. We eat Chinese and watch movies and throw parties and go to concerts and the movies and love horror flicks and loud bad bands together. He goes to my plays, I go to his gigs, we told each other everything….not so much no, but before. Now we just fight. But I have known him for 16 years. After that long, you’re bound to disagree on something…even if your disagreement is each other. But nick is still so many things…my therapist, my shoulder to cry on, the best drummer in the world, the best kisser in the world, my drinking/partying buddy, my confidant, friend, and my very own selfish bastard.
There’s Christina, another one I have known all my life. We went to Kindergarten together too, and I stuffed her in a toy oven cuz she annoyed me. Then, when we moved from riverside in second grade, she lived in the house across the street. She came to school with me a few years later, and then we went to high school together. To list Chris related memories would take years, and I can't even give a few cuz I wont be able to stop. Sadly, though, she is now a mindless drone who forgot about everything that mattered to her except her sorority and her boyfriend. You win some, you lose some.
There’s Beth, though whom the “I’ve known you since kindergarten” saying applies again. Her mom used to babysit me, her sister used to babysit me, and now I babysit her daughter. She was the one that knew all my secrets and loved all my quirks. We consider each other sisters, and have always been there for one another. When she went into labor, I cut class and paid Kevin to drive me out to Millard Fillmore suburban. I helped deliver her daughter, who calls me Aunt Brig. I am Dolores godmother, and Beth’s best friend. We don't talk as much cuz we’re so busy now, but when I do see her, its like we pick up right where we left off.
There’s Katy, who I have known for the past 3 years and whom I love with all my heart. She was there through all my insanity, I was there when her father was in the hospital. She dated my cousin Duffy for a few months, and we are all friends now. We have a friendship that quite literally knows no bounds, and we are each others own personal superstar. I can tell her anything and she is never shocked, and sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. We are not technically allowed to be friends (or at least we weren’t) and duff refers to us as “A very screwed up Romeo and Juliet story.” We talk about moving to New York when she gets out of high school, and taking over the world. She is my partner in crime and my guardian angel.
Then there is Todd. I have known him since roughly 5th or 6th
grade…
I'm not quite sure when. After he…um…did some…um…bad things, he was kicked out of school and had to wear this police issues ankle bracelet. I didn’t see him again until last year, on Valentine’s day, when he shows up in a suit and tie with a picture of his son, Michael. Now, I see him once a week, at least. When he was unemployed last year, I saw him every night, and even spent Christmas at his house. I dated his brother for a total of 2 horrible days, I can hold hour long conversations with his mother, and he has hooked up with 2 f my friends in the past month. My friends became his and vice versa. We talk about everything, he holds me on a pedestal and calls me the sister he never had. He always is at the ready with his jumper cables whenever my heart is broken, and has not only threatened to hurt Mark, but actually kicked Nick out of his house on more than one occasion. He is my protector.
Finally, there is Kevin. I always leave him for last because there is no one in the world that means more to me. I have known him since the day I came home from the hospital after I was born, which will be 21 years on Tuesday. We went to grade school together and remained best friends despite him being held back and all the “Kevin and Brigid sitting I a tree…” songs that we seemed to meet with every day. He was the third musketeer, he was the only person I could stand enough to live with when I was kicked out. I understand all the stupid things he says and does, and everything about him makes sense to me. I don't think I could ever love anybody the way I love him. He is the one that I truly refer to as my brother. He has been my brother all my life, and I can't picture it without him. As Jaime says, I never have to worry about dying alone…always have Kevin.

So those are the people that make my world go round. Those are the ones that always come when I call, that I can never get rid of, no matter how I may try. And the best thing is that they are all friends, so I never have to worry about mixing them together. Kevin, Nick, Beth, Christina, Todd and I have known each other practically our entire lives…yet Katy and Jaime and the rest of our friends go together too. Hell, Kevin’s asked Katy out, Todd hooked up with Jaime, Jaime went out with Nick’s bassist, Christina took Kevin to the Christmas dance, and we all pretty much get together as often as possible.

And on days like today, when everything seems pretty dreary, I am really glad I have them here.

WHEW. I’m done now.