"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives." - James Joyce

I have never had the correct words to say - what is "a correct word" anyways - but admired people who are always full of with words for every occasion, where I could only stare. That's why actually I have always wished humans to have tails. Because, one can understand how an animal is doing just by looking at the tail: happy, scared, relaxed, emotional, sexually excited, sad... etc. It is so simple, so straight and so without connotations, which can make a person paranoid to think of if the person really meant something or tried implying something else? And if humans had the tails behaving totally instinctual, controlling and repressing the desire could have never been an issue. Though, some cultures would start circumcising tails or/and forbid women showing theirs in public places, thus, once again find ways to control people, prevent autonomous expressions and restrict them within the synthetic world of language.

A section from Arzu's paper, which has stuck at the sixth page. Not going anywhere.

I hate those emails... Everytime i check my email account I see a bunch of them and they make me so angry. I start believing that UB is getting money from them, how can they not filter otherwise.

And...Mother's day. I called my mom. She was sad actually becasue I woke up at 11:30AM (it was already late evening in Turkey) she must thought I forgot mother's day or somehting. May 10th is her birthday. I should find a way to send her a gift.
I hope I can go to Turkey in the summer.

May 4, Wednesday, Main Street

Orkan was taking pictures and Millie Chen was recording me trying walking in that completely uncomfortable thing yesterday morning. (Luckily rain stopped when I arrived there)

It hurt my leg so badly. I must admit that I am not a good product designer. I was aiming to get on the subway but I realized that it is impossible to climb stairs with it. I must do some changes for next time.
It was fun though, I felt like I am from another planet! because of all the mechanic noises that I was producing while walking

Yesterday I had my thesis defence meeting. Although one of my committee members didn't attend the meeting - the meeting was very helpful and fun - the other two signed my M Form, which was the last paper work for the garduation.

I will really miss those people. Honestly, I didn't feel that way when i first left my country, friends and family. I guess it is because this is the first time I am with people who can understand me and have an understanding of what I am trying to do in life. That's why, one side of me says "stay in Buffalo" but the other side feels like I shoud continue my adventure and go where ever it takes me. I don't know why it is so hard to decide this time?

Tomorrow (Wednesday) I am going to do my final performance for the Performance Art Class. I am going to go to downtown and walk on Main Street with a fence around me. This project is entitled as "self defence" refering to the high walls, secured gates and fenced gardens in rich neigborhoods. Although they protect you from the unwelcomed others but at the same time trap you inside.

Photo by Nicole Coleman / Spectrum Reporter