So I made it to my earlier bus...barely.

This morning Oscar woke me up at an all time early record for breakfast- 5:45. I was at a point when I woke up that I could have stayed up. Then I remembered who I was and went back to sleep.

My dad, who has met Oscar, still can't picture me with a cat. It's true, I've never been a cat person- bad childhood experiences, but I love pets and I knew that I could find the right cat for me, a dog person. He's my baby!!! BTW, for those of you with cats in an apartment, I just switched him to Tidy Cats, Small Spaces. It works waaaayyy better at controlling smell than the Arm and Hammer brand I was using before. The vet told me not to change litter or location or anything, but I took a chance based on how easy-going of a cat he is... and he didn't seem to care at all, he used it basically right away. Anyone else's cats love toothpaste? (e:MK) noticed him licking our toothbrushes so we bought covers for them.

So Saturday I went down to Laughlin's to hang out with 2 of my old roommates, one of whom I haven't seen since May (my favorite roommate...shhhh... don't tell) and I was really excited about it. One of them, Jenna, still lives in our old apartment. All three of her new roommates plus one's boyfriend and little sister were there too. I was kind of annoyed mostly because I was a little bit made to feel like the odd man out at a get together they weren't even initially invited to.

Anyway, it was really really good to see her and hang out and be sweet like the old days...haha the old days of 3 months ago.

Ok so Sunday night I had some friends over and as per usual many of them who said they probably couldn't make it, came anyway, I haven't had that many people in my living room since the day we moved in...there was a chair shortage. It was fun, I love combining my 2 different groups of friends...the high school and the college. I have one high school friend who is highly resistant to this merging and always has been...I'm not really sure why...don't you think if one of your best friends of 8 years likes them....you'll probably like them too? If I act differently around them, its because they're not Debbie Downers like some people I could mention.... Brief example: if you will recall, a few months ago I was rather angry at my former roommate, Jenna, for pulling a couple pretty dickmoves as Susan, my "favorite" roommate would say . My friend who is anti-merge STILL doesn't get why I've forgiven her and we're cool again. The reason: she can't un-do it, so what's the point in holding it over her head? I'd rather forgive her for 2 days of annoying me than cut her out of my life forever.

I don't really know if its worth asking her about why she seems to hate it so much. She always acts like she feels left out because we start talking about school. I aaalways ask her things and try to get her to talk, but whatever she says is in short like 3 word phrases. It's not as though all we can talk about is school and in fact most of what we talked about had nothing to do with UB, but she still sat there silent in protest.

Anyway, it was lots o' fun. I also highly recommend these Mojito mixes by Roses. I got the mango one from Target and it was really really good.

We have this huuuuuge motion due today in our biggest case for our biggest client and 2 secretaries and a law clerk had to come in over the weekend to help put it together. Friday I spent, literally, the entire day typing 9 pages of it and the page number limit is 20. This motion is like crucial to this case...stress out much, 4th floor? For those familiar with law and stuff...the exhibits went all the way to Exhibit DD. That's A-Z, then starting over again at AA. That's nuts. Normally it's like A-E or like A-J. Needless to say, everyone's a liiiiiittle tense.

woohooo what a long entry.

I take the bus to work. This way (if I don't miss the bus) I'm guaranteed to be at work on time. It also picks me up 7 houses away and drops me off directly across the street from my house.

I get the bus at 8:32 am. It's perfect. I usually get to my desk at ten minutes to 9.

For no reason I can see (my dad claims they do careful studies,..i say phooey) my morning bus will now come at about 8:18. I am NOT a morning person and therefore losing 14 minutes blows. The next one doesn't come til 8:48.

I know, life's tough...I could always drive, but I already have my September bus pass. Oh yeah, I have a bus pass. admit it., you're jealous. a little bit? no?

Today is my favorite day of the year. Cast List day. its the day at UB when the cast list for the semesters shows are posted. The tears, the drama, the surprises, the excitement. It's great. I love it. It's my first cast list day I will not be a part of. Boooo. Cast list day comes but twice a year. The only reason its enjoyable to me is that I'm not an actor so my life is not really influenced by who is in the show, my job is basically the same regardless of the cast.

time for work!

There's a guy with a lot of seniority on my floor, and basically if he doesn't like you or his secretary doesn't like you...you're gone. That's it. Bye bye!. It doesn't matter who you are, secretary, paralegal or attorney. It makes me nervous to be around him. I'm afraid i'll say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and then I'll get fired. Granted, being an attorney he knows he must have a reason to fire someone, so apparently he usually just convinces the person that its time for them to leave. Ew.

He's a D.

I enjoy scrolling through people's posts and old posts that I may have skipped over in the past. There are soooooo many posts by soooo many people talking about relationships its totally crazy. I totally understand that most of us are at an age where most of our good friends and possibly ourselves are married or getting married.

I'm never in a relationship (well not a romantic one) so I don't complain about them. I do, however, occasionally complain about being single. But, really, I don't care that I'm single, it doesn't bother me. The only time in recent memory that I can think of where I wished I was dating someone is that time between work and bed when (e:MK) is out somewhere and I'm alone and like my shoulder really hurts and I wish someone was there to rub it. Honestly, that's about it. Sleeping alone is fine and actually preferrable to me. I have lots o' friends so I can always find someone to see a movie with or grab coffee with if I feel so inclined.

It's just that the never ending sagas of people in relationships and those wanting to be in relationships just makes me tired. Whether they're young and dating (or trying to date), young and married or married with a bunch of kids, most people I know who are in a relationship complain about it themselves or their friends do. There are, of course, exceptions, but most of the time it just seems like the person is mostly miserable. Most of the women I work with tell me never to get married and never to have kids. Most of these women are also married and have multiple children. None of them are leaving their families but many of them wish they had known how stressful it would be before they got into it and would have changed things before they did them.

I cause myself enough stress and worry...adding someone else's worries to that would just be terrible. Although maybe if there was someone else I'd have less time to think about my own issues...of which there aren't many. I'm so boring. haha.

Most likely the reason I feel this way is because I've never been in a really great relationship. Like I've never been in love or anything really even close to love so I don't know first hand what I'm missing out on. Maybe if I did know I'd be telling a different story.

So I've entered some kind of funk (no not a fun musical kind). I'm really sad about school starting on Monday because I won't be there. Some people hated college and couldn't wait to get out. I loved it. Like every minute of it. Well every minute of college that was spent at UB.

This girl who moved into my old apartment and moved into what will always be "Susan's Room" to me, posted all these pictures and it made me so sad. A lot of it looks exactly the same and I just miss it so much. There was a picture of my old room too totally rearranged (thank god) I think I might've cried if it was set up the same way. It probably seems ridiculous to a lot of people that I'm this sad, but I can't help it, college and UB were the best and I really can't believe that its all over. Part of me wishes I had moved away because I think that would've made the transition easier.

I keep getting invited to parties being held by people that still go there. I want to go so badly but I can't be that graduate that still hangs around. I've been afraid of being that guy since like the beginning of senior year.

As of now I have a job that I like but I don't forsee making into a career. I'm comfortable here and I like most of the people I work with. Starting after labor day I'll be working for 2 attorneys instead of 1 and then I think things will be easier because I won't have as much down time.

So being a bad friend isn't good. I'm honestly tired of seeing shows where the entire cast is made up of people I know. That's why I didn't see Pope Joan in which I knew the entire cast, crew, the director and the wrtier. I just can't take this incestuous clusterfuck that is the Western New York theatre community. THere are some very talented people working here, I'll never deny that, but I just can't stand seeing any more shows in which I personally know at least 90% of the cast. I also hate waiting after the show and doing the required "Hi! Great show! I really enjoyed it! It was so good!" I just hate that, even if I mean it, I hate saying it, it just all feels so forced.

I love my kitty but he likes to get really wound up at about 10:00 pm and stay that way until like 12:00 am which usually consists of him pouncing on my feet and hands when I move them under my comforter, bolting from my room to the living room and back again, crashing over plastic bags on the way. He's also taken to just standing on me, sometimes he uses me as a stepping stone but he really likes just standing on me while I'm trying to sleep. But he's cute and he's my baby and I love him.

I can't wait until more time has gone by and I move away from this depression I feel. I'm not like unable to get out of bed and not eating (that will never happen) but at night when I go to bed I get really sad and I feel really alone.

I listen to the women I work with complain incessantly about their kids and their husbands and exhusbands and just so much around me is depressing and disheartening. A new attorney just started in the criminal department, and one of the secretaries on my floor (one of the divorced ones) was really eager to find out if he was single or whatever. Its frightening how eager these women are to be married or remarried or whatever. It freaks me out. I'm so scared of becoming like that.

This has been Depressing You with Anne Maloy.
Whoa, what a downer.