I haven’t posted in a year. That pretty much tells you how the last year has gone.

What’s interesting is that the post regarding holiday-shopping-procrastinating which I wrote last year applies in whole to this year. [Notice I used hyphens like “holiday-shopping-procrastinating” is a real word].

It dawns on me I may never become Wonder Woman and I am appalled as I realize I may have reached my MMI (maximum mental improvement). I guess it (meaning me) never really gets any better than this. *bangs forehead on desk*

When it comes to Christmas, there are two kinds of people - people who shop ahead of time and people who do not. I am the latter.

Of the people who do not shop ahead of time, there are two kinds of people - people who did not shop ahead of time because they are very busy and people who just plain do not like to shop. I am the latter.

Of the people who do not like to shop, there are two kinds of people - people who do not like to shop because they are making a strong and personal statement that they are adverse to commercialism or people who are lazy. I am the latter.

I have been remiss in posting updates to my less than eventful life. Not sure anyone noticed.

December is a whirlwind for me just as it is for others. I am involved in a four-part acapella caroling group and this, ladies and gentlemen, is our hot time of year.

You see lots of interesting things when you are a caroler. People usually smile at you because for some reason people like hearing songs they have heard a million times but those songs seem more interesting as they are actually been sung by human beings in front of them. But I have also learned that people also become instantly uncomfortable the second you make eye contact with them. Maybe its because this is very different that hearing music coming out of speakers, a one-way direction that does not require interaction. You would be uncomfortable if speakers made eye contact with you. That's my theory.

So I look over their heads. Next time you see carolers, look directly at them and wear an interesting hat.

This blog is fast becoming about my mother. Today its about the fact that I could never throw the huge parties I do or provide the holiday feasts that I do without her. Nor my sister.

In my family, we alternate who hosts Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners. The funny thing is Mom is the one who cooks the elaborate meal no matter where it takes place.

I have been so busy with my jobs that this year, she even did the grocery shopping for me - for the meal I supposedly am cooking. (I actually don't think anyone is fooled). She checked the sales at each of four grocery stores and spent Monday getting the best deals. She spent clearly half of what I would have if I had gone to the same big fancy grocery store to which I usually go. She cut coupons and used rebates. I merely showed up at her house yesterday, loaded the groceries into my car and gave her a check.

To top it off, she made me dinner that was served with ice cold beer. I did get to help her by choosing which one of the rug samples looked best in the room that is her next project. But that's it. Tomorrow she comes to my house to help me prep the meal and make the desserts. She will bring all the utensils and households items I do not own. We will laugh, discuss all the current political races, and lament the state of the union.

So I ask you, what have I ever done in life to deserve the super-mom? Maybe its what I did in my last life. I wish I knew what that was so I could do it again.

It's gotten to that point. Since I moved back to Buffalo from NYC, I have gained 20 - count 'em - 20 pounds. Let me be clear, it is not Buffalo's fault, it is completely mine. Oh, and the changes in my life - my martial status has changed, my lifestyle has completely changed, my habits due to the lifestyle changes have completely changed, I'm older, and I have gone from working one job for 10 hours a day to working three some days fourteen hours a day. I have moved from eating low-carb for about seven years to eating was is readily available and quick. Not good.

There is good news. I think I am happier. Problems is because I am older, I just can't remember details enough to determine if the previous statement is in fact correct.

My mother tells me its okay that I have gained weight because she says before I was too thin. When I told her how much weight I gained, she said nice mommy things like "you can drop those couple pounds". Moms. Got to love 'em. That's the way it used to be. But my metabolism has really changed and I don't seem to be able to drop weight like I used to. It is a cruel joke your body plays on you. Insert evil snicker in here.

When I was in graduate school, I would drop between 5 and 10 pounds every exam period. That occasional life-altering event gave me lots of leeway in the weight department. Maybe I just need to go back to graduate school.