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Enknot's Journal

enknot
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07/14/2011 12:01 #54701

How to Completely Lose a Life Partner
Category: unnerd
In case you don't know what's going on I have a friend who I've tried to get to start a blog on this site for a while cause he has a ton to say all the time that I think is really relevant; he kinda needs a blog. He hasn't started any blog that I know of and hence isn't an (e:peep), but you've seen him at a lot of parties for a year or two now so he is one in a round about way. I'd been really close friends with him for 15+ years by now. That's the larger half of my conscience life, but now we're almost enemies. Its perdy lame, kinda sad, and super dumb, but shit like this happens sometimes.

I was explaining why we're in a rough patch to a friend of ours and realized that other friends of ours might wanna really know what the hell is going on between us that things are so awful lately. To be honest I don't think this post will help much, and I wish I knew for certain. Still, I'm just glad to get this off my chest, cause I don't wanna think about it anymore.

I used to think the term 'life partner' was a little creepy and kinda gross especially when it was a caption in a photo that my buddy Andrew took of me and my friend Casey back when we were still tight. I've since come around to the idea because of a girl i've been seeing lately. She has a reaaaaaally close friend who she dubbed her 'life partner'. I've seen them together tons even though it never encroaches on alone time with her or being close to her in any way, and mostly both girls are just a fun addition to knowing either girl. They're even going as far as having a friendship ceremony that I think is a little beyond anything I'd ever do, but if I had to call anyone my 'life partner' I'd have to pick that Casey character.

...the message...

The Casey thing is sad and I wish it would go away, but he's outrageously stubborn and even though I've tried to just let this dumb shit pass he's pretty bent so I'm not involving my self with him anymore. He's a really fun dude in small sips, but too much is toxic, and not the fun Brittany kind.

He was really bent out of shape one night when I flirted with a girl he was standing next to that I later found out he was dating. As if I'd fuck his girlfriend?! When I found out who she was I was surprised and pleased he'd meet someone, he'd been down lately and doing weird things with his love life. I apologized and went home with a different girl that night, and though nothing of it until he came at me steaming from the ears. I don't think that this is the only reason we're at odds, but it was the beginning of the end. We weren't able to agree to disagree on what should have been done that night, but I thought it was stupid we were even fighting. In contrast one of the big reasons he moved to Cali was to be with my ex-girl Jenny (whom I've carried a simmering flame for ever since I met, which he must have known), but she turned him down. I didn't care really even though it hurt me cause if they really loved each other they should be together. Still getting a call or something from him would have been more than just nice. She brought it up and told me the details in the casually to be up front with me about things since we ended up keeping in touch, but he (almost understandably) denies it to this day... What do I do with that kind of crazy? Avoid it.. that's what.

Thereafter or maybe even since before then, Casey started hating me for as many reasons as anyone could hate me...yeah I don't know either. When I confronted him about why, he couldn't say outright. We'd get into a lame argument about every detail of us knowing each other that rubbed us the wrong way and couldn't put it down. Further into things he brought up some weird shit about "us not spending enough time with one another" and "me being dishonest about who I was spending time with cause he saw me in photos on Facebook in places he hadn't been invited to...." YEAH REALLY FUCKING GAY, and not the fun (e:pmt) kind! I'd had it and decided to try and move on.

To put salt in this wound I found all this out when I tracked him down beause I knew he'd been depressed. I hadn't heard from him for days and I seriously thought he might have offed him self. I was a bit freaked; then this happens...

l a m e.

So I decided to not hang out with him at all any more and told him not to come to my house unless he wanted to get it off his chest and get over it. To be fair to him I just told him to no come over. I didn't trust him anymore. His hatred and envy had drivin him to a place I was wary of allowing to be around me. Anyone who knows you that well and hates you can hurt you in ways you don't understand until it's too late, and I knew he was capable of it. He's a really smart dude and I'd seen him do it to people (we used to care about) before.

All in all. I've tried to be his friend through all this. Sending him details about stuff I knew he'd think is cool. Telling people it's just a phase and we'd get over it soon. I even went camping with him, even though I knew he'd be there but wasn't supposed to be in the original plans, this past weekend. I acted like nothing was wrong in hopes we'd clear all this up, but he wouldn't say a word to me now or even shake my hand, in what I considered a very intimate setting with only the closest of friends. It sucked. He took shitty little pot shots at me and tried to make me look like an ass in front of actual friends of mine the whole time, but I just kept my cool and tried to make the best of it...(pretty poorly since I was kinda crackin up about having to stay stuck in such an awkward place or ruining the trip for everyone else)

I'd come to the point where I don't really speak to the dude anymore so I decided to be in other places. When we did cross paths he'd just leave or not interact. When I see him in public I didn't bring anything up and treated him like a human being, since anything else would make me a douche bag.

Lately, he's decided that he should be around me and not speak to me and moved into to forcing him self into my presence just so he can hate at me and ruin good times and its really pissing me off, but whatever. At least that what its been feeling like. I'm sure I'll get over it as he fades into becoming a more of a stranger than anything else, but that's a terrible solution to a dumb problem... Oh well.

Hopefully he's found something that makes him happy in life and he's moving on... I'm trying to too, but it really sucks to loose a friend you've had for so long who was so close. Especially when they're going to such lengths to make your life worse. I'm torn up about it, but I won't cry any place but here. So, boo to the hoo, wahhh to the haaa. The dude taught me how to drive, some years I was the only one who gave him a christmas present, he's bailed me outta trouble too many times to mention, and we've told each other the closest details of our lives in confidence.

Thanks for listening if you've gotten this far. It's been cathartic writing it even if you didn't.

Look at this... shame it's all over now.
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  • I've made some edits to make things clear since the comments started on this. I don't think it's cause anyones comments to look lame, but if it did I apologize. This is just touchy and public and I want to be clear.
leetee - 07/20/11 20:32
Shame. Really is. Friendships of length and depth are like family, but the kinda family you get to choose, not the ones you are born into and stuck with. Which makes it all more meaningful. I hope, for your sake and his, both of you can find some sort of peace through all this and that there can be some sort of resolution.
jason - 07/15/11 20:15
This whole thing blows my mind. I have a stubborn belief that unless something REALLY fucked happens between two people that things can be mended. They almost always can be mended. With time. And patience. And humility. I hope that is the case because it seems you have lost something that matters. Not cool. All the best, man.
metalpeter - 07/15/11 16:27
So with the PS I had to re read it..... All I will ad really is this... It seems like there are people whom you both know or have circles that overlap and some times that can cause problems.... Or it might cause stuff to get worse.... Hopefully at some point you two can at least be civil cause I'm sure you two will wind up the same place some time...
libertad - 07/14/11 21:32
Btw, how many face book friends do you have?
libertad - 07/14/11 21:29
There isn't anything wrong with being a friend whore, at least in the sense that I meant it. I just think you got a lot of love to give and that is one of your attributes for sure. A lot of people would love to be as outgoing as you are but just aren't.

tinypliny - 07/14/11 19:01
FWIW, Casey is an awesome bloke. You are too. :)
tinypliny - 07/14/11 18:59
I am totally a friend whore. I admit it without shame. I cannot change for whoever. Some are born to be gregarious, some aren't. It's as simple as that, really. It's extremely hard for me to be extra special friends with anyone in particular because everyone is awesome in their own way and I just don't want to limit my horizons to just one best friend who "owns me". The last best friend who thought they had me all figured out didn't have a pleasant time when 10 of my other "best friends" came out from nowhere all through the day... I didn't apologize because I didn't feel sorry.
enknot - 07/14/11 18:45
No one should have to take a side in anything. This message isn't an argument for anyone to do so. I really am just trying to let people know how I see things. If that's a little biased I can't help it. I'm just a man.

If you know him you know how awesome he can be. Meet the dude, get to know him. Even if it gets toxic it'll be a fun time.
enknot - 07/14/11 18:43
I'd met some people by the lake and were all watching the sun set taking pics and drinking' booze (e:Terry) and Casey stopped down and we ended up having some nice times.

Hmmm, I guess I am kind of a friend whore, but everyone has their inner circle, as crappy as that can be for anyone who's either in it or out.

I've never decided to be a friend whore or any kind of whore for that matter. I always just was one since I was in a band for so long as the front man and it was my 'job' to be everyone's friend. I didn't even really have any real friends until the band broke up. He was certainly one of the only people I could have called friend since before i started doing music.

That's my old bands tee shirt he has on in that pic. I alway though it was a shitty design for a crappy band, but lots of people (especially Casey) didn't. He's said it was his favorite shirt from time to time and I didn't quite get that. I guess were just better friends than I understood.
tinypliny - 07/14/11 18:15
It seems like they have been playing that game where you sit cross-legged facing each other and do a series of complicated high-fives all over the place. What *IS* that game called?
tinypliny - 07/14/11 18:12
(e:libertad), you comment has somehow put this into perspective for me. In my case, I am the big friend whore, always was. It had caused (and continues to cause) so many problems with people who don't seem to get the fact that my "best friend" concept is a trifle different from theirs...

YEAH, what is going on there? ;-)
libertad - 07/14/11 18:03
This is always sad when a good friendship takes a turn. I think they can have their ups and downs and this friendship can rebound with some time as well. I'm definitely not taking a side either because I don't have all the facts but I could imagine it would be difficult if my good friend was such a big friend whore like you ;)

So what is going on in this picture?
metalpeter - 07/14/11 17:31
Wait Am I the one who is confused?
1. He Is an (e:peep) not sure who (e:) he is
2. Seen him at a bunch of (e:strip) parties
3. I could never remember his name But he reminds me in manner of speaking and looks a bit like Seth McFarlane (yes family guy)
4. Granted most people seem cool at parties

Sorry about everything that went down.... What I can say is this is if I had some chick with me whom was hot and you where flirting or hitting on her I can't say I would get upset .... But (I think everyone on this site and at (e:strip) events would agree that) you are a pretty rad/cool dude ....So I could see how my girl would rather have you then me.... Now if she was ignoring me to talk to you I could get upset......

Facebook can be a little crazy.... I can see how seeing someone you know is invited someplace you aren't or things like that could get real sticky.....

I think the real issue is that often times when there is an issue people don't come out and handle it and say how they feel then or at the right moment and then things build on top of each other and something that was small becomes huge.....

Who knows hopefully things work them selves out or can at least be civil cause the thing with Buffalo is...It is very small town in the fact that everyone knows everyone .......
enknot - 07/14/11 14:16
Me neither Joyti. I wish I understood what this is really about sometimes. I was just grasping at straws even mentioning what I did, trying to maybe make some sense of this. It'd be cool if we could just be dudes about this and punch each other in the fuggin' arm and go get a beer, but he'd hit me really hard and I'd hit him back and then he'd try some stupid MMA crap and he dont' even drink beers it'd be like some girly drink so yeah that's prolly why. I'm only going to remember him fondly, anymore. Like a dead loved one. Yeah. That dude that you see at parties isn't the dude i knew, he'd never be such a shit about something so undefinable.
enknot - 07/14/11 13:54
That being said. Facebook is just a tool, and if you let it ruin anything in your real life, then you're just a tool.
enknot - 07/14/11 13:53
Either way I don't think how anyone got there or why would matter if in the end we were just being decent people to one another. So if I made some inaccurate accusations or made some poor assumptions about anyone's intentions I apologize.

This isn't anyone's fault besides our own. I really loved that dude like a brother. Still do really. He's been with me through some of the worst moments of my life and most of the best. I just never though he'd ever be such an adversary in any one of them even if we decided to not hang out. It's kinda dumb that things are still stupid between us and I've done all I can to make things better, but I really just wanna move on if they're not going to improve.
tinypliny - 07/14/11 13:51
You two are a couple of really nice people. I don't see why silly things like girl drama should come in between. It's not worth it.

And yeah facebook = spawn of evil.
paul - 07/14/11 12:30
I am not taking sides but I just want to put this part in perspective because I feel like its partly my fault. You said, "He decided that he should be around me and not speak to me and moved into to forcing him self into my presence just so he can hate at me and ruin good times and its really pissing me off, but whatever. " .

However, I invited him during last Midnight Mass before I knew you were going. Afterwards, at Kim's bday party the following weekend - he was also contemplating not going because you were there and didn't want to get into an argument, but I convinced him that Brushwood was a big enough place for both of you. I think he was just trying to not get in a fight by not talking - in a way - its not as good as making up - but its way better than direct confrontation.
paul - 07/14/11 12:17
Personally I blame Facebook.

06/24/2011 18:13 #54566

Cartoons and Crapstorms: The post trend continues
Category: unnerd
Ok, so the author Scott Adams who pens Dillbert and dose some other things I'm sure wrote a blog post called "Pegs and Holes". In it he make some intrestingly badly made points so much so that he garnered the attention of Salon Magazine which prompted an interview article titled "Adams Takes on Salon"

Let's not forget that Scott Adams is the silly man who brought us Catbert, who is funny
image

A lot of things are said and are being argued about this blog post. Many of those things are things that may be in the post, but may also not be what the artist was intending, which brings me to my point for posting this blog here on (e:strip).

1. I know there are those of you who will be come polarized to one of the sides of one of these arguments. They are many ar becoming legion. I wonder what side of any or all of these arguments you're on.

2. I know one if not all of you have tried to make complex arguements that have grey points in them that become understood by the general public (and/or (e:strip) community) in a way that you didn't intend directly. It gets really fishy when normal people try to communicate like professionals. None of us have a cartoon strip that's been made into a TV series and/or the riches and attention that accompany it, but that hasn't stopped us from making mistaks.

3. I like enumerating things. I don't think people understand how much.

4. The part of this discussion that I care the most about and that may tie in to the last few posts that I have made are about human nature and the place for healthy mature masculine behavior in society.

Point for is my biggest concern, only because point three has less numerical value, but I digress.

As a horny single man I have to deal with these issues daily. Their discussions dictate my day to day dealings with those of the female kind and my shape the way those who know me understand my merit (or weather I can consider a person with any of that).

It's a rough topic... set of topics. It's the stuff I like to mull over when I have spare cycles in my brains, and pick other peoples brains for. Like I'm pickin' yours. Do tell..

paul - 06/25/11 10:12
I am fascinated by the amount of spam comments on that post. Its brilliant of the spammers to figure that out. I would be vigilantly pruning it.

The conversation would be so much different if you just removed woman as the object of desire. I also wonder if woman did not reproduce as a side effect of sex, if the discussion would be different. It such a serious consequence of uncontrolled male sexual aggression.

Do you think internet porn acts as a good outlet for these issues or just makes it worse?

06/23/2011 15:34 #54552

crazy twist after the last post
Category: unnerd
So apparently, some states have been sterilizing people against their will/and or understanding.

Yeah... I'm uh, full of fun news lately, but really you have to see this. Found this out after my friend who works for a Russian news site posted this link

CHECK THIS SHIZ OUT MANG!

paul - 06/24/11 08:56
Isn't that how planned parenthood started?
lauren - 06/24/11 08:31
If you are really interested in this, there is an excellent book called "Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty" which is an excellent look into the ways in which black women's reproduction has been controlled, both by forced child birth and forced sterilization, in this country.

06/21/2011 09:03 #54544

Herb and Fern garden
Category: unnerd
Here's a few shots of the herb garden this year. There's a strawberry plant hanging under the tiny roof behind me.

I found out you can eat these chive flowers. They're really yummy. so zippy they're spicy
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I don't know what this plant is
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Same mystery plant. I think it's mint. If so a mojito party will be breaking out soon.
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Organo, Thyme, Basil (of Course), Chives, Sage, Rosemary Cilantro, Catnip, and the mystery plant
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tinypliny - 06/22/11 21:32
Is that Fern's bike?? Wow, she must have grown up!
terry - 06/21/11 11:49
looks like mint to me

06/20/2011 10:29 #54541

Would you really want my bay-bee
Category: unnerd
Ok So I saw this article on a friends facebook page. Read the whole thing and now I have questions.

GET OUTTA THERE!
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I presume you read the article if you've continued thus far, but if not here's a quick recap. In this situation the woman held the mans seed in her mouth and impregnated her self later without the man's knowledge. They never had coitus. In any case, and the part that I'm most concerned with is this that the court feels that the child's care is most important, since they are now in the world one way or another, and that both contributing parties should take on the responsibilities as parents regardless of how the conception occurred.

I tend to agree with the court at that since really it's not the kids fault they're here, and they have a whole life to worry about while their parents bicker over what's fair. Still what can be done about this type of happen stance.

I've noted many times where a woman who wanted to hurt a man or keep him encouraged gestation or out and out caused it. Bad women sometimes think that it's a way to keep a man around when really it's just away to become a parent with complications.

If you were a woman what would make you come to these ends? As the mother of a man in a similar situation what would that make you feel? As a human being what rules/laws/practices/products would you dream up to ensure this kind of abuse dosen't happen to people (besides not sleeping around like a disgusting american)?

Speaking of that. Living with an Indian and understanding their mating and coupling practices even as much as I do has really opened my eyes to things. I don't think everything foreign is better all the time but it's obvious when some one else has gotten it right or at least a little better than you. Stuff like this is culturally waaaaay more difficult over there and I reeeeeeeaaaally like that, both as a single dad and the father of a lil girl...and as a scumbag american slut man.

metalpeter - 06/20/11 18:47
I read this story someplace else before and I have a few issues with Child Support my self? Maybe that ties into this a bit.... Here is my thought when there is only one child and no abuse child support shouldn't happen... When two people go to court and they say I want the kid no I want the kid the person whom can best care for the child should get the child and that includes providing for it... So if Mom is a lawyer and dad has a works flipping burgers and has some under the table side job mom lawyer gets the kid and dad sees him every other weekend and if it is vice versa dad gets her.... But the fact is when it comes to rights Moms get the rights unless they unfit and fathers get left holding the bag....... Not sure if that is National or just a NYS thing guessing national but that has to be a factor....

Now what I think with out being a lawyer and just reading this is they should have sued for breach of contract.... yes they made an oral contract about no kids till after Marriage ..... Of course you would have to prove that it was a legal oral contract and not sure how that is done....

Now to add a little bit of Levity to this....... This is a case in point for snowballing (not sure if that is the real term or just something Kevin Smith made up).... You love her right so right after words french Kiss her and prove it ..... HA....Gross.... But if you think enough about any sex act as much fun as they are they are all gross......
heidi - 06/20/11 16:06
oh duh. sorry. i really did roll over all the words! :-)
enknot - 06/20/11 16:06
It's in the post, under the word "article" in the first sentence. But here goes: :::link:::
heidi - 06/20/11 16:05
Would ya mind linking to the original article? I checked your FB page and didn't find it. Thanks for the clarification - and that's f'd up.
enknot - 06/20/11 15:59
The only control you have is where the contents of your body are. And the second they leave your body you've lost control, at least the guy in this case did.
enknot - 06/20/11 15:55
i'm not talking about a situation when either or both people want to be responsible at any point before or after conception. I guess I should have also mentioned that the woman held the mans seed in her mouth and impregnated her self later without his knowledge. So, yah. I'm talking about situation where the woman get the child she wants weather or not the man wants one. I'll amend the post, cause I agree wit h you hold hearted Heidi and I don't want your comment to look lame.
heidi - 06/20/11 15:45
I'd dream up... CONDOMS! Every time. Boys have plenty of control over the baby-making process - don't stick it there or wrap it up. I understand condoms break and accidents happen, but that's what morning-after pills are for, not that you can force someone to do that, but you can recognize your part in the accident and assist with the process.