Why not.. It's okay driving.. it's nothing. I can drive for 15 hours.. why not. I'm strong enough.. I'm getting sick of running into hearing the name everyday, also getting frustrated of running into left images of that here. I'm going.., Also, I feel that I'm stuck in my work.. it doesn't seem to go in progress at all. I'm going to take a break. That's my final decision.

One more person I was close to has just left Buffalo a few minutes ago. He was like my little Korean brother. Well, he was in New York to study GRE after graduating.
Finally, he got back to Buffalo the day before yesterday and packed all his old stuff, and then just left for New York again. Feel sad.

I drove for him to go to a restaurant that hasn't happened for a long time.
(He used to get a ride from me often long time ago)
He said, "Sister, what's wrong with your car.. it's dirty in here"
I replied to him. "It's okay.. it's not really dirty"
He said, "I meant, you were not used to be like this"
I said, "It's okay, it doesn't matter"

I remembered that he and my old housemate used to complain to me cleaning up the house and everything too much.. They used to tell me.. "Stop cleaning up, please" Yeah, I did care of even one hair on the floor. Now, I don't care. My room gets mess so often.

There will be no more person who knew me how I was. So, I can rebuild another history of me. Do you think that sounds good.? or sad in a way..?

He and I had a great brunch together. We talked about getting old. He pointed out that my facial skin is getting bad and suggested me to do some excercise.
"Sis, please take care of yourself, I'm worried about you."
He left behind this word to me and drove away. So sad.

Whenever I'm in the place to send away people I was close to, it makes me so sad..
I don't know how to explain the feeling exactly.

But, I accidentely saw your memory today, as if I was standing outside and looking inside through the window, and I kept watching it over and over again.
Soon afterward, I realized that there is no space I can get in your memory, that is the feeling melancholy I always say.

Thoughts after watching Hiroshima Mon Amour.,, - SJ

After posting this journal, I'm just gonna go to bed... I need a good night sleep. I'm not going out to the pink tonight.. just need to get some sleep. No more Duleuze for me..

Here are the reminds of the confusion from Deleuze.
These images are from my life these days.

for a laugh. ;)