1. I can sprawl out over the whole bed.

2. I can eat what I want, when I want.

3. I don't have to share the computer, or the tv, or anything else.

4. I can drive the car that I like.

5. I can walk around in whatever state of undress I would like.

6. I can work late (I know this is weird, but I like my job).

7. I can sleep in (especially if I work late).

8. As long as it gets cleaned up by Wednesday, I kept the house clean the whole time.

(these last two are the sappy ones--just a warning)

9. Nice phone calls from my wife every night.

10. Saying good-bye and welcome home.

This sermon is from Luke 16. You've really got to read the story before you read the sermon, as it is quite unusual. First the reading, then my sermon below that.

1 Then Jesus said to the disciples, "There was a rich man who had a manager, and charges were brought to him that this man was squandering his property. 2 So he summoned him and said to him, "What is this that I hear about you? Give me an accounting of your management, because you cannot be my manager any longer.' 3 Then the manager said to himself, "What will I do, now that my master is taking the position away from me? I am not strong enough to dig, and I am ashamed to beg. 4 I have decided what to do so that, when I am dismissed as manager, people may welcome me into their homes.' 5 So, summoning his master's debtors one by one, he asked the first, "How much do you owe my master?' 6 He answered, "A hundred jugs of olive oil.' He said to him, "Take your bill, sit down quickly, and make it fifty.' 7 Then he asked another, "And how much do you owe?' He replied, "A hundred containers of wheat.' He said to him, "Take your bill and make it eighty.' 8 And his master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly; for the children of this age are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than are the children of light. 9 And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of dishonest wealth so that when it is gone, they may welcome you into the eternal homes. 10 "Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much; and whoever is dishonest in a very little is dishonest also in much. 11 If then you have not been faithful with the dishonest wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? 12 And if you have not been faithful with what belongs to another, who will give you what is your own? 13 No slave can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."



"You're fired. Now get to work."


How many of you remember the Apprentice?

One of the big hit television shows recently is "the Apprentice." On this show, Donald Trump, mega-billionaire, has a number of different people working for him, on a trial basis, completing different tasks for him. Those that do a good job stay in contention to become "the apprentice," but after every task, one person is brought into Trump's board room, where he or she hears Trumps catch phrase, "you're fired." After they get fired, they're done, off the show, and gone.

Now imagine something different:


Now, imagine if the show had a little twist. Suppose one of Trump's contestants had completely abused his or her expense account, got fired, and THEN were sent out on one more task.

Things are different when the contestant has one last chance.


There is one more chance to be seen on tv, one more interaction with Trumps customers, and one more chance to make a deal-only now they know that they are not going to win the game. Because they are freed from that pressure, they have the chance to deal in a whole new way. They can take advantage of Trump's resources, and do something with them that they never would have done when they were trying to win the game.


Now Trump, of course, would be an idiot to do this.

Why would anybody put their money in the hands of somebody that has already demonstrated themselves to be incompetent?


Why would anybody give money to a person that hasn't demonstrated any loyalty?

But isn't that what God does?

In this story, WE are that bad manager that gets fired.


We know that God puts his wealth in the hands of managers (us) that have a bad habit of abusing the expense account, squandering the boss's resources on ourselves.


And, like the manager in the story, we know we have heard Trump's trademarked phrase "you're fired."


Think about it . . . We were given the task of managing God's stuff, but we've been terminated from the position.


We're fired, because we know that our jobs as managers of God's stuff will come to an end. We were given the job in Gen 1:26, when God said, "Let us make humankind in our own image, according to our own likeness; and let them have dominion (MANAGEMENT!) over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."




We see that God put us in charge as managers, but the fact that we die (which is revealed in the next chapter of Genesis) tells us that we aren't going to keep our position as middle management. It turns out that the old cliché is true. You can't take it with you.

So where does that leave us?

So we have some resources, and we have some authority, but we know that ultimately, we've been fired, and those resources won't be ours forever. So what do we do?

The manager in Jesus's story doesn't think "I'm fired, I might as well go home." He considers a new job, but he know he isn't fit for it. So then he thinks, "what can I do now?"


And this manager rightly figures, "I've got to make some friends!"


Therefore, the manager uses his bosses wealth on other people, making friends for himself.

And surprisingly, the boss commends such an activity.

Now here's the big question. Why would Jesus tell such a story? Why would Jesus tell us to make friends by means of dishonest wealth?

First, let me tell you what this phrase does NOT mean.

I don't think it means that we should lie, cheat, and steal, so that we might make friends. I don't think that this is to justify the church taking money from Casino operators or drug dealers.

In this story, the dishonest wealth was the bosses' wealth. And who is OUR boss?


The fact is that we have already lied, cheated, and stolen, whenever we have pretended that anything belonged to us. Any wealth that WE possess is dishonest wealth, because we are but managers. Everything belongs to God, not to us!


Jesus is telling us that we've already got the dishonest wealth, and we might as well use it!


What for? God, through this story, recommends that we use it to make friends! Friends with who? People outside the company. You know, other people. Our faith is a blessing to us, but it isn't only to bless us. We are blessed so that we may bless other people!


The true test of us as Christians is how we treat those outside the family-non-Christians.


We are to share the best of what we have-and this includes, but isn't limited to, our possessions, our time, and our ideas, to bless those outside of our family.


And, of course, we've done a bad job of this-and that may be why the Church (big C) struggles so, because even though it is in our own best interest bless those that are different then us, to use God's stuff to make friends, we tend to horde our resources!


But it IS in our best interest to let these things go, because, like the like manager in the story, we need some friends! Don't forget that we are still getting fired-and it is hard to get through this world alone! Thank God that he lets us use his stuff to make friends.


But this isn't good for us alone-it is part of God's fantastic plan to further his kingdom.


Why? Because when we, in our self-interest, use God's resources to make friends. we are doing exactly what God would want us to do!

All along, God wanted to put his resources in the hands of God's people. The biggest mistake we can make is using it on ourselves, or taking it out of circulation!

When we think in human terms, our goal is to maximize efficiency, to collect maximum profit, or to sell more widgets. But God's plan is different. He told Abraham that he was going to bless him, so that through him, all people might be blessed.

Here's what I want you to do today. Consider what dishonest wealth you have. Consider the stuff you have, but also the less tangible gifts that you might have.

I got to think about it ahead of time, so while you are reflecting, I'll share 3 things of mine.

Education. I've spent more time and money on my education than I have on anything else. Now I can squander that, and I can use it to puff myself up, or I can use it to make friends, right?

My house. By far the largest possession that I have ever made. Do I use it for welcome? Am I hospitable? Am I contributing to the neighborhood? Again, I can make my house a trophy and a source of pride, or I can use it to make friends.

My family. I realize that this is not a typical kind of gift, but it is something that I in no means earned, and that isn't mine, that I count as a gift from God. I am who I am because of the people that love me. My choice is whether that love stops with me, or extends through me.

God's plan is to bless all people! And to accomplish that, God has already blessed us, these blessing are not ours to horde, but to disperse it! And for hard-headed people like us, it takes the message of "you're fired" to start doing that!


Here is the good news for us today: We were lousy managers of God's resources, and we've been fired. Now we have been promoted to specialists of distribution. Our budget is unlimited, and our goal is to win friends to ourselves and to God, to be exorbitantly generous with somebody else's assets, which we can find conveniently placed in our own wallets, bank accounts, and homes-ingrained into our very lives. And we better get to work, because this position lasts only a short time, and we have a large territory to cover.

That's what I've done this weekend. Our porch once had the color of pressure treated wood. Now it is a nice chocolately brown and should last longer. I'd post a pic but I don't know where my USB cord is.

Other fun from the weekend included eating Kuni's! (great as always, and last night they had a seafood salad special that was exra-awesome), eating breakfast at Amy's with somebody from my church (I found Amy's to be as good as everyone said it would be), and watching deathproof (an ok, but not great movie).

Janelle is now out buying sake and is going to make dinner, so that's pretty good, too.

Tomorrow starts three days of bachelor life as (e:Janelle) goes away for work. That means I'll have to scoop cat litter. Bummer.

1. The glasses.

2. The fact that she was the first female head writer at the male dominated SNL.

3. She was an awesome update host.

4. Mean girls.

5. She tells yo mama jokes and delivers other such similar lines as well as any guy.

6. She's the smartest person to come out of SNL ever.

7. She has quite the extensive improv background. Second City and ImprovOlympic.

8. She still does improv, quite well actually, with asscat.

9. She answers questions online at nbc.com/30_rock.

10. 30 Rock is the funniest show on tv. Each episode is packed with jokes, and yet there is still a compelling story that develops over the season (and you can watch online for free!).

1. For me, they are Fridays (I take Friday off.)

2. Thursday night is 30 Rock night. 30 Rock is the funniest, most underrated show on tv, starring the brilliant Tina Fey. (Have I done 10 things I like Tina Fey yet? Maybe that's next.)

3. At work, I try to make Thursday, "encourage the congregation day." I send letters and make phone calls. It feels good to do that, and it goes a long way in terms of building up the community, too.

4. There's a new Artvoice on Thursdays.

5. Often (e:Janelle) and I grab a beer and/or some wings on Thursday night, and I always like spending time with her (not to mention beer and wings!)

6. Janelle has a standing commitment early on Thursday evening, so in addition to quality time WITH her, I get a little bit of time to be alone.

7. Thursday in the square. Is tonight the Dropkick Murphy's? I may have to be there.

8. Thursdays are relatively chore-free. I knock out a lot of work on Friday, so I tend to chill on Thursday.

9. If this Thursday is a representative sample, Thursday is an active estrip day.

10. Thursday is named after Thor, who's hammer got referenced in the comments of (e:Janelle)'s post. Maybe today is the day that we can finally grab his hammer. "What would we do with it anyway?" you ask? Well, "if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in evening, all over this land. I'd hammer out freedom. I'd hammer out justice, all over this land."

Why do we need a hammer for justice? Is it for the toes of filibustering senators (see (e:Dcoffee) )? I guess I never got that song. Maybe I will when I get a hammer. Please hammer, don't hurt 'em.