hey all... this is pretty silly......

Yesterday was my 25th bday. I started the day hanging out with my sis and her bf, just chillen and drinkin beers. My sis bought me a pretty flower and this phatty hemp that im displaying and a pair of brown flipflops. The necklace and the shoes matched the outfit i chose to wear so perfectly! I felt like such a hottie!! Then my awesome friend Oda brought me a really intense chocolate sucker that rocked my world. So we drank more beers...not that we needed to.... and they built me a little firepit in our driveway thats supposed to be the back yard. my sis's bf built the pit and Oda, the stud that she is, would go off to pee and miraculously come back with a ton of wood for our fire. That was really hot! ROCK ON ODA!!!! we figured if we couldn't be at the rainbow family gathering we might as well create a similar atmosphere! How crazy! This is how we party in the ghetto!!! We decieded to split the last chocolate sucker somewhere around 10 or 11 pm. why not, right? we burned the fire til 7am, which really was a dumb idea because we burnt a hole in our driveway. But it was fun anyway, so i don't really care right now. I love the fact that I have the coolest friends that will do the silliest crazy shit with me! And it means so much to me that my family and friends will go to so many lengths to show me that they love me and appreciate my presence in their lives. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO WONDERFUL!!!!

my x called me yesterday. I almost didn't answer the phone. It was the middle of the day, even in his timezone, and he sounded completely sober. I was really hungover...I went to a wedding with an older lady friend of mine and since I didn't know anyone, and there was an open bar...i decided to indulge. My baby was at my friends parents house, so I had yet another excuse to pound the bourbon and cokes.... So anyway, he calls me. "What the fuck do you want from me?" I didn't know what else to say. Timing just sucked. My mom was over and my sis was going off on some bitchy tangent... I didn't even do anything. i was so pissed. I'm surprised he didn't hang up on me. but wtf, its been a year. we broke up 4/20/06....an we tortured each other emotionally for months thereafter. and I mean torture. Everything with us is fire.... whether its good or bad its just so damn hot! Never in my life have i felt this kind of intensity.
We talked, and he divulged the fact that he misses me, and he still loves me. He says he's coming to see me and the baby. He doesn't ever say things just to make me feel better. When he says things like this, he really does mean them in the heat of that moment. but when the moment is over, so is whatever emotional outburst just happened... and then its like nothing happened at all. I played the game, back and forth, I love you, I hate you, I miss you, i hope i never see you again...no matter what shit I tell myself, or what anyone else has to say ( and believe me, people sure don't hesitate to voice their opinions) no matter how much i try to despise him, it always comes back to I love you......
Is he really coming? is he really going to come here all the way from Colorado to set this thing straight with me? he said it perfect when he said that we either need closure or we need to start a new chapter....my heart and my head can't seem to reach a common conclusion.
But its been a year, baby. so much has happened. so much. I would really like to think that we can forgive each other for the crimes we both committed against our love. People strive so hard to create in their relationships what we just naturally had... the intimacy, the passion, the magic....... and even from opposite sides of the country you still felt me...our energies were still so damn in tune...what the hell would the point of any of this be...if you werent meant to be my love?????

I wrote this poem on my myspace page, a friend of mine was making fun of how hairy my legs get sometimes. I liked it so I thought i would share it with all of you as well!


I take a half an hour to shave my legs and then/3 days later they're gettin hairy again./ I let my armpit hair grow/ so my BO flows right to ya nose./ just to see whos attracted to my pheromones./my pubic region hairily exploads/ to avoid the razor burns and bumpy roads. / i let it get as bad as it can get/ then i get in the tub and shave every inch of it yet/ every hair from my pits to below my bum/ just so you can get some clean licks in....YUM!!!!

Hey all! I just wanted to put a couple pics of my baby Hannah and I to let everyone know how absolutely adorable she is!