waking up at 530 to workout. i hate it.


but i love the results im getting already and its only been a few weeks.



it takes hard work and dedication, and a verrrrrry early bedtime.


i have given up social life for exercise.

its much easier to get what you want if you just make it known. and even if you don't get it, you will be happier knowing you spoke your mind.

ps. exercise and eating right are addictive.

i found out this morning before work that a young man i knew from ub was shot and killed a few weeks ago.

i was completely shocked and upset. although i didn't know him too well, he seemed like a nice guy, and we kissed once. i hung out with him and a bunch of ub people one night and we drank and had fun and craziness. it was one of those random great nights that stay clear in your memory.

what is even more odd is that i have lots of photos of him in my laptop, from that night we hung out, and me and friends would look at them sometimes and laugh.

he was 23, and was murdered the same day he graduated. luckily the cameras in main street caught the murderer. the poor guy's mother had to spend mother's day making funeral arrangements.

it makes me think... i want to really live each day with meaning and be full of life. i know life is hard, but at this age i(and everyone my age) have so much to look forward to, and so many decisions to make and ways to shape my life....

i just don't want to live a wasted life. i don't want to ever feel sorry for myself again and or wish i have something i don't. it can all disappear like that.

i doubt i would have ever talked to him or reconnected with him, but he made an impact on my life. it's a wake up call, to realize how amazing my life is...

i am grateful to be here now.

i had this dream last night that the world was basically/possibly ending.

there was this giant flood everywhere and it destroyed most of the food.

i was somehow in blo and when the flood hit i was with my brother, and i was swimming with one arm so i could save my laptop, which i did.

then i met up with (e:paul), (e:mike), (e:terry), (e:hodown), and (e:matthew) and we headed to wegmans to buy lots of meat and some canned fruit and veggies.

we were living in some house in the sorta ghetto, maybe like one of (e:paul)'s first apartments.

i ended up in charge of the food, surprise, and, i decided the men should eat more so they could stay strong.

other people weren't taking the whole ordeal seriously but we were preparing for the worst, in the most fun way possible of course, with peppercorn covered steaks.

i decided, if the world does end in 2012, i would like the end it with these peeps. however, i really hope there is no end of the world in sight.

the remaining cost of my plane tickey to blo, 80 cent.

i was using up a voucher. it was actually too low a price and i had to call in to purchase it because the website kept getting all messed up.

i will only be in blo for a few hours... im coming there first so i can travel to aruba with my friend. if i flew from here it would be a 24 hour fiasco, which isn't my thing.

plus better to travel together than alone.

aruba by way of blo here i come!!!!!