ok, so i have really been thinking about a lot of things lately. i don't know if this is good or bad.
it's just that i feel like i am at this strange point, where i can just totally move on from past experiences and relationships, or try to bridge the gap and reconnect or make peace with people.
i am just not someone who can totally forget everything and pretend it doesn't affect the person i am now, because it really does.
there are really only a few people i don't feel that i need to have any sort of closure with, well one, and i have no issues with that.
but, in other places, i feel friendships and people floating away, and it's now or never to decide what to do.
i'm rebuilding a connection with an old friend, and in this case, she seemed to drift for a long time, and i let her. i was angry for a long time, but i think since my grandma past, i really feel like it is important to take the opportunities we have when we do. she was going through an extremely hard time, and that is ok. i was just hurt that she pushed me away. the most important thing i realized is that there are so many time when she was there, and how many memories we share and that our friendship is a big part of what makes me, me.
anyway, this is sappy but true. don't hold grudges, it hardens your heart.
Lilho's Journal
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06/04/2008 00:49 #44538
im so confused!Category: relationships
06/02/2008 11:21 #44521
oilCategory: oil
i was reading the news at work yesterday. our census is so low at the hospital, and so things have been really slow, leaving me hours of sitting idly.
anyway, the price of gas in france is 11 or 12 something a gallon. in venezuela, a gallon of gas is 12 cents. lets all move to venezuela right?
i guess that it isn't as big of a deal in france, because gas was always way more expensive and it has only gone up 90% compared with 170% here in the u.s.
imagine filling up a hummer in france. what would that cost you? 250?
gas prices here are cheaper than in ny, but i definitely find myself wanting to drive less. wayyyyyy less. it makes a difference not commuting to school for the summer, and my work is relatively close. i drive with the windows down when i can.
all this makes me wonder, when will we finally stop using oil???
did anyone see charlie wilsons war? i think it is so crazy that the u.s. gave the afghans all those weapons to kill the soviets, and now we want to kill the afghans.
anyway, the price of gas in france is 11 or 12 something a gallon. in venezuela, a gallon of gas is 12 cents. lets all move to venezuela right?
i guess that it isn't as big of a deal in france, because gas was always way more expensive and it has only gone up 90% compared with 170% here in the u.s.
imagine filling up a hummer in france. what would that cost you? 250?
gas prices here are cheaper than in ny, but i definitely find myself wanting to drive less. wayyyyyy less. it makes a difference not commuting to school for the summer, and my work is relatively close. i drive with the windows down when i can.
all this makes me wonder, when will we finally stop using oil???
did anyone see charlie wilsons war? i think it is so crazy that the u.s. gave the afghans all those weapons to kill the soviets, and now we want to kill the afghans.
jenks - 06/03/08 15:14
I do not pretend to fully understand why gas prices are going up and up. To vastly oversimplify, I'm sure it's a combo of politics AND supply/demand issues.
But (you'll love this josh)- I work with a guy who is a well-educated smart guy. But he is 100% convinced that the gas crisis is COMPLETELY Bush crony-ism. I.e. he lets his oil CEO friends get rich so that they will do the same for him when he is out of office. He is sure that gas will be $2/gal the day after the election.
I for one think that view is a little extreme... but that's just me...
I do not pretend to fully understand why gas prices are going up and up. To vastly oversimplify, I'm sure it's a combo of politics AND supply/demand issues.
But (you'll love this josh)- I work with a guy who is a well-educated smart guy. But he is 100% convinced that the gas crisis is COMPLETELY Bush crony-ism. I.e. he lets his oil CEO friends get rich so that they will do the same for him when he is out of office. He is sure that gas will be $2/gal the day after the election.
I for one think that view is a little extreme... but that's just me...
joshua - 06/03/08 12:57
Take a look at how much per gallon the governments in Europe are taking in taxes on that gallon of gas. Its more expensive for many reasons but that is an enormous one.
I'm not getting into it here, but there are so many numerous misconceptions about why gas costs what it does that I could write a novel about it. I'll just summarize by saying that most Americans have a simplistic view of how it works, but truth be told, its a complex issue and and many variables in place, some of which are ignored depending on your agenda.
RE: Iraq and Iran, and the Afghani-Soviet war. Throughout American history we've taken flexible stances with governments that we are not allied with in order to achieve a larger objective. Iran and Iraq have long been distrustful of each other - we assisted Iraq and Saddam Hussein to stick one to the clerics in Tehran. We assisted the Mujahadeen to stick one to the Soviets.
Honestly, and this is no swipe at you (e:Z), but if I hear one more comparison to Cuba and the USA I'm going to throw up. Cuba out of a depression? C'mon. Cuba has been third world virtually the entire time a Castro has been around. We're talking about a country where the government provides a pair of shoes once a year and a sack of food every month. They haven't been in a depression because they've never had any degree of economic prosperity.
Take a look at how much per gallon the governments in Europe are taking in taxes on that gallon of gas. Its more expensive for many reasons but that is an enormous one.
I'm not getting into it here, but there are so many numerous misconceptions about why gas costs what it does that I could write a novel about it. I'll just summarize by saying that most Americans have a simplistic view of how it works, but truth be told, its a complex issue and and many variables in place, some of which are ignored depending on your agenda.
RE: Iraq and Iran, and the Afghani-Soviet war. Throughout American history we've taken flexible stances with governments that we are not allied with in order to achieve a larger objective. Iran and Iraq have long been distrustful of each other - we assisted Iraq and Saddam Hussein to stick one to the clerics in Tehran. We assisted the Mujahadeen to stick one to the Soviets.
Honestly, and this is no swipe at you (e:Z), but if I hear one more comparison to Cuba and the USA I'm going to throw up. Cuba out of a depression? C'mon. Cuba has been third world virtually the entire time a Castro has been around. We're talking about a country where the government provides a pair of shoes once a year and a sack of food every month. They haven't been in a depression because they've never had any degree of economic prosperity.
vincent - 06/02/08 22:09
(e:carolinian) I think you are on to something. Look at all the suburbanites trading their Explorers for Civics. We will be living like Euros in 10 years, which means the rich will live in the cities while the poor in the 'burbs, all while driving small cars.
(e:carolinian) I think you are on to something. Look at all the suburbanites trading their Explorers for Civics. We will be living like Euros in 10 years, which means the rich will live in the cities while the poor in the 'burbs, all while driving small cars.
metalpeter - 06/02/08 19:19
I didn't see that movie. But what gets even stranger is that both Iraq and Iran went from friends to enemies and we gave them weapons when they where our friends or maybe they were not our friends but they didn't like our enemy.
I didn't see that movie. But what gets even stranger is that both Iraq and Iran went from friends to enemies and we gave them weapons when they where our friends or maybe they were not our friends but they didn't like our enemy.
libertad - 06/02/08 18:03
da me mas gasolina. yeah I am all about not having a vehicle, living and working in the same place and getting produce locally whenever possible. Guercio's is super awesome for that. All that being said, when are you flying via a gas guzzling jet back to buffalo?
da me mas gasolina. yeah I am all about not having a vehicle, living and working in the same place and getting produce locally whenever possible. Guercio's is super awesome for that. All that being said, when are you flying via a gas guzzling jet back to buffalo?
carolinian - 06/02/08 12:28
If gas hits $6/gallon, suburbanites might move back to Buffalo. Wouldn't be ironic if after all of the attempts to revive Buffalo failed, what succeeded in reviving the city was the cost of gas.
If gas hits $6/gallon, suburbanites might move back to Buffalo. Wouldn't be ironic if after all of the attempts to revive Buffalo failed, what succeeded in reviving the city was the cost of gas.
zobar - 06/02/08 11:59
Something is definitely up with the oil supply. When gas was $3/gal people griped but it didn't really affect driving habits as far as I could tell. But now that gas is $4/gal the market really can't bear it. People really are cutting back on their usage.
I read an interesting article on Wikipedia about post-Soviet Cuba :::link::: - Cuba got heavily subsidized oil from the Soviet Union, which dried up more or less immediately once the Soviet Union fell and brought the economy with it. Sixteen years later, they're still not back up to their pre-Soviet level but they're out of the depression at least. One of the things I didn't think about was agriculture - many synthetic fertilizers [which are also widely used in the US] are petrochemicals. Cuba's produce is now 80% organic out of necessity.
- Z
Something is definitely up with the oil supply. When gas was $3/gal people griped but it didn't really affect driving habits as far as I could tell. But now that gas is $4/gal the market really can't bear it. People really are cutting back on their usage.
I read an interesting article on Wikipedia about post-Soviet Cuba :::link::: - Cuba got heavily subsidized oil from the Soviet Union, which dried up more or less immediately once the Soviet Union fell and brought the economy with it. Sixteen years later, they're still not back up to their pre-Soviet level but they're out of the depression at least. One of the things I didn't think about was agriculture - many synthetic fertilizers [which are also widely used in the US] are petrochemicals. Cuba's produce is now 80% organic out of necessity.
- Z
05/27/2008 01:36 #44459
say a little prayer(e:tina) was in a bad car accident with her boyfriend. she is ok, but he is in rough shape. so, just say a little prayer, whoever it is you pray to, and even if you don't pray, just send positive energy.
i'm not really one to pray, but i can hope for a speedy and full recovery, and just try to be there for my dear friend, even though i am far.
love you tina, and jeremy!!!!!!!
tina - 05/28/08 21:52
hey sarah thanks!
i love you and i miss you!
thanks for the phone calls, cell phones has to be off in the hospital
jeremy is doing better! i will call you soon with updates.
thanks!
hey sarah thanks!
i love you and i miss you!
thanks for the phone calls, cell phones has to be off in the hospital
jeremy is doing better! i will call you soon with updates.
thanks!
trisha - 05/28/08 10:36
oh my gosh how terrible. i hope she is OK.
i read somewhere that when word spreads and there are a lot of people out there praying or sympathizing, it actually helps the person recover.
oh my gosh how terrible. i hope she is OK.
i read somewhere that when word spreads and there are a lot of people out there praying or sympathizing, it actually helps the person recover.
brit - 05/28/08 05:19
sarah, how is Tina doing today?
sarah, how is Tina doing today?
05/22/2008 00:16 #44416
it's hard out there for a pimpCategory: summer
aka, me. but i'm not really a pimp so.
ok, when i finally have the time to blog, i get lazy.
i have decided to post my ten wishes for this summer, ya'll feel free to post yours as well. i like lists, they are easy to write and read, which really is important for me as far as blogging goes.
1. see (e:hodown) . people, it is number one, why you ask? well, she thinks all my jokes are funny, even the not funny ones. she is the only person i enjoy shopping with, ever. and she always know where to find the best restaurants, with cute chefs that we find ourselves wanting to make out with.
2. see the ocean, and swim in it. okay, i did see ocean, and put my feet in, but it was really cold, and i need a full day at the beach, a real beach.
3. enjoy le pool and have at least two pool parties.
4. pay off car, and most other debt. note to self: you do not need a new outfit every week, this is rediculoud and frivolous and you do not want to end up like edie sedgwick, even though you do not have an inheritance to blow, and you are not thin or famous or a druggie, or friends with andy warhol but still.
5. find a girlyfriend that likes art and is arty and fashionable.
6. eat kobe beef.
7. lose 10 pounds. this is really always a wish, its like a lifeforce actually.
8. go to blo. sorry it is so far down on le list, but sista comes first, and then work, so here we are. if not summer, then early fall. i hate oil and cars and all that. and the fact that american airlines now charges to check bags, wtf?
9. read at least 5 really great books. im open for suggestions. but no thrillers or mystery or anything scary.
10. hike camelback at least once. this is more like a death wish, but i just need to do it to prove myself or something.
there it is, once i get the photos of my cousins wedding i will post. later peeps, stay cool.
ok, when i finally have the time to blog, i get lazy.
i have decided to post my ten wishes for this summer, ya'll feel free to post yours as well. i like lists, they are easy to write and read, which really is important for me as far as blogging goes.
1. see (e:hodown) . people, it is number one, why you ask? well, she thinks all my jokes are funny, even the not funny ones. she is the only person i enjoy shopping with, ever. and she always know where to find the best restaurants, with cute chefs that we find ourselves wanting to make out with.
2. see the ocean, and swim in it. okay, i did see ocean, and put my feet in, but it was really cold, and i need a full day at the beach, a real beach.
3. enjoy le pool and have at least two pool parties.
4. pay off car, and most other debt. note to self: you do not need a new outfit every week, this is rediculoud and frivolous and you do not want to end up like edie sedgwick, even though you do not have an inheritance to blow, and you are not thin or famous or a druggie, or friends with andy warhol but still.
5. find a girlyfriend that likes art and is arty and fashionable.
6. eat kobe beef.
7. lose 10 pounds. this is really always a wish, its like a lifeforce actually.
8. go to blo. sorry it is so far down on le list, but sista comes first, and then work, so here we are. if not summer, then early fall. i hate oil and cars and all that. and the fact that american airlines now charges to check bags, wtf?
9. read at least 5 really great books. im open for suggestions. but no thrillers or mystery or anything scary.
10. hike camelback at least once. this is more like a death wish, but i just need to do it to prove myself or something.
there it is, once i get the photos of my cousins wedding i will post. later peeps, stay cool.
brit - 05/22/08 05:28
what about swimming with the dolphins in the land of corn betch!
It's hot here, and the beach is beautiful which is preventing me from doing any work!
xoxoxox
what about swimming with the dolphins in the land of corn betch!
It's hot here, and the beach is beautiful which is preventing me from doing any work!
xoxoxox
mrdt - 05/22/08 04:09
It sure is hard...
I'd like to suggest George Orwell's "Down and Out in London and Paris." Always a great read or Hemmingway's "Old Man and the Sea." But hey, I'm a sucker for the classics.
It sure is hard...
I'd like to suggest George Orwell's "Down and Out in London and Paris." Always a great read or Hemmingway's "Old Man and the Sea." But hey, I'm a sucker for the classics.
05/29/2008 20:54 #44486
i've stepped up to the plateor so says (e:hdown). she says i've become a nice young woman, or something like that. and that our grandma would be proud.
all i have to say is wow. this is coming from the person who does not give compliments often, and the same person who has been teasing me since my wee years. like the time she told me the foam in the ocean is fish pee, and i didn't swim for 5 out of 7 days.
anyway, it means a lot. it's just nice to hear that someone really thinks highly of you, especially when things around you seem to be crappy.
i really really wish that me brother could just get his shit together. if you have a sibling that constantly seems to be barely staying afloat, i am sure you understand. it just sucks because i love him, but i know that it will always be like this. every holiday a mess, with my mom sad because he isn't there, or he is there and not doing well. and we want her to be happy, because she has worked so hard for whats she has, but i know that when you are a mother, the burden of your children always weighs heavy on your heart.
the more i think about it, the more i am not sure if i ever want kids. i like to sleep for one. i like being selfish. and most people don't realize how hard it is to raise a healthy happy person. i honestly think that if i decide i want kids, i would rather adopt. i think there is something more relieving about that. plus not having to go through almost a year of torture and then being fat and having to lose all that weight.
so many people in my family are so messed up, and with my dna, i don't want a baby that has a severe hearing loss, or addictions issues, or mental health issues, that would absolutely break my heart.
none of these things are anywhere in the near future for me, but i have just been thinking about it a lot.
i played hooky today, and got my nails did. and i bought a new dress. yippee. i am going to see the new indiana jones movie tonight. to smoke or not to smoke?
i am so sick of my one job, and the urge to quit looms. i will not though. i am on the "summer 2008 pay off my car and other debt" plan. wish me luck. i think the plan would work better if i stopped buying dresses and getting my nails done. but i loooooooove getting nails done. and the place has a uv dryer for hands and feet. it's the bestest ever.
oh and death cab is coming, and i am going to see them, and that is super exciting.
and i know this is random, but i am so sick of stupid bitches at work who refuse to talk to me. i really think it is because i dress girly, and i am pretty. i am not saying this in a bitchy way. because everyone who knows me, likes me, but that is such a lame reason to dislike someone. maybe i could be the same way sometimes, but this is redic. anyway, they have bad fashion, so i should just feel sorry for them right?
ps. the mormon keeps calling me. i am so done even talking to him. the thought of him repulses me.
for some reason, everytime i try to post pics it doesn't work, and i have a million. wah.
and this has nothing to do with anything, but i really hate madonna and her grossly muscular man arms. i just really am so over her.
if you read this far, you need to find something to do.
all i have to say is wow. this is coming from the person who does not give compliments often, and the same person who has been teasing me since my wee years. like the time she told me the foam in the ocean is fish pee, and i didn't swim for 5 out of 7 days.
anyway, it means a lot. it's just nice to hear that someone really thinks highly of you, especially when things around you seem to be crappy.
i really really wish that me brother could just get his shit together. if you have a sibling that constantly seems to be barely staying afloat, i am sure you understand. it just sucks because i love him, but i know that it will always be like this. every holiday a mess, with my mom sad because he isn't there, or he is there and not doing well. and we want her to be happy, because she has worked so hard for whats she has, but i know that when you are a mother, the burden of your children always weighs heavy on your heart.
the more i think about it, the more i am not sure if i ever want kids. i like to sleep for one. i like being selfish. and most people don't realize how hard it is to raise a healthy happy person. i honestly think that if i decide i want kids, i would rather adopt. i think there is something more relieving about that. plus not having to go through almost a year of torture and then being fat and having to lose all that weight.
so many people in my family are so messed up, and with my dna, i don't want a baby that has a severe hearing loss, or addictions issues, or mental health issues, that would absolutely break my heart.
none of these things are anywhere in the near future for me, but i have just been thinking about it a lot.
i played hooky today, and got my nails did. and i bought a new dress. yippee. i am going to see the new indiana jones movie tonight. to smoke or not to smoke?
i am so sick of my one job, and the urge to quit looms. i will not though. i am on the "summer 2008 pay off my car and other debt" plan. wish me luck. i think the plan would work better if i stopped buying dresses and getting my nails done. but i loooooooove getting nails done. and the place has a uv dryer for hands and feet. it's the bestest ever.
oh and death cab is coming, and i am going to see them, and that is super exciting.
and i know this is random, but i am so sick of stupid bitches at work who refuse to talk to me. i really think it is because i dress girly, and i am pretty. i am not saying this in a bitchy way. because everyone who knows me, likes me, but that is such a lame reason to dislike someone. maybe i could be the same way sometimes, but this is redic. anyway, they have bad fashion, so i should just feel sorry for them right?
ps. the mormon keeps calling me. i am so done even talking to him. the thought of him repulses me.
for some reason, everytime i try to post pics it doesn't work, and i have a million. wah.
and this has nothing to do with anything, but i really hate madonna and her grossly muscular man arms. i just really am so over her.
if you read this far, you need to find something to do.
metalpeter - 05/30/08 19:24
I don't know if this is the case where you work but I do know at some places they have this kinda initetion thing where they don't talk to the "New People" for like the first 6 months it happened to someone I know and I have heard some hospitals or parts of them are like that, or maybe they just don't know you and like each other so they figure what is the point.
I don't know if this is the case where you work but I do know at some places they have this kinda initetion thing where they don't talk to the "New People" for like the first 6 months it happened to someone I know and I have heard some hospitals or parts of them are like that, or maybe they just don't know you and like each other so they figure what is the point.
imk2 - 05/29/08 21:39
you'd be surprised; as much as pregnancy is portrayed as being horrible and difficult, a lot of women actually enjoy being pregnant. they feel that it makes the bond between the baby and them All the more stronger. I guess feeling the baby Kick and move throughout their pregnancy is Kind of cool. I just had a conversation about this with my best friend and She was saying that often times she misses being prego. personally I didn't mind it so much either. Its amazing how different people treat you when you're pregnant. sometimes it's good, sometimes its annoying, but I definitely think it's something worth experiencing. Although adoption is a wonderful thing, there is a difference between having a child that is a part of you, an extension of your own body, an expression of love between you and your partner (provided you ARE in love with your partner). Pregnancy is a wonderful way to bring two people who are in love, even closer together. It's too bad that then actually raising the child can put such an enormous strain on a relationship.
And I'm sure youve heard this a million times, but youre still so young; you have well over a decade to decide what you want to do.
you'd be surprised; as much as pregnancy is portrayed as being horrible and difficult, a lot of women actually enjoy being pregnant. they feel that it makes the bond between the baby and them All the more stronger. I guess feeling the baby Kick and move throughout their pregnancy is Kind of cool. I just had a conversation about this with my best friend and She was saying that often times she misses being prego. personally I didn't mind it so much either. Its amazing how different people treat you when you're pregnant. sometimes it's good, sometimes its annoying, but I definitely think it's something worth experiencing. Although adoption is a wonderful thing, there is a difference between having a child that is a part of you, an extension of your own body, an expression of love between you and your partner (provided you ARE in love with your partner). Pregnancy is a wonderful way to bring two people who are in love, even closer together. It's too bad that then actually raising the child can put such an enormous strain on a relationship.
And I'm sure youve heard this a million times, but youre still so young; you have well over a decade to decide what you want to do.
hodown - 05/29/08 21:15
1. Dont hate appreciate Madonna. She is the material girl and she is living in a material world. You could learn something from her.
2. 2008 is the year of the slack for me. Kinda like summer of George (Seinfeld) but "Year of Jessica". This would not be possible with out the littlest of Ho's. Seriously I know we all give her a hard time- but the girl is steppin up like if she was in "Step Up 2: The Streets".
3. If you get manicures- UV Dryers are so necessary.
1. Dont hate appreciate Madonna. She is the material girl and she is living in a material world. You could learn something from her.
2. 2008 is the year of the slack for me. Kinda like summer of George (Seinfeld) but "Year of Jessica". This would not be possible with out the littlest of Ho's. Seriously I know we all give her a hard time- but the girl is steppin up like if she was in "Step Up 2: The Streets".
3. If you get manicures- UV Dryers are so necessary.
Um didn't I tell you this before? I Think sometimes when people are going through hard times they withdraw rather than reach out because it may be just too hard. I'm glad you guys are back togehter
not nicole. i think she still needs to be punched. by me.
ps. you are allowed to have one or two enemies, or just one nemesis. because, sometimes there are people that are bad seeds, and there is just no getting around that.
I'm really impressed. I've taken a personal inventory before, and part of that was to try to connect with old friends and apologize to people you've hurt. You're doing the right thing.
I know that when I go through rough periods, I pretty much shut people out too. When things are rough you don't want to be a burden, you have little energy or motivation, and it usually has nothing to do at all with how you view the people around you. It's really easy to forgive people for sinking into a hole.
I hope this is Jessica and not Nicole. I went through too much drama for you to be friends with Nicole now.