Working at the quit line make me want to smoke so much. It is torture. I haven't had strong cigarette cravings like this in so long. Why does hearing people hack up a lung from smoking for so many years make me want to smoke?

I sort of know the answer:

1) This is a return to my old smoking environment. (The call center)

2) Smokers are stressful.

3) I'm not used to being inactive and without windows to outside environment. (I'm used to very high physical demand over the last 7 years)

4) People are smoking as they are calling us.

5) I'm still and always will be an addict.

6) I need to apply the techniques the quit line recommends such as having a plan for the situations in which my addiction is triggered. I also need to recognize what triggers my own cravings.

7) Talking about smoking reminds me of how much I loved cigarettes even though they made me so unhappy.

8) I'm dealing with multiple changes at once.

9) It makes me nervous that parts of my job is a real challenge for me. The bilingual calls are really freaking me out. Even though I know I can do it, I also know that I have difficulties in this area. It is a lot of pressure.

10) Cigarettes are a stimulant and I really could use that to get through listening to 8 hours of other people talk on the phone (I'm still in training).

I swear (e:drew), I had no intention of doing a top ten list. It was probably the most therapeutic thing I could have done and now I will recommend it to my clients.

I went to the falls with (e:mike) on Friday I thought he might say something about it, but he hasn't. So I'm not going to either.

Tomorrow I have to work 9 to 5. That is so boring . "Yeah, I work 9 to 5".

I'm going to bed.

UPDATE 9/19/07 9:30 pm

I'm sorry for publicly chastising you mike. That is actually something I am sort of against doing in my journal. I understand that it was a lot to write about. I was just being a crazy betch. Yesterday I had a hard time adjusting to the new job. It is a little weird for me even though I love it so much. It has been so many years since I have been in a call center. At least this is much better than selling a bunch of freaky pet owners more crap. BTW, Elizabeth Taylor has ordered something off the back of a Milk Bone Box.

Today I ran into (e:amanda). My first roswellian (e:strip)per sighting. I'm not sure why she doesn't post more stuff. She is great.

(e:jim) wants to know how we found out about estrip. His post has an amazing 22 comments. Is there a record for comments posted onto a single post?

Anyhoo, my story.

When I used to work at Coffee & there used to be a boy named Mike that used to stalk me. He was always there with the pretext of drinking a Mocha Jet Cafe, but really he was just there to stalk one of his many barrista/bartender obsessions, me. Well, maybe he did go there for other reasons too, but I like to think that it was all about me at least most of the time. He was so cute and so awkward.

Him and (e:jill) were always trying to get me to sign up, but I never would. I did peep from time to time, but not a lot. Then I was leaving to go to Cuba and he came over to borrow Shirley Jackson's The Lottery.





Here is his awkwardness at my door.


Four months later I returned and eventually ran into him at his job as he posted here.



So yeah he came over to look at my "pics" and he seduced me. It was all a lie, he really doesn't care about any of my "pictures".



Anyways, that first night he seduced me was the day we consider our anniversary.

This was my first post on estrip

Today I went for my pre-employment physical at Roswell. They gave me two shots one for tetanus and another to see if I have TB. God I don't want TB. So I go back in on Friday so they can redo the test so they can check it on Wednesday. They also took all this blood from me for testing to see if all my vaccinations are strong enough. I'm not sure how much it really was because I didn't look. I actually get nauseous when they are taking it. Luckily us gays don't get to give our blood to Red Cross, so I don't have to deal with having much more drawn.








So I found out that parking is $36/mo which really is a lot to me, but also potentially less than the bus. I asked her if they have a deal with the NFTA, but she wasn't sure. I rode my bike today and they have lots of spaces for bikes in the parking garage and that is really nice. Now that I was there again today I'm starting to feel a little bit safer about busing it at night. I could walk down Allen and catch a bus down Elmwood. Of course I will need some new boots and a warmer coat and I need one of those fog-horn thingys like I got (e:paul) for his birthday. That would be such a fun weapon. And I always have my keys for gouging people's eyes out with. Jeez, see what happens to you after getting jumped. You start becoming super paranoid and suspicious and always ready to either run or take somebody's eyeballs out. Fog horn in the ear? I can't really decide if that is a good weapon or just something that will cause me to get an even worse beat down.