Correspondence with [former staffer] has piqued my interest in the Web Applications Developer position listed on Buffalo State's Human Resources website. I have spent more waking hours of my life developing, maintaining, and updating high-volume and high-readership custom document production and content management systems than I am proud to admit . . .
- - -
Last night we went to Condrell's for improbably enormous sundaes. I decided that if I ever ran my own soda shop, there would be an inscrutable item on the menu labeled:
UNSPEAKABLE ICE CREAM CATASTROPHE . . . . . . . . . . $9.50
It would probably be in small letters jammed in between two sections somewhere, where nobody would find it. And though one must not speak of the Unspeakable Ice Cream Catastrophe, we came up with some sugar-fueled ideas for what would happen when someone ordered it.
The Unspeakable Ice Cream Catastrophe:
[list]
would require a waiver
would require proof of age
would be on the news
would drip out of the ductwork in the ceiling
would come flying at your head from the kitchen
would be a Friendly's cone-head with a butter knife through it
would be different every time
would be served on a Reuben
would be accompanied by shrieks and loud banging from the kitchen
would not necessarily taste awful
would be topped with jagermeister
would be served in a totalled Tonka truck
would involve flaming marshmallows
would somehow degenerate while you were eating it
would look like any other sundae until the ninjas came rappelling in through the window
would somehow pass health inspection
would have a tire track through it
would be like dinner theater
would involve pop rocks
would require goggles and a poncho
would require counseling
[/list]
- Z
Zobar's Journal
My Podcast Link
08/29/2006 18:47 #37371
dear sirsCategory: food
08/28/2006 21:30 #37370
wheelsCategory: wheels
(e:dragonlady7) and I missed the (e:mike) & (e:terry) partysplosion this weekend because we took our wheels to Toronto instead [cf: 
]. We had a wonderful time, and perhaps I will write about it in more detail later [but, more likely, I will forget].
This afternoon, we got eight more wheels each and tooled around the neighborhood a little [cf: ]. I am less likely to write about them later; suffice it to say that this is a very nice pair of roller skates, and I plan to pick up my old habit of roller skating around the park again [cf: ].
This weekend I got an email from a former editorial assistant informing me that Buffalo State College is seeking a Web Applications Developer . On the one hand, I like doing what I'm doing now - people programming - and, while I'm not exactly upwardly mobile, my department has no choice but to grow.
But when you get a call from a photographer who has not appeared in your publication since longer than you've been working there and whose skills at annoyance and coercion are second only to her skill at photography, blaming a recently-departed coworker for fucking her over, quote and unquote, and that she will have to miss fashion week because she can no longer fool the appropriate authorities into believing that someone publishes her photos [which are actually very good an publishable if only she could find a periodical that actually, say, has a fashion section] - and all this can be avoided if I could sift through somewhere around 4000 of her photos from the last two seasons and put them on our website within the next couple weeks [oh and by the way she just lost her baby and the world hates her] - well, it kinda makes me think that maybe doubling my salary and getting benefits for a cushy and less dramatic government job might not be as bad an idea as it may sound.
Any other disgruntled Web developers want in on this? We can show up for our interviews at the same time and freak out HR by talking trash at each other in the waiting room. We could make the interviewer uncomfortable by offering to 'do this Thunderdome-style.'
- Z
]. We had a wonderful time, and perhaps I will write about it in more detail later [but, more likely, I will forget].This afternoon, we got eight more wheels each and tooled around the neighborhood a little [cf:
]. I am less likely to write about them later; suffice it to say that this is a very nice pair of roller skates, and I plan to pick up my old habit of roller skating around the park again [cf: ].This weekend I got an email from a former editorial assistant informing me that Buffalo State College is seeking a Web Applications Developer
. On the one hand, I like doing what I'm doing now - people programming - and, while I'm not exactly upwardly mobile, my department has no choice but to grow.But when you get a call from a photographer who has not appeared in your publication since longer than you've been working there and whose skills at annoyance and coercion are second only to her skill at photography, blaming a recently-departed coworker for fucking her over, quote and unquote, and that she will have to miss fashion week because she can no longer fool the appropriate authorities into believing that someone publishes her photos [which are actually very good an publishable if only she could find a periodical that actually, say, has a fashion section] - and all this can be avoided if I could sift through somewhere around 4000 of her photos from the last two seasons and put them on our website within the next couple weeks [oh and by the way she just lost her baby and the world hates her] - well, it kinda makes me think that maybe doubling my salary and getting benefits for a cushy and less dramatic government job might not be as bad an idea as it may sound.
Any other disgruntled Web developers want in on this? We can show up for our interviews at the same time and freak out HR by talking trash at each other in the waiting room. We could make the interviewer uncomfortable by offering to 'do this Thunderdome-style.'
- Z
zobar - 08/29/06 08:18
Heh.
- Z
probably doesn't have a micromanaging self-defeating hair-trigger CEO
Heh.
- Z
carolinian - 08/28/06 23:55
It's actually kind of funny. The other day, I was thinking about all the bullshit and stupid people(s) I have to deal with in my job, and I thought to myself "Zobar is one lucky bastard. He's working at an artsy place with lots of cool people that probably doesn't have a micromanaging self-defeating hair-trigger CEO. I should aspire to get to the point where he's at."
I totally understand the lure of doing college IT. I really miss the people at the college back in NC that I previously came from, and while I like Buffalo a lot, I think that I would be happier professionally if I would have been able to work at my school full-time.
As for Thunderdome, I'm not doing much web development in my current job, but I can probably hold my own with any variety of blunt instruments. Just name the place and time.
It's actually kind of funny. The other day, I was thinking about all the bullshit and stupid people(s) I have to deal with in my job, and I thought to myself "Zobar is one lucky bastard. He's working at an artsy place with lots of cool people that probably doesn't have a micromanaging self-defeating hair-trigger CEO. I should aspire to get to the point where he's at."
I totally understand the lure of doing college IT. I really miss the people at the college back in NC that I previously came from, and while I like Buffalo a lot, I think that I would be happier professionally if I would have been able to work at my school full-time.
As for Thunderdome, I'm not doing much web development in my current job, but I can probably hold my own with any variety of blunt instruments. Just name the place and time.
mrmike - 08/28/06 23:23
"two dorks enter, one dork leaves......"
"two dorks enter, one dork leaves......"
08/19/2006 13:47 #37369
100Category: poetry
"100," a demented and somewhat fractured love story by the users of (e:strip), as edited by (e:zobar)
I personally like the opposite sex (on a good day, that is). (e:southernyankee,100) What does this say about me? (e:hodown,100) Her nickname is Barbie because she's tall and blond and wears lots of makeup. (e:jenks,100) I picked up the new Artvoice this morning; (e:uncutsaniflush,100) there are lots of pictures of her. Very nice pictures, I must admit. (e:metalpeter,100)
If you wait for more than 48 hours without anyone picking up the phone, hang up and send a letter. (e:mrmike,100) Finally broke down, couldn't take it no more. (e:shawnr,100) I felt like I had a duty to share this information with everyone; (e:lisa,100) some of you might get a kick out of this: (e:joshua,100)
"ur hot
ur pretty
ur sexy
ur adorable
ur sweet
ur a sexy angel in heaven
ur a beautiful centerfold
ur as pretty as a rose (e:theecarey,100)
You're quite the maid of the mist. (e:ajay,100)
I hope you have a great one. (e:mike,100)
Love to you." (e:terry,100)
I just did our grocery shopping tonight. (e:kara,100) There she was! (e:springfaerie,100) Lucky I brought my camera along! (e:ladycroft,100) I can't believe how many pictures I took. (e:maureen,100) She was always screaming at me (e:leetee,100) - no one would believe me that these accidents are not my fault. (e:imk2,100)
I am saving her head. (e:libertad,100) Can we fix this problem? (e:lilho,100)
- Z
_______________
Appropriately demented journal music: Talking Heads, 'Psycho Killer' (Live), from 'Stop Making Sense.' gather:0188079001156010872
I personally like the opposite sex (on a good day, that is). (e:southernyankee,100) What does this say about me? (e:hodown,100) Her nickname is Barbie because she's tall and blond and wears lots of makeup. (e:jenks,100) I picked up the new Artvoice this morning; (e:uncutsaniflush,100) there are lots of pictures of her. Very nice pictures, I must admit. (e:metalpeter,100)
If you wait for more than 48 hours without anyone picking up the phone, hang up and send a letter. (e:mrmike,100) Finally broke down, couldn't take it no more. (e:shawnr,100) I felt like I had a duty to share this information with everyone; (e:lisa,100) some of you might get a kick out of this: (e:joshua,100)
"ur hot
ur pretty
ur sexy
ur adorable
ur sweet
ur a sexy angel in heaven
ur a beautiful centerfold
ur as pretty as a rose (e:theecarey,100)
You're quite the maid of the mist. (e:ajay,100)
I hope you have a great one. (e:mike,100)
Love to you." (e:terry,100)
I just did our grocery shopping tonight. (e:kara,100) There she was! (e:springfaerie,100) Lucky I brought my camera along! (e:ladycroft,100) I can't believe how many pictures I took. (e:maureen,100) She was always screaming at me (e:leetee,100) - no one would believe me that these accidents are not my fault. (e:imk2,100)
I am saving her head. (e:libertad,100) Can we fix this problem? (e:lilho,100)
- Z
_______________
Appropriately demented journal music: Talking Heads, 'Psycho Killer' (Live), from 'Stop Making Sense.' gather:0188079001156010872
08/15/2006 12:31 #37367
wtfCategory: vincent gallo
No really, WTF??!
- Z
- Z
imk2 - 08/15/06 21:36
he is totally hot! if he wasnt such a fucking prick i would let him buy a night with me, but i'm guessing he probably cant afford it.
he is totally hot! if he wasnt such a fucking prick i would let him buy a night with me, but i'm guessing he probably cant afford it.
metalpeter - 08/15/06 20:00
It is really no differant than being an escort or working at the bunny ranch, except that he is famous. I have never heard of a Celeberty selling there time like that before. If it wasn't for the high cost it would be a good idea, he should cut it in half at least who does he think he is Gerorge Clooney. I didn't see "Brown Bunny" I heard there was a lot of sex and nudity in it or it was controvsail or something but I didn't see it so I can't say.
It is really no differant than being an escort or working at the bunny ranch, except that he is famous. I have never heard of a Celeberty selling there time like that before. If it wasn't for the high cost it would be a good idea, he should cut it in half at least who does he think he is Gerorge Clooney. I didn't see "Brown Bunny" I heard there was a lot of sex and nudity in it or it was controvsail or something but I didn't see it so I can't say.
zobar - 08/15/06 18:49
Oh yeh, you're not from around here... Vincent Gallo :::link::: is Buffalo's most eccentric citizen. His first relatively-big film :::link::: was filmed entirely in Buffalo and it was a big deal around here regardless of whether it was good or not [the collective jury is still out].
His latest film :::link::: did so poorly at Cannes that
- Z
Oh yeh, you're not from around here... Vincent Gallo :::link::: is Buffalo's most eccentric citizen. His first relatively-big film :::link::: was filmed entirely in Buffalo and it was a big deal around here regardless of whether it was good or not [the collective jury is still out].
His latest film :::link::: did so poorly at Cannes that
In particular, Roger Ebert called the film "the worst in the history of Cannes" to which Vincent Gallo responded that Ebert was a "fat pig with the physique of a slave trader". Ebert paraphrased a remark of Winston Churchill and responded that "although I am fat, one day I will be thin, but Mr. Gallo will still have been the director of 'Brown Bunny'". Gallo then put a "hex" on Ebert's colon, to which Ebert responded that "even my colonoscopy was more entertaining than his film".
- Z
jenks - 08/15/06 18:38
who the fuck is vincent gallo, and why should I want his childhood bedspread, let alone sex?
who the fuck is vincent gallo, and why should I want his childhood bedspread, let alone sex?
joshua - 08/15/06 14:10
This has got to be bullshit.
This has got to be bullshit.
jason - 08/15/06 13:47
Did he get sued or something? Does he owe child support? What gives?!?!
Did he get sued or something? Does he owe child support? What gives?!?!
08/16/2006 20:26 #37368
great ideas in actionCategory: geeky
Item: when I was at school I took a class with a professor who was very instrumental in the VRML (WIKIPEDIA - VRML) specification. One of his big proof-of-concept projects was called vrmLab which was intended to demonstrate the extent of the functionality of VRML. It's basically a fictional 3D space where you can set up a homestead, interact with it and other peoples' digs, and, through an insane amount of Javascript and server-side scripting, interact with the other people on the site at the same time. The idea was cool but sadly, VRML tanked, and I don't expect xVRML (WIKIPEDIA - XVRML) to do much better.
Item: I recently discovered that, as a byproduct of a Homeland Security project, USGS is making available extremely high resolution [1px=1ft] uncompressed aerial photography of the 133 most populated urban areas in the United States at what I understand to be very low prices. The Census Bureau already makes available location data about all the streets in a city through their TIGER/Line program for free. The NWS has begun offering geocoded satellite data with 2min resolution.
-Where is (e:zobar) going with this-- you say.
A couple weekends ago I smoked a J and hit Google Earth and it blew my mind. All Over The Wall. [Which happened to be on the hifi at the time.] I thought it would be so freaky to set up a house WHERE YOUR HOUSE IS*. And you could put your car where your car is, or drive it down the streets to hang out at your friend's house. And if you looked up in the sky, you could see the actual clouds that were actually there at that moment. Because sometimes it sucks outside. My car would be the Monopoly shoe. Dude.
- Z
_______________
which was intended to demonstrate the extent of the functionality of VRML. It's basically a fictional 3D space where you can set up a homestead, interact with it and other peoples' digs, and, through an insane amount of Javascript and server-side scripting, interact with the other people on the site at the same time. The idea was cool but sadly, VRML tanked, and I don't expect xVRML (WIKIPEDIA - XVRML) to do much better.Item: I recently discovered that, as a byproduct of a Homeland Security project, USGS is making available extremely high resolution [1px=1ft] uncompressed aerial photography of the 133 most populated urban areas in the United States
at what I understand to be very low prices. The Census Bureau already makes available location data about all the streets in a city through their TIGER/Line program for free. The NWS has begun offering geocoded satellite data with 2min resolution.-Where is (e:zobar) going with this-- you say.
A couple weekends ago I smoked a J and hit Google Earth and it blew my mind. All Over The Wall. [Which happened to be on the hifi at the time.] I thought it would be so freaky to set up a house WHERE YOUR HOUSE IS*. And you could put your car where your car is, or drive it down the streets to hang out at your friend's house. And if you looked up in the sky, you could see the actual clouds that were actually there at that moment. Because sometimes it sucks outside. My car would be the Monopoly shoe. Dude.
- Z
_______________
- And if you looked at the computer in your virtual house, you'd see Google Earth with your house where your house is.
how about....would be sprinkeld with prozac.