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Jenks's Journal

jenks
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05/06/2007 11:18 #39174

Reflections on a cruise... (very long)
Category: travel
Sigh... so I'm back. Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

So my trip was great. The cruise was just about what I imagined it to be- both the good and the bad.

For once, travel went smoothly. And in the airport in New Orleans, I got in line to get a shuttle from the airport to the cruise ship dock, and noticed the two girls in front of me were going too, so I said hi, and right there I had new best friends. :) They were a group of 5 women there celebrating a friend's 40th birthday, and they were looking for a sixth, so I was adopted. Which was great luck, because first- they were totally fun, and second, it alleviated a lot of the 'on vacation alone' anxiety. I was the baby of the group by about ten years, but it totally didn't matter- some of these women were a lot wilder than I am! They were all 40ish, 4 had kids, 3 are married, and two are divorced. And, when I saw the alternatives for potential friends- it was a lot of Chippewa looking girls just hanging on the buff tan college dudes- not my scene.

But so I had a few hours to kill before boarding, and I was hoping to check out New Orleans a little bit, since I haven't been back since Katrina, but once the Carnival behemoth sucked me in, there was no going back.

We got on the bus from the airport, and the driver said that if no one minded, she wanted to take a little detour and show us where the 17th stree levee broke. God... it was very eye-opening and depressing. She drove us through lakeview, which is one of the neighborhoods that was flooded- but not nearly as badly as some of the other areas (that we didn't see). There are a LOT of gutted, trashed houses still standing. And, a lot NOT standing. And some new builds going up. Lots of lots for sale- dirt cheap, because no one will insure them any more. You could still see water lines, up at the second story windows sometimes. All the houses had a big X spray-painted on them, from when the military had to search all homes for bodies, etc. There was code on them about what they found. I didn't see any that had bodies- but a few had "one cat" painted on them. Lots of houses had these white FEMA trailers in the yard- families of 6 have been living in these trailers for almost 2 years now- many don't expect to ever move out. Apparently there's a FEMA trailer park in Biloxi of 40 THOUSAND trailers- and most of the people see it as their new permanent home. The city wants to tear down the abandoned houses if the owners don't come back. And some owners don't want to come back, so that's fine- but some DO, but just CAN'T. There are "houses demolished- CHEAP!" flyers on the telephone poles- a whole new industry has sprung up. And the break in the levee itself- you can see where it's being repaired- it's a MILE wide. Wow. So I'm really glad I got to see that. Because the tourists come to New Orleans, see the French Quarter, see that it's fine [it was never really hit], and assume the city is fine. Which it is not.

So then we got to the ship... Yeah... that's a big ol' boat. But within five minutes of boarding, I had a drink with an umbrella, and a deck chair. My entire goal for the trip, met within minutes. ;) Of course, I didn't have my bag yet, so I was in jeans, and didn't have any sunscreen. I think I was buzzed and sunburned within an hour of arriving. ;)

Later that night I guess the other women met this group of guys... I found them later, and they introduced me to two of them. One of whom thumb-wrestled me, and (I say) let me win, but the whole rest of the trip kept saying he couldn't believe I beat him.

Then the next day by the pool, I noticed a guy on a balcony wearing a Tulane tshirt, and thought he was kinda cute and looked nice... but I wasn't going to do anything about it... well next thing I knew he was sitting with us- apparently he was the third friend of the guys they'd met the night before. This guy, S, was a RIOT.

So, we spent our mornings in the sun trying to sleep off hangovers, then eating too much for lunch, then eventually getting ready for dinner, which was at the geriatric time of 5:45. Then we spent the nights drinking our faces off. Actually, I didn't drink all that much. I was pretty good.

During our days in port, we had all booked our excusions in advance, so we weren't together. The first day I went to the ruins of the Mayan city Chacchoben in Costa Maya... WOW. It was really fascinating. Made me realize I knew NOTHING about it. I just figured 'oh yeah, gotta see the mayan temple" and just had an image of those stepped pyramids. But the guide taught us so much stuff about their mythology etc- it's really amazing. For example- they don't just use archaeologists to find/restore the cities- they use archae-astronomers. Because apparently buildings in mayan cities are built according to constellations. So the city I was at- they found two, and then astronomers compared them to star charts, and realized the city was based on Orion, and then they found a bunch of other structures right where they should be. I mean, how cool is that?! And the temples are built so that on a certain important day (summer solstice, etc) the sun comes through a little hole and lights up in a way that the common people think is the gods giving them a sign- and it means plant/harvest your crops, etc. So amazing.

And the other day, at cozumel, I went to some little private island where they served us an awesome lunch and open bar... it was beautiful. And I met this great gay couple who run a bed and breakfast in Vermont and were there celebrating their 18th anniversary. They were adorable...

But so both times I got back to the ship, only to find everyone else had had some sort of wild adventures on booze cruises and beach parties. At one of these, S's alter-ego, "Kevin" was invented. They had me going for a while... I thought Kevin was some friend they met b/c they kept saying how fun he was... Well Kevin was two eyes drawn on S's fist. That was all. Yet somehow Kevin was endlessly entertaining.

One other topic to address... when I told people I was going on this trip, many people's FIRST comment was 'I hope you're taking a lot of condoms!'. And my first thought was "what kind of girl do these people think I am?" and the next thought was "and is there something about cruises I'm missing?" Sure, I wondered if I would meet some amazing guy... but I certainly wasn't expecting it, and it wasn't the point of my trip. And I did meet people... and there were some chances to hook up... like one night, one of the [married] women (who was making out with 22 year-olds left and right) told me 'now is your chance! He's really drunk! Go for it already!" And it just made me realize- that is not what I want... some random makeout session with someone so drunk he won't remember it... I've realized lately that sex is just infinitely better when it's not random... when it's with someone you care about... that cares about you... and it's almost not worth it otherwise. So, even though I'm not (really) seeing anyone, and it wouldn't be a matter of 'cheating'- I just found I didn't want to.

Who knows... call me a prude... but I was pretty horrified to see these married women carrying on like this. But, who am I to judge, I guess.... Vegas rules applied. At first I was so naïve about it... this one woman was flirting with this guy all night, and I just kept thinking 'she's married! What is she doing?' I almost felt like I needed to tell the guy 'you know she's married, right?' Then it dawned on me that everyone knew exactly what they were doing, and I needed to just stay out of it. No one was hurting me... I'd just leave them alone. But I certainly never thought that I would be the conservative one of the group.... And I just think cheating is unacceptable. Period.

Then the last night we went to dinner then the bars, per the usual routine... But we had to pack our bags and set them out the night before, so we were living out of carry-ons. And we all thought we'd go to bed early since we had to get up early to leave in the morning... But then it was midnight and I had to do birthday shots... And I chose SoCo and lime- which everyone but me hated, apparently, so I felt bad that one guy bought this round of like 10 shots and no one was drinking them... so I think I had four... And since these guys were Texans, tequila shots were always inevitable. And they had the band sing me happy birthday... and their version had an added second verse, which went "we all hope you get some tonight." But so then finally things were winding down, and people started going to bed... and one of the guys asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. I thought 'heh, I've heard that line before'- but we really did just go talk. On the bow of the boat, as we were pulling in to the Mississippi river and you could start to see lights coming up... And the wind in our hair... It really was pretty spectacular. And we just talked and talked about all sorts of stuff. (what? Me? talk?!) Really, an interesting, charming guy. But not at ALL in an "I want to get in your pants" kind of way- he really was just genuinely kind and liked getting to know people. So he walked me to my room and was a perfect gentleman and said goodnight and that was that. And it was 4am.

It was a nice way to end the trip... until, of course, two hours later when it was time to get up. Ouch.

So I got off the ship, got my bags through customs, and stashed them at a hotel. Made my way to the French Quarter, only to find that the only place I wanted to go has closed. So I had coffee and beignets at Café du Monde (mmmm), and wandered around. Got to the aiport, and made it to Chicago. Started making some phone calls, since I had been making such a big fuss about people going out for cinco de mayo... but then all of the sudden I started to feel crappy... And by the time I reached my house I was shivering and felt dizzy and had an earache and it was all I could do to get to bed. What a bummer! Fortunately I feel better this AM. I guess that just means I'll have to do a belated bday celebration.

Ok, since this post is already way too long, I will save pix for later.

Oh, but one take home message:
Two ways to go from HOT! to not hot in two seconds flat:
1: put a cigarette in your mouth
2: open your mouth and say something asinine- for example be a rude jackass to the staff.

I witnessed both of those things several times, and it was really amazing at how fast my mind was changed. By the end of the trip, the vast majority of the eye candy had proven themselves to be idiots, not worth two seconds of my time or energy.

Happy Sunday peeps!
theecarey - 05/07/07 01:42
Happy (belated) Birthday!

I completely agree with your, 'two ways to go from hot to not'.

Ive run into either scenario, especially #1 on several occasions. ugh- very much deflates the hotness factor.

just looked at the picture post- the cruise looked entertaining; have yet to go on one. Mayan temples is a must see- particularly for history on their ideology. Very nice!
metalpeter - 05/06/07 12:47
First of all glad you had a good birthday. Secondly sorry for not saying happy birthday to you when we where both on line at the same time. Thirdly I like the new user picture that is a great looking beach. Fourth glad you had a great time on the cruise. I think that sometimes the wildness that can happen on a cruise (not that I saw any on the only one I was on) is the fact that you most likely will never see any of these people again. That can really be a liberating factor. Its not like when you live in a city and the person you hookup with winds up to be the repair man where your BF gets the car fixed, for example. You sound like you kinda regret not going on the party trips. If I understand you correctly I think you had you picked the correct trips. You can party any time at home, but you can't see Mayian ruins with out being in mexico. Besides you can party on the boat. I also think that when you picked your excursions you picked what ones sounded the best to you, and they sound like they worked out that way. Finaly glad you had a great time and I look forward to seeing your pictures.

04/30/2007 08:26 #39100


jenks - 05/05/07 23:11
heh. No idea what happened there.

But I am back!
Pix, thoughts, reflections to come...

Unfortunately I am feeling feverish and headachey, so I think I'm just going to bed. Happy birthday to me... :/
imk2 - 05/01/07 08:42
you are all crazy.
zobar - 04/30/07 21:37
Powerful. Moving. The essence of haiku, laid bare for all to see. Nothing. Or is it? On April 30, 2007, at 12:26pm, it was 54 Fahrenheit, and (e:jenks) was on her phone. But where was she? No: where were the rest of us? Indeed. (e:jenks,39100) will be long remembered as a watershed moment in the development of social networks - the moment when words transcend vocabulary. Breathtaking.

- Z
carolinian - 04/30/07 19:38
(e:jenks) has decided to become a mime.
vycious - 04/30/07 18:38
amazing.

04/30/2007 08:15 #39099

on my way...
Category: travel
Mornin' peeps. Greetings from BWI. No delays so far...

See you saturday!

Addendum: ok, this is why I hate southwest. Hmm ok I can't add pix from my phone. But it's of a little old lady in sensible travelling shoes barricading the A gate with her bag, so she can be first on the plane. The freaking flight doesn't even start boarding for an hour. This is not good for my type A competitive (neurotic, compulsive) side, b/c now I feel like I have to stand here for an hour and not move. Even though it REALLY DOESN'T MATTER and I know it. Damn you southwest and your open seating... you stress me out. But you're so cheap....

04/28/2007 18:07 #39076

heh, see! It's not all in my head!
Category: boys
Buffalo was among the three WORST cities to meet men, according to this article from MSNBC.



It may not be the most scientifically valid research, I know... but still interesting.

theecarey - 05/05/07 13:58
ouch

come on guys, you arent all bad, and neither are the women. the only thing thats bad is pigeon-holing either sex and blaming the locale. its more of a matter of looking at yourself. As the latter portion of (e:jason) 's comment states, "If I went to Phoenix or LA or anywhere else I'm sure I'd be reaping the consequences of my actions and words, just like here in Buffalo."

dont let a silly article get you riled up.
ajay - 05/02/07 08:37
Woohoo!!! I knew there was a reason I moved to SF from Buffalo.

In my experience, this place is the best. I got laid more in a month here than I did in 3 years of singledom in Buffalo.
ajay - 05/02/07 08:33
@ (e:jason): "bar sluts, attention whores, emotional drainers, flakes to the core, wannabe trophy wives or all-out man haters."

Looks like you've met my ex-wife a few times....

jason - 04/29/07 20:51
Yes, and Buffalo is such a fantastic place to find a woman we wouldn't laugh about when thinking in the context of being a mother.

They are either bar sluts, attention whores, emotional drainers, flakes to the core, wannabe trophy wives or all-out man haters. The glue that holds them together in the sisterhood? The extreme confidence they have that they have no problems, and that it is the men around them who are the assholes. Let me tell you it's about as fun as getting your eyes carved out with a spoon.

But, even looking at them I know that I've got my own problems to deal with, and I'm not a perfect soul either. If we run into the same problems over and over and over, the problem ain't someone else's. If I went to Phoenix or LA or anywhere else I'm sure I'd be reaping the consequences of my actions and words, just like here in Buffalo. Not everyone gets that.
metalpeter - 04/29/07 09:45
It is kinda interesting but it seems flawed to me because it throws out the bar scene. I'm guessing because that would be to hard to judge or get numbers on. It replaces it with aderline sports. That means that if you don't have class 5 rapids or mountains you start out behind. The thing that I find interesting is how mind set seems to have been used to kill Buffalo's score. The ice and snow and cold stops the love connection. But what about people who ski and snowboard and ice skate and find the snow as there playground that wasn't even looked into. I find it funny that Miami and Buffalo both got an F. But that would make sense since miami has a high party scene and is also a sports town Baseball, Football and don't the panthers and Heat play there also. But again they have no rapids and mountains. Again maybe I'm miss reading this. That would also explain why places near mountains could have done well.
vincent - 04/28/07 23:38
That article although written from the perspective of a woman is totally flawed when it comes to Buffalo. Women here don't want a "college educated, physically fit, never married, straight man" They want a blue collar, hard drinking, chain smoking badass that will knock them up when they're way too young.
Women around here just don't go for the standard that they are judging in the article. It's just that in the long run they're be screwed by being more mesmerized by a cocky roofer than a guy with a masters degree. Especially when he messes up his back when he's 45 and she's stuck supporting him and his beer gut.
mastermindkg - 04/28/07 20:42
Oh I so believe it!
chico - 04/28/07 19:03
I am shocked to see that Buffalo's singles scene is on-par with Miami's.
metalpeter - 04/28/07 19:01
I'm not upset by that. I admit I don't have time to read that but I will soon. But what does kinda upset me a little bit is when girls, chicks, ladies, Dames, skirts, or maybe even Divas or what ever term you prefer say there are no good guys in Buffalo. Um excuse me Hello I'm standing right here and you are looking right past me. I understand if what you mean is there are no guys here who are what I want in a guy then that is fine. But I'm a good guy. But being a good guy and being what someone wants are two completely differant things. I think that it is just a case of bad language use. Ok so I'm not upset anymore I think I sorted it out.
carolinian - 04/28/07 18:46
And the whole time I thought the reason you guys imported me from Raleigh was to do odd programming work that you couldn't find anyone else to do.

Now I learn it was just to boost your singles rate. Oh, the betrayal!
mrmike - 04/28/07 18:09
It's not we are not here, some of us are just MSNBC camera shy.

04/28/2007 13:00 #39072

what are "friends"?
Category: friends
So, a series of (really, really shitty) events has brought me to some important realizations.

I have just realized that some of my "friends" are not my friends, but my drinking buddies.

I mean less to them than a bottle of wine.

I can not, and should not, count on them for anything. They will not be there for me when I need someone, and they will not change their plans for me.

Not that they don't enjoy my company- they do. We have a great time together. I really enjoy hanging out with them; it's always a blast. And I do believe they really do like having me around.

But why? what am I to them?

A chick, first of all. A chick that will hang out with them and drink and let them act like pigs. I get points for that.

I am someone to grope when drunk that will not kick them in the balls. (but I'm ok with that, b/c I'll grope back most of the time.)

And I might be some sort of weird status symbol- in that they get to introduce me to their friends as "our friend, THE SURGEON". It's like they're really proud of me. It's almost cute. Which is fine, except that it usually leads to the assumption that I will foot the bill for the rest of the night. Ironic, since I make less than all of them.

So, this realization is kind of depressing- but maybe liberating at the same time.

Now that I have a better grasp of the situation, maybe I can adjust my expectations accordingly, and stop being disappointed all the time.

Hmm.

-J

p.s. T-2 days!!!!!! (though due to some crap at work, this is suddenly about the worst time I could possibly be out of town, and will lead to me getting fucked.)

p.p.s.
Next saturday is:
1: a saturday
2: cinco de mayo
3: my first night back in town
4: my last night of vacation
5: my birthday

Everyone should come out!! I don't know when or where, since I don't even land til 10:30. But somewhere, fo sho!

later peaches.
metalpeter - 04/28/07 18:54
First of all I hope you have a great time on your cruise. Hope you have lots of fun but not so much you go to jail. I hope you take lots of pictures and let us (e:peeps) see them.

Secondly If I would have known you let your friends grop you I would have asked for your number the first time I met ya (kinding well sord of I guess). But the point I'm getting at is there are all kinds of different friends. For example you may have friends at work but that is the only place you are friends. Bar friends like in that piano man song where everyone is there and lonely but where it still beats drinking alone. There are school friends. This is the point that is used in some beer Add I think for labatts. And it is very true that the type of friend is defined by how you know them and what type of relationship you have with them.

I didn't know that Cinco de mayo was your birthday, hope you wind up having fun. I myself will be downtown at a comedy event at the town ballroom.
If there is a predetremined celebration for your birthday I might be able to make it.
theecarey - 04/28/07 15:20
ah yes. friends can fall into various categories. Some are party friends, some are gossip friends, some are cry on should friends, some are 'bail you out' friends, some are 'get in trouble with you' friends.. and a very small select few can be all those and more. Just dont expect more out of any of them than what they are able and willing to give & visa versa.
The sucky part is realizing this. Although the best part-- and you already said it--its liberating to know who's who and what you can expct/depend on people for.

totally in need for no strings attached, drunken laugh fest?-- thems your boys. Dont turn to your serious-logical- all work-no play pals to help loosen up after a mad week of work/study. You know what I mean :)

ps.. where are you going? What did I miss? Wherever it is.. relax, have oodles of fun, keep text books at home!
lilho - 04/28/07 13:44
hey peach! what can i say? some people are just shitty, and that said, you should move on and find better friends! i will def be up for going out next sat, cinco de mayo and your bday? sounds like a good time to me. and here's the best part... i don't give a shit that you are a surgeon, i won't grope you, unless you really want me to, and i will find you amusing w/or w/o alcohol!
ladycroft - 04/28/07 13:40
um, since when is getting fucked a bad thing? ooooooh, that kind of fucked...nevermind. that sucks.
mrmike - 04/28/07 13:27
For what it's worth, I'm sorry about the "gang." That does suck. I'm only older (not wiser) so I don't have anything profound beyond I hope you're not getting taken for granted (Sounds like it might be a little too late for that).

On the flip side, enjoy the vaca -- you've earned some awesomeness. Hope it's flawless.