on a train working my way back from new york city.
tried several times to post from manhattan, but either the connection wasn't strong enough (darn big buildings!) or my phone froze; yup it froze. I hope that was the end of that. i need insurance on it stat!

I like to pack extremely light.

If it can't fit into a back pack, I don't need to bring it.

Ofcourse, I havent even begun packing for my NYC trip this weekend. I supposed I should get to that soon, huh?

Rain Rain go away., I don't want to pack an unmbrella.

omg hahahha, my mom just got a computer. I am not sure if she has ever been on one. She's smart and resourceful, I am sure she'll figure it out. Still funny though..

Well off to pack, then heading into B-lo. Where's the trouble tonight?

Its getting to be that time of year for suggling- preferably not alone ;)

brrr. I think I will bust out the hot cocoa soon. I hear Baileys has come out with a chocolate mint liquer. That might be a nice addition to the hot soothing liquid..

I am starting to read, Paulo Cohelo's, The Alchemist. Well, actually I began reading it before the summer began, then I found myself with no extra time or mental energy to read it as I was finishing up school. Now I have returned to it. I think it will be helpful to me on various levels.

I am looking to pick out a book to read after that, which should be very soon as it is simple book.

I want to read something that isn't scholarly-- unless it comes highly reccommended. I am looking for something that I can wrap my mind around, become completely emerged and lost in. Something that I don't want to put down. The weather is colder, the days shorter and it is time to nest a bit. Reading is a perfect compliment to that. Besides, I haven't really had the opportunity to just read for the fun of it in quite some time.


How about some suggestions fellow (e:peeps)??

btw, nice theme, (e:leetee) love the bats!

Some of you know that I am renting a room/office in Buffalo. When I first moved in, I tossed it all together very quickly. I was just finsihing school, then I found myself in a new job-- and everything became unbalanced. I just needed some transition time. My room looked nice, but it hadn't been worked on since I tossed it together. I needed a few more details -- such as books and a consistent internent connection ;)
At the house warming party many peeps had mentioned doing something to separate the office area from the bed area. Seemed like a great idea and that thought planted itself into my head. So this weekend I went out to buy things that would do just that.

A ton of material and hardware (and friends) - thanks (e:pyrcedgrrl) and (e:terry) - contibuted to the change. We spent the entire evening on Saturday putting it together. When "done", I didn't like it. I mean, there was just something about it. I know that when I perseverate on something like that, I have to figure it out. It must be changes, it must be the way I want it in my head. OK, so I thought I was doing that when I began.. but in the end, I thought it looked tacky and Bordello-like. Or clown tent like-- ironic since i hate circus's and clowns, etc-- not sure what it was exactly that I didn't like, but something didn't sit well. I knew I had to figure it out or I was going to tear it down. I figured that I would give it a day and so I slept on it.

Well, the next day I didn't have to tear it down as it all fell down. ALL of it. Oh, and my mirror that I put up, haha. One by one I heard one crash after the other. I just laughed--with a few curse words mixed in there.

I took it as an opportunityt to get it the way I wanted and to engage in some creative problem solving.

I hope it is still attached. I ended up attaching material to the wall to make a bit of a wall- to separate from the office area.. but it has more of a canapy look around the bed as oppsed to the prior Bordello-circus tent look. Its cute and cozy now. YAY. A few more details and tweaks will finish it off. I still want to hang a mirror or three and add a plant- but that can wait.

haha, someone pointed out that the way my desk is set up (its a big one) looks like a reception/secretary desk. *insert all sorts of bad jokes/scenerios here*

It humored me to work on that this weekend. It was a nice change from the environment in which I work...

Every move I make is dictated by rules and regulations as put forth by the state. Not just State Ed but the sector of government that oversees developmental disabiltiies as well, actually even more so. State Ed is lenient in comparision. So a lot of my freedom to think is squelched because I have to reference it to some S.O.P. (more like, S.O.B?)When there isn't a standard operating procedure, I have to ask ask ask someone higher up, as figuring it out on my own may lead to some legal damage, etc.

bah.

I'm a risk taker, a visionary and creative, energetic and enthusiastic by nature.

This job that I have is great in that it affords me the ability to learn and network and have the time off to pursue something that I really want. I have an entreprenureal spirit-- I like to build, create, and move on to the next project.

So I dot my I's, cross my Ts and juggle a slew of details with such an air of seriousness, that I am concerned for the long term effects it could have on my spirit. (for a few weeks I couldn't even write much on here as (e:imk2) noticed). So.. long term effects.. I say this because, constraining my creativity, energy and freedom to think outside the box has been amputated, at least in the job environment. I don't dislike my job. I rather enjoy it- it certainly is a shift of gear from my last job. I just want to be able to loosen up a bit. My prankster ways are no more. Fortunately, I am getting good, I am really organized, I have great follow though, and I manage to get things done in a timely manner. There are a few thinsg here and there that slip-- or I just didn't know exist yet-- but that is all part of learning. Not that everyone I deal with remembers that, lol.

I like making decisions, working on tough problems and chipping away at huge challenges. I would just prefer more of an energetic environment and the use of all the characteristics that make me, well, me. Maybe I can influence others to have some fun- change the culture a little bit-- encourage people to "let go" and not take it all so seriously. Sure it is some major stuff we deal with-- but if it isn't going to kill you, then why let it weigh you down?

As usual, with the abiltiy to see the positive, I enjoy learning something new, to think about how what I do effects so many others and that I am indeed making major progress and have the opportunity to take on more and all sorts of high level responsibilty.

What intrigues me about this time in my life and in particular about this job, is trying to figure out a way to find balance again. Also to work through this period of dissonance to determine my future direction. Am I uncomfortable because I don't have a full grasp of everything yet-- that I am used to being the one who really knows everythng about what they are doing? (which isn't always great either, as I need to learn, be challenged, etc) Or am I uncomfortable because this particular positon isn't the best/ideal match and I have to think long and hard about my next step? hmmm.

Funny, I already know what it is-- my next step is to build a business. That mentality has been in the works for awhile now- before school ended. Being in this situation is helping me to see yet another angle of business. I think this is all good for me. As long as I keep what I really want in mind-- and go after it. It does no good to just talk about it. So I gave myself 'homework' this week in regards to looking up/researching/talking to people about some ideas. I find myself thinking about all that is related to that. Again, this all began in the summer, but it is only now that somethings have settled down that I have been finally able to return to it. Thats where my mind/heart is.

I'd rather work 16 hours a day at something I am passionate about than 8 hours at something that pays the bills (and i am grateful for that much!)-- but I am using this time to learn all that I can, network like mad, and use it as yet another stepping stone in my life.

So I have to figure out what I want to learn, what I want to take away and what I want to contribute while I am there.

damn the red tape!

Beside my original job responsibilities, I have been tossed a section of the company into my lap- that was recently taken in by my department a few weeks before I began. It needs a major overhaul and it has a lot of bad history to it.

Now its mine!! -- and I think that is the most exciting element to me so far. Its something I can get my hands into- get dirty a bit-- and have some use of my "think outside of the box" mentality. Its got a bad rep, morale is down, its a general mess and its been shuffled around for years. This is the one area that while the progmatics, protocal and such need to be adhered to-- the change element is all mine. At first I thought it was a matter of patching the weak spots-- then it was determined through analyis that it needs to be dismantled-- all the while helping those involved to transition, build buy in and increase morale-- and encourage them to be part of the process- something they may not have had before. How can I lead unless those I am leading provide me with direction? Sure I could ride in, just say, "this is how I want it"-- but I'd much rather ask, 'how do you want it?"

blahblahblah

my grammar and spelling is really bad on here- feeling half asleep, partly laying down, with Kayla prancing back and forth across my lap I am typing, rather "pecking" as I think and without really looking.

so yeh, spending time working on my bedroom/office was a pleasant creative diversion this weekend. Next weekend will be an even better diversion!

hahah, I am always amused at the random comments in the chatter. This is yet another example of why I love the Chatter: (read in order)

1. kookcity2000 19:10 Paul how do you tell a bot from a guest

1. paul 19:15 the way they smell

1. kookcity2000 19:15 so those are smells that you smell on a frequent basis

and thats it.

Then I read (e:kookcity2000,54) and it made me giggle even more. So, what do I tend to smell on a frequent basis? hmmm..

my olfactory is usually presented with the following daily aromas:

vanilla. This time of year I burn a vanilla scented candle.

sticky stuff oozing from a Noco factory that I pass crossing over the Grand Island bridge. Yuck

smell of hot rooibos tea- either natural or infused with lavender. I drink it every single night (and green tea in the morning, but that doesn't have much smell)

earthy freshness coming in or going from Youngstown; lucky me.

food wafting from restaurants on elmwood avenue.

my leather furniture

smells I try to stay far away from:

cigarettes and perfume and anything with a 'harvest' smell.

I hate Endust furniture dusting spray in that scent. I used to clean houses for a living while working on my undergrad- clients supplied their own cleaning stuff and I'd have to use a particular kind/brand if they wanted. Endust was the worst and 409 cleaner. It all gives me a headache or atleast a general icky feeling.

I get scent nausea- headache, itchy red eyes and mood irritabilty if around the source for an extended time (especially applies to cigarette smoke). I need fresh air.

• yawn* I am tired.

late night last night-- fun, but ooh I am feeling it today. That and the cold, super rainy and windy day today. I just want to snuggle under covers all evening, but I am working on a project instead. More on that later.

be well, peeps!