So for Valentines Day I did buy myself some candy. Thankfully I didn't have time to eat it on Valentines day. I went to Club Diablo. I have to admit that is one cool club. That is off course unless you hate devils or at least pictures of them. Before I even heard any of the bands they had this wild movie with vampires and naked chicks and blood it looked old but cool. I was just happy to see it wasn't an all guy fest and to be not be at home by my self. Music wise I had heard kryst, End of an Era, and As Summer Dies music only on line. I liked all 3 bands and thought they where all very good. Plus of course there where lots of cute ladies there, well maybe cute isn't the correct word but there was some hotness there. That was the other thing that worried me was that with it being 16+ show that there would be a bunch of young kids. Yes there where a few but wasn't bad. Some of them got to go up on stage and sing with "As Summer Dies" that was pretty cool and you gotta give props to hardcore fans like that. Back to the ladies my age I don't know what it is about Tattoos that are hot (not that they where all tatted up). I find it all most impossible to talk to ladies at a show for a few reasons.
1) The reason I'm there and (I assume them to) is to see the show not pick someone up
2) When the band is playing you are watching them and paying atention to that, plus I don't know much about the bands
3) often times people there are with the band or know them so hitting on someone who knows the band or could even be dating someone in it would be bad
All that being said I had a good time and it was fun and I would sure go back again for another show.

There was also a show after words. Soma was one of the DJ's and was up first. I have to admit I didn't think I would like electronica but it was very good. I wish I could have stayed for it. But I made one mistake and that last drink had a nasty effect on me so I had to go. And there where two cute ladies out side smoking. I bring that up because I should have said hello but with how I was feeling that could have gotten nasty. But sometimes girls smoking is kinda sexy. I know I shouldn't encourage that but some girls the way they do it it looks hot. It is also hot on an emotional level or maybe it is on the thought lever (hey if they will put that nasty thing in there mouth then I know there is something else they will, or I got something white that will taste better then that for them to put in there lips) Yeah it kinda sick but I can't help it I don't try to be that way those thoughts just come to my mind.

I hope everyone has a great time at the dinner tonight. I'll be having fun at the Bandits game, hope they win. I hope everyone at the very least did something nice for Valentines, and also has a great weekend.

I will be the first to admit that I don't read books hardly ever. I don't know I'm more of a TV or Video or visual type of guy I guess. But On yahoo (from NPR) I saw this story about this guy who thinks being sad or blue is ok and has a purpose. He does go on to say he doesn't mean very bad depression. It is an interesting Idea. I think his book would make very good reading and the article is below or for those who want to read it in original form

Plus they have some other links I would like to check out also that could be interesting also. I do kinda think that everyone does have a natural mood or way that they see the world and maybe all ways being kinda blue (as long as it isn't so strong that is causes a lot of problems) isn't as bad as everyone thinks it is. After all don't we all hate those people who are all ways super happy and you think the world could end and they would still find a reason to smile.

All Things Considered, February 11, 2008 · Author Eric G. Wilson has come to realize he was born to the blues, and he has made peace with his melancholy state.

But it took some time, as he writes in his new book, a polemic titled Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy.

At the behest of well-meaning friends, I have purchased books on how to be happy. I have tried to turn my chronic scowl into a bright smile. I have attempted to become more active, to get away from my dark house and away from my somber books and participate in the world of meaningful action. ... I have contemplated getting a dog. I have started eating salads. I have tried to discipline myself in nodding knowingly. ... I have undertaken yoga. I have stopped yoga and gone into tai chi. I have thought of going to psychiatrists and getting some drugs. I have quit all of this and then started again and then once more quit. Now I plan to stay quit. The road to hell is paved with happy plans.

Wilson has embraced his inner gloom, and he wishes more people would do the same.

The English professor at Wake Forest University wants to be clear that he is not "romanticizing" clinical depression and that he believes it is a serious condition that should be treated.

But he worries that today's cornucopia of antidepressants - used to treat even what he calls "mild to moderate sadness" - might make "sweet sorrow" a thing of the past.

"And if that happens, I wonder, what will the future hold? Will our culture become less vital? Will it become less creative?" he asks.

Wilson talks to Melissa Block about why the world needs melancholy - how it pushes people to think about their relation to the world in new ways and ultimately to relate to the world in a richer, deeper way.

He also explores the link between sadness, artistic creation and depression - which has led to suicide in many well-known cases: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Hart Crane and Ernest Hemingway, for instance.

Wilson says perhaps this is "just part of the tragic nature of existence, that sometimes there's a great price to be paid for great works or beauty, for truth."

"We can look at the lives of Dylan Thomas, Virginia Woolf, Hart Crane and others and lament the fact that they suffered so. Yet at the same time, we're buoyed, we're overjoyed by the works they left behind," Wilson says.

The husband and father of a young daughter also acknowledges that melancholy is "difficult terrain to negotiate in domestic situations." He says there are certainly times when his family hoped he would be "happier," and yet they would not want him to pretend to feel something he doesn't.

Wilson says that by taking his melancholy seriously, his family ultimately will get to know him more deeply and develop a more intimate relationship with him.

"To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person," he says.
Excerpt: 'Against Happiness'

by Eric G. Wilson





Conclusion

The gene pool - before and beyond time - froths and sloshes. What flops up onto the temporal shores is a matter of chance, a product of the waves' whims. At some point this teeming reservoir of DNA spumes forth a saturnine gene, a double helix destined to produce melancholy dispositions. From this instant onward what we know as human history begins: that striving, seemingly endless, toward an ungraspable perfection, that tragic effort to reach what exceeds the grasp, to fail magnificently. This gene, this melancholy gene, has proved the code for innovation. It has produced over the centuries our resplendent towers, yearning heavenward. It has created our great epics, god-hungry. It has concocted our memorable symphonies, as tumultuously beautiful as the first ocean. Without this sorrowful genome, these sublimities would have remained in the netherworld of nonexistence. Indeed, without this genetic information, sullen and ambitious, what we see as culture in general, that empyreal realm of straining ideas, might have never arisen from the mere quest for survival, from simple killing and eating.

We can picture this in the primitive world. While the healthy bodies of the tribe were out mindlessly hacking beasts or other humans, the melancholy soul remained behind brooding in a cave or under a tree. There he imagined new structures, oval and amber, or fresh verbal rhythms, sacred summonings, or songs superior to even those of the birds. Envisioning these things, and more, this melancholy malingerer became just as useful for his culture as did the hunters and the gatherers for theirs. He pushed his world ahead. He moved it forward. He dwelled always in the insecure realm of the avant-garde.

This primitive visionary was the first of many such avant-garde melancholics. Of course not all innovators are melancholy, and not all melancholy souls are innovative. However, the scientifically proved relationship between genius and depression, between gloom and greatness suggests that the majority of our cultural innovators, ranging from the ancient dreamer in the bush to the more recent Dadaist in the city, have grounded their originality in the melancholy mood. We can of course by now understand why.

Melancholia pushes against the easy "either/or" of the status quo. It thrives in unexplored middle ground between oppositions, in the "both/and." It fosters fresh insights into relationships between oppositions, especially that great polarity life and death. It encourages new ways of conceiving and naming the mysterious connections between antinomies. It returns us to innocence, to irony, that ability, temporary, to play in potential without being constrained to the actual. Such respites from causality refresh our relationship to the world, grant us beautiful vistas, energize our hearts and our minds.

Indeed, the world is much of the time boring, controlled as it is by staid habits. It seems overly familiar, tired, repetitious. Then along comes what Keats calls the melancholy fit, and suddenly the planet again turns interesting. The veil of familiarity falls away. There before us flare bracing possibilities. We are called to forge untested links to our environments. We are summoned to be creative.

Given these virtues of melancholia, why are thousands of psychiatrists and psychologists attempting to "cure" depression as if it were a terrible disease? Obviously, those suffering severe depression, suicidal and bordering on psychosis, require serious medications. But what of those millions of people who possess mild to moderate depression? Should these potential visionaries also be asked to eradicate their melancholia with the help of a pill? Should these possible innovators relinquish what might well be their greatest muse, their demons giving birth to angels?

Right now, if the statistics are correct, about 15 percent of Americans are not happy. Soon, perhaps, with the help of psychopharmaceuticals, we shall have no more unhappy people in our country. Melancholics will become unknown.

This would be an unparalleled tragedy, equivalent in scope to the annihilation of the sperm whale or the golden eagle. With no more melancholics, we would live in a world in which everyone simply accepted the status quo, in which everyone would simply be content with the given. This would constitute a dystopia of ubiquitous placid grins, a nightmare worthy of Philip K. Dick, a police state of Pollyannas, a flatland that offers nothing new under the sun. Why are we pushing toward such a hellish condition?

The answer is simple: fear. Most hide behind the smile because they are afraid of facing the world's complexity, its vagueness, its terrible beauties. If they stay safely ensconced behind their painted grins, then they won't have to encounter the insecurities attendant upon dwelling in possibility, those anxious moments when one doesn't know this from that, when one could suddenly become almost anything at all. Even though this anxiety, usually over death, is in the end exhilarating, a call to be creative, it is in the beginning rather horrifying, a feeling of hovering in an unpredictable abyss. Most immediately flee from this situation. They try to lose themselves in the laughing masses, hoping the anxiety will never again visit them. They don inauthenticity as a mask, a disguise protecting them from the abyss.

To foster a society of total happiness is to concoct a culture of fear. Do we really want to give away our courage for mere mirth? Are we ready to relinquish our most essential hearts for a good night's sleep, a season of contentment? We must ignore the seductions of our blissed-out culture and somehow hold to our sadness. We must find a way, difficult though it is, to be who we are, sullenness and all.

Suffering the gloom, inevitable as breath, we must further accept this fact that the world hates: we are forever incomplete, but fragments of some ungraspable whole. Our unfinished natures - we are never pure actualities but always vague potentials - make life a constant struggle, a bout with the persistent unknown. But this extension into the abyss is also our salvation. To be but a fragment is always to strive for something beyond oneself, something transcendent - an unexplored possibility, an unmapped avenue. This striving is always an act of freedom, of choosing one road instead of another. Though this labor is arduous - it requires constant attention to our mysterious and shifting interiors - it is also ecstatic, an almost infinite sounding of the exquisite riddles of Being.

To be against happiness, to avert contentment, is to be close to joy, to embrace ecstasy. Incompleteness is the call to life. Fragmentation is freedom. The exhilaration of never knowing anything fully is that you can perpetually imagine sublimities beyond reason. On the margins of the known is the agile edge of existence. This is the elation of circumference. This is the rapture, burning slow, of finishing a book that can never be completed, a flawed and conflicted text, vexed as twilight.

Excerpted from Against Happiness by Eric G. Wilson. Copyright © 2008 by Eric G. Wilson. Published in January 2008 by Sarah Crichton Books, a division of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC. All rights reserved.

First of all I decided or maybe I'm just to lazy to put them up not to put up pictures from the Canisius weekend. Second I changed my user picture for two reasons. One is as much as I like the one with Timika and Carey. I thought this was a good one for valentines day. I will get to my Valentines day question in the next paragraph. For those that don't know this picture is from a 30 seconds to mars poster. Yeah this is kinda a smoshed version of it but that is ok. By the way they have a new Video and New website attached to it I myself really like the video and I think they are really trying to make things better and not just using there fame to make it look like they are trying to do the right thing. As I have said in the past I'm not really a fan of Valentines day but I'm trying to not hate it so much and maybe will have a good time on it this year. This assumes I don't lame out, that is all ways a good chance of that with it being so late into the work week.

Sometimes there are things that I think about and go "I wonder". It isn't that I'm looking for deep meaning it is that they just come to me. I thought that most Escorts are paid for my married men or guys/gals in relationships(I assume this is the case with call girls, hookers, or even street walkers). Yes single men also use that. But I assume that for single men the bar is an easier way. I also assume this cause lets say I liked being raped that is something I can't tell the women she might leave me, or say to never mention it again. But now say there is this thing that really gets me off but the women won't do it so I have to find someone to pay to do it. I know that some hotels have these romance packages for couples. I think that is a nice idea and they even have specials. But what I'm wondering is that since business is brisk on Valentines day do Hookers or anyone is the sex trade run Valentines day specials as a way to draw more people in and make up for all there lost business? Or is it just the other way that they figure that single guys won't want to be alone so they can charge them more? Hey if anyone knows I would love to know the answer to this. I'm not saying I'm going to go get one, I just think it is kinda interesting. I will admit it does sound kinda fun, except for the STD Dangers and the fact that if you do an artvoice ad what if she shows up and you aren't into her. I also wonder what would happen if you offered the person a box of chocolate? Or maybe even came up with some interesting thing to do with them?
Like I said I don't try to think of stuff like this it just kinda comes to me out of nowhere.

This weekend I bought "Across the universe" I'm almost done watching the second disc. It is an odd movie to say the least. But it does get better once you listen to the commentary. With out giving anything away there is a really weird but interesting Eddie Lizard (I know that isn't right but you fans of his know who i mean) scene. All in all I like the movie. The thing to remember is that is a musical so that tells all most all of the story. The other thing is that if you see the previews for it and like the guy who sings voice then you will like the movie but if his voice you don't like then there is no sense in seeing it cause he isn't the only character but he kinda leads it. I found that all the actors can both act and sing pretty good so it is very enjoyable. That being said if you are "beatles purest" you might not like it since they kinda tinker with the songs. Some of the visual aspects are really good. I admit I thought Bono's part was going to suck hard and not in the good way but his part I really liked and thought he did a good job.

So today on the way out to target to get a gift for the sis's birthday we went out Best to Walden. Is it just me or are there lots of boarded up houses that are in need of a good fire? Of course that isn't really a solution since often there is a lived in house next to them. I wonder if someone was to buy one of those and assuming it hasn't all ready been done take out all the wood and pipes and stuff like that if you could turn a profit doing that. The odd part was when we passed a field and I remembered that someone I used to know (ok still know them but it seems like forever since I've seen them) lived in a house where that field is now. I'll admit that I don't have a good idea to how to fix the empty boarded up house problem. But I do know that there should be some way to help make the nieghboorhood better then just letting them sit there with smashed windows.

Now to contrast that we wound up going to a 2nd target. Yes 3 targets in two days, yes. Bye the way I love all there ads. Like the ones that everything is in red or all those new converse great converse ads where at the end the quickly mention to buy them at target, great smart ads. They have those ones where everything is red or blue or green. One of them even uses a cover of a Beatles song I think. The one we got the gift at was on transit wow it is big there is tons of frozen food and they have breed and all kinds of stuff. But what I found interesting is that they had a Starbucks inside. Granted I'm not a Coffee person my self. But what makes it more interesting is that they also sell starbucks coffee inside and that they also sell the little bottles in 4 packs. Where things get kinda ironic is that they also have a little pizza hut place next to the starbucks and get this in the cooler they sell those little cold starbucks drinks.

I hope everyone had a good weekend, and that the work week isn't to bad. I think I will go to a concert for Valentines day. Hope everyones else does something nice even if it just buying a giant box of candy turning on cable going to adult on demand and getting a nice porno movie as you drink a bottle of wine or maybe Jack Daniels and sing Janis Joplin songs or even better yet watch "V for Vendatta" "300" and "Valentines Day" or some other violent movie.

So last night I went with my sis to the Canisius Basketball game. It was a fun time Canisius Beat Fairfield by a lot, they really did. The one thing that I found kinda interesting or different is that they had a Dance Team and Cheerleaders. I don't know if it is common or not but I figured that it wouldn't be common and seems kinda odd, but hey more sexy ladies to look at.

Then it was off to Nietzche's for a Hip Hop show. Yes I the "God of Metal" used to listen to Hip Hop A lot. I'm not a metal god really I just like Guitar and some angry music. Some CDs or tapes I have from the past Run DMC, DR Dre, NWA/metallica (one on each side of the tape), Raven Simone (yes the girl from the Cosby show who is now a Disney star had a kids rap ablum), Snoop, Eniem, Too Short, ICP, Beastie Boys, Salt N' Pepa, MC Lyte, and Luke are some that come to mind. My cousin is in a band called Constant Climax (what a great name) but they where performing with another band called Dali's Ghost (not hip hop from the little bit I've seen not sure how to classify them maybe ska since they have horns). When they perform like that they are Known as dali's climax. I thought they where very good and there where a few other bands that I liked as well but to be honest not sure of there names. I had a good time.

In terms of pictures I may post some once they are downloaded. I'm holding off cause I might go see Jackdaw tonight. Or I might stay in and not battle the ice and the getting cold and the going home late at night, but if I do go maybe I'll post pictures of a weekend recap or something. For anyone reading this I guess I should also mention the Queen City Roller Girls have a bout tonight. Hope the rest of everyones weekend is great.