The last day when I finally close my eyes from leaving all my memories behind, what I will miss the most in my life..? What thing I want to hold and bring into my grave..? Too many people have come and left me already. People are just there, and I'm just running into them as my life goes. How many times can I have the attachment to people.. who can be..? And if I lost the person I have a feeling or an attachment.. Should I just walk away because the time or the moment goes away everyday..? Who can read me to sleep on the last day of my life..?
Will the person know what I have loved in my life..? Sometimes, I feel like I'm ready to sleep because no one will be there..... it will go away beyond the irretrievable moments....
And, you will be the one who left me behind.

I'm not feeling romantic at all right now. But, I have to write something on the first snow day of this season. So, the first snow of last year was November 14th.
It's November 8th today.. so.. 7 days eariler than last year.. [inlink]u=soyeon&id=1[/inlink]

Well, still don't have anybody to call up for today.. Well, I called Robin.. my sweetheart.. Robin.. I love ya..

Wait... here more halloween party photos.
Robin, Julie, Anna, Steve Kurtz, Holly, Me, a friend of Vince.

Anna, Robin, Me, Steve Kurtz, Vince, Julie, Holly.

Me, Aaron and his girlfriend, Holly.

Steve Kurtz and Tony Conrad.

1) I want to see my ex-boyfriend. I was too mad at him, so I didn't allow him to talk to me although we had to see each other all the time. We could be friends, but I had to punish him for a long time. I still keep seeing him as my memory sometimes.

2) I will drive for 16 hours to be there for sure, actually I will do that soon.

3) I will give my computer(not powerbook), TV, DVD player, VHS to Robin.

4) I will give my Dishes and Wine glasses to Julie.

5) I will give some of my stuff whatever Alan wants.

6) I will also give some of my stuff whatever Paul wants.

7) I will give my small plants to Matthew.

8) I will give my scanner to Terry..

9) I will invite all my friends for a party.. maybe

10) Then, I will start writing letters to people I appricate in US.

11) Final thing, I will go to see Craig... and cry.

Then, I don't know what else I will do.. I was just thinking about that..

Well, I will miss my first costume for Halloween Party.

[inlink]u=terry&id=350[/inlink]
What is the next step to distroy human society in this country..?
Don't read books from now on.
Wow, that sounds really great to make people stupid like the host of this country.
Let's just be ignorant all together that would be better to live.
Oh!!!.. by the way, the bible will be available in any church in this country. Right..?

I am Furious.
I might have to take off this country as well sooner or later.

I know everything is meaningful in human being, but I keep confronting feeling that everything is meaningless. I wanted to try hard to find out that there is something for me feeling worth. But, now I don't feel to find out anymore.
I miss my nephew and niece so much though.

So depressed from all kind of situations surrounding me right now. I don't have any energy to get off this depressing line. Rather it keeps pushing me down into the hell. I can't trust anybody in America. People are so individual and selfish somehow. Probably a lot of people who came here as abroad students had some expectation how this society would give them some kind of opportunities to find out valuable ideas in the long run. But, it's very blocked to those who are like me.

I already mentioned to Paul earlier that the re-elected guy is a nationalist, not a globalist, which means, he's gonna do whatever he feels right to have benefits. And, actually this society is based on these conservative value structure like what he wants, which I didn't really realize it before. I thought it's more like conflict value system between individualizd liberity and uptied sexuality. But, there is something more than those issus.

I always don't feel safe. Probably I just realized that nationalism or patriotism is more expanded than how the re-elected guy is in this country. It can be the supremacist structuralism.

I always don't feel safe, then why I have to do that again. I don't know.