This is very personal and won't prof read it so you may not want to read it............................................................................

So one of the things that is all ways tough to know is how much is to much to share in a blog .... Yes there draft mode and this may go into that mode.......

So Yes there are some things I love about my life taking Pictures, (e:strip)s events, lots of (e:peeps), going to wrestling events, some times a concert and Bandits games but alas.....

There has been so much stress at work oh gawd... And when it isn't work caused I'm not happy cause life thoughts come into my head at work... Doesn't help that I have what to me is a very long day... Hey I know some people work longer then my trip to work full day and home but I don't know if my body has ever really handled the job even when I did it as a temp and part time thing for a bit.......

The entire Bug thing still isn't finished... It is a constant battle I've been going through of trying to be neat... Get a room nice and clean then junk mail and stuff builds up and there goes the mess again....

The point I'm trying to get to is it as reminded me of issues I've had before (e:strip).... Wish I would have understood hey being this stressed out... That you don't care anymore means hey got get some help call someone..... Some of these issues have shown up on (e:strip) ... As an example Before a a met a certain (e:peep) (Again thank you so much for that wish back then I knew I had a problem ) I would plan on going to a party and then not go... Looking back a few years after that and when at Parties I then understood in was stress or anxiety or maybe more that would make me get sleep or so on edge I couldn't handle it....

There have been some changes at work a couple people leaving that made the place a lot of fun.... Just isn't the same with out them... I know I also have a history of losing contact with people for guessing a few reasons .... Sorry they are awesome people .... And yeah I'm sorry for that... Not that they know about this blog or will read it that I know of.... I've even again before being on this site worked with some great people .......

So maybe only 10-15 years late on Tuesday I'm going to Herizon should I be saying this on line even I don't know... And see what they can do.... I'm a bit scared but I need it... See what happens from there... (Child and Family services I took 4 free sessions through work but one issue is kinda hard to get to so had to get a ride from my mother didn't want to burden sister and niece with that...... I just wish at the end they would have like said or given me a next step .... I wish going there would have worked but alas I think I need more)

Should I be putting my issues on a public blog site..... Guessing not but getting it out I think is a good idea....... But won't be putting this on twitter or facebook that is for sure.....

One of my problems is I'm of two minds... What I mean is ... I know so many people have it worse then I do... but so many people have amazing lives and at my age some of that is really tough to deal with... someone I went to high school with kids are graduating ... Stuff like that I can't deal with.... Wait that is a bad example.. There is a part of me that wishes faith no wrong word that something would happen that I have no choice... Like they lock me up... Or I get fired....But I also think that second mindness is from something I have but we shall see what they say on Tuesday....

In the past I have had what I guess is common called Sunday Depression and I've thought that my life depresses me... and maybe there is no fix for that.... Yes I'm often very happy ... But so many times I'm "Just OK" when I should be happy...... Guess I end it here...

So Saturday Morning wasn't fun but finally Cable got fixed and showed up and took forever but now it works so.... Hope it lasts.... I didn't do a lot there .... And later that night did go to Eye Candy Burlesques show.... So many photos not sure where to start with that maybe I'll post a few ........

Granted not sure if these links will work hopefully they do so I can go back to cleaning.... You might even be able to edit my videos :) HA first one is fire dancing ......



I sure hope that kid who was going around got all of this and from like up front but the Ido or is that WeDo? quailty isn't very good but looks better then in did on the camera


Another FireDance Video


On an odd note I saw a bunch of cameras but it feels weird or maybe odd but not in a bad way that I haven't seen any other posts yet about the wedding on (e:strip)..... I'm sure they will show up.......

So There is this Rally all over the country and Buffalo is one of those cities ...I say go.... Hope it stays peaceful

Think we all agree that what Happened was bad and wrong but here are a few things from my perspective....

1. I have been followed in stores it doesn't feel good it really doesn't
2. I love my hoodies and wear them every where if I can... Now I don't know the temp but why wear one it is Florida sorry gotta ask ? Some people do wear the big hoods so you can't see the face... One year I walked in going to a store to buy stuff Halloween Party with big hood as part of costume asked to take off hood wasn't a big deal opps
3. There where crimes aka break ins... Whom ever looks different not only based on race is going to be assumed to be suspicious no one looks at their own kind....
4. I've been looked at and watched in certain areas where I look like I don't fit it...
5. Zimmerman isn't white and in many places he would be the one that gets followed
6. Watch Groups in Theory are a good idea there are problems that they can help Police with or stop before it becomes a problem... The problem is some of these people and Security Guards as well think they are cops or something more kinda like "ThePunisher" or some kind of Vigilante
7. Oh side note that yes I have been stopped by police for looking like someone else it was scary as hell cause I hadn't done anything.. Oh and they are the police. They found out it wasn't me and let me go.....No cuffs or back of car hands on car tough.... But someone untrained I don't want to even think about

The Entire thing is so crazy but only watched like the end of the case...
8. Stand Your ground laws aren't the same in every state
9. I don't have all the info but have heard they might be raciest
10. The way the law is in Florida is that there is no try to retreat aspect of it like in some states so any thing like Martin being followed....
11. So once a fight started all Zimmerman needed was to fear for his life for it to be justified Homicide...
12. If Trayvon was attacked and had a gun and shot him first he would have based on the law gotten off as well
13. Since it is your fear there is really with this case no way to prove that he wasn't afraid

Now all this doesn't mean it isn't a shame because it is... Yeah of course race is a big factor about what happened but with how the Florida law is they came up with the only decision they could.....

14. I heard one of the Jurors who like crying and saying how bad they felt they wanted to convict but legally they couldn't
15. What I don't understand is why not a lesser charge like manslaughter or wrongful death but again don't know the FLA law well enough.....
16. As a sidenote yes I'm a wrestling fan and there was a wrestler known as New jack that had tear drop Tattoos on his face.... Now his case wasn't really ever mentioned in the media but he was found not guilty in a multiple death in self defense (Sorry every thing I do there is a wrestling connection sorry)
17. I like Barrack Obama but I think him talking about the martin case might be over reaching ......
18. I know I've left stuff out but can't remember my other points doesn't make in not a tragedy
19. Lets not forget that the medias job is turn a profit and report the news and whom ever you watch there will be some bias .....

Here are the photos I'll talk after cause if anyone reads this then they can skip the chatter......




















































Again sorry for the lateness not sure how a screwed up asking for a ride ? It was fun time... Most of my shots are kinda distant... some of that is from being single I don't even know what the garter is about .. and again single so bouquet not really a thing either I mean single single not with someone wow it has been like that for a long time.... I know part of it is that I so not sure shy is right word keep to myself that isn't really it either.... but also some bad luck like someone was pretty cool online but she wasn't really looking like on line friends way far away... Dating sites are tough I can never tell if I would click with someone..... I don't make enough money to be some 21 year old's sugar daddy .. Nor is my tongue 9 inches and very soft.....

I would like to like dancing but I really don't there was a time when I did not sure what happened? Or maybe it was just the person I would dance with... Not sure what happened to me ?

Maybe it has something to do with being Irish and Angry a lot of the time yeah I'm laid back but somethings just piss me the fuck off!!!! For like no reason sometimes then other things that you might think would do bother me....

Not being a Touchy Family I could never dance with my mother... Oh no way.... But different families are different and I get that.... It was great to see though....

Thanks for Inviting me It was a lot of fun and am very happy for you two and I see a lot of love (not that I really know what that is completely myself) on the (e:strip) I just don't see how it will ever happen for me.....

When I left I could kinda feel a little wobble so it was a good time to stop drinking ... Plus when offered a ride... Plus not sure staggering in a suit would have resulted in a safe getting home... Seems like making one self a target.....

Now if I was a Dancer I would have been out on the floor and would have had to be tossed out... Side note hope the gift was enough and that it will be used for fun :) and if that means ripping apart and putting together the house again or changing colors it is for you two to use however .......................................................