...and he says: 'Make me one with everything.'

[badum-ching!]

So the vendor gives him the hot dog and he hands over a $20 bill. The vendor takes the money, and goes about his business. The Buddhist says, 'hey, what about my change?'

And the vendor goes: 'Change must come from within.'

[badum-dum-ching!]

We went to Old Man River for dinner, which got me thinking: every place you go, they make hot dogs different. Buffalo's got the 'Texas Hot,' which involves weird red shit if it's grilled or weird brown shit if it's griddled. Rochester's got the White Hot and the Garbage Plate. New Yorkers put sauerkraut and mushy degenerate onions on their all-beef dogs. Chicago hot dogs come from another planet entirely (WIKIPEDIA - Chicago-style hot dog).

Thus did I receive my Calling: I will quit my job, buy an RV, and tour America, sampling everyone's hot dogs along the way. I will write a book about hot dogs, with colorful photographs and unusual stories, and also there will be some recipes. I will become a veritable professor of hot dography. And then...

Well, by then I will probably be so sick of hot dogs that I will never eat another in my entire life.

- Z

It's Porn Saturday! This is up there for one of the most ridiculous spams I've ever received. Keep in mind that every single one of these ads is flashing and, in some cases, undulating:



This one's my favorite. Truth in advertising?



- Z


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Thing #1: The super-ghetto school-bus-conversion ice cream trucks seem to be improving, technologically. The one I saw yesterday on Delaware Ave had a drum track to its little tune, and a number of weird sound effects. It went: 'It's a small world after all [boioioing!] It's a small world after all [whizzz!]' all the way down the street. It sounded extra demented as it left and the doppler effect detuned it to a weird modal industrio-prog-rock thing.

Thing #2: One of my coworkers in the back office finally said 'enough of this shit, I can't work in this hot office,' and moved his computer up to the conference table. As he was working there this afternoon, suddenly a stream of water started pouring out of the ceiling and onto his head. Apparently, the central air conditioning unit that is supposed to cool the front office froze solid, shut off, and when the ice block it had created around itself started melting in the summer heat, it drained directly onto my coworker's chrome-dome.

Thing #3: We made our first formal announcement for our newest popularity contest this afternoon at about 12:30pm; just this afternoon we got two very good entries already. One of the entries was a decent but fairly average metal band; the other was a naked disco queer. There is no contest. If I could cancel the contest and declare a winner, it would totally be the naked disco queer, who says his shows are 'fabulous and horrible at the same time - like a trainwreck with box cars full of glitter.' He will be playing a show at a nudist beach in Florida in November. In his press photo, he is wearing nothing but a pair of tighty-whities and daring you to make fun of him so he can beat your ass. One of the sample songs he submitted is entitled 'Where in the Hell is North Tonawanda?' which, by the way, is my new journal music. This man is a rock star, in the purest sense of the word.

- Z

_______________
Kendall, 'Where In the Hell is North Tonawanda?' gather:0353400001154572215

No subject, no signature:

Where can I get Dr. Klein's Bagel Bars in Grand Rapids , MI ??

So I typed "Dr. Klein's Bagel Bars" into Google with unexpected results. So I typed "Bagels near Grand Rapids, MI" into Google Maps and replied:

Have you tried the Bagel Beanery out in Wyoming on Clyde Park Ave near the park?

- Z

_______________
New journal music: "Keep It Hot for Daddy" by Soul Position. gather:0266278001153925680

I finally got around to installing The Gimp on my new laptop. [I would have gone with Photoshop, but I haven't yet installed any pirated software on this computer, and I didn't want to start now.]

So now [is this too corny for (e:strip)?] I want to start a Photoshop [..., Gimp, MS Paint, ...] contest on the theme of this photo of (e:dragonlady7) 's dad:



The only rule is, keep it clean [consider it a test of your sense of humor]. Here's the first entry to get this train wreck a-rollin':



Winner gets ... beer?

- Z