I had our Spring Concert tonight at the high school, and now I'm listening to the concert.
I always get very contemplative after these kinds of events. I know I've only been teaching for a year now, but I really feel like I'm making progress in a lot of ways. The students definitely respond to me differently than they used to. A lot of kids who resented me for being there have changed. I guess they see that I know how to get them to sing better. I almost typed "get them to sing well" but I don't know if I would say that. I don't think they all sing well, yet. Too many bad habits have been learned in the past few years to drop so quickly. But things are definitely changing, slowly but surely.
It's weird, at the beginning of the year, i HATED being in the room without the other teacher (let's call her "Pat") there. I did not like being in charge at all. But now it is becoming much more natural. I think it's because I don't worship the ground that Pat walks on anymore. I had no confidence in myself and therefore did everything the way she did, but now I'm starting to find my own style and am trying different ways of getting things done.
All I know is next year, I think I will be the only official chorus teacher, and that would have terrified me last year, but now I'm really looking forward to the challenge. I know that I was so set on going away to grad school soon but I'm really enjoying what I'm doing now...getting kids interested in music and expanding a very small music department into something better. Not that it matters to much, but I would love to eventually be known around the Western New York area as a school with a good music tradition. That takes years and years, I know, but maybe I'm up for it?
Mk's Journal
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05/04/2007 00:12 #39148
maybe i am a good teacher04/29/2007 01:26 #39083
i'm tiredThe song Lose Yourself by Eminem is good. I forgot about it.
I'm in a weird mood. I just got back from a wedding reception that was soooo nice. It was at the Statler Towers on Delaware by City Hall. The food was good, the hall was pretty, there was valet parking, blah blah, it was all really nice. And the dj was so great. I liked every single song he played. I was bummed that I wasn't there with my friends though. We would have danced the entire time. I was there with my mom, who is still a good time, but not the same. We danced to the classics such as I Will Survive, Play that funky music (my mom seriously goes crazy when she hears that song), and the Electric Slide among others. But I missed my buddies on "Jump On It", "Blister In the Sun", "Jump On it", that "skeet" song, etc etc.
I also left the wedding wishing I had gone to Notre Dame for medical school. EVERY PERSON AT THAT WEDDING WAS BEAUTIFUL. They are obviously all med students from Notre Dame. I felt like I was watching a TV show. And not only were they beautiful but they were so much fun. I don't think they stopped dancing at all. It made me wish I was their friend so I could have been dancing with them, but I didn't want to be some weirdo that was dancing with a bunch of (hot) people she didn't know. The bride and I are not nearly close enough for me to just randomly shimmy up to her and start belting out "Shoop" by Salt N Pepa. That would be wierd. So I kinda just stood on the side with my mom and some other people and sang and swayed to the music, watching all the hot people.
I am so obsessed with my weight and the way my body looks and what I eat and how much I exercise. I can't stand it. I don't know how to stop it but I want to. I feel like I need to talk to a therapist or something. All I do is think about how many calories I eat and how many I burn when I run and how my clothes fit and how chubby my face looks and I just want to stop caring so much. I was on a streak for like, 2 weeks of eating a decent amount and not going to bed feeling stuffed, and also going running, and then today I ate like crap because I was hungover and wanted greasy good, but now I feel gross. No, I feel guilty, and that's what I hate. I didn't go running on Friday or Saturday, and I feel guilty. There is no reason to feel guilty but I do. I'm not even sure where these feelings come from...there are probably lots of reasons why I started feeling this way. I never cared about it in high school or even the beginning of college. It wasn't until like 3 years ago that I would even THINK about running for fun, and the whole calorie counting thing started probably about a year or so ago. I wish it hadn't. I just want to change how I think about these things because I feel that I'm very mentally unhealthy and unstable about these issues.
I'm in a weird mood. I just got back from a wedding reception that was soooo nice. It was at the Statler Towers on Delaware by City Hall. The food was good, the hall was pretty, there was valet parking, blah blah, it was all really nice. And the dj was so great. I liked every single song he played. I was bummed that I wasn't there with my friends though. We would have danced the entire time. I was there with my mom, who is still a good time, but not the same. We danced to the classics such as I Will Survive, Play that funky music (my mom seriously goes crazy when she hears that song), and the Electric Slide among others. But I missed my buddies on "Jump On It", "Blister In the Sun", "Jump On it", that "skeet" song, etc etc.
I also left the wedding wishing I had gone to Notre Dame for medical school. EVERY PERSON AT THAT WEDDING WAS BEAUTIFUL. They are obviously all med students from Notre Dame. I felt like I was watching a TV show. And not only were they beautiful but they were so much fun. I don't think they stopped dancing at all. It made me wish I was their friend so I could have been dancing with them, but I didn't want to be some weirdo that was dancing with a bunch of (hot) people she didn't know. The bride and I are not nearly close enough for me to just randomly shimmy up to her and start belting out "Shoop" by Salt N Pepa. That would be wierd. So I kinda just stood on the side with my mom and some other people and sang and swayed to the music, watching all the hot people.
I am so obsessed with my weight and the way my body looks and what I eat and how much I exercise. I can't stand it. I don't know how to stop it but I want to. I feel like I need to talk to a therapist or something. All I do is think about how many calories I eat and how many I burn when I run and how my clothes fit and how chubby my face looks and I just want to stop caring so much. I was on a streak for like, 2 weeks of eating a decent amount and not going to bed feeling stuffed, and also going running, and then today I ate like crap because I was hungover and wanted greasy good, but now I feel gross. No, I feel guilty, and that's what I hate. I didn't go running on Friday or Saturday, and I feel guilty. There is no reason to feel guilty but I do. I'm not even sure where these feelings come from...there are probably lots of reasons why I started feeling this way. I never cared about it in high school or even the beginning of college. It wasn't until like 3 years ago that I would even THINK about running for fun, and the whole calorie counting thing started probably about a year or so ago. I wish it hadn't. I just want to change how I think about these things because I feel that I'm very mentally unhealthy and unstable about these issues.
dragonlady7 - 04/29/07 12:40
I have always been insecure about my weight, too, but have never really made any commitment to getting fit-- I always felt like doing something about it would be the kind of dangerous slide you talk about, and I always kept telling myself that I didn't care and wouldn't conform to the antifeminist standards of yadda yadda-- but of course, my head was saying that, and the whole rest of me was saying, "But I'm fat and ugly."
And I went to the doctor last month and she said, "You're obese, you don't exercise enough," and I got really upset because I have a physically demanding job and also practice roller derby about 18 hours a week and thought I had been doing really well, for once in my life.
And that still wasn't enough? I was really upset, but doctors know what they know, right? Obviously if she says I'm not in shape, I'm not in shape, right? Medical professional and all.
Then last night I was in that roller derby bout and we were short so I skated in fourteen out of twenty jams, skated like a fiend, fell down got up and beat the shit out of myself, and wasn't tired at the end, and am not even sore this morning. You know what? Fuck the doctor: she obviously does not have Clue One about what constitutes In Shape or not.
So my advice to you is to find some kind of way to measure yourself. A team sport has worked for me, who has never ever been sporty in the past. But find something that makes you happy and helps you guage yourself. I bet it'll help.
I have always been insecure about my weight, too, but have never really made any commitment to getting fit-- I always felt like doing something about it would be the kind of dangerous slide you talk about, and I always kept telling myself that I didn't care and wouldn't conform to the antifeminist standards of yadda yadda-- but of course, my head was saying that, and the whole rest of me was saying, "But I'm fat and ugly."
And I went to the doctor last month and she said, "You're obese, you don't exercise enough," and I got really upset because I have a physically demanding job and also practice roller derby about 18 hours a week and thought I had been doing really well, for once in my life.
And that still wasn't enough? I was really upset, but doctors know what they know, right? Obviously if she says I'm not in shape, I'm not in shape, right? Medical professional and all.
Then last night I was in that roller derby bout and we were short so I skated in fourteen out of twenty jams, skated like a fiend, fell down got up and beat the shit out of myself, and wasn't tired at the end, and am not even sore this morning. You know what? Fuck the doctor: she obviously does not have Clue One about what constitutes In Shape or not.
So my advice to you is to find some kind of way to measure yourself. A team sport has worked for me, who has never ever been sporty in the past. But find something that makes you happy and helps you guage yourself. I bet it'll help.
mastermindkg - 04/29/07 11:28
And I thought I was the only one. The thing with girls, I feel, is that we will never be satisfied. We can look at old pictures of ourselves where we were thinner and say things like "And I though I was fat then". Haha, so even if we say well 20 lbs less would look good, it'll be 10 and 5 more from there. I am also quite obsessed with being my old size and could care less how unhealthy it would be. So, maybe this wasn't the best thing to say? Haha, If you preoccupy yourself with stuff, you'll lose weight without realizing it- gradually. And don't watch stuff like MTV or America's Next Top Skank because it doesn't help.
I have a facebook also!
And I thought I was the only one. The thing with girls, I feel, is that we will never be satisfied. We can look at old pictures of ourselves where we were thinner and say things like "And I though I was fat then". Haha, so even if we say well 20 lbs less would look good, it'll be 10 and 5 more from there. I am also quite obsessed with being my old size and could care less how unhealthy it would be. So, maybe this wasn't the best thing to say? Haha, If you preoccupy yourself with stuff, you'll lose weight without realizing it- gradually. And don't watch stuff like MTV or America's Next Top Skank because it doesn't help.
I have a facebook also!
metalpeter - 04/29/07 10:49
First of all looks wise I will admit (women always hate this word so sorry about that) you are cute and you don't look fat or thin to me or thick you look like just the right size for you.
It sounds like you may want to get some profesional help. I don't think you have an eating disorder but if you are obsessing about calorie count it could become one. But also try to think about if you obsess about other things. If you do then that might just be part of your personality. I know that when you run you want to have goals. But also make sure to keep it fun. Yes running is good for you but keeping it fun is important also.I have never liked the idea of counting calories it is more important to eat healthy then to count them. Not that I should be incoureing this but remember that now that you are running you need more calories so you have enough of them to run and do normal daily stuff. I wonder if you being tired is from not getting enough of them, but I'm not sure.
First of all looks wise I will admit (women always hate this word so sorry about that) you are cute and you don't look fat or thin to me or thick you look like just the right size for you.
It sounds like you may want to get some profesional help. I don't think you have an eating disorder but if you are obsessing about calorie count it could become one. But also try to think about if you obsess about other things. If you do then that might just be part of your personality. I know that when you run you want to have goals. But also make sure to keep it fun. Yes running is good for you but keeping it fun is important also.I have never liked the idea of counting calories it is more important to eat healthy then to count them. Not that I should be incoureing this but remember that now that you are running you need more calories so you have enough of them to run and do normal daily stuff. I wonder if you being tired is from not getting enough of them, but I'm not sure.
04/26/2007 14:13 #39055
full timeI'm going to be a full time teacher next year! Yay tenure! Yay seniority! YAY MONEY!
04/24/2007 16:07 #39028
proi'm online at the apple store using a beautiful giant screen macbook pro. i'm a little bit drooling. it's so beeeautiful. makes my macbook seem small and sad. haha. ME WANT!
carolinian - 04/24/07 17:13
I actually prefer the size of your macbook, and I wish Apple made a powerful high-end notebook laptop in that size (like they did when my 12" G4 was new). The only reason why I haven't gotten a macbook pro yet is because supposedly Apple will release a much smaller version this summer.
I actually prefer the size of your macbook, and I wish Apple made a powerful high-end notebook laptop in that size (like they did when my 12" G4 was new). The only reason why I haven't gotten a macbook pro yet is because supposedly Apple will release a much smaller version this summer.
04/24/2007 22:31 #39035
i hope there will always be fishTonight Mike and I dined out for life at Astoria on Elmwood. We both got the same thing for dinner which maybe is weird but the waiter seemed overly happy as he said it made his job easier. Our dinner was pretty good, not the greatest meal ever but certainly not the worst, but our appetizers were super delicious - Cajun grilled shrimp. I think the next time I go back I'm getting that as a dinner. I love fish. I really hope there's no time in my life when I can't eat fish on a regular basis. Let's keep the oceans clean and full of delicious seafood!
Plus Astoria had warm bread on the table which is always a plus. Overall I enjoyed the dining experience and I would recommend it. Not cheap but not as expensive as you can get in these parts. For an iced tea, an appetizer and two meals it was like $53. That seems crazy compared to our old days of spending $5 max each when we would all go out to eat every single night of the week a few summers ago. I guess maybe we are growing up a little bit?
((e:Mike) reminded me that it's been ten years since we were freshmen in high school today. A DECADE. Where is the time going?!?!?)
You're making mr laduca proud