Yeah, One of my professor told me at the pink like "Soyeon, you are very optimistic" with giving me an odd face. Yeah, I'm so optimistic... which is good.. isn't it..? He was being sarcastic of who I am.

Everything in human being is fucked up already.. if you are aware of that, you have to be fucked up too which can make you feel sane, not insane way. if your thoughts are too serious in a right way, you must be insane. So, I've already joined the sane way, I am funked up. Make sense..?
Perception or Consciousness is no longer necessary for those who are sane these days. You know what I mean..? So, please don't make me so sad. I'm already sad enough.

Yeah, I was being wish-wash about my thesis committee for a while, also I was being lazy to make up my mind who I want to be in.. because I wanted to have Caroline, but she is not here, she is in Germany this moment. Yeah, finally I made up my mind. Tony, Steven, and Sylvie.. they are my thesis committee.. From now on, I'm going to start my real world. Oh, Scary..

I just finished my new video today which is related to my thesis. It's just a practice.. but it gave me a lot of thoughts. I had a presentation today.. and I showed it to people. I don't know. So, seems like I've just started my thesis thingie.
Well, I have to prepare to get beating up in Photo grads seminar in 2 weeks. Oh well, they never say good thing to any students. So,, I should prepare for that.

One thing.. fuck. I just figured out something tonight at the pink. I saw something clue as I was talking to one of my professor in front of the pink. What can I say.. Just fuck off. That's all.

All matter is that it is a part of my memory and it imprinted on my heart. So, memory is always melancholy.. whatever it is good memory or bad memory.. something left behind in the invisible world and you have lost... That's my word.

I've been going out since Wednesday night, the media gangs night. No wonder that I'm so stressed out and tired.

We always go to the old pink with some professors. It's like another requirement course for media and art students. So, we usually start week party on Wednesday night. Of course, I went to the pink this wednesday night. It's okay, I don't have any class on Thursday. And, last Thursday, Robin finally moved out. We helped her moving almost midnight. It ended about 2 AM in the morning and I stayed her new apartment till 4 AM. Okay. Then, Friday night, I had a dinner with Robin and Steve Kurtz. Then, later.. I met media gangs again. Then, ended up at Steve Kurtz's house. I came home around 4 AM. Then, slept little while, got up around 9 AM, and ran to school for the shooting. Sooooo tired.
Actually, I was planning on watching movies with Holly last night, Saturday night, I fell asleep. but I figured Holly fell asleep as well since she didn't call me and she sleeps so little these days. Then, went to grocery shopping.. On my way back to home from Wegman, I got a phone call from one of my professor and he was telling me that it's his birthday. So, he wants to go to the pink. Oh well, I'm a nice person. So, I went to the pink again. Although I'm so tired and have a lot of stuff to get done.. I can't refuse his birthday going out. But, I came back to home earlier.. but.. still so tired. 4 nights straight I went out. Crazy. I really wanted to stay home.

I didn't get enough sleep last night as niether did Holly. I was so grumpy while I was shooting video today. Just don't like people watching me shooting, or still don't agree the idea of having an editor. Think about this example, what's the job for graphic designers? do they need someone to find out some image for their design..? So, it doesn't make sense to me at all about having an editor. Also, this work is avant-grade style. How come I can be a video art person then? I don't know. I just need few people who can help me out. I asked someone to take care of the lightings, and I just needed few models. Well, this is just for a job. It doesn't really matter. Still grumpy. Oh well.

I had to take a nap after finishing shooting. So tired.. and I'm so up and down to think of my work. Not somebody's work. I have a big presentation for my work in 3 weeks, (especially I have to show the direction of my thesis projet). But, I haven't done anything yet. Deleuze makes me think too much. Even I can't approach the direction for my thesis. I know what I want, but something makes me frustrated. I don't know. I'm just stressed out and tired.