In keeping with my theme of non-stop driving all over upstate New York, I ended 2014 by rambling from Pennsylvania to Buffalo to Rochester. Tuesday I drove to my parents' house in PA and accompanied my father on his retirement breakfast party. It was awkward and people didn't know what to do, so I enjoyed that part. They gave him a really lovely Teavana tea chest and another big box of teas, which he loved (my sister told them what to buy). It would be strange to stop going to a place you have been going to for 35 years straight. That's like your weird second family that you will likely never see much again. I wondered if this made him a bit sad, but lately my parents are way into being hermits, so I doubt it. My sister and I went to a drugstore where I spied this delightful pink "makeup blending tool" which is clearly a butt plug for your face, talk about ass to mouth.

After PA, i drove through a typical white-knuckle, 20 mph wind tunnel white out passage from Springville to Buffalo. Why anyone would want to live between those two points is beyond me, it's always snowing crazily in those spots. It became a mesmerizing white blur and I go into a calm trance state as i mechanically navigate the road. my car is like a surefooted young mountain goat and i never really slide or have problems, so the only torment was that i couldn't pass people to my liking. Upon my arrival in Buffalo, Casey and I went to Chennai Express, which was ok. Someone should tell them that "express" lends itself to a takeout business name and also implies speed. none of these things were true about Chennai. The server was adorable and seemed eager to make things happy, so I held no grudges about the 5mm thick layer of pooling oil from my butter chicken and lack of naan. it tasted fine, but if i was Gordon Ramsey I would fling it from the table and start screaming "shit shit SHIT!" at everyone. They're new, so maybe they need a few months to settle into their own rhythm.

New Years Eve was fun at the Igloo rave thingy at the secret location you could only find out a few hours before the show. Liz and I made a bunch of masks (i could sequin things FOREVER) and we gathered the boys and huddled in a taxi. The site was a big old industrial space and they decorated and painted and there were many people,a really good crowd, but comfortable. I may or may not have been spaced out a little harder than everyone else and spent much of my time in a corner falling in love with a giant heater suspended from the ceiling. This has happened on a number of occasions now, when maybe i ate some mushrooms. On the fourth of july i was on a canoe floating down the canal and i fell in love with a giant excavator and could not stop looking at it and talking about it and it seemed so sexy to me. This time it was the heater. The lighting was blue and the heater had all these hoses coming out of the back and it looked like an alienbot that had tentacles and i just fucking loved it. The floors of that place were thick with spilled liquid and dancy feet and dirt. Thus, everything I wore was disgusting the next day. The music was really great and I love love love feeling the pulse of it invading my body. I hope I wasn't too obnoxious, but i enjoyed it immensely.

2015 had better be exotic and full of sexy machines, that's all i gotta say.

My initial guilt-laden statement for the evening is: I just got misty eyed watching Gordon Ramsey berate a duo of quarreling French siblings in a shitty LA bistro. Why don't I get to have a show where you tell everyone they're fucking stupid and their food tastes like shit? I would be so GOOD at that. I also feel that I could toss a plate aside with greatest disdain and make a sweeping motion to clear a whole tray of glasses in one great, grumpy smash... someone just has to give me a TV show and all the monies.

I am my own kitchen nightmare as I churned out pizzas and soup and cookies all weekend for the deceptively thin Cookie Monster who is Casey. Clearly, when you look at us side-by-side, you would assume that I'M the one drinking whole milk and eating cookies at night, but noooo. Much to his chagrin, I bought him a Christmas prize of Tokaido. It was the prettiest looking game at the nerd store and all the pear shaped, bearded man workers heartily agreed that it was a good game. They were very nice. The concept is easy, the details take a little adjustment to remember but it's a very easy game. You are progressing down a road and along the way collecting food, souvenirs, scenic vistas, and whatnot all while trying to block your opponents from having any fun. Since I am all kinds of ADD non-focused, the multiple cards, pictures, tokens, and buttons are ample distraction and perfect if you're looking for a Christmas choking hazard for toddlers (yes).

On Christmas Eve, I partook in my usual Tour Of Other Peoples' Holidays because I'm a holiday orphan. If you have a celebration, funeral, religious ceremony, or coming-of-age pageant, I will show up and observe you and drink up all your booze. My darling Liz and her family always let me into their home on Christmas Eve and it is very charming with figurines of santas and many, many doilies. Liz' mom Kate is a very intelligent, accomplished woman who somehow manages to maintain a dignified way of making anyone and everyone feel welcome and that she cares about them and is interested in their lives, which i think is a very charming social skill. Daddy Vince is a welcoming lover of toastmaking and is also very hospitable. I drank about 2 gallons of punch and vodka. They made little stations of heavy appetizers and it was very nice to circulate around and plunk down next to a new person and nibble and chatter before moving on, a very good idea.

Sadly, none of the pictures i'm trying to upload will work, so you have no visual evidence of anything. :(

Christmas Day, the never-to-be-photographed Casey arrived on the train and we hermitted at home and cooked and watched movies. It was very cozy and nice. Friday I had a couple of friends come over and play Tokaido with us. I think Casey had fun (?). My friend Ian successfully assassinated two people in the evening, continuing a game of Assassin that we started in the summer! I had a party and we all decided to assassinate each other and drew names. The more dedicated players waited until people had forgotten about it and have snuck in and finished people off. I would love to play Assassin with a whole town. My paranoia would finally be justified.

When I type on my outdated, decrepit, coughing old imac, I feel a certain victory for the cave dwelling technologically lazy people of the world. There is literally a felted layer of dust on it worthy of a Scottish fisherman's sweater. I also own a typewriter. I also have impeccable handwriting. So my blog will be a mincing child-step into interneting.

I've had all kinds of blogs, actually. The writing starts out in glorious rivers and then dries up to pitiful droplets and eventually dies completely. LiveJournal, anyone? Since no one is actually going to read my thing, I am going to babble to myself.

In keeping with this Buffalo theme, Casey and I went to celebrate Festivus with Joe's family. They are Identical Mouth Family and they can never lie about being related because they are all twinsies, it's very cute. I failed to get a picture of Mama-san because I didn't want to point a camera right in her face, but she made delicious homemade calzones that were delightful. Airing of Grievances was quite charming and apparently everyone was agrieved with poor Joe, but I was mostly enraged with Wegmans. I spend $150 every time I walk in there, even if it's for a lightbulb. You are entranced by the noises and lighting and in 5 minutes I've got armloads of cave ripened cheeses and exotic fruit. Fuck that shit.